What would you do in this situation?

[ChristusG]

We have three girls (ages 10, 8, and 3) and two bedrooms (besides the master bedroom). As of two months ago they were all sharing a room because our nephew also lived with us and had the second room. In January he left for Navy boot camp and will be immediately transferred elsewhere so that opened up a room. One of the rooms is large, basically the size of two bedrooms put together. The other room is small....not tiny, but small. I decided to let DD10 have her own room since she's the oldest and has a different style than the other two girls (she's a tomboy while my younger daughters are very girly.....we decorated DD10's room in Minecraft/Lego and DD8 and 3's room in Frozen). I also thought that giving her this room would solve some problems. DD10 and DD8 argue A LOT. DD10 is very quirky has OCD tendencies and I figured that giving her her own space was the best way to go. DD10's need for everything to go her way and her quirks are the cause for MOST all of the fights (honestly, if I were DD8 I'd go crazy trying to play with DD10 and deal with her quirks). Plus, bedtime has always been a nightmare in our house and I felt that maybe the problem was DD10 and DD8 constantly talking and keeping each other awake. So for the past 2 months, DD10 has had her own room and DD8 and DD3 share a room.

 

No problems have been solved....in fact, I think I'm going to lose my mind.

 

Now the arguments between DD10 and DD8 are about who is in whose room, why can't she get out of my room, that toy is in her room and I need it, I never get to play alone because she's always in my room. Also, DD3 destroys the Lego sets that DD8 builds. I've tried gating the Legos off, I've tried disciplining DD3....she's just at that difficult age where even if she isn't intentionally destroying a Lego set, it happens accidentally. Also, some "community" toys have to be kept in the larger room. So DD10 is always in there playing with the community toys. Or they are arguing about community toys. Or some other crisis.

 

Bedtime is still a nightmare. Now DD10 is afraid to sleep by herself. So she's in our room at midnight, crying that she's afraid and begging to sleep with us. She's scared of fires....I'm not sure why, it's just a fear of hers. She sleeps fine if DD8 sleeps with her, but then they either keep each other up till midnight talking and playing in bed, or they end up arguing and fighting.

 

If something doesn't resolve, then the constant fighting is going to drive me to the funny farm. I'm an introvert and evening time is my winding down time that I desperately need, but with kids constantly getting out of bed, or arguing, or crying, I'm getting none of my "me time."  So, what would you do? Who would you give the rooms to?

 

I'm considering switching DD10 back to the big room to share with DD8. Then give DD3 the little room so that will keep her out of the big kids stuff (Lego creations....they have a ton of them). However, that won't solve the fighting between DD10 and 8. I'd love to split the big room.....but DH says that will cost too much. Plus, that still won't solve the issue of DD10 being afraid to sleep alone. :::::sigh:::::

 

Also, what do you guys do for sibling who fight SO MUCH? It's mostly due to DD10's finicky attitude and OCD tendencies for everything to be just-so.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Has the 10 year old been evaluated for anxiety?  I know this isn't a quick fix but I would do that first to try and get at the root of the problem.  

[AK_Mom4]

Move all three girls back into the big bedroom and move ALL of the toys to the little room.  The little room becomes the community play room.

 

Not perfect, but it might buy you a few years until they hit their teens.

[texasmama]

It sounds like dd10 might need some professional help to manage her anxiety.  A good therapist can also help with the sibling stuff and do a joint session with dd10 and dd8.

 

Moving everyone again will not solve your issues, I don't think, because they are not rooted in room arrangements.

 

When college girl went to college, my boys got their own rooms.  It did decrease the arguments, but now ds12 (my particular one) objects to ds14 coming into his room for anything at all.  It's kind of traded one issue for another but in our situation, I think it was the best thing for their relationship.

[SKL]

Sounds like when my sister and I were kids.  :P  We shared a bed until I was 13.  It was interesting.  I think mostly my parents hid from it all.  ;)

 

I think that if they are going to fight anyway, you might as well put them in the room together.  If they have their own beds, perhaps you could set up a wall-like thing in between.  Like this.

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Is it possible to set aside another part of the house for common toys?  I use part of the dining room for my kids' play area, since their shared bedroom is quite small.  It works for us.

 

Can you 8yo keep her lego creations on a table top?  Then the 3yo would have a harder time "accidentally" knocking them over.

[sbgrace]

Is DD10 getting treatment?

 

I'd put them all in one room and put the toys somewhere else. The sleeping room would be for sleeping only. With bunkbeds or bunk/trundle type thing, could they all fit in the small room to sleep only?  Perhaps put the lego, at least the do not disturb creations, on shelves/ in a closet in that sleeping room. Set up rewards for sleep behaviors you want to see perhaps. Might it be possible for DD8 and the youngest to get to sleep first, then DD10 come in and sleep in the room later? I stagger bedtimes here.

[PeacefulChaos]

I would put DD10 and DD8 back together, in the bigger room.  I would possibly put a divider between so that they still had their own defined space - I think of expedit shelving from Ikea, but anything would do.  It would cut down the feel of the room's size, but it may be worth it, and Idk, I know when I was a kid - and if yours are anything like mine are now - there's something really enjoyable about a smaller space.  My brother and I used to get behind the recliner in the corner of our living room and play the GameBoy lol... My kids - especially Pink - love to get behind where our couch is (it's angled so it doesn't block the front door, which gets no use, leaving a triangle shaped space with an opening big enough for a person to get through between the couch and the wall) and play.  

 

I would put DD3 in the smaller room by herself.  

 

As for the arguing, I have no idea lol... my boys are still in the same room, but they don't argue a lot, thank goodness!!  I still would love for them each to have their own room sometime in the next couple years (when we buy or build) - but for now, it's all still working out for us.  I don't know if it's a personality thing or what!

[Starr]

Or bunk up and put all the girls in the smaller room and have a nice big play room.