College Tour as a Parent

[justkeepswimming]

LOL. I love asking stupid questions. But - I am curious.

 

DD has taken a few college tours so far with me - but they've all been general/group tours and I've freely asked questions and she's asked questions and I haven't given it a second thought really.

 

In a couple of weeks, dd is visiting 4 universities - meeting with specific admin and coaches - with appointments to meet just with her (and her family).

 

I've realized I have no actual idea what my role is here. DH and her younger three siblings will be with us well (we are traveling to visit these schools, incorporated into a family road trip). DH wants to do the walk-around as well. These schools are far away from us - and while d's may go back to visit before committing... We (parents) will likely not be able to go again until she's moving in.

 

Are we supposed to just follow behind dd while she talks and asks all the questions, and only poke our noses in for specific questions? Or join in the conversations as though we are a part of that conversation?

 

They will be 'courting and selling' dd - and I want her to be fully invested in the conversation ... But she doesn't always ask the most poignant questions, lol. I don't want to leave without having answers... But if I prime her with the questions I want answered, she'll lose track of the questions she wants the answers to...

 

I know I am making this more complicated than it should be (it's what I do... I'm a professional ;)) - so can someone tell me the general parent Do's and Don'ts so I don't mortify my daughter or annoy the admin or coaches who are trying to talk with her? lol

[Starr]

it's important for her to talk but - you get to talk too! I found everyone is happy to talk to parents during the application and courting phase. Enjoy your visits. 

[AngieW in Texas]

I tend to hang back and make sure that my kids are the ones participating in the conversation rather than me. I will ask questions that I need answers to if they don't get asked by somebody else, but the tour is for the prospective students.

[klmama]

So this tour is just for her, not for any other students?  It might help her ask more questions if both of you make lists of questions you want answered and combine them in a small notebook for her to use during the tour and interviews.  She can check off the questions asked and jot down short notes about the answers so she can keep track.  Then, most of the questions will be coming from her, even if the "tougher" questions are really yours.  If she forgets anything or something new comes up, go ahead and ask.  They won't mind.  They know that if the parents aren't happy, the parents aren't paying, KWIM?

[Joules]

When we've set up appointments, some things have been done as a family and others on his own. For example, when we got our schedule at one school, we were set up to do and admission session where they wanted all of us, then a chat with a professor (just ds), then a class (just ds), then a campus tour for all of us. We have been there for departmental sessions, but when he's talked to a professor, it's been alone. We've always been invited to lunches where they were offered.

 

We've always played it by ear, some campuses will be explicit with which parts included parents. Others we've just tried to get a feel for what's appropriate and left him on his own as much as possible. There has always been some point at the end when we are back together and are asked if we (as parents) have any further questions.

 

I use that free time to explore campus, read bulletin boards, pick up the campus newspaper, and peek in on other classes. Sometimes I can share gather extra information for ds about the feel of a campus, while he is focused on other things.

[katilac]

At the two schools where we've had departmental and one-on-one meetings so far, they seemed to make a strong point of including everyone in the conversation and asking if anyone had additional questions, what do you think about that, and so on. We tried to hang back but weren't really 'allowed' to sit quietly, lol. 

 

Now, if we had gone in with guns blazing, they might have responded differently. I would take my cues from them overall, but would not have the slightest hesitation to ask important questions. My dd was not shy about talking or asking questions herself, but when she was talking about a writing assignment she was excited about, she was leaving out the only details that made it noteworthy.

 

I didn't take over her story, but laughed and said, "This would make more sense to him if he knew you were trying it in French" and she said, oh yeah! and continued on with more relevant details. So I wouldn't have talked about the project for her, but it seemed fine to interject that. The prof laughed as well and said yep, I understand her excitement a bit more now. 

 

So, my experience is that they want everyone involved in the conversation, as long as the student has plenty of time to express themselves. We found it easy to tell when they were trying to engage directly with the student and when the conversation was more general. And you should definitely not hesitate to ask additional questions; we were prompted to do so at the end of each session. 

[Mom22ns]

I agree with the others, your student gets center stage, but you get to participate too. My kids are both shy and quiet. Ds is autistic spectrum and conversations with strangers are difficult for both of them. The college ds chose was the one where the head of the department really engaged him and they were able to have a conversation. Dd's favorite just had all the "right" answers that fit her. They wouldn't have fit everyone, but it checked every box on her list.

 

Those that just talked and gave the "any questions?" opening were pretty hopeless for my kids. We did prep a few questions for them and I asked a few if they weren't answered before the end. The faculty we met with really varied in their ability to answer our questions and make their program seem relevant to my kids.

[katilac]

 <snip> 

 

Those that just talked and gave the "any questions?" opening were pretty hopeless for my kids. We did prep a few questions for them and I asked a few if they weren't answered before the end. The faculty we met with really varied in their ability to answer our questions and make their program seem relevant to my kids.

 

yes, yes, yes, I think this is a great variable when comparing colleges. 

 

My kids are not particularly shy, but it makes a huge difference when the prof tries to engage with them.   In addition to the conversation itself, I think it gives some clues as to how things will be at that college or in that program: will students be encouraged, or is it more sink-or-swim? 

 

Some kids will flourish with more open encouragement, while others really thrive in a certain type of competitive environment. My brain is really refusing to give me the right words, but what I mean is that both schools could be competitive, but in a different manner. 

[Grantmom]

I think this is actually a great question, not stupid at all.  I had the same thought last year when we were at an event that had a hallway of college admissions tables set up.  I am en extrovert and like to talk and ask questions, and I thought, I wonder if, when you are going on college tours, if it looks bad if the parent is doing all the question-asking!

[TravelingChris]

It looks really bad if the parent is doing all the questioning and it is all too common.  At the college dd decided to attend, they had separate tours for the student and other one for any family members.   That way the students could ask questions that they wanted to know without parental involvement.  

 

 

We attended orientation and many parents still don't understand that they are not in charge even after umpteenth lectures that their students are adults and must make their own choices.  I will post in another post typical questions but don't be that parent.  YOu could see both staff and older students gritting their teeth.