What do you do when

[Just Kate]

you're feeling totally overwhelmed with life? I have a lot of big things going on right now that I am not handling well at all. Also, I am stuck in a rut where I am mourning the fact that my life just isn't going the way I had hoped.

 

I woke up this morning and my first thought was that I can't wait until it's night time and I can put the kids to bed and go to bed myself. I know this is not healthy and this is not how I want to be.

 

 

[Jenny in Florida]

Sending hugs your way . . .

 

As for what I, personally, do: Well, I usually try to shake things up somehow. That may mean grabbing hold of one or two issues that are fixable and attacking those. Even if they aren't the big ones, I feel better once I've fixed something. Or it might mean breaking routine and just refreshing my brain. So, I might take a day to just go do something fun that we wouldn't normally have time to do.

 

Ideally, I try to do both of those things: accomplish something first, then do something fun as a reward.

 

Then, get a really good night's sleep and see if things look better in the morning. They often do for me.

 

[Jerico]

*hugs*

I try to find something to change, something to hope for, something to bring me joy everyday.

[TammyinTN]

When life is being less than wonderful....I go for a nice long walk and think things through.   Decide what I can tackle in the most successful way and go from there.  Sometimes there are things you just can't control and all you can do is hang on for the ride.  

Hang in there!!  :grouphug:

[Just Kate]

Thanks for the thoughts and suggestions. I am just in a funk lately and having a hard time dragging myself out. Some things that I am dealing with...

 

• We are moving in 2-4 weeks, but not because we want to. We are renters and we just learned that our landlord wants to move back into the house. We have only lived here for one year. The thought of packing up and moving again is just killing me.
• After being off of work for 6.5 months (due to knee surgery), dh is back to work again. This is good, but he works out of town (15 days on, 6 days off). Since we have to move this is putting a lot of pressure onto me.
• Because dh was off work for 6.5 months, we are in a bit of a financial pickle. We hadn't planned for moving costs (never dreamed we'd be moving) and I am having to borrow some money from my parents. This isn't the first time I've had to do this. In addition, we are in a mess financially and I just can't ever seem to get us out. Hoping that after this move I can make some real traction on getting us out of debt.
• After being back to work for a few days dh called me to let me know that his car was in the shop. You got it...$2,000 plus to fix it. The car isn't worth much more than that, so now we are in the position where we need to purchase a new (to us) car. We knew this would be happening soon, but we had hoped that we could wait a few months to get some money saved up.

So these are the things I am actively dealing with. I need to pack but can't seem to muster the energy to do it. My parents are helping us on the car side (my dad let my dh drive his truck back to work). They are actually considering getting a new vehicle themselves, so we may just buy theirs. But I hate that I am in my late 30s and still depending on my parents when things go downhill.

 

Add to it that I hate where we live (back in my hometown). We are in a very rural state, but somehow there is money in my little town. The town itself is not much to look at (so not like a quaint little town from a story book), but it seems like people in this area with money want to live in my town. There are lots of neighborhoods with big, beautiful homes, but we don't live there. But of course my kids are friends with the kids who live in those homes and they always feel less about what we have because of this. Now, we may be having some financial problems, but my kids have never wanted for much of anything (well, within reason). They have nice Christmases and both of them have electronic gadgets just like everyone else. Dd has American Girl dolls and ds has more legos than he knows what to do with. Yet we don't live in the homes that their friends live in and we don't vacation each year at WDW (as a matter of fact, we rarely vacation at all!). I know that my kids will not die from living in a giant house, really, I do. But I can't help but wish that I could do the things with my kids that other people around here are able to do.

 

And to add to things, I am finally realizing that my kids are starting to grow up and I will probably never be able to homeschool them. I did homeschool ds from K-2 grades, but I worked part-time during those years and was never really able to enjoy it (my part-time job is really more of a full-time job with sort of part-time hours). Homeschooling is something  that I am passionate about, and I am saddened to think that I will never be able to do it. 

 

So that is my whining for the day. I know things could be worse. I am thankful that my family is healthy. I am thankful that dh and I both have jobs. I am thankful that my parents are willing to help us out. But for some reason, I just can't seem to get over feeling down. Sometimes life just feels like SO MUCH. :(

[Tmhearn]

Comparison is the death of contentment... Or something to that effect. My dh and I were just discussing this last night. It is a lot harder to ignore the comparisons when they are right in your face. But, sometimes you just gotta keep your eyes on your own plate. Maybe you have a hamburger and the guy to the right has a steak, but probably the guy to the left has a cold turkey sandwich. KWIM?

 

Don't worry about getting help from your parents right now. If it's bothering you, make it a goal to be more self-sufficient by this time next year. Otherwise, be glad that they are available. How much more would it suck to be in your same financial position without mom and dad to help? Wouldn't you be happy to help your own kids some day? It sounds like you guys are responsible, good people who have hit a rough patch a time or two. I'm sure your parents want to help you succeed.

 

Just follow the above advice about tackling something and rewarding yourself, and realize that it is a bit of a process to dig out of that hole. Set some goals. You have to have something fun to look forward to.

[Mandylubug]

I struggle with contentment in our housing, too. I have just set my mind to this is it. I know when we purchased our home, we thought of it as a starter home. DH and I both worked full time and we only had 2 kids. Then life happened and jobs between us both seemed to shift like the seasons and it was beyond our control and we doubled the number of kids in the midst of it all.

 

life can be so overwhelming. Personally, when I need to mentally check out, I find a good book and treat myself to a long hot bath and read. It doesn't solve any of the chaos happening around me but it gives my soul a vacation.

 

when we were a military family and all the packing landed on my shoulders I created a family notebook. I created lists that had to be completed and then starred the priorities. It was easier to put a name to the stress and then prioritize my stress. Then I was able to conquer more because I wasn't spinning my wheels. At the beginning stages of planning, the notebook stayed on my person so I notated every random need that came to mind. I typically packed while kids slept, too.

 

I hope life calms down soon!

[abba12]

I suffer with mental illness so I don't know if my 'funks' are comparable to normal peoples 'funks' but when I get into that sort of state, I do the following.

 

First I sit down, preferably with DH who is on the same page but you could do it yourself, and remind myself about what my ultimate goals are for life and family, what is truly important to me? For me it's experiences and family relationships. I find that I most often get into a funk when I am too busy/stressed/sick to actually live in the moment and do those special things which make life worth living for me.

 

Then I make an effort to bring those goals back into line with my life. If they are the most important things to me, then it makes little sense to not do them at all during any period! So, for me, what this looks like is choosing to put aside stress and do something special, 'in the moment'. There doesn't need to be lots of time or money involved. Sometimes I just need to put the computer/phone/paperwork away, go outside and sit in the sun and watch the kids play, or go to the park for an hour. Sometimes I do something spontaneous, for example last month I found myself sitting on the beach an hour from home at 9pm with my husband, eating ice cream and watching the kids play in the sand and the very edge of the water in the dark. They thought it was a wonderful adventure! We like long drives listening to music, so when I am very unwell for a prolonged period, we often go driving, but maybe you have something else you like or your family likes. The point is to choose to simply let the stress go. It will be there waiting for you when you come back, and choosing not to think about it for an hour will not make anything worse. Your stress and situation are not so urgent that they can't afford you a couple of hours vacation. Find what makes you feel alive and content and pour yourself completely into that moment for just a little while, and maybe it will give you enough strength to keep going with a little more positivity.

 

I also know, for me personally, feeling out of control causes funks. I can't always control my surroundings, you can't control your rental situation or your car situation right now, and that's hard. What I find is if I pour myself into something I can control it helps me feel more secure. So at one point that was planning out and organizing with lists my daughters curriculum. At another time that was completely overhauling the toy area and instituting a new toy organization system. I was tired, but feeling like I could control my little corner of the world helped me feel more on top of everything.

 

I hope something here can help. Things will get better soon.

[abba12]

dp

[FloridaLisa]

Well, that is a lot on your plate. Being caught between what you thought life would be like and what it is like can seriously put you in a funk.  I think it's healthy to realize the disparity between your hopes/dreams and where you are, but not healthy to get stuck there.  Remember that what your life looks like today doesn't have to be what your life looks like forever.  Of course, we can't control everything. There will be unexpected expenses and unforeseen events. BUT, you do have control over a lot.  I would meet with a financial planner.  Compass1.org is a Christian organization that offers free financial counseling.  There are also financial classes through Dave Ramsey, Crown and perhaps Compass that you and your husband could attend together.  It *is* possible to not only dig out of a financial hole but to save money for unexpected expenses.  

 

I've always heard that small towns can be terribly comparison oriented.  Of course, not everyone that lives large can really afford it.  But, again, you don't have any control over that!  You can only take steps for your financial future.  Even small steps in the right direction will eventually add up and could really put you in a different position in a year, two years, five years.

 

As for right now, well, spring is coming!  That always helps me.  And helps me renew my HOPE. I'm sorry these events have collided to cause such stress in your life.   Take it one step at a time, knowing that this is a temporary stage, not a forever stage.  I hope you are able to get some good advice about some positive steps that will help you see some gains in the next year. 

 

Lisa

[Susan in TX]

So that is my whining for the day. I know things could be worse. I am thankful that my family is healthy. I am thankful that dh and I both have jobs. I am thankful that my parents are willing to help us out. But for some reason, I just can't seem to get over feeling down. Sometimes life just feels like SO MUCH. :(

 

Sometimes life is just HARD. For me the best way to get out a a funk is to stop trying to get myself out of it. When I just accept the fact that I'm not happy, and I stop expending energy trying to be happy, it helps. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. :grouphug:

 

Susan in TX

[Spryte]

:grouphug: Thinking of you today!

[Just Kate]

Thanks so much for all of the suggestions and hugs! I seem to be feeling a bit better today. I am coming off of having the stomach bug on Monday and I just haven't been feeling well physically, which I'm sure doesn't help. Both yesterday and then today I made a point of taking my daily multi-vitamin, along with extra Vitamin D3. Not sure if it really works or not, but that sort of made me feel better. I am still overwhelmed, but I am going to try to slow down and take some of your suggestions and then just get things done. 

 

I really appreciate these boards...Thanks!!!