Question Death & Will Particulars

[JenniferB]

We recently had a death in my DH's side of the family. There's been so much wrangling about "stuff" already. No one has mentioned if there's a will or if they will read it aloud, but there's lots of talk about what Grandma wanted. Is this normal? What's normal? Her 3 kids are all saying that Grandma wanted DH's sister to have her van, but then they are holding it back for 90 days because of this wrangling going on. Grandma's kids say DH's sister should give away her car to be charitable. It seems weird to put that stipulation on DH's sister, especially since she's a single mom and poor and she has a teenage daughter who could really use the other car. I'm just wondering if they should just read the will, if there is one, so everyone knows exactly what Grandma's wishes were.

 

Can someone with experience/knowledge about these things chime in?

[QueenCat]

I would think that the executor of the will would handle all of this. Someone can't get the title on a car changed to their name if it's not their's.... the will would stipulate that it becomes their car.

[TravelingChris]

Someone needs to open probate at the courthouse where she lived. Then, if there is a will, it will be read. If there isn't, the inheritance, if any, will go by legal standards to her relatives. The states have their formulas for who gets how much.

[Arcadia]

If there is a will, the executor of the will will handle everything listed in the will. If there is no will or something is not covered, than it goes to the state probate court. A will can be contested in the probate court.

 

Talk and wrangling is normal and tends to get worse the more property and/or money is involved.

[gardenmom5]

I agree probate needs to be reported to the court which will also freeze the assests that people are already fighting over. there may or may not be a will - if so, that is the executor's job.

 

it's amazing the paltry sums people will fight over.

[JenniferB]

Idk who the executor is. One family member is acting like it, but this person is also dolling out silly stipulations willy-nilly.

[gardenmom5]

Idk who the executor is. One family member is acting like it, but this person is also dolling out silly stipulations willy-nilly.

 

I don't know what your definition of silly stipulations willy-nilly is. some of the legal requirements are eye-roll worthy. then again, death can bring out the greediest tendcies in people.

 

have they stated there is or is not a will? (legally after a death, everyone named in a will must be notified, even if they are not present for the reading. and there is a time limit for how long they take to do that.) anyone in the family is free to contact the probate court which will stop such behavior in its tracks. after all, the government wants its share.

 

I'm confused by the three children agreeing grandma wanted a specific grandchild to receive her van?, but they want her to give away her own car first? either grandma wanted grandchild to have the van or she didn't. is that what she told them? or said in a will? THAT is where the stipulation ends, no one can make any requirement upon anyone receiving anything. UNLESS there is a legitimate will that states that stipulation. if receiving the van is what grandma told them, it is not legally binding and would require a court contest to enforce it if whomever has taken charge won't gift it as asked. if it's in the will, it is legally binding, and again, might take a probate court challenge to recieve it if the person acting as executor doesn't want to follow the dictates of the will.

 

I've been through this three times, with my grandmother's death and my mother's death. (and a step-mother of my father's. a law firmed handled that and it was very by-the-book.) my grandmother apparently placed my grandfather's will in her envelope - so she basically died intestate. but it was a smaller/under the limits estate and my mother was an only so even without the will everything would have gone to her after probate. still didn't stop some extendeds greedy squabbling.

[Little Nyssa]

In my family the will is always read after the funeral and during the memorial meal people talk it over.

However, in one case my uncle was the executor and he never executed the will-- he took all the money and lost it in a Ponzi scheme and has been arrested and is now awaiting trial. He lost his business and his home too, in this scheme, but more importantly he lost his relationships with all of his family. :( It took us 1.5 years to realize what was going on, because everytime we asked him about when our share was coming through (I and my sibs were the only heirs) he acted like it was so complicated and that we were really unfairly bothering him when he was doing his best. It was the funds from my mother's home, so it would have been quite a substantial sum of money. He was actually taking the money for himself during all this time. We felt badly bothering him, so we let it alone for a while. He also convinced us to write large checks to the estate so that he could supposedly maintain the home while it sold. He said we would get it back after everything closed. Ha. Finally I sent him a certified letter saying that it was time for him to act, and he pretended to have a stroke so he could not work on it for a while. Later we got a lawyer and got all kind of records/evidence to show what he was doing. We will never get anything out of it AND we will have to travel cross-country to be witnesses at his trial. I wish he would just at least say sorry.

 

My point is, it is best to have things straight from the very beginning and have as little delay as possible in getting things done, and not to mind asking difficult questions. I can't help thinking that if we had not been so 'nice' about it, he might have had to fork over the inheritance before he had a chance to lose it. It's awkward since it is your DH's family, not your own close relatives, but still I think that who the executor is, and the terms of the will, ought to be clearly known to all the close relatives.

[Um_2_4]

What the other's said. Unless the person had a living trust, a probate will need to be opened in court. I was my mother's executor and NOTHING can be done paper wise (transferring title of a car, closing bank accounts, selling a house) without a copy of the living trust or the court order showing whom the executor is. So perhaps your DH should ask the person who is acting as an executor for a copy of that??

[JenniferB]

I don't know what your definition of silly stipulations willy-nilly is.

 

have they stated there is or is not a will?

 

I'm confused by the three children agreeing grandma wanted a specific grandchild to receive her van?, but they want her to give away her own car first?

 

The willy-nilly stipulation is that the person acting like executor is saying that DH's sister can't have the van unless she gives away her personal car. But there's been no mention of a will or a reading of the will. The children of Grandma are saying that Grandma wants DH's sister to have the van, but the one who is acting like executor gives this weird stipulation with no mention of a will.

 

The person acting like executor is just acting power hungry and saying stuff like, "tread lightly," to my DH.

 

There's been no mention of reading a will or if there is a will, but just "Grandma said."

 

When DH asked why Grandma would want his sister to give away her personal car the executor person said, "well it's the charitable thing to do." Like it was obvious to do that, but it seems ridiculous to us (the younger generation.)

 

We are trying to find out if someone has already filed probate because now they are saying there's going to be a 90 day hold on the van. ??? Just seems weird to me.

 

I hope they put everything in the open soon so we are not all so confused.

[gardenmom5]

The willy-nilly stipulation is that the person acting like executor is saying that DH's sister can't have the van unless she gives away her personal car. But there's been no mention of a will or a reading of the will. The children of Grandma are saying that Grandma wants DH's sister to have the van, but the one who is acting like executor gives this weird stipulation with no mention of a will.

 

The person acting like executor is just acting power hungry and saying stuff like, "tread lightly," to my DH.

 

There's been no mention of reading a will or if there is a will, but just "Grandma said."

 

When DH asked why Grandma would want his sister to give away her personal car the executor person said, "well it's the charitable thing to do." Like it was obvious to do that, but it seems ridiculous to us (the younger generation.)

 

We are trying to find out if someone has already filed probate because now they are saying there's going to be a 90 day hold on the van. ??? Just seems weird to me.

 

I hope they put everything in the open soon so we are not all so confused.

 

 

Is the person who is acting as exectuor one of her adult children, or someone else? Considering everything that has been going on, I would not trust things to be on the up and up - unless he's really that incompetent. I do not trust the 90 hold is legitimate considering things he's reported to have said, but that he's probably stalling.

 

do not bother going through family to see if anyone has filed probate - times' awasten. one of her children should go to the probate court and file. they will be able to tell immediately if someone has filed or not.

 

first - those who are legitimately assumed to be heirs (e.g. spouse/children of the decedant) need to demand a copy of the will, or a date for the reading of the will which is within the standard for your state.

 

as a pp has stated, he can't change the title on the car without going through probate (the 90days is hogwash. dh changed things -e.g. bank accounts - much faster than that becasue he really was the executor of my mother's trust and he had all the legal documentation). if he's demanding your sil give away *her* car before he follows your dh's grandmother wishes, I would wonder what his motivation is, I don't believe his motivation is "it's the charitable thing to do". again, another stall tactic? after all, your sil would be reluctant to give away her only transportation on the hope of receving another one as a gift? buys him time to do whatever he is doing.

 

eta: it's possible in your state - the 90 day hold (if real) is for an estate that is intestate, meaning without a will and therefore he has NO claim as executor. It allows time for any claiment to come forward. get thee hence to the probate court.

[JenniferB]

This "executor" is the middle child of Grandma and she is behaving very strangely. We will find out more tomorrow.

[pehp]

It has been a WHILE since I've dealt with estates, but if memory serves me correctly...:) ....If there's a will, the will rules. If not, the rules of intestacy for that state will rule. "What Grandma would want" is not legally binding. (I've also never heard of a will being read aloud in anything other than books, but it does add some drama!)

 

When my mother died, her will was very straightforward in dividing everything between my sister and me. What this means if the family can't agree on anything is that the poor executor has to liquidate and divide the funds up between the fighting heirs (or, I suppose, divvy it up along equitable lines--A gets the van, B gets something equally valuable, etc but if I were the executor I would never want to do that). In our case, she knew that mom would want me to have the antique bed and I was perfectly willing to let her have the antique writing desk, etc.....we fought over NOTHING because it's just stuff and our relationship is all that matters.

 

The executor cannot do whatever s/he wants carte blanche, either. That individual is essentially a fiduciary and needs to follow the *rules* that are set elsewhere. Executors do not make the rules! Executors can make certain decisions about how to divide property, I think, but they don't just make it up on the fly. Also, it will certainly take time before anything is allowed to be legally passed to anyone else. In our state we have to wait a year before doing anything with real property. I'm sure the 'wait time' is shorter on personal property.

 

In any event, death is one of those terrible things that brings out the worst of greed in the most unlikely places. I am sorry you have to endure that.