S/O Quitting

[MeghanL]

Has anyone noticed that there seems to be a discrepancy between the advice given to a mom wanting to quit the year vs a child wanting to quit a sport, camp, etc?

 

To moms wondering whether they should complete their curriculum for the year the comments seem to encourage taking a break, don't worry about finishing the plan, it doesn't really matter in the long run, and other comments of that nature.

 

If a mom is considering whether or not to let their child stop doing something they don't enjoy the advice seems to be along the lines of build their character, have them stick it out, teach them to suck it up, and other advice of that nature.

 

Maybe it's just different people responding and there really isn't a discrepancy? Is there really a difference between the two? 

[LinRTX]

I think the difference is the sport is only for the season, so only a few months. Schooling is a long haul item. If the child is young(say 4th grade or below) I will always say to not worry about it. Keep going with the math, read good books to them or if they are reading well, give them good books to read. Some of these may be nonfiction on a topic of interest. Watch a few science history movies, but take a break. The learning cycles and it is fine to take a break from most non-essentials. There is time for these later. The younger years are just exposure and learning should be fun.

 

I have one that works well with the classical method. The others, not so much.

 

I have schooled through a critically ill new born, a hard pregnancy, my dad's year long health problems and death, and a daughter with a severe eating disorder (who also was a run away for a while).

 

During those times school was not intense, but it was school.

 

Both my olders are now working as engineers, having graduated Suma Cum Laude.

 

The third is working full time and going to school (college). Her life is getting on track again.

 

I'm still schooling the youngest. And in February will have been doing this for 24 years. Sometimes you just need to stop and re-group. The younger they are the easier ii is to just pick it up again. It will be reviewed several times.

 

Linda

[swellmomma]

I think it is a matter of different people replying mainly.  If you look at what I consider some of the most amazing threads on this board over the years they focus on the perseverence and "stick-to-it"ness of the mom.  How curriculum jumping leaves gaps, that if you need to change direction do so but ultimately keep on keeping on with what you have. 

Now yes there are threads where the mom is told to take a break etc.  I find this is generally about grammar stage or a mom of a K kid who is just slightly freaking out already :)  When it comes to logic and especially rhetoric kids you do not see the advice to switch gears, or take a break etc. 

I find when it comes to threads about sports etc a similar pattern.  Young grammar aged kids, take a break, change gears etc.  Logic stage start teaching to stick with something to the end and enforce that, rhetoric stage is either finishing or paying me back type thing. 

Also circumstance is a factor.  A kid simply bored with the chosen activity and the advice be to stick with it is no where near the same thing as advising the mom of a sick baby, special needs kids, and an out of town husband to take a break.  One teaches character, the other saves mom's sanity.  Both equally important imo. 

 

[Mandy in TN]

Uhmm, there is a big difference between homeschooling long term and playing volleyball in the fall.

 

I think that all I have to say is a repeat of what Linda said.

 

If I am talking to a homeschool mom with elementary school children who is having a difficult time due to medical issues, family issues, or whatever, I tend to tell them to continue with the 3Rs as best they can and take a break from the rest. I say this because I do not believe that a 9yo can be behind in social studies/ history. Some 9yos have studied some geography, some have studied only US history, and some have studied only world history. Plenty of kids in traditional classrooms have studied very little history at all by the end of third grade. I have very, very little if any concern that a child will be horribly behind if he doesn't do history for a semester or even a year.

 

Unless there is a bullying issue, a health issue, a safety issue, or other just cause, a 9yo who has made a commitment for a team sport should probably stick it out for the season. This is the case for several reasons. A child may not like XYZ because he is unfamiliar with the setting or a beginner at the sport. By the end of a season, these things will have changed. The child may still decide not to come back for another season. OTOH, he may find that after a full season he has made friends, the situation is familiar and more comfortable, it turns out that after a season of practice he plays well enough that he doesn't stand out as the new kid and, what do you know, he wants to play again next year. Another reason to stick it out in a sport situation is the same reason an adult should stick it out if he joins a group or committee. He agreed to participate with a group and has an obligation to fulfill. For example, if I join a committee to plan and participate in a tea party and then I decide not to participate, then my absence puts an additional burden on all the other families participating. So, unless there is a bullying issue, a health issue, a safety issue, or other just cause, I would stick it out. This is part of being responsible and trustworthy.

 

HTH-

Mandy

 

ETA: lol Notice that in both situations I would never suggest quitting or pulling back just because.

[Farrar]

I think different situations really call for different responses. It's good to stick it out. It's good to quit. It just depends on the circumstances.

[MeghanL]

I wasn't really taking a "side" per se. I was just curious what others thought. I guess my line (if I even have one) is the amount of control the person has. Since I'm the teacher/mom/boss, I get to make all the decisions about curricula, when we take breaks, what is required, etc. Since there was a point in my life (in the not-so-distant past) where the plans I made were important, I seem to err on the side of finishing since the mom has had all the control in what she wanted to accomplish in the year.

 

For a child, they have no control in the atmosphere, fun-ness or length that they are in a camp, club or sport. They may have thought it would be completely different than it was. I guess I use the same rule of thumb for extracurricular s that I use for math: if there are tears everyday, it's time to change.

 

Of course, that might be a good rule of thumb for mom to take a break too! 

[warneral]

With school, I personally believe that you need to take it so seriously, that sometimes, it is best to prioritize and do what is important without slogging through with superfluous work which can cause burnout.

[FriedClams]

I'm a suck-it-up mom. We even joke to the kids when they whine to,"Go get your bucket!" By that we mean the bucket of suck-it-up. LOL!!

 

As an example, my dd and I were walking through the BX... We saw a "live, laugh, dream" sign thing, and my dd comments "How about instead of dreaming stuff you suck it up and work really hard toward your goals." Different families - different methods. So glad God is so creative and gave up each our paths.

[Ellie]

Has anyone noticed that there seems to be a discrepancy between the advice given to a mom wanting to quit the year vs a child wanting to quit a sport, camp, etc?

 

To moms wondering whether they should complete their curriculum for the year the comments seem to encourage taking a break, don't worry about finishing the plan, it doesn't really matter in the long run, and other comments of that nature.

 

If a mom is considering whether or not to let their child stop doing something they don't enjoy the advice seems to be along the lines of build their character, have them stick it out, teach them to suck it up, and other advice of that nature.

 

Maybe it's just different people responding and there really isn't a discrepancy? Is there really a difference between the two? 

 

I don't even know how to answer this. The difference between the two is so clear to me that I don't even know how to explain it to someone who doesn't get it. I don't mean to be rude or anything, but...

[Jean in Newcastle]

Most of these questions are asked at the elementary level.  You won't see the "don't finish the plan, it won't matter in the long run" advice on the high school board.  

[NASDAQ]

Hmm. I'm the opposite. In general I think that core academic subjects are a must-do. Camps and sports are not a must-do in our house. Obviously if you're on a team, you may have an obligation to the team to stick it out. But I can't see a situation in which I'd require a child to finish a camp the child didn't like.

[boscopup]

Why should you need to complete a particular curriculum for the year? The point is to educate the child. You can do so without completing a curriculum.

 

Now if the mom is just wanting to quit teaching anything and be lazy, then no, I'd not suggest that. If the mom sees a problem with the current curriculum and wants to change to one that would work better for her family, I see nothing wrong with that. Sometimes it's better to go ahead and change curriculum rather than finish out the year with one not working, because a) the child may not be learning from the old one, b ) the old one may not be "getting done", and/or c) changing at the end of the year may put them more "behind" if the scope and sequence are different between the two curricula. In math, I usually say go ahead and change NOW rather than waiting until the end of the year, because if you wait, you may be doing more catch-up due to all math programs having a different S&S. If you plan to follow the new S&S for the rest of the elementary years, you might as well start it ASAP.

 

In the thread likely being referred to, I think most people did tell her to keep going with the important core subjects. It was the content subjects (and grammar) that weren't so important to complete before moving on the next year (grammar repeats itself, so she could jump into the grade level book and be fine). I think that thread was about a 3rd grader, right? You can't be "behind" in history/science in 3rd grade. The important thing at that age is being able to read, write, and do math. Anything else can easily be taught later with no problem. On the other hand, if a high schooler doesn't get done with their history, they're going to have to worry about credits for their transcript and the ability to get into college. It matters a LOT then. I would never tell a mom of a high schooler to just set it aside and start again next year. These are completely different situations.

 

The kid playing on a team sport... The team may be counting on that child, so it hurts other people if the child quits. But like the adult/school situation, it really does depend on the circumstances as to what the advice will be. My middle son was learning to ice skate so he could play hockey last year. Then he decided he didn't want to skate, and he wasn't listening to coaches and such. We took him out of skating. He was not on a team yet, so it didn't hurt anyone else to take him out. He clearly just wasn't ready for an organized sport yet, and that was fine. He started up again this summer (his choice) and is doing VERY well and really enjoying it now. He might be on a team this fall. My oldest son is a goalie on a team. If he were to decide to quit, it would *really* hurt the team, because he's the only goalie! So he would be made to continue until the season was over, for the sake of the team. Education of an elementary child is a completely different situation though. The child is always learning just by living with the adult and discussing things. The adult can choose to change what materials are used to teach math, and math education will continue. No one but adult and child involved are affected by a choice to change curriculum or set one aside for next year. And in the long run, setting that curriculum aside may not matter to the child's education. So they really are two very different things.

 

I've never "stuck it out" with a curriculum that wasn't working, and my kids are typically ahead in most subjects (including the subjects like math, where I made a change mid-year). If it's not working, it's time to change something. Obviously, if it would be a financial burden to make a change in the middle of the year, that's a different story. But if you are able to purchase the new curriculum and sell the old one (or keep it for a kid coming up that it might work for) without financial burden on your family, I don't see why it's such a big deal? Or if a medical emergency comes up and you lose 3 months of your school year and are all exhausted and burnt out and need a break that would NOT interfere with the child's long term education, I don't see a problem with that. On the other hand, if the child is 3 grades behind in math (without an LD involved) and you taking a break would put the child more behind in math, it's time to put pedal to the metal and get working on math. :tongue_smilie:

 

Curriculum hopping is a whole different matter. If someone is changing curriculum over and over, thinking it's the curriculum and not realizing that it's either the teacher or the child, they could get really behind. I wouldn't recommend that. But someone who is consistently using a curriculum and makes one change during the year? Not a big deal. That's not curriculum hopping. I think people sometimes get so afraid of curriculum hopping (especially in math), that they swing the other direction and refuse to make a change that might be good for the family. There is middle ground. Be conscientious of how your change (or break or whatever) will affect your child's long term education. Use that knowledge to help you make a decision.

[MeghanL]

I don't even know how to answer this. The difference between the two is so clear to me that I don't even know how to explain it to someone who doesn't get it. I don't mean to be rude or anything, but...

 

Didn't mean to confound you with my musings.