Feeling discouraged...needing some guidance!

[danielleMD]

I have been feeling a little discouraged lately, and am not sure what path to take. I have been homeschooling my 4 1/2 year old since January. It has been so wonderful to watch him grow and learn! When we started he could barely hold a crayon and now he is coloring in the lines, and is starting to read. I work with him only about 2-3 days a week, for less than an hour total per day. I make sure to do lots of activities where he can run around and be active. Although academically he is doing great I feel like I have failed him because he is so disinterested in doing any school work. At first things seemed to be going ok, and then he gradually started expressing a disinterest. And now we are at the point where as soon I say lets go do some school work he is sulking. He does not enjoy any workbooks, crafts, or coloring. He would much rather engage in fantasy play...for example today we played with toy planes (all day).... I wonder if I just started schooling him too early. My whole goal was to instill a love for learning and I feel like I have completely failed! I have been advised by some homeschoolers from another group to stop altogether and try again in a year or two. At this point, I suppose that might be the best thing to do, but I am having a really hard time with it. Any advice you all could give me would be much appreciated!

[Katy]

He's a boy, you should relax!  Personally I wouldn't stop, but I wouldn't push him harder either.

 

Read him lots of books, especially books with rhyming, about whatever subjects he is interested in. Follow along with your finger as you read so he can see that the letters mean something.

 

If he expresses interest in something (like flying planes), point out how pilots have to learn to read and do math.  Ask if he would like to (read, do math, whatever).  Take him to the science museum and look at the exhibits about flying.

 

Limit screentime to educational things (Leapfrog or Sesame Street).

 

 

[Rachel]

My oldest is only a year older than your son and we have just started doing schoolwork, so I hope someone more experienced will reply.  I do know that if I had tried to have him sit down to do schoolwork a year ago, he would not have enjoyed it.  

 

I think fantasy play is wonderful, let him play.  Spend some time each day reading some fun books to him.  Unless you have to do school right now, give it a break for a few months.

 

I know that we have to have a set routine, if I stray from it and my son thinks there is a chance we aren't going to do some schoolwork, he'll complain.  He does fine once we get started, but he really hates having to quit playing.  It may help to do 15 or 20 minutes of schoolwork every day instead of an hour a couple days a week.

 

 

[Rosie_0801]

It's ok not to like crafts and workbooks, and fantasy play is great. :)

 

You could try getting him harder colouring books, or colour by number, but if he doesn't like them, it's no big deal.

 

You can watch documentaries, do nature study, jigsaw puzzles, read stories, etc and you don't have to tell him it is school. Alternatively you can do all those things and tell him they are school too, so he knows he doesn't dislike all of it.

 

I think it is easier to do a little each day rather than a larger chunk less often too, but then I don't think there is anything mandatory for a small boy to be doing.

[boscopup]

My oldest resisted anything resembling school at that age. He still learned to read and do math without me using any curriculum or actively trying to teach him. We talked, and I answered his questions. We discussed math, letters, etc. as we went about our daily life. When he started K a couple months after turning 5, he was ready for school and did fine. He's now a very easy child to teach, and he does enjoy learning (though doesn't like every subject!).

 

After that experience, I don't require school until they are supposed to start K (which was almost 6 for my middle son). When we do start, I keep things short and sweet. I don't try to challenge them yet. I want to ease them into school work. Prior to K age, they do school when they ask for it. My current 4 year old likes doing school, but it must be easy stuff he doesn't have to work at. ;) He joins in with his brother writing words at the white board, but if he decides he's done, I say ok and let him go. Once again, he teaches himself anyway. He's a bit like my oldest - if I don't try to teach him, he learns more. That was only a preschool phenomenon. In 4th grade, my oldest does need to be taught now. ;)

 

Set aside time each day to read to him from good picture books. Let the other stuff wait until he asks.

[carriede]

Do you have a set schedule or time of day when you do seat work? He might be more willing to sit down if he knows when it's supposed to happen.

 

I'm running into the same problem with my own DS4. The schedule has helped a little. I also have "Our Homeschool Checklist" that lists basic to-dos (calendar, story time, math, phonics, handwriting) that he checks of as we finish them.

 

Seat work really is a tiny portion of our day. But yeah, he's still young. :)

[Mom2TheTeam]

I did the exact same thing with my oldest, except he was actually slightly older!  My oldest misses the cut off for public school by 2.5wks.  I figured he would be ready to go ahead and start...I mean, if he had been born 2.5 wks earlier, he'd "have" to.  Therefore, he must be ready. ;)  I was totally wrong.  The same thing happened to us.  At first, he enjoyed it and was agreeable.  But, a month or 2 in he started to resist.  It became a drudgery for both of us.  It was stressful and certainly not instilling the love of learning that I was aiming for.  :(

 

I got the same advice...put it away till he is 5 in Sept and then start.  For you, that might be a full year from now.  For me, it was about 8 months.  I didn't really believe that was the answer, but I trusted the BTDT moms and my gut and I put it away.  8 months later, when he would have started public school, I pulled it out again.  It was a completely different experience!  He was SO much better and it wasn't as stressful for us.  Mine was about 1.5 months from turning 6 when we started. 

 

Through that experience, I've learned that starting formal schooling is actually more about the child's maturity level to handle the work rather than their academic ability to understand it.  Without that maturity, they just can't do it, even if they understand it.  Allowing him the time he needed to gain that maturity was a great decision.  And, I've been very happy with the result of him being on the older side for grade.  He is now in 2nd and almost 8.  It's perfect for him. 

 

So, my advice is the same as your friends...put it away till he is 5 in Sept.  :)

[Jane Elliot]

The advice to put school away and wait was the worst I followed in my entire 20-year homeschool career. I did this when my twins were normal, active, little boys, and it took us years to recover. Now that I've graduated 5 boys and have 2 more still at home, I know better.

 

You said your ds is starting to read, so he *is* ready for reading instruction. By all means, put away the crafts, workbooks, formal schooly-type stuff, but don't stop spending 10-20 minutes a day teaching him reading. Make sure you are using a phonics program that doesn't require writing. Spend that 10-20 minutes cuddled up somewhere. Go to the library and check out every picture book they have on planes and read, read, read to him. Fix him hot chocolate or herbal tea to sip while you read to him. Make it as pleasant as possible. If he hates the sight of the phonics book, then read it yourself, hide it, and show him the concept on a magnetic board or a wipe-off board or a napkin while you're sitting at dinner.

 

Reread the section in WTM on reading in the kindergarten years. It's in chapter 4. There is a world of wisdom in that section.

[Mom2TheTeam]

The advice to put school away and wait was the worst I followed in my entire 20-year homeschool career. I did this when my twins were normal, active, little boys, and it took us years to recover. Now that I've graduated 5 boys and have 2 more still at home, I know better.

 

You said your ds is starting to read, so he *is* ready for reading instruction. By all means, put away the crafts, workbooks, formal schooly-type stuff, but don't stop spending 10-20 minutes a day teaching him reading. Make sure you are using a phonics program that doesn't require writing. Spend that 10-20 minutes cuddled up somewhere. Go to the library and check out every picture book they have on planes and read, read, read to him. Fix him hot chocolate or herbal tea to sip while you read to him. Make it as pleasant as possible. If he hates the sight of the phonics book, then read it yourself, hide it, and show him the concept on a magnetic board or a wipe-off board or a napkin while you're sitting at dinner.

 

Reread the section in WTM on reading in the kindergarten years. It's in chapter 4. There is a world of wisdom in that section.

 

Would you be willing to explain what you mean by it took years to recover?  What kind of damage or ill effects did it have?  I'm not arguing.  Different things work for different people. Just trying to understand better.

 

For mine, there was definitely only positives that came from putting away the curriculum for a while.  Mine was HATING school even though he was learning.  I was definitely not fostering a love for learning of any sort.  Cuddling on the couch made no difference...nothing did...if anything looked or felt like school or had anything to do with reading or letters, he was immediately resistant.  He was learning, but he hated it.  We continued to read all the time about many, many things. But, I didn't do any formal instruction at all.  It was very different 8 months later.  He is now in 2nd grade and loves school and loves to read.  No ill effects at all.  He is a normal active boy.

 

Now, my next children (twins) started a little earlier at 5 and a few months.  My daughter was begging to start.  So, we started in Feb-ish.  Her twin brother started with her riding on her coat tails.  They have never given me the resistance that my oldest did. 

[Jane Elliot]

Would you be willing to explain what you mean by it took years to recover? What kind of damage or ill effects did it have? I'm not arguing. Different things work for different people. Just trying to understand better.

Many eduators believe there is a window of time in which the child is particularly receptive to language. Their minds develop patterns of thinking about language which make it natural to them for the rest of their lives. I’ve heard the authors of WTM say this, as well as the authors of Reading Reflex.

 

Back when my twins were young, the prevailing advice for homeschooling boys was "better late than early." When they wanted to play outside all day and didn't want to sit for lessons, I took it that they weren't "ready" and so I let them play. I put away everything, including the reading lessons. I really wanted learning to be fun for them, and since they didn’t like “school,†I thought I’d better wait.

 

By the time we did begin reading instruction, it was a struggle. It was much, much harder for them to learn at a later age what came easily for my other children at a younger age. I believe this was because I had waited until past their “window.†For many years, their reading level was below grade level, and we had to work very hard to get them reading fluently. A child who can’t read well is hindered in every academic endeavor, and this is how it was for them for longer than it should have been. It’s difficult to convey how terribly discouraging this all was for them.

 

I firmly believe they would have been better served with short (10-20 minutes) consistent (daily) reading lessons from when they were very young, beginning with the types of pre-reading activities explained in the back of OPGTTR and moving gently forward. This is what I’ve done for the rest of my children.

 

The twins have, in the end, done fine. They’re hard workers. Both graduated from college with honors. One has a B.S. in aeronautical science. He’s a commercial pilot and airplane mechanic in Africa. The other has a B.S. in biology and is now in dental school. *However* those two never developed the same comfort with language as my other children. Writing does not come as naturally. Their reading comprehension scores on standardized exams never match their grades or other scores. I believe this is, at least in part, because I waited too long when they were young.

 

For the very young child, I’m in favor of putting away formal curricula, school, crafts, projects, and programs, everything except reading instruction and living books. My current 5 year old is an early riser. He climbs into bed with me every morning and we do a reading lesson first thing. I try to make it fun, but he’s not always excited about it. By 7 am he’s done and is free to spend the rest of the day exploring the pond. If he finds a turtle or something he wants to know more about, he can read a book about it. That’s a huge advantage that his oldest twin brothers did not have. A lot of the “fun†in learning is the result of having the skills to do it.

 

I’m sure you weren’t looking for anything this winded. (And I certainly didn’t mean to get this winded!) It’s just that I feel very strongly about this, partially because I felt so duped by the “wait until the child brings you a book and asks you to teach him to read†crowd, which seemed so much more vocal back in the days before WTM was published.

[Arboreal TJ]

My boys would not tolerate crafts and workbooks at that age, they had no interest in coloring. They are 6.5 now and we still don't do much for workbooks, they do enjoy coloring, their worksheet tolerance is LOW. We do most things orally. Handwriting is the ONLY thing I make them sit still for and often that is done standing. Reading is snuggle time, they like snuggles enough to tolerate reading.

 

If I'm met with bad attitudes and protests the problem is mine not theirs. We are doing WWE1 this year, I tried to have them sit and pay attention to the passage when we started. Now 7 weeks in I say "okay, go flop around on the floor. Be ready to answer questions in complete sentences." It defies reason but they do better with comprehension questions while upside down, maybe more blood is in their brains :-)

 

There's a lecture out there somewhere about "Teaching Boys and Other Children Who Would Rather Build Forts All Day." I listen to it often.

[boscopup]

Luann, I'm curious what age you started teaching your kids to read? Most here are saying to wait until age 5 or 5.5, not until the kid is no longer wanting to play all day (that would be never here! :lol: ).

 

I don't think 4 year olds NEED to be taught to read in order to hit that window. It's not that narrow a window.

[sbgrace]

I had a son who just wasn't ready. We finally started when he was approaching 6, and that was mostly because of his twin. At any rate, both of mine are excellent readers despite no early instruction. My late bloomer is actually quite good in language arts--it's his "thing" it seems. I appreciate what someone upthread shared from her experience but I want say that mine has been the opposite. I would think it's possible that a child with a brain/make up that is geared toward maths and sciences might not always be as good in the language arts arenas and early instruction may have no influence on that matter. It's possible. At any rate, delaying formal reading instruction at 4, 5, or even approaching 6 isn't a concern of mine. I would stop formal studies. That play he's doing is excellent for brain development. My advice: explore together, play together, read to him, etc. but don't push academics on such a young child who is resistant.

[Jane Elliot]

Luann, I'm curious what age you started teaching your kids to read? Most here are saying to wait until age 5 or 5.5, not until the kid is no longer wanting to play all day (that would be never here! :lol: ).

 

I don't think 4 year olds NEED to be taught to read in order to hit that window. It's not that narrow a window.

They were six when I started regular reading instruction, and it had not occurred to me to do the types of pre-reading activities that you find in the back of OPGTR with them before that. The OP stated that her son has already started reading, and while I think she should drop the other schoolish type activities she's been doing, I don't think she should stop the reading. I am not advocating intensive phonics for every four year old child, although some kids receive that very well at that age. However, using pre-reading activities by the age of four and steadily moving forward at a gentle pace of 10-20 minutes a day makes sense to me. Ten minutes a day of cheerful, gentle instruction is not going to kill any child's love for learning.

[nature girl]

I read this study back when I was considering Waldorf education. Regardless of how you feel about Waldorf (my own feelings are mixed), some of the findings are pretty interesting. Test scores were actually significantly better for Waldorf kids who weren't taught to read until 7: http://www.academia.edu/1585023/Holistic_Education_and_the_Brain_A_Look_at_Steiner-Waldorf_Education I'm posting this not to say that we all should be delaying reading, but just to say we probably shouldn't be overly concerned if they don't learn when we think they should.
 
"The current trend to assure every student can read has led to earlier andearlier efforts to teach reading. There is some evidence that this push for early academics canhave negative consequences (Schweinhart & Weikart, 1997). Based on brain development, afocus on early academics may draw brain resources that are needed for the maximal functionalityand neural connectivity of sensory and motor systems.
 
In order to examine the alignment of our educational system with brain development, we can look at the unfolding of different brain systems. There are two key concepts in defining howsuch processes are aligned, first that brain develops in a flexible, but sequential order, ands econd, that the connectivity and organization of the brain is activity dependent. In the early years, sensory maps are being defined. These maps are created through interaction with theexternal environment. The creation of these sensory maps is critical for sensory integration.Because brain development is not passive but activity dependent, environments must allow foractive exploration. A failure to provide this will result in a high incidence of sensory problems,and is perhaps related to the increase in sensory integration dysfunction and autism. In the laterchildhood years, the basal ganglia develops via connectivity of the striatum to cortical regionsespecially parietal and frontal lobes. This system links motor responses to learning routines,motivation, and voluntary attentional processes. A failure to provide support for this period of development could potentially result in high levels of motor impulsivity and ADHD. It is notuntil later adolescence, and even into early adulthood that we see the maturation of the prefrontalcortex, a period associated with the facillitated learning of higher level abstract concepts.Brain imaging studies show that adults and children do not perform academic problemsin the same way. Children, although they may be able to perform the same cognitive tasks asadults, have greater involvement of regions not activated in the adult brain, in particular, childrendraw on resources in prefrontal cortex (Ansari, 2010). In asking children to perform skills thatfocus on frontal cortical activation, we can get short term performance but at what expense. Theengagement of non-sensory cortical regions draws resources that would otherwise be used tohelp build sensory and basal ganglia systems. Research along these lines has shown that earlyacademics do not relate to improved academic performance in later years, and to the contraryappear to relate to poorer relational skills and life outcome (Nel, 2000; Hyson, 2003;Schweinhart & Weikart, 1997). This is consistent with what would be expected from limitedresource theory.Limited resource theory states that the brain is able to processes only so much information at once, and that systems involved in attention, perception and memory draw onthese limited resources to perform tasks (Montague, 1996). Based on the understanding thatbrain development is activity dependent (Kolb & Whishaw, 1998), this model indicates that byfocusing on the development of academic skills, we limit the resources that would otherwise bedirected to the development of socio-emotional and somatosensory motor networks."

[Jane Elliot]

...this push for early academics can have negative consequences (Schweinhart & Weikart, 1997). Based on brain development, a focus on early academics may draw brain resources that are needed for the maximal functionality and neural connectivity of sensory and motor systems.

I am not advocating a "push for early academics." The problem with a lot of these studies is that they are assuming the child is being taught in a classroom or group setting, and imo that type of learning should be delayed as long as possible (until college in our home. :-) There's ample evidence that delaying classroom, formal academics is beneficial, and I will never dispute that. For an excellent book on this topic read Boys Adrift.

 

The type of early reading instruction I am in favor of is the type Jessie Wise outlines in her article "Teaching Reading From Birth On." http://www.welltrainedmind.com/teaching-reading/ This is what I mean when I say I wish I had started earlier with my twins. I changed my approach after seeing what my twins went through, and not one of my other children, including the science and math types, had the struggles the twins had.

[freesia]

Before mothers of non-reading 5 year olds freak out, I want to add my experiences:

 

I didn't start teaching 2 of my children to read until they were 6. The one who has done standardized testing (in grade 3) scored in the 99th percentile on the ITBS reading section (missed one question). She wrote earlier than my other two children (one of whom started reading at 3). She is a more fluid and prolific writer, as well. I've heard that they don't teach reading in Finland until 7 and they have a 99% literacy rate. (I can't figure out how to link this--google start reading finland and you'll find some links)

 

I also taught first and second grade (for 9 years) in a high performing elementary school (my class average on the Stanford 9 was above 90% in reading). One-third of my students (cut off date Dec. 31st) came to me not reading.

 

 

If there is a window, I don't believe it closes at 6 by any means. That just does not match anything that I've experienced.

[Mom2TheTeam]

Many eduators believe there is a window of time in which the child is particularly receptive to language. Their minds develop patterns of thinking about language which make it natural to them for the rest of their lives. I’ve heard the authors of WTM say this, as well as the authors of Reading Reflex.

 

Back when my twins were young, the prevailing advice for homeschooling boys was "better late than early." When they wanted to play outside all day and didn't want to sit for lessons, I took it that they weren't "ready" and so I let them play. I put away everything, including the reading lessons. I really wanted learning to be fun for them, and since they didn’t like “school,†I thought I’d better wait.

 

By the time we did begin reading instruction, it was a struggle. It was much, much harder for them to learn at a later age what came easily for my other children at a younger age. I believe this was because I had waited until past their “window.†For many years, their reading level was below grade level, and we had to work very hard to get them reading fluently. A child who can’t read well is hindered in every academic endeavor, and this is how it was for them for longer than it should have been. It’s difficult to convey how terribly discouraging this all was for them.

 

I firmly believe they would have been better served with short (10-20 minutes) consistent (daily) reading lessons from when they were very young, beginning with the types of pre-reading activities explained in the back of OPGTTR and moving gently forward. This is what I’ve done for the rest of my children.

 

The twins have, in the end, done fine. They’re hard workers. Both graduated from college with honors. One has a B.S. in aeronautical science. He’s a commercial pilot and airplane mechanic in Africa. The other has a B.S. in biology and is now in dental school. *However* those two never developed the same comfort with language as my other children. Writing does not come as naturally. Their reading comprehension scores on standardized exams never match their grades or other scores. I believe this is, at least in part, because I waited too long when they were young.

 

For the very young child, I’m in favor of putting away formal curricula, school, crafts, projects, and programs, everything except reading instruction and living books. My current 5 year old is an early riser. He climbs into bed with me every morning and we do a reading lesson first thing. I try to make it fun, but he’s not always excited about it. By 7 am he’s done and is free to spend the rest of the day exploring the pond. If he finds a turtle or something he wants to know more about, he can read a book about it. That’s a huge advantage that his oldest twin brothers did not have. A lot of the “fun†in learning is the result of having the skills to do it.

 

I’m sure you weren’t looking for anything this winded. (And I certainly didn’t mean to get this winded!) It’s just that I feel very strongly about this, partially because I felt so duped by the “wait until the child brings you a book and asks you to teach him to read†crowd, which seemed so much more vocal back in the days before WTM was published.

 

Thank you.  This is what I was looking for.  I appreciate your perspective as a long time HS'er.  I'm only on 2nd grade with my oldest and I definitely don't claim to be an expert.  He has 5 younger siblings (only 1 girl).  2 are doing K.  I know there will be differences for all of them.  I don't expect them to be just like my oldest. (especially since my K'ers are very different than him already!)  Therefore, I'm always trying to glean wisdom from those who have been at this for years. 

I understand what you are saying and do agree to an extent, but I think there is a happy medium.  You said you "wait until the child brings you a book and asks you to teach him."  I'm not advocating that.  Some kids will never ask. My oldest never would have. My only daughter has been begging for a while (and we are working on it).  I think at a certain point, generally by 6, a child should be learning to read.  Of course, some kids can learn earlier and will.  But, I think for some kids if you push them, they will just end up hating it and setting them up to hate school.  On the flip side, I do think you can wait too long.  But, I think the window is wide and it varies from child to child.

 

What you describe with your 5 year old sounds lovely.  That was was NOT at all the experience I had my 5 year old.  No amount of cuddling or gentle instruction was in any way lovely.  Believe me, I tried!  He was my oldest and I really felt he was behind.  He HATED anything to do with reading and it was a fight and argument every.single.time starting the second I said, "So, Zack, what sound does this letter make?"  If he asked me what something said and I asked him to try and sound it out (with help!), he would say never mind.  He was learning but not quickly or easily.  But he truly hated it and didn't want to.  Where there some character issues we had to deal with? Absolutely!  But, he also lacked the maturity to be ready for any type of formal reading instruction.  We took those 8 months off and he matured leaps and bounds.  When we started back, he was so much more agreeable about it.  He still had some attitude issues with reading because he didn't care to learn. It never came easily for him, which meant he didn't want to do it.  But, he was so much better than when he was just over 5.  He picked up it and he is now in early 2nd grade and reads fluently at a 3rd grade level.  He isn't super far ahead, but he is doing very well.  I am very proud of him and happy with the results we have achieved thus far.  He loves school.  I really think if I had continued to require formal instruction (even in just phonics which is mostly what we had been doing anyway), he would not love school the way he does now.  I strongly believe it would have colored is whole learning experience, especially reading, as something that isn't enjoyable.

 

I'm not saying don't read to your kids and never point out letters or words and ignore all learning and teaching.  I'm just advocating putting away the curriculum and using natural opportunities to teach instead.  Have them do ABC puzzles and read books geared toward that.  Read a lot and point to the words as you do so.  When they ask you what something says, model sounding it out for them.  Watch Leap Frog Letter Factory and other Leap Frog movies, if you allow that.  Just be informal about it. 

 

My twin K'ers are reading better than my older was at their age and they started on a formal K curriculum earlier.  I actually tried to put them off because of my experience with my oldest.  But, my daughter begged and begged!  So, we started in Feb-ish before they would have started K if they were in school. Her twin brother followed along, but wasn't as interested.  I let him join in when he wanted.  She is definitely reading better than he is, but he is reading.  They are very different from my oldest.  If I had waited with them, I would have been holding them back, especially her. 

 

So, I feel like there is a happy medium that we, as the parents and teachers, have to find in starting formal instruction.  Too soon can have a negative effect on future learning, but so can too late when it comes to reading.  I just think the window is pretty big.  :)

 

At any rate, I appreciate your opinion and encouragement to be mindful and purposeful about reading even when they are young.  I am reminded that I need to make more time to read to my 3 year olds on their level. 

 

 

 

Luann, I'm curious what age you started teaching your kids to read? Most here are saying to wait until age 5 or 5.5, not until the kid is no longer wanting to play all day (that would be never here! :lol: ).

 

I don't think 4 year olds NEED to be taught to read in order to hit that window. It's not that narrow a window.

 

I was going to ask this question too and was thinking the same.  :)

 

They were six when I started regular reading instruction, and it had not occurred to me to do the types of pre-reading activities that you find in the back of OPGTR with them before that. The OP stated that her son has already started reading, and while I think she should drop the other schoolish type activities she's been doing, I don't think she should stop the reading. I am not advocating intensive phonics for every four year old child, although some kids receive that very well at that age. However, using pre-reading activities by the age of four and steadily moving forward at a gentle pace of 10-20 minutes a day makes sense to me. Ten minutes a day of cheerful, gentle instruction is not going to kill any child's love for learning.

 

I have to admit, this made me giggle because at just over 5, there was never any "cheerful, gentle instruction."  He hated it all and made it very well known.  Any academic instruction, phonics included, was a power struggle.  And, yes I believe it would have killed any possible love for reading...maybe not love of learning in general.  He was slowly learning to read, but he was also learning to hate it. :(

 

I think the bottom line is when it comes to starting any formal instruction, we need to follow our own mom and teacher instincts when it comes to our children.  We know them better than anyone else.  I have found that my instincts are usually right on.  When I go against my instincts, I usually regret it and follow them, I am usually glad I did, regardless of the advice anyone gave me.  Not that I don't think advice is important.  I absolutely do!  Just that we have to make the final decision even if it goes against advice. :D

[Mom2TheTeam]

Before mothers of non-reading 5 year olds freak out, I want to add my experiences:

 

I didn't start teaching 2 of my children to read until they were 6. The one who has done standardized testing (in grade 3) scored in the 99th percentile on the ITBS reading section (missed one question). She wrote earlier than my other two children (one of whom started reading at 3). She is a more fluid and prolific writer, as well. I've heard that they don't teach reading in Finland until 7 and they have a 99% literacy rate. (I can't figure out how to link this--google start reading finland and you'll find some links)

 

I also taught first and second grade (for 9 years) in a high performing elementary school (my class average on the Stanford 9 was above 90% in reading). One-third of my students (cut off date Dec. 31st) came to me not reading.

 

 

If there is a window, I don't believe it closes at 6 by any means. That just does not match anything that I've experienced.

 

I love this, so I wanted to like and quote.  :D

 

Mine was only 1.5 months from turning 6 when we restarted and I really started teaching him.  He was 7 before he knew anything other than CVC words and in 1st grade.  (Our K curriculum only taught to CVC words, which I was/am happy with.)

 

 

[Jane Elliot]

You said you "wait until the child brings you a book and asks you to teach him."

I think you got my meaning and that we do understand and agree with each other, but I just wanted to make sure that it's understood that I'm not the one who was advocating this. It was a very popular thing to say in homeschooling circles 20 years ago.

 

 

What you describe with your 5 year old sounds lovely.  That was was NOT at all the experience I had my 5 year old.  No amount of cuddling or gentle instruction was in any way lovely.  Believe me, I tried!  He was my oldest and I really felt he was behind.  He HATED anything to do with reading and it was a fight and argument every.single.time starting the second I said, "So, Zack, what sound does this letter make?"  If he asked me what something said and I asked him to try and sound it out (with help!), he would say never mind.  He was learning but not quickly or easily.

This is where I would have dropped back to pre-reading activities. I still would have done them every day, and I still would have been calling it reading instruction, but the child probably wouldn't have realized we were doing "school" or "lessons." As I said in a previous post, sometimes you have to hide the phonics book.

 

 

I'm not saying don't read to your kids and never point out letters or words and ignore all learning and teaching.  I'm just advocating putting away the curriculum and using natural opportunities to teach instead.  Have them do ABC puzzles and read books geared toward that.  Read a lot and point to the words as you do so.  When they ask you what something says, model sounding it out for them.  Watch Leap Frog Letter Factory and other Leap Frog movies, if you allow that.  Just be informal about it.

Exactly. I completely agree with this. This is what I didn't do for the twins. 

 

 

I have to admit, this made me giggle because at just over 5, there was never any "cheerful, gentle instruction."  He hated it all and made it very well known.  Any academic instruction, phonics included, was a power struggle.

Fwiw, I had similar struggles with my current 5yo when he was 4yo. I completely changed my approach with him, but I didn't stop the reading lessons. Actually, at that point I read Teach a Child to Read with Children's Books for the first time and used the ideas in that book. He learned to read using Piggie and Gerald books, which he loved, and now we are back to regular phonics instruction, and he is loving reading. I am more comfortable with completely changing the approach than I am with dropping the lessons altogether. (But from what you said above, it sounds like you continued with pre-reading activities that I would have considered lessons.)

 

 

I think the bottom line is when it comes to starting any formal instruction, we need to follow our own mom and teacher instincts when it comes to our children.  We know them better than anyone else.  I have found that my instincts are usually right on.  When I go against my instincts, I usually regret it and follow them, I am usually glad I did, regardless of the advice anyone gave me.  Not that I don't think advice is important.  I absolutely do!  Just that we have to make the final decision even if it goes against advice. :D

Yes, we need to follow our instincts, and it sounds like you have good ones. :-) Following my instincts is what I was NOT doing with the twins. I was instead following the advice that the crowd was giving at the time.

[Guest]

My rising Ker can read but he's been rejecting formal instruction and asking about environmental print, so I'll be watching this thread and starting seatwork in a different subject (Saxon Math K) to try to sort this all out.

 

I started formal academics early with my olders (Laurel Springs Kindergarten a year before they would have been elgible for kindy at PS) and they did well and enjoyed it, but they burned out big time by 7th grade and both "jumped ship" when they were 15: dd to Beach Academy and then community college and ds to ps and then the Army.

 

Little ds is way ahead of his sibs academically and kindy is not mandatory in my state, so it's hardly a crisis, I'd just rather have a more peaceful home environment and less drama during adolescence. Thank you for posting, OP.

[danielleMD]

Thank you all for your thoughtful comments. I read each one and took them to heart. I have really had to step back and ask myself why I was so upset about this issue. Part of it was that I felt like I was doing something wrong and was failing as my sons teacher, but I see so much more clearly now that the only thing I was doing wrong was having set expectations! I had completely gotten off track as to why I decided homeschooling in the first place. I am determined to give my son a more enjoyable education than I had as well as letting him enjoy his childhood more fully. I think I may have also gotten a little caught up in seeing all of the pictures of kids going back to school...in my circle of friends, sending your child to "preschool" practically starts in infancy. I guess it's time I surround myself with more homeschooling moms who are a little more in line with my education philosophy ;)

 

Thank you all again, so much, for your heartfelt advice and encouragement.

[garddwr]

Many eduators believe there is a window of time in which the child is particularly receptive to language. Their minds develop patterns of thinking about language which make it natural to them for the rest of their lives. I’ve heard the authors of WTM say this, as well as the authors of Reading Reflex.

 

Back when my twins were young, the prevailing advice for homeschooling boys was "better late than early." When they wanted to play outside all day and didn't want to sit for lessons, I took it that they weren't "ready" and so I let them play. I put away everything, including the reading lessons. I really wanted learning to be fun for them, and since they didn’t like “school,†I thought I’d better wait.

 

By the time we did begin reading instruction, it was a struggle. It was much, much harder for them to learn at a later age what came easily for my other children at a younger age. I believe this was because I had waited until past their “window.†For many years, their reading level was below grade level, and we had to work very hard to get them reading fluently. A child who can’t read well is hindered in every academic endeavor, and this is how it was for them for longer than it should have been. It’s difficult to convey how terribly discouraging this all was for them.

 

I firmly believe they would have been better served with short (10-20 minutes) consistent (daily) reading lessons from when they were very young, beginning with the types of pre-reading activities explained in the back of OPGTTR and moving gently forward. This is what I’ve done for the rest of my children.

 

The twins have, in the end, done fine. They’re hard workers. Both graduated from college with honors. One has a B.S. in aeronautical science. He’s a commercial pilot and airplane mechanic in Africa. The other has a B.S. in biology and is now in dental school. *However* those two never developed the same comfort with language as my other children. Writing does not come as naturally. Their reading comprehension scores on standardized exams never match their grades or other scores. I believe this is, at least in part, because I waited too long when they were young.

 

For the very young child, I’m in favor of putting away formal curricula, school, crafts, projects, and programs, everything except reading instruction and living books. My current 5 year old is an early riser. He climbs into bed with me every morning and we do a reading lesson first thing. I try to make it fun, but he’s not always excited about it. By 7 am he’s done and is free to spend the rest of the day exploring the pond. If he finds a turtle or something he wants to know more about, he can read a book about it. That’s a huge advantage that his oldest twin brothers did not have. A lot of the “fun†in learning is the result of having the skills to do it.

 

I’m sure you weren’t looking for anything this winded. (And I certainly didn’t mean to get this winded!) It’s just that I feel very strongly about this, partially because I felt so duped by the “wait until the child brings you a book and asks you to teach him to read†crowd, which seemed so much more vocal back in the days before WTM was published.

 

It's interesting how different experiences can be for different people. I was a late reader--my mom was a teacher, but didn't think formal schooling was best for young children. She didn't sent us to school until we were eight years old. In the mean time, we spent lots of time playing outside, building with blocks, helping on the farm, practicing music, and being read to. She did introduce reading instruction around age five, but if it didn't seem to click with a particular child she would set it aside and try again later. I didn't read at all until the summer I turned eight. That summer I was ready and motivated to learn, I remember working my way through a phonics program with great interest. At that point I took off with reading; I remember reading both David Copperfield and Oliver Twist the year I was nine, by the time I was thirteen I was choosing War and Peace for free reading. I can't remember ever scoring below 99th percentile on the language arts or reading comprehension portion of standardized exams, including the SAT, ACT, and eventually GRE.

 

Which is to say, kids are just different, and late reading is not necessarily an indicator that a child is going to struggle with reading and language throughout their academic career. Nor of course is it an indicator that a child will excel in language arts :) For myself, however, I've often thought that if my mom had pushed reading instruction when I wasn't ready or interested I could have learned to hate reading. As it was, I discovered the world of reading and books at a time when I was primed and ready, and I dove in head first.

[bakpak]

I definitely agree about following the child. Of course, I'm always trying to sneak learning into my fun time with my daughter, so if you try to do that I'd avoid workbooks & calling it school. You can still discuss numbers/adding/fractions throughout the day while you're playing with planes. You can land planes on different letters/words as you're teaching reading. I think if you embrace his interests and play around with topics you'll see more of what interests him, and you'll be surprised by how much 'learning' you can sneak into his day. He has plenty of time to do seatwork. What you really want to encourage now is a love of learning and love of life. Find books that appeal to your son, work on just being creative with him. He's learning a ton without you even trying!

[eleileen]

i agree with the above. my 5 year old (just started K), we are afterschooling, is already reading basic books. he picks his own books at our local library or bookstore. sure, some of it consists of thomas the train, transformers, etc which is not super educational, but that is what he enjoys and he is interested in reading to find out more of the storyline.

[csolomon]

I'm so glad I stumbled upon this topic! I am in my first homeschooling month with my K4 ds and we are doing okay I would say. I was hoping the OPGTR would come easier than it is, but it is going well enough. It's great to hear the wealth of information you veteran moms have to offer!