scrapbookbuzz Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 Has anyone in your immediate family accepted a job offer that would keep your family separated for about 6 months or so? What did you learn from that experience? Now that you've been through it, what would you have done differently? Kept the same? Did you continue to homeschool the kids? Put them in a brick and mortar school temporarily? We are looking at this possible scenario. Thanks for any insight! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gaillardia Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 Yes, we were living over a thousand miles apart for 10 months getting the house ready to sell, waiting for it to sell. He came home when he could, usually every 6 weeks, sometimes less, by air. His boss would let him take 4 or 5 days at a time, including the weekend.It was hard. It was hard. You only have two children? My oldest was an adult, still at home, and the youngest was 6. Did I mention it was hard? Home school, yes. Support from other family members, as in hanging out with them more, was a big help. I spent time with other people more often and became a more relaxed parent and let my kids do more stuff with their friends. But, I'm a relaxed home schooler so putting them in school was not in my plans. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1bassoon Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 Yes. My dh took a job last year that necessitated him living away from us from August through May - kind of like going to college. His employer did help him fly home, so we saw him about once a month. If my kids had been younger - we would have gone with him, and maybe rented out our home here. But for a variety of reasons we didn't. My dh wished we had - he wished the kids had seen another part of the country. I learned that I am stronger than I thought I was. That I don't cook as well when dh isn't home :glare: . That it is VERY hard to transition when he's home just for 48 hours. That reunions are very sweet. :001_tt1: We kept homeschooling, and I worked part time. If it weren't for the fact that I had two older kids who could drive and/or babysit when I had to work, we would have drowned. Right now, dh is working a job where he's away 3 out of 4 weeks a month, but home on weekends. To be truthful, I'm exhausted and run down. It's - wearing. We both hope he can find something that unites our family again. Communication is very, very hard - or is for us, anyways. Just trying to manage timing of important conversations is hard too. Ask specific questions, I'll help as I can! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scrapbookbuzz Posted December 10, 2014 Author Share Posted December 10, 2014 Thanks, Gaillardia. In this case, it will be me being away. My kids are 16 and 10. We're thinking of putting the 10yo in the school down the street JUST for Spring of 2015 but keeping the 16yo home for school, for various reasons. I understand it will be hard. But I feel like I have finally found 'my way in' to the field I've been wanting to be a part of for YEARS but kept being told, "You have the training, just not the experience. Sorry." I realize none of it is an ideal situation but life is oft messy and hard. We're thinking of approaching it as TDY in reverse! We're both veterans so we know how TDY (temporary duty) works. The 'soldier' (in this case, it would be me) is away for several weeks, if not months, at a time. The job I'm considering accepting would take me out of state in advance of my family. My husband and children would stay behind and get the house ready to sell. My husband would still work full time during that time. This would also help us with the $$ for moving, paying down debt, etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom in High Heels Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 James Bond and I lived in different states for almost 2 years. We were originally 3 hours apart, but then he got transferred to AZ, and we were 14 hours apart. I quit my job about 4 months after he transferred and moved to be with him. Indy was 4/5, so he went to PreK and then K while I worked. It was hard, but we made it work (while we were 3 hours apart). If we were that close, I'd probably do it again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gaillardia Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 It sounds like you have your plans in place and I believe that could work for your family too. I have to say, the opportunity for career which you very well may need at some point, if not now, would be a great motivator for me too. I missed the boat on that one and have given up trying to find something working for someone else. This opportunity would help you make your way into that field, give you experience to change fields if you want, and your family will be able to function without you. Hats off to you, my fair lady!!! Go for it!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scrapbookbuzz Posted December 10, 2014 Author Share Posted December 10, 2014 Our goal, I think, is for me to go up there for a January starting date and have the rest of the family come up in the summer. That will give hubby and kids time to get things straight here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reflections Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 Yes. We've done this - dh moved 1700 miles away and we stayed behind to sell the house - and we are now doing a modified version where my dh is out of town all week and home on the weekends until our house is finished being built. This first thing that stands out to what you said was, that you are considering putting your 10yo into school. If you are going to do that, do it now. It will be very hard on the kids to have their primary away from them and that's a huge upheaval in and of itself - add a school change and the upheaval becomes even more stressful. Since your dh is going to stay working full time, I can see why you'd do this and why it would be a good idea. But it will be stressful. Best to get the stress of being in school out of the way first, then the 2nd stress of you being gone. I was surprised by how much I missed my dh. I knew I would miss him. I just didn't expect to feel like I wanted to rip myself out of my skin to get to him as that is what seemed to be holding us apart. Weird, huh? But .... it's how I felt. And it's how I got pregnant. So.... make sure you up your bc when you see each other if you don't want any extra surprises. Also, my dh was bored while he was away from us. He .... uh.... don't tell anyone... became a mall rat. He even went to the library (gasp). There just wasn't much else to do. So be prepared to have a lot of extra time on your hands while your dh complains that he is overwhelmed. Selling a house is way more work than you think. Do all things that need to be done to the house now while you are together before you leave. It was hard for me to paint the house, replace windows, declutter, pack AND do all the other normal day to day things I had to do - cook, normal housework, homeschool. Plus, having to keep the house in pristine condition for last minute showings is not only physically taxing it's mentally and emotionally exhausting - especially trying to keep the kids at that level for weeks - potentially months on end - all.by.myself. Add in a few ornery animals and I was ready to throw in the towel. Something else to keep in mind is illness, accidents and other mishaps - yours, his, your kids... have a plan in place for that and other emergencies. Keep your eye on the goal - both of you. That will help you stay the course. I hope that it's very rewarding for you all! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scrapbookbuzz Posted December 10, 2014 Author Share Posted December 10, 2014 Reflections, good points! I should mention that we had a brief family split about 7 years ago when the kids and I attempted to move to Michigan in advance of dh. The plan was for me to get there and find a job then he could quit his and come join us. That didn't happen so we moved back to AZ. I think we were gone a total of 6 or 7 weeks. So we have had a brief taste of that separation. not worried about the whole bc thing because those tubes have been cauterized B) but I thank you for the insight. As for putting my son in school now, it just seems a bit odd since Christmas break is in about a week and a half! not sure that would work. However, I will go talk to the school about what it would take to enroll him for the next semester. not really looking forward to that since the school is not that great but I figure he'll be okay for one semester, right? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reflections Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 Reflections, good points! I should mention that we had a brief family split about 7 years ago when the kids and I attempted to move to Michigan in advance of dh. The plan was for me to get there and find a job then he could quit his and come join us. That didn't happen so we moved back to AZ. I think we were gone a total of 6 or 7 weeks. So we have had a brief taste of that separation. not worried about the whole bc thing because those tubes have been cauterized B) but I thank you for the insight. As for putting my son in school now, it just seems a bit odd since Christmas break is in about a week and a half! not sure that would work. However, I will go talk to the school about what it would take to enroll him for the next semester. not really looking forward to that since the school is not that great but I figure he'll be okay for one semester, right? If nothing else, it will keep him busy.... and out of your dd's hair while your dh is at work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 :grouphug: I know I could not do it. I fall to pieces every year when DH goes to Canada for 6 weeks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.... Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 Has anyone in your immediate family accepted a job offer that would keep your family separated for about 6 months or so? What did you learn from that experience? Now that you've been through it, what would you have done differently? Kept the same? Did you continue to homeschool the kids? Put them in a brick and mortar school temporarily? We are looking at this possible scenario. Thanks for any insight! I feel bad, because I think my story isn't very encouraging. :crying: We were separated for 8-9 (?) months (about 5 years ago). After being unemployed for almost a year (that was horrible enough), my husband finally found a job 800 miles away. We stayed behind to "sell the house" while he lived in an apartment near his work. Our living situation became really transient for a long time while we were trying to sort everything out. We lived with one set of grandparents and then the other set, we lived in an extended stay hotel, we rented a trailer at a campground and lived in there for a while... Did we continue to homeschool? Yes. We needed some stability. Too much change at once is bad. What would I have done differently? I would never, ever do that again. Besides the stress from being separated/unemployed/not having a permanent place to live, one of my kids started having serious emotional problems after my husband moved out and our (husband and I) relationship pretty much disintegrated after we all finally moved back in together. It probably took a good year AFTER we were all together again in one stabile location for our family to go back to normal. To give that kid some stability, I even started doing certain things on certain days...like every Friday morning I would take them to get some donuts, every Wednesday morning we would go to the park...stuff like that. Having a predictable rhythm really helped her (she was 5 ? at the time) after we moved back in together. If something like that happens to us again, we are ALL going. I don't care what I have to do to make that happen. I'm not going through that again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.... Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 We are doing it now. It is a temporary solution but I am not sure how long it will last. One day at a time. Dh is 9 hours away. We see him most weekends and he has been able to work at home for a week twice so far. My older sons are in high school. It is a terrible time to move. :grouphug: I'm so sorry. I'm getting tears in my eyes just thinking about it. :crying: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 I've never done it, but I applaud you for not just winging it, but for seriously planning it out and taking everything into consideration. You are being quite thoughtful and kind about the possibility, and not everyone does that. Really. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scrapbookbuzz Posted December 10, 2014 Author Share Posted December 10, 2014 Here is some background on my kids: both have experience in being in a brick and mortar school so that won't be too different. My husband and I talked last night and if I can get an acceptable salary offer, I'll take the job. It will require a separation from my family for up to 6 months, basically through the Spring semester. We'd most likely keep daughter at home - it will be a good wakeup call for her to realize what independence is like. And son will be in brick and mortar school. I know it won't be easy. Nothing worth doing ever is. We've talked about the possibility of the move and what that could mean for the kids. We just haven't gone over specifics yet because it's not 'definite' yet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scrapbookbuzz Posted December 10, 2014 Author Share Posted December 10, 2014 Now that I've toted kids around town, I can work out figuring out the salary negotiation! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 Has anyone in your immediate family accepted a job offer that would keep your family separated for about 6 months or so? What did you learn from that experience? Now that you've been through it, what would you have done differently? Kept the same? Did you continue to homeschool the kids? Put them in a brick and mortar school temporarily? We are looking at this possible scenario. Thanks for any insight! Yes, we did that once. It didn't occur to me to put the dc in school. We just kept on with our normal schedule (although of course we missed Mr. Ellie). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Upward Journey Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 We're a military family. We've been separated for months at a time several times. We've always homeschooled. My eldest moved 3 times during high school. I've always been home with them. I agree that certain routines help keep things stable. We have a policy of not separating when it's not strictly required because it is very, very difficult at times. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tess in the Burbs Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 We have done it a few times now. It's hard emotionally at first, but you just get through focusing on the future together. I wouldn't choose to do it again and this past move we decided to go all together instead of separating the family. Sometimes costs necissate the choice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scrapbookbuzz Posted December 11, 2014 Author Share Posted December 11, 2014 Well, it may be a non-issue now. I gave a counter-offer on salary and they wouldn't even BUDGE. Not sure how I feel about that! It's a bit discouraging and sad because it looked like I had my 'foot in the door' to my desired industry. I haven't totally walked away yet but not really sure I can reasonably accept what they've offered, either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scrapbookbuzz Posted December 11, 2014 Author Share Posted December 11, 2014 DH and I talked and we decided I should send an email asking what they would look for in a candidate in order to offer (the salary I'm seeking). Just sent that email. Waiting to hear back! I'm not ready to burn this bridge just yet. Too many good things could come from this move if we could make it happen! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nukeswife Posted December 12, 2014 Share Posted December 12, 2014 Another military family so we've been through many deployments, but we've also had two times where he went ahead to the next duty station well before the deployment and we stayed behind. We did this because at the end of the deployment he would not be returning to where he left from. The ships were doing around the world deployments with homeport shifts. The first he was in WA while I was in WI and that was 18 months without him, other than 3 weeks of leave he got before the deployment. The second time we were in VA and he was going to a ship in WA only to return back to VA again. That was about 14 months without him. The first one my oldest was the only one in school and it was PS K, so it really wasn't a big deal and I lived 7 minutes from my parents. The second one we continued to homeschool and kept going with all the activities we normally did. I was busy as all heck because I was coaching little league, homeschooling, taking the kids to art and gymnastics, but it was our normal routine since even when DH was not deployed his schedule was so crazy I couldn't count on him to be home in time to cover any of it. In the end it was crazy hard, but was the best thing for us at the time, especially with the 2nd one, by staying put he eventually came back to VA after the deployment and the kids got to stay in their activities and have their friends around. I didn't have any family within 1000 miles, but had other moms from activities I could count on to lend a hand if needed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scrapbookbuzz Posted December 12, 2014 Author Share Posted December 12, 2014 Thanks for your input, Kel. I have yet to hear back in regards to my latest email. I feel like I'm in a battle of the wills, so to speak. as in, who will wear down first! But I just think an initial offer of $34,189 for an annual salary is a ridiculously low offer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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