Can a husband refuse to allow wife to take their child on an educational trip?

[cavscout96]

Except this is not what the op said. She said he told her it was illegal for her to take their child out of state without permission.

 

 

 

actually, no. She did not say that. she said that they could not take the trip without his permission. she never mentioned the husband stating it was illegal.

[teeniebeenie6]

 

 

 

She just asked a question--didn't seem to be especially reacting...but maybe she should be.

 

The husband has computer and email, the wife does not have access to that. This is the first that I realized it may be really very controlling as I realized that she does not have an email I could send a message about such a thing to, that she cannot look it up herself, that she cannot go to a library or internet cafe easily due to not driving. Yes, he may fear she will leave and not come back after going somewhere she would have relatives nearby. Maybe they need some counseling.

 

Do you know she doesn't have access to the internet/email or are you assuming she doesn't? Some people truly aren't interested in Internet/email. Depending on what country she is from she may not of had much access to it growing up and may not have gotten interested in it. My husband is one that has little interest in online interactions other then with me. He has no interest in facebook or social media.

[Kathryn]

 

Do you know she doesn't have access to the internet/email or are you assuming she doesn't? Some people truly aren't interested in Internet/email. Depending on what country she is from she may not of had much access to it growing up and may not have gotten interested in it. My husband is one that has little interest in online interactions other then with me. He has no interest in facebook or social media.

 

If she's old enough to have an 11yo child, I'd expect that no matter where she lived, she didn't have Internet or email as a child.

[Scarlett]

 

 

 

actually, no. She did not say that. she said that they could not take the trip without his permission. she never mentioned the husband stating it was illegal.

 

Ok she didn't use the word illegal, but what else could she possibly mean except the law by asking 'can a husband refuse to allow wife to take their child out of state' and 'Does anyone know if in USA a father/husband can refuse to allow a trip?'.

 

I guess the OP needs to clarify if she is asking a question about the law or something else.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Ok she didn't use the word illegal, but what else could she possibly mean except the law by asking 'can a husband refuse to allow wife to take their child out of state' and 'Does anyone know if in USA a father/husband can refuse to allow a trip?'.

 

I guess the OP needs to clarify if she is asking a question about the law or something else.

 

 

I agree. Obviously a husband can "refuse" to allow a trip in the sense that he can say "no". Equally obviously the wife can refuse to listen to the husband. The question of course is does she have the means - financial or otherwise - to defy him if his refusal is actually controlling and it isn't just part of a marital argument.

[teeniebeenie6]

 

 

If she's old enough to have an 11yo child, I'd expect that no matter where she lived, she didn't have Internet or email as a child.

Well growing up to me means any age under adulthood. I got married 11 years ago in July, so could have had an 11 year old child. I used Internet as a teenager. My now husband and I emailed and chatted all the time. We dated as teenagers and married while I was a teenager.

[Pen]

Hi, thanks to all who contributed to my understanding.

 

I do not know what is going on in the marriage--probably it is a lot more complex and perhaps different than anything anyone has guessed at here.

 

But as to the basic question which was, is it true that a husband needs to give permission for a wife to take a child to another state within the USA, that seems clearly answered by a number of you.

 

Thanks again!

[foxbridgeacademy]

I would be very concerned for your friend and especially her child. What caught my attention is that he doesn't care if she goes without him but he doesn't want his 11 yr old daughter to go without him. When a person is so protective of their influence over a child, I would say there is cause to worry. That or he could be worried that she will leave the state with the child then file for divorce in the other state thereby making this other state where all the legal wrangling must happen.... which if I were the wife is what I would do immediately. This guy is obviously bad news.

[Pen]

nm

Edited May 18, 2013 by Pen

[teeniebeenie6]

I would be very concerned for your friend and especially her child. What caught my attention is that he doesn't care if she goes without him but he doesn't want his 11 yr old daughter to go without him. When a person is so protective of their influence over a child, I would say there is cause to worry. That or he could be worried that she will leave the state with the child then file for divorce in the other state thereby making this other state where all the legal wrangling must happen.... which if I were the wife is what I would do immediately. This guy is obviously bad news.

Sorry I think your last sentence is a stretch. The fact that he doesn't mind his wife going makes me think he is not super controlling. His child is his responsibility. What parent doesn't worry about their child. If this situation was reversed and the husband was going on vacation and the wife wouldn't allow the child to go with their disabled father. I wonder how many people would spew that it was abuse and the mother was bad news.

[zoo_keeper]

I would be very concerned for your friend and especially her child. What caught my attention is that he doesn't care if she goes without him but he doesn't want his 11 yr old daughter to go without him. When a person is so protective of their influence over a child, I would say there is cause to worry. That or he could be worried that she will leave the state with the child then file for divorce in the other state thereby making this other state where all the legal wrangling must happen.... which if I were the wife is what I would do immediately. This guy is obviously bad news.

 

Wow, I am surprised people are still immediately jumping to conclusions! There is simply not enough information. Sure, the father could be the devil incarnate. Or he could be a great guy that doesn't boss his wife around.

 

For example, I can't imagine telling my husband where he can and cannot go (and vice versa). Forbidding each other to do something would produce the exact opposite result. We're grown adults and if we use bad judgement regarding our own selves, so be it. However, I darn well can say where I want my children to go. And I have, on several occasions, told DH that I do not want my children exposed to certain friends/acquaintances of his. He is free to see them, but the children can't be around. He had no issues with this, and he is free to do the same with me. In fact, just this morning, I was planning a certain field trip for the girls (something DH would have no problem if I went to by myself) but he put his foot down and said he wasn't comfortable with me taking the girls. Fine, no problem.

 

Before anyone calls CPS or a battered woman's shelter, please take a breath and consider (1) there is very little to go on here, and (2) this is the telephone game (i.e., the husband told the wife something, the wife retold the event using her own words, and then the OP retold it in her own words - what actually occurred could look very different from the thread's initial report). I am not saying that all is hunky dory, I'm saying that posters on this thread simply do not know.

[Pen]

From what I know of the husband he is not the devil incarnate. He does tend toward the authoritarian side. He is, I am sure, genuinely concerned about the well-being of his child--he may or may not be going about seeing to it in a healthy way.

 

If either of them bring up anything about this, or similar, to me, I plan to suggest counseling because I think that there is genuine caring on both sides, but obviously a problem that they do not seem to be managing on their own.

[Hunter]

Where do I start?

 

Pen, I don't see abuse in every family, despite what I have gone through. I have a LOT of tolerance for atypical parenting styles; more that the average person here.

 

There are red flags here. The most dangerous time for a woman is when she leaves, and leaving before prepared is too dangerous. I advocate strengthening this woman right now in every way possible. She needs e-mail. She needs knowledge. She needs support and contact with as many people as possible. You don't need to discuss abuse to strengthen her. If an abusive husband sees his wife growing stronger, he will do everything he can to isolate and weaken her. A non abusive man loves to see his wife grown stronger and be supported. You'll learn a lot about his motives by just helping her grow stronger and seeing what happens.

 

Abuse is all about control and coercion.

 

Portable Apps won't get past a keystroke recorder, but will give a wife some privacy if the husband isn't too tech savy. It works like a flea on a dog. It's like having a mini computer that plugs into the main computer and keeps all files on the thumbdrive. At the very least, if a wife has to run, it means she can take all her files, bookmarks, etc with her, even if the keystroke recorder made another copy on the family computer. Abuse or no abuse, help this lady get online and have her own little computer that fits in her wallet. And make sure she knows what the US laws are. And start talking about the international human rights that every nation in this world have decided that EVERY human has. More videos.

[Myeightkiddies]

This is based in Florida:

 

This couple had not been together for six years. They were never married. There were no separation or custody papers filed. The boys lived with the mother and saw the father about one day a month (his choice), and he never has paid child support. He gets taken to court twice a year by the state, but he always gets out of paying with one story or another. He has lost his license due to not paying, but he still drives.

 

The father's mother took the boys without warning out of state. The father told his mother that it was ok. Nothing was said to the children's mother who was pretty much their only caregiver.

 

The children's mother called the authorities. They told her that unless there was a court paper restricting where the children could go there is nothing that they could do. The mother could wait until the next Monday (this happened on a Friday) and seek assistance through civil court.

 

Basically the mother or the father can take the children anywhere they want unless there are custody papers restricting where they can go. Now, the mother has custody papers on file. It has and most likely always will be a bad situation.

[Pen]

 

 

Abuse is all about control and coercion. Excellent article!

 

Portable Apps won't get past a keystroke recorder, but will give a wife some privacy if the husband isn't too tech savy. It works like a flea on a dog. It's like having a mini computer that plugs into the main computer and keeps all files on the thumbdrive. At the very least, if a wife has to run, it means she can take all her files, bookmarks, etc with her, even if the keystroke recorder made another copy on the family computer. Abuse or no abuse, help this lady get online and have her own little computer that fits in her wallet. And make sure she knows what the US laws are. And start talking about the international human rights that every nation in this world have decided that EVERY human has. More videos.

 

 

 

Thank you! Will check videos when I am where there is high speed available.

[Arcadia]

Given the possibility of divorce, your friend's husband not wanting to lose his wife and child if they go out of state and never come back makes sense.

[Pen]

Given the possibility of divorce, your friend's husband not wanting to lose his wife and child if they go out of state and never come back makes sense.

 

 

Or it could go the other way--he could file for divorce and try to establish that the child should be with the husband on grounds that he is the one caring for her while wife is gone.

[Χά�ων]

Or it could go the other way--he could file for divorce and try to establish that the child should be with the husband on grounds that he is the one caring for her while wife is gone.

Yep. He can claim mom abandoned the child and she will have to fight an uphill battle.

[Arcadia]

Or it could go the other way--he could file for divorce and try to establish that the child should be with the husband on grounds that he is the one caring for her while wife is gone.

 

Since your friend has been the main care giver all these years, she is very likely to be awarded custody, child support and spousal support in the event of divorce. Even if it is an uncontested divorce, it is unlikely her husband would get full custody of the child. Hopefully there will be an amicable solution all around.

 

ETA:

The child is 11, old enough to testify in a divorce hearing.

[Tree Frog]

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