Have a child repeat third grade or not? Or homeschool again??

[momsuz123]

I use to be on here all time...when I was homeschooling both girls. Then when we moved, our oldest was begging to go to school. We tried the public - it was horrible for her (she was extremely bored), we moved her to a private school, and she is thriving. Okay, now DD2, she is the one I have been on and off this board about for years. We were hesitant in letting her try ps, but we did. We couldn't get her to qualify for an IEP, because she needs to be more than 2 years behind in multiple areas. She is, in the writing, and spelling, but they count that as 1 area. So, she got no help.

We moved her to the private school too when her teacher emailed me and warned me she was going to fall through the cracks, etc.

So, she loves her private school (she loved the public school - just didn't learn a damn thing). This morning her teacher met with me (2 class teachers, reading specialist, and speech therapist). Here she is getting extra help, a lot of it (it costs a lot too). They brought up the topic of holding her back for third grade. UGH. I get it, I do. She struggles so much with getting thoughts down on paper. Her penmanship is good, actually. She loves cursive. It is more her decoding, spelling, phonics, getting thoughts down. She can read at a third grade level,  but can't comprehend that well at that level.

So, all the research I am seeing is anti-retention. I am debating between homeschooling again, vs keeping her in the private school and seeing what happens. I think it is too soon for them to think this, because we have many months left, and she is finally getting help (the reading specialist is OG trained).

Any thoughts?

 

Thanks.

[VinNY]

I retained my struggling dtr and have no regrets. Will she still get intervention if you hold her back?

[momsuz123]

I retained my struggling dtr and have no regrets. Will she still get intervention if you hold her back?

It is a private school, and in my experience there already, it is far better than the ps she tried for a few months. She would continue to get help (we pay for it). I know to hold a child back and get the same old same old, is not good. But...this school is a college prep school with major hands on learning - project based, which is how she learns best. The class size is small too. But...then I read the research and think, oh man. I would homeschool if I thought is was best, but it is tough to do when she loves her school. I may quietly approach the subject in a round about way without letting on what I am saying. I have mentioned already that her new school is over a year ahead of the ps. (Which it is in some ways).

[Mandylubug]

Is she dyslexic? If so, I would consider moving forward to 4th with appropriate accommodations such as text via audio.

 

I'd ask the school what accommodations and technologies are available to dyslexic students. If all her energy is going into the actual work of reading, naturally comprehension will suffer greatly.

[Ottakee]

Has she bee tested to figure out what the exact issues are?  That might help you make the decision.

 

[VinNY]

My dtr isn't dyslexic, she is speech and language impaired with some other issues:) I help run a Special Ed PtA and we had a speaker from the local dsylexia association. A true dyslexic should not be retained because cognitively they can handle the curriculum. They will need accommodations. Hope that helps with your decision.

[momsuz123]

This is my concern...she was flagged for dyslexia back when she was 6. They couldn't dx her with it at that time. She is going back for testing in 2 weeks. I do want to obviously wait to make any decision until she gets all the testing done. We will meet with the neuropsych mid April. It could be that this private school just can't quite make all the accommodations she needs either. Totally, she is the definition of a child left behind (in the school system that is). Sigh.

[zoobie]

Can you provide her with intensive OG tutoring this summer? How often does she get to meet with the reading specialist? Is it 1:1?

 

I think you really need thorough testing to see what accommodations would benefit her the most. Once we did that, we realized the private school DD was in was not a good fit, even though they were going to be flexible. Public school was out. Homeschooling was the best option. We found an OG (Wilson certified plus she worked at one of the big dyslexia schools here for many years that uses its own method) tutor who came 3x/week the first year. Now we are down to 2. The first year, we focused on remediating the dyslexia and did an "easy" schedule with other subjects and kept up her natural pace in math.

 

Good luck!

[OneStepAtATime]

  If she is dyslexic then holding her back may not help much.  Systematic reading, writing and spelling remediation with a program designed to meet her learning needs would be far more beneficial IMHO.  But until you really know what the issues (and her strengths) are, you won't know what to do to help her and neither will the teachers.

 

My DD repeated 4k because she was already having some difficulties.  We just didn't understand what we were seeing (dyslexia).  No one but my dad thought I had made the right decision to have her repeat 4k.  They thought she just needed to focus harder and do more drills.  Well, repeating 4k bought her time, which did help.  I don't regret the decision because going on to kinder at that point would have been a disaster.  But it did not actually address her real issues or tap into her strengths.  We wasted YEARS as she struggled along.

 

 In 5th grade I finally had her assessed outside the school, since the school assessment was useless and led us in the wrong direction.  The outside assessment was a HUGE eye opener, showing us a lot of things we never new about our daughter.  And I mean strengths as well as weaknesses.  And it gave us some great starting points for trying to help, but I didn't trust that I knew how and turned her over to professional tutors.   After several useless tries with "expert" tutors, I finally took matters into my own hands last year and started her on an OG based system that turned her reading, spelling and writing around in 8 months.  I tutor her myself.  She is finally progressing really well, but she is at the end of 7th grade now (8th if you go by where she would have been if she hadn't repeated 4k).  It has been a long haul and she has suffered through a lot of frustration and depression.  She didn't have to go through all of that.   If we had had solid answers when she was little we could have followed a lot more productive path a whole lot sooner.

 

Anyway, my point is that seeking professional answers may help.  Since she really enjoys being in her school, I would try to keep her there, but I would definitely get a professional assessment and maybe look at taking her after school and summer tutoring over yourself.  A motivated parent that has access to a child every day can sometimes do a lot more than a paid tutor.  I am not opposed to repeating a grade.  In some instances it can help.  But if there are any underlying learning issues, then just repeating may not help at all, depending on what those issues are.

 

Big hugs and best wishes.  

 

Edited to add that we cross posted.  Hopefully the evaluation will help.

[Terabith]

I would be hesitant to retain her at that school in those circumstances......  (And I'm saying that as someone who is retaining my daughter next year.  But we're homeschooling; she has very little real idea what grade she is in, and we're sending her to school for the first time next year.)  I would try to figure out a way to get intensive OG tutoring/ address whatever the testing shows and send her on to fourth with accommodations.  I think the social issues would be significant.

[Lecka]

For getting thoughts down --- would an accommodation of some scribing or some prompting at the beginning help?  My son is getting this is 3rd grade in public school, sometimes.  His teacher will help him with his first sentence and write down his first sentence for him. 

 

He has good comprehension and he has some good strengths, so it is like, it is his weak area but overall he is really on grade level.  He is at public school too, maybe it is a littler easier, I don't know. He has suspected dysgraphia, that is why he gets that help.  But it is not a big deal, the teacher just comes along and helps him if she notices he is not doing anything, and he has seating right in front where the teacher can see what he is doing.  She says he has good ideas and she sees signs that he is retaining what he is taught about transition phrases and he can make supporting sentences.  So it is not like he is totally lost -- he does need the help, though. 

 

I would also like to see what the testing says and what accommodations they recommend, and how the accommodations go in practice.

 

Truly ---- I do think it is nice of them to give you notice and not spring it on you at the last minute.  I agree, the flip side is --- she has got months left.  But, the other alternative, is having it sprung on you at the last minute.  We had that happen and it was not pleasant. 

 

I would want to see what the reading specialist thinks, too, after she has worked with her a little ---- does she think she could make progress over the summer and stuff like that? 

 

I would wonder if she is really doing pretty well, outside of only the reading and writing ----- I think those possibly could be accommodated very well (maybe can see some this year).  If she is struggling more or seems young for her age or seems younger than other kids ---- I would take that into account. 

 

The social issue is a real issue, but I think you would have an idea of that.  If it would be bad socially, I don't think it is a real option. 

 

But I don't think a study is a reason to make a decision 100%.  I think it is like --- a sign to be sure it is for the best.  It is not generally a good thing to do, but maybe this would be a good decision for your daughter anyway. 

 

My husband was retained in 1st grade, and was aware after about 2 months that he was falling behind the new set of 1st graders.  He had liked it at first, when he knew more than them at the very beginning of the year.  But it really hurt him when he fell behind them again.  That is not how the bad side of retention is usually presented, but for him, in his memory, he would have been happy to be retained if he could have been a good student and do things a little easier.  But it was very hard on him.  Very, very hard. 

 

So with that -- if she is going to have some struggles either place, I would not want to retain her.  My husband felt pretty dumb from it.  But ---- he was not getting any help, either.  If she could be a strong student the second time, I would really consider it.  But ---- then there are the social issues.  My husband is kind-of just someone who might not be as bothered by that as a lot of people.  I think it is pretty important, though. 

[mommymonster]

It seems as though you're trying to make a decision without a significant piece of information -- what your daughter's diagnosis is. I (personally) need to plan ahead for my own sanity, but sometimes you just have to table decisions until you have all the information. I'd wait to get back the neuropsych report and then make the call. 

[Lecka]

Yeah -- I bet you have until late summer to make a final decision.  But it is a big deal, lots to think about! 

[momsuz123]

It seems as though you're trying to make a decision without a significant piece of information -- what your daughter's diagnosis is. I (personally) need to plan ahead for my own sanity, but sometimes you just have to table decisions until you have all the information. I'd wait to get back the neuropsych report and then make the call. 

Yes, I agree. My husband and I just discussed this very thing. She goes in 2 weeks and finishes up in a month. But...was glad the school told me their thoughts, but was kind of surprised by how fast they were thinking this.