Paying a teen for grades/work completed?????

[Greta Lea]

My son is 15yo (16 in Sept). He'll be in 10th grade in the fall.

 

He has ADD, dyslexic and also struggles with math. We are doing math(TT gr. 7) and also will continue to read through the summer. He *really* wanted to find a part-time job this summer so he could have some extra spending money, but he also knew if he worked part-time *and* did summer "lite" school, he'd have NO real summer. Dh and I encouraged him NOT to search for a part-time job. We wanted him to focus on his summer school and have some time for summer fun too.

 

Anyway, he is hating his summer. He says he's spending it doing what he hates the most (math) and making NO extra money.

 

Dh and I are thinking about paying him for math grades this summer. We just started using TT and he LOVES how it gives the instant feedback and a number grade. I've always had trouble getting him to ask for help when he has NO CLUE on how to do a math problem (when we were using MUS). Now that we've started TT, he wants to SEE that 100% in the TT gradebook. TT offers 2 attempts on each problem. If he misses it the first time, he then reworks the problem, but has me check it or help him if he is totally lost before plugging in the second try answer.

 

He's consistently getting 100% on his daily math. This has NEVER, EVER happened until now!

 

Since he IS working very hard, we are thinking that rewarding him with some extra cash would be nice. Dh and I discouraged him from getting a part-time job, so we thought this might show him how important we consider math skills.

 

What do y'all think?

[geodob]

I would suggest that you highlight it as a Reward for his sacrifice of making money and commitment to studying.

Where framing it as a Reward, shows your recognition of what he is doing.

 

But presenting it in terms of Paying, could set a dangerous ongoing precedent?

Where he might then refuse to study unless he is paid?

So a Reward could be the best way to present it.

[Greta Lea]

Good idea about it being a reward. Thanks!

[PeterPan]

Uh no, don't pay him to do the math. But SINCE HE'S DOING SO AWESOMELY, you reward him by giving him a job and paying him for it with the money you thought was the math reward. Or you let him take a job for a reasonable number of hours a week. (5-10, mowing lawns or something) What is your definition of having a real summer?? Surely he's doing SOMETHING profitable with his time beside sitting around doing TT and going to the pool? He's growing up, so he needs to be doing SOMETHING worthwhile with his time. And frankly, if academics aren't so hot, it's high time to make sure he gets a skill with his hands. Landscaping, painting, anything that he can do and get good at. If he wants to work 10 hours a week, he does 1 TT lesson a day. If he wants to work 20 hours a day, he works 2 TT lessons a day (before he goes to work each day, no math, no go).

 

Yes he should work. Spending money is not the issue. The issue is adding to his pool of skills and things he does well, things he has to offer the world. It can be ANYTHING: volunteer work, painting for Granny, whatever, but he should definitely be doing something. That's having a real summer, a real educational summer. And you know, if he doesn't have something to connect with like that, what you *could* pay him for is some kind of cool, worthwhile challenge, like learning to tear apart and rebuild a lawn mower. Then tear apart and reassemble more small engines (chainsaw, etc.) so he can learn to repair them. Then you put the credit on his transcript, he gets money, everyone is happy.

[Alessandra]

When I saw the title of your post, I was ready to write that, no, teens should not be paid. But, after reading your story

 

-- your ds wanted to work (get a job) for spending money

-- you urged him not to work

-- he took your advice

-- he is doing the math you wanted him to do, and with a good attitude

 

I feel that the math is his job, and it would be fine for you to pay/reward him for doing the job you 'assigned' to him. That's my take anyhow.

[Kanin]

I agree with Alessandra - I don't have a teenager, but I think paying him for his math time is a great idea. You can even say, I know you wanted to get a job, but your dad and I thought you should concentrate on school. So we're going to say that math is your job, and we're going to pay you accordingly. Just like any other job, if you don't show up, you don't get paid!

[Heathermomster]

I give rewards after goals are set and met with a good attitude. Attitude is extremely important. The reward doesn't have to be money. DS works very hard for beef jerky and air soft pellets.

[Amethyst]

I would not pay for grades or for working hard. Studies show (read this in Alfie Kohn's Punished by Rewards, but don't feel like searching for that book right now) that when the reward is removed, the grades/hard work will plummet.

 

You say that you and hubby wanted him to have a real summer in addition to doing math. So, what exactly do you mean by a "real summer"? Spending time outdoors, socializing with friends, playing video games all day? Figure out what you and he hope for this summer. Some kids would stay indoors all summer on the computer and need a nudge outdoors. Others are afraid to make the phone call to make plans with friends. Family outings might need to be planned. Maybe sit down and figure out what he hopes for the summer and help that to happen. Is getting a job really the only thing that would make this a "real summer"? Maybe it is, and I've just never had a kid like that.

[katilac]

Yes, I would reward him with spending money (for the hard work he is doing in math over the summer, not the good grades). I occasionally use school rewards with my two (who don't have any learning challenges, fwiw).

 

I do think parents/teachers should be cautious with rewards, but they can definitely be used to good effect. Our last reward was somewhat accidental: I don't remember how it went exactly, but dd14 talked about reading War and Peace, after watching a Teaching Company lecture, and something in the ongoing conversation made me say that I would hand her a twenty dollar bill if she did that. Oh, I know, I think I said I would pay money not to be involved, lol, Russian lit is not my favorite.

 

So, it was a bit of a joke, but her 12-yr-old sister fired up the Kindle and started reading. This kid does not choose the most challenging or varied works for her free reading, and I was more than happy to hand over the money when she completed it (yep, on her own). The best part? Knowing it was considered one of the greatest works of all time, she wanted to know what other books are considered great, and we looked up some "100 Best Novels" lists. The day after she finished War and Peace, she eagerly checked off the ones she has already read, plowed through The Great Gatsby (no payment requested, lol), and asked which ones were likely to be assigned in high school so she could figure out which others she wanted to read on her own. No curriculum purchase has ever paid off like that $20 did!

 

 

Uh no, don't pay him to do the math. <snip>

And you know, if he doesn't have something to connect with like that, what you *could* pay him for is some kind of cool, worthwhile challenge, like learning to tear apart and rebuild a lawn mower. Then tear apart and reassemble more small engines (chainsaw, etc.) so he can learn to repair them. Then you put the credit on his transcript, he gets money, everyone is happy.

 

 

What do you consider the defining difference here? I think that working through a difficult subject over the summer can be a cool, worthwhile challenge, and you mention putting it on his transcript, so it can't be just the fact that it's school work. Why is it okay to pay for one and not the other?