rieshy Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 So.... for those here who have caught teens in the act of lying about having finished school work or lying about current status of school work- what has worked/not worked for you? Caught 13 yo dd (who is working hard and making straight A's and is loved by her tutorial teachers) lying about grades earned for both an online course and a course she is doing for me that she wanted to do on her own. I've just been asking her each week and not logging in to see the grades and am feeling blindsided by her duplicity. Short-sighted, stupid duplicity at that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gingersmom Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 My daughter lied about doing her math homework. I made her start back at lesson 1 and do the entire book over again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rieshy Posted March 4, 2013 Author Share Posted March 4, 2013 How old was she and did you manage that- by having her do it over the summer too? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 Tomato staking. A child that is lying about schoolwork has lost the privilege of independent work and will have to work next to me or show all his assignments upon completion to be inspected in detail. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 My son was doing Jacobs Algebra--he was copying answers from the back of the book (they have answers for every other one). I tore the answer pages out, and made him pay me for the book, since I couldn't sell it damaged that way. (IIRC, I didn't follow thru, but he got the message. I had to treat him as a much younger child (he was 15) with more supervision. He didn't get away with much after that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 I would stop asking, and just look at the grades myself. That way she can't lie about them. :grouphug: I would feel blindsided too. The specifics of how I'd handle the schoolwork/grades would depend a lot on the situation. For lying about schoolwork, privileges would be suspended, whatever that means in your house. In my house, ds 12 did not play video games for two weeks the one time that I know of that he lied about his schoolwork. I'd be sure to talk about how you felt when you discovered that she lied to you, and talk about the long-term consequences of lying. My ds and I had some good conversations about the importance of honesty. Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rieshy Posted March 4, 2013 Author Share Posted March 4, 2013 Tomato staking. A child that is lying about schoolwork has lost the privilege of independent work and will have to work next to me or show all his assignments upon completion to be inspected in detail. I'm going to have to do this. Sigh... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shmead Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 I think you need to figure out her motive. If it's just laziness, obviously, you throw the book at her. But if it's desperate panic, I think it needs more careful handling. Some kids are able to be literally perfect up to a certain point: they begin to feel like anything that isn't perfect is crap, is utter failure, is shameful. To be not perfect is the greatest sin of all, and if you think that way, "cheating" is the lesser of two evils, because you have to, you have no choice: it's literally like stealing bread to keep from starving. Fifteen is a pretty normal age for this. There's simply too much going on to give every single thing the amount of effort it needs to be perfect. The choices are to do less, and make it perfect, or to accept that perfection costs too much and find a sense of balance. So I would talk to her and find out what's going on. If she's always been a great student, then I think it's likely that this is qualitatively different that just normal bad behavior. Obviously, there have to be consequences, but if all you do is throw the book at her, she may learn that her mistake was getting caught. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rieshy Posted March 4, 2013 Author Share Posted March 4, 2013 Hmmmm, motives? I think it was a combination of laziness and wanting to maintain her straight A record with a dab of totally unrealistic and wishful thinking thrown in. It also explains why she's been more on edge lately. But also... I've been ferrying one of her older sisters around to college music auditions on weekends and her little brother has been in the hospital twice in the last 2 months and she's had the flu herself. The crazy thing is that I even chatted with her 4 weeks ago about how we had all gotten behind and it was o.k. and I would help however she needed to catch up. I asked her how she needed help and she claimed she didn't need any and everything was fine. Tomato staking probably will help for reasons other than just making sure her work gets done. Now that I'm calmer I may not ground her until she turns 30 after all;) Thanks everyone! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kewb Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 Tomato Staking and lots of conversation to figure out what caused the problem in the first place. My ds was struggling with a couple of subjects. We jumped back to the begginning and he had to do all the chapters with me. Turns out he skipped half a chapter in science-one of those sections that was not a stand alone but information needed as you move forward. The other subject he needed help with his notetaking/organizational skills. I think my ds lied out of embarrassment. He does not like to admit he needs help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8filltheheart Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 FWIW, I assume it is a rare 13 year old who is responsible enough to not have someone checking up on them regularly. I agree. I have btdt with my oldest. Really, I was just as culpable as he was. I placed him firmly in the path of temptation and I was negligent in doing my due diligence as his teacher. Learn from the mistake and move on. Monitor and keep tabs. Homeschooling, especially with online classes, does not mean hands-off. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SailorMom Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 I agree. I have btdt with my oldest. Really, I was just as culpable as he was. I placed him firmly in the path of temptation and I was negligent in doing my due diligence as his teacher. Learn from the mistake and move on. Monitor and keep tabs. Homeschooling, especially with online classes, does not mean hands-off. ;) This would be me. Every once in a while I still let things slide a bit- when he says, "yeah - I understood it," I believe him instead of actually checking. Big mistake!!! It can be really tough keeping up with all the grading when they get older, but I've found that if I at least get everything graded over a weekend - we stay on top of everything just fine. I aim for grading more frequently, but sometimes it just doesn't happen. As for online classes, we aren't there yet. Glad to be reading this now, because I would probably be one to believe him and not check! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
duckens Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 I think my ds lied out of embarrassment. He does not like to admit he needs help. I was a child like this. Dd6 often has meltdowns by trying to do things with which she needs help. We speak often that it is a good skill to know WHEN to ask for help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stellalarella Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 Agree with those who said they'd no longer trust the kid to not lie about it and you have to check more regularly. FWIW, I assume it is a rare 13 year old who is responsible enough to not have someone checking up on them regularly. Yep. They easily acquire the patina of "looking responsible," but I think their insides are still full of child-ness. As for ds, he is on round 2 with Foerster Algebra...... As for me, I recognize that I am definitely in a new stage of parenting. I think I got a little giddy myself (much like the pubescent child!) that he was now instantly independently responsible. We are both back to earth now, painful though it may be, and we both know it's going to be a process with a worthy goal in mind. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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