ProudGrandma Posted April 14, 2013 Share Posted April 14, 2013 Some very dear friends of mine just come back from China with their China girl that they have been waiting 8 years for....and right before they left for China they found out that a local woman choose them to adopt her baby (due in a couple weeks). While they were gone to China, I orgainzed many of our friends to cook freezer meals so when they arrived home, tired and jet lagged, they wouldn't have to cook for a while. So, now I am trying to decide if it would be "too much of a good thing" to ask the same friends to do the same thing now...when they (hopefully...the bio mom can still choose to parent) come home with a new born. Or is there some thing different that would be better...or should I just leave it alone. Their church family plans to throw a daiper shower for them after the baby is born. So, what would you do? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unicorn. Posted April 14, 2013 Share Posted April 14, 2013 Honestly, I think it might be asking too much. What I would do is offer to help my friend when the baby comes, by coming over and watching kids so she can get a nap or a shower. Maybe if some of those that have helped w/ the meals offer, you can work out something together, but I wouldn't come right out and ask them to do it all again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsheresomewhere Posted April 14, 2013 Share Posted April 14, 2013 Not to be a Debbie downer but I would wait until they actually have the baby back home before doing anything. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justasque Posted April 15, 2013 Share Posted April 15, 2013 I would talk to the people you organized last time, explain that this is a different scenario, and ask if they want to participate in a more low-key way. For example, a batch of muffins for the freezer, rather than a full meal. Each person can then decide on their own how and if they want to participate. Just keep it open and honest as to the situation, and that you're not trying to put pressure on everyone. Then be somewhat discreet as to who is doing what, to be respectful of anyone who choose not to participate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Giraffe Posted April 15, 2013 Share Posted April 15, 2013 Honestly, I think it might be asking too much. What I would do is offer to help my friend when the baby comes, by coming over and watching kids so she can get a nap or a shower. Maybe if some of those that have helped w/ the meals offer, you can work out something together, but I wouldn't come right out and ask them to do it all again. This. Exactly. Meals are wonderful, but naps and showers are heaven-sent. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted April 15, 2013 Share Posted April 15, 2013 I think you should leave it alone. If you want to do something nice for your friends, that's great, but I think it would be tacky to ask others to help again. Also, are you sure your friends really want people bringing over a bunch of meals? I know it would make me incredibly uncomfortable -- and if they did it twice, I would feel like I was obligated to them for life or something. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beaners Posted April 15, 2013 Share Posted April 15, 2013 Some people might think it is too much, but I'd prefer to help the family twice if I was involved. I'd want to at least be given a choice of helping a second time. My "tacky" standard is exceptionally low compared to a lot of people here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted April 15, 2013 Share Posted April 15, 2013 Some people might think it is too much, but I'd prefer to help the family twice if I was involved. I'd want to at least be given a choice of helping a second time. My "tacky" standard is exceptionally low compared to a lot of people here. But what if the family doesn't want help? I sure wouldn't. It would make me very uncomfortable. I can take care of my own meals, even if I'm stressed or exhausted. If the OP has spoken with the family about it, and they're fine with it, that's one thing, but to just show up at someone's house with a week's worth of meals seems kind of presumptuous to me. I know the people would mean well, and I would appreciate their kindness, but I would feel very awkward and wish they hadn't done it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted April 15, 2013 Share Posted April 15, 2013 I'd help personally. This is going to be a tough situation - exhausting in every possible way for the mom. Ask me how I know - I brought home two girls (together) at ages 9mos and 12mos after being childless for 40 years. :) On one hand, you want to be there for her, but on the other, she needs time with just closest family to bond with the kids. See if you can help her out with some assistance like maid service or running errands outside the house, gift cards for online shopping, and really just being a patient ear. I recall talking a lot about bodily functions in those days, and God bless anyone who had the patience to listen, LOL. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kwickimom Posted April 15, 2013 Share Posted April 15, 2013 I'd wait until they bring the baby home and ask for the help again. I don't think its too much to ask. People can always say no. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beaners Posted April 15, 2013 Share Posted April 15, 2013 But what if the family doesn't want help? I sure wouldn't. It would make me very uncomfortable. I can take care of my own meals, even if I'm stressed or exhausted. If the OP has spoken with the family about it, and they're fine with it, that's one thing, but to just show up at someone's house with a week's worth of meals seems kind of presumptuous to me. I know the people would mean well, and I would appreciate their kindness, but I would feel very awkward and wish they hadn't done it. I'm certainly not suggesting everyone should foist unwanted meals upon strangers. :lol: If you're a dear friend of mine, to use the phrase from the OP, I'm going to be comfortable telling you to give it a break because I'm uncomfortable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted April 15, 2013 Share Posted April 15, 2013 I'm certainly not suggesting everyone should foist unwanted meals upon strangers. :lol: If you're a dear friend of mine, to use the phrase from the OP, I'm going to be comfortable telling you to give it a break because I'm uncomfortable. LOL! That reminds me of RoughCollie's thread, where a family stuck a big box of random food on her front porch and she wasn't sure exactly how to respond... but let's just say she didn't want to encourage a repeat performance! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ProudGrandma Posted April 15, 2013 Author Share Posted April 15, 2013 thanks for all of your thoughts and opionions.. I will wait and see what to do.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TechWife Posted April 15, 2013 Share Posted April 15, 2013 I don't think there's a limit on generosity. Before the new baby comes home, ask the mom what she thinks would help her the most, then try to arrange that. I wouldn't think twice about helping a family like this - what an opportunity to bless someone! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gentlemommy Posted April 15, 2013 Share Posted April 15, 2013 My very favorite baby shower gift for second/third children (since we had the typical baby stuff and used cloth diapers/breast fed so didn't need that type of thing) was when a group of friends pooled money together and got me a gift certificate for a cleaning company. I really didn't want to have to scrub and mop after having a baby! Plus, since it was a certificate, there was not a bunch of people coming by (I wasn't really up for that either, I'm weird about people coming over lol) and I could redeem it whenever I wanted. Plus people weren't obligated to donate a big amount, everyone did what they could. I think ten or so people went in on it, and it was valued at $100, so $10 per person. If this is a larger group, maybe you could even get her two! It's my go to gift when there are a few families that want to contribute, and everyone has told me they loved it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted April 15, 2013 Share Posted April 15, 2013 I don't think there's a limit on generosity. Before the new baby comes home, ask the mom what she thinks would help her the most, then try to arrange that. I wouldn't think twice about helping a family like this - what an opportunity to bless someone! :iagree: I think it's very important to ask the mom before you do anything. It's also better for you, because if you're going to spend time organizing something, it might as well be what the mom really wants and needs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AdventureMoms Posted April 15, 2013 Share Posted April 15, 2013 Well, I wouldn't have an issue giving or accepting meals so close together, but I do agree that there are better things to give. I got some meals after the twins came home, and it was nice, but not even close to as awesome as when people watched the babies or helped clean. Even with a lot on my plate I can throw a roast in a crockpot and have food, (or get take out) but housework, showers, and sleep were impossible. I was happier eating takeout in a picked up house than I was tripping over toys while carrying two babies with a homemade meal on the table. I was so exhausted I couldn't taste anything anyhow. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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