GSOchristie Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 Lying on our patio in the rain. He managed to bring them to the door, but not bring them in. He does this type of thing all. the. time. It is maddening! The summer that he was four he lost one of four pairs of shoes, totaling over $100, and now I will have to re-buy those for my 3 year old when he gets to that size. He left his $50 Gymboree coat at CC a few weeks ago, the only coat I've ever bought full price, and he had no idea the last time he had it. I had to on a mad search the next week to every place he might have left it. He loses at least one pair of socks per week because he take them off everywhere we go, because "his feet are on fire". He also takes his shoes off at every opportunity. He is so absentminded, is this normal? Is his extreme carelessness something he will grow out of? We are engaged in a never ending battle, I have tried explaining the cost, giving rewards for bringing shoes/coat in the house, I have actually put a hook in the garage with a bucket underneath so he just has to get out of the car and immediately place his things where they go, I have threatened/punished for removing shoes and socks when we are out. Nothing works! We are still never sure where his carp is, everyone is always scrambling around trying to find it when it's time to leave. My three year old, also a boy, is not like this. He has the same set up in the garage, and after three days, he had trained himself to put his coat and shoes away. When I pick him up, he always gets his coat and bag without being reminded. That's why I just can't understand why Asher can't get it together! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Runningmom80 Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 My 6 year old is the same way. I figure he's 6, we will just keep working on it. Actually, I'm the same way. Lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest inoubliable Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 Could you...buy less expensive things for a while, until he's mature enough to take better care of his things? I understand wanting to "invest" in quality shoes and coats and clothing to pass on to younger siblings, but honestly if my kid were losing and ruining things like that so consistently, he'd be outfitted in Target brands until I knew my money wasn't going to be wasted. Hope you figure out something! It sounds maddening. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudoMom Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 When my boys were younger, I never let them take anything out of the house that I didn't want to be responsible for (because of this they were rarely able to take toys/books with them when we left the house, and inside toys didn't go into the backyard). This means I checked all their feet for shoes/socks, I checked them for coats, and I checked them for water bottles. When they came in the house from playing outside, I checked them for all of the above and made them put the items away. It was more work for me, but we didn't lose things. And yes, I have one boy of the 5 who is more absentminded than the rest. It's a bit better now that he's older, but it's still frustrating at times. At your son's age he wore glasses. That was difficult! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GSOchristie Posted February 8, 2013 Author Share Posted February 8, 2013 Oh my goodness, glasses would probably give me an aneurism! We only buy consingment, except for shoes, but my dh has this irrational fear that if they don't have great shoes, it's going to somehow hurt their developing feet. Our ped has told him otherwise, but it's some mental block. Yes, you are right about checking, i just want a little responsibility from him, so I don't have to be responsible for four people at all times, which is so exhausting...and apparently a pipe dream. Sigh, at least Jax is becoming slightly more independent, so I can focus more attention on Asher. Asher is just like a tornado, blowing around making wonderfully creative things, and wonderfully gigantic messes. My dh took him camping last month and left the little two with me. They made little messes, cleaned as they went, and our house stayed clean. Asher blew back in like a tropical storm, leaving a path of shoes, clothes, toys, in his path. I guess it's just typical boy behavior, or six year old behavior, but I have to constantly remind him, get your shoes, pick up your cutting mess, get your coat, where are your socks, etc? Exhausting, I tell you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudoMom Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 Oh my goodness, glasses would probably give me an aneurism! We only buy consingment, except for shoes, but my dh has this irrational fear that if they don't have great shoes, it's going to somehow hurt their developing feet. Our ped has told him otherwise, but it's some mental block. Yes, you are right about checking, i just want a little responsibility from him, so I don't have to be responsible for four people at all times, which is so exhausting...and apparently a pipe dream. Sigh, at least Jax is becoming slightly more independent, so I can focus more attention on Asher. Asher is just like a tornado, blowing around making wonderfully creative things, and wonderfully gigantic messes. My dh took him camping last month and left the little two with me. They made little messes, cleaned as they went, and our house stayed clean. Asher blew back in like a tropical storm, leaving a path of shoes, clothes, toys, in his path. I guess it's just typical boy behavior, or six year old behavior, but I have to constantly remind him, get your shoes, pick up your cutting mess, get your coat, where are your socks, etc? Exhausting, I tell you. It is exhausting, being responsible for that many things (my oldest was just a bit over 6 when my 5th was born), but over time you'll see some improvement. And you'll be able to let go of some of the responsibility with some of the kids at a younger age (like you've noticed). My absent minded one is also a gigantic creative inventive messmaker, but at 10 he's better at remembering where he left things in his messes (which I still have to remind him to clean up). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cera Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 At 6 I would keep trying to help him learn to be responsible but I would also start buying much less expensive things. A $3.50 pair of old navy flip flops works just as well as the rainbows and you can relax about them getting lost or ruined (My youngest went through a shoe burying phase at the beach...6 pairs of flip flops in a summer). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AK_Mom4 Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 Some kids are just like this. DD19 came home from college at Christmas for a month and our house immediately showed the impact. She is a wonderful, highly creative individual and things just pass right out of her mind when they are out of her sight. DD19 thrives at college by having very few things and very little storage space. Too many things or too much room and things just walk away and disappear. Organizational systems are totally useless for her - if she can't see it, it doesn't exist. Maybe something like that would work for your son? Reduce the number of "things" - toys, clothes, whatever. Help him find the minimal organization stuff that he can actually use and make work for him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 I wouldn't expect a six-year-old to consistently keep track of his things. I'm not saying he shouldn't, or that he can't. I am saying that I would expect this stage to be a training stage, and work with him calmly and consistently to develop the kinds of habits that help him to keep track of his things. My middle son has always been a neat, organized kid. His brothers, not so much. I try to set up systems and teach them habits that will help them learn to keep track of their things. They have shoe bins for their shoes. There are hooks in the hallway for coats and backpacks. They each have a shelf for their school things. We talk about organization as a specific skill that must be learned, and why it's important. And, I try not to make it *my* problem when something disappears. I wouldn't be the one frantically searching for my son's coat, though I'd help him look and help him ask everywhere we went. If his flip-flops get ruined, I wouldn't necessarily run out and buy him another pair, and if I did, he'd work off a part of the cost. It takes time, and it seems to be a skill that comes and goes pretty inconsistently, but it gets better. :) I was like that as a child, and I am a fairly well-organized adult because I have learned that I have to be! Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GSOchristie Posted February 8, 2013 Author Share Posted February 8, 2013 His father is the most disorganized, messy person I've ever met, so I don't know what it still shocks me that someone can be like this. He is also an amazing photographer, who can see these incredible things and compose shots that I could never dream of...and pays no attention to the disaster that is known as his office :). Asher won't/can't wear cheap flip flops, we tried, he cries and says they hurt his feet. The summer of the lost shoes, he lost a Reef flip flop. We told him that if he did it again, he would have to pay to replace it (he gets an allowance). He actually has to pay for many things that he has lost, it just doesn't seem to help make them more valuable to him. Part of the last minute scramble is my fault, I need to have him get up on the mornings that we need to be somewhere and get completely dressed, that way he has two hours to look all over the garage and car (or patio) to find his carp. I know this, yet we continue to battle. Thanks for all you advice, I am going to try to implement it and just keep chanting, he's just six, it will get better... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blondeviolin Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 My 5yo is this way. It drives me bananas. He just drops things where he is. Just last week, we went to the park and then stopped at a store. As we got to the store, Emmett exclaimed, "I left my shoes at the park!" :glare: We do a few things: 1. Everything has a place. He's constantly reminded to put his junk away. At home, if I find one shoe not in it's spot, it's an extra chore. A pair left out means two chores. He's pretty good at putting his shoes away at home. BUT, this didn't transfer to when out. *sigh* 2. I don't spend extra on shoes. He wears flip flops a lot. Old Navy runs 2 for $5 sales and we stock up. 3. I have to do a foot check. It's annoying and frustrating. But it is what it is. This kid also has the messiest room usually (even though they are required to clean them daily). Under the table, his floor is messiest - worse than the toddler's! I just tell myself he's larger than life... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
briansmama Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 I'd buy fewer things for him. If he only has 1 pair of shoes he can't get very far without them, KWIM? If he only has 1 jacket, and it's cold out, he will likely need it fairly quickly after leaving it behind. This has always been my plan of attack for my dc. But I'm also know to say "I'm not in charge of your things" to my 5 yr old who can't find his Lego guys. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Excelsior! Academy Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 Could you...buy less expensive things for a while, until he's mature enough to take better care of his things? I understand wanting to "invest" in quality shoes and coats and clothing to pass on to younger siblings, but honestly if my kid were losing and ruining things like that so consistently, he'd be outfitted in Target brands until I knew my money wasn't going to be wasted. Hope you figure out something! It sounds maddening. Forget Target, mine would be (and are) getting Goodwill. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest inoubliable Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 Forget Target, mine would be (and are) getting Goodwill. Oh, aye. Same. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 My sweet oldest boy is like that -- very much the absent-minded professor. My middle boy is not like that at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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