Barefoot Explorer Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 Hi everyone, My name is Emily, and I am pretty new here, although I have been lurking for a few days getting a feel for the place. I have always been interested in classical homeschooling in a theoretical way, but now with a son who is 4 I have to put my money where my mouth is and actually do this thing. I have to admit that I am scared and overwhelmed by the whole thing. It didn't used to be this way. Back when he was a baby and I was reading The Well Trained Mind for the first time, I felt quite confident in my ability to pull this off. Then I had my second son, who is 1, and life got a LOT harder. I have been in survival mode for the last couple of years, and I consider it an accomplishment if I a get a shower and dinner on. I have struggled with depression for about 6 years now, and major fatigue/stress issues, and I am beginning to question my ability to actually homeschool. I know that a lot of this just stems from my mental state right now, but I keep thinking, "How am I supposed to homeschool when I haven't even done the laundry in 3 weeks, my kids don't own matching socks, and last night's dinner was eating out...again?" I feel like a pretty crappy mom most of the time. Most people have been saying that I should just put him in preschool. But here is the problem. I have a MAJOR philosophical objection to the public school system, and I could never afford the private schools in the area without going back to work and putting my 1 year old in day care which is the last thing I want to do for him. He is still nursing 3-4 times a day, and just...not ready. I pretty much have two options. Rewind time and remember to use birth control 5 years ago or achieve a level of mental strength and stability that allows me to successfully homeschool. So obviously only one option. Part of why this is so intimidating is that my son is an INCREDIBLY difficult child, and I struggle to understand him. Sometimes he seems to understand things, but other times he lives in his own world. It has gotten to the point where I have to yell loudly before he even pays attention to me, and of course that wears on both of us. I come from a background of verbally advanced children who were speaking in complete sentences by that age and had a higher level of comprehension, so learning how to communicate with a child who is verbally behind is challenging to say the least. He also sneaks around the house getting into stuff when I am not looking, picks on his brother, and apparently is incapable of learning how to clean his room. On a more positive note, he is very loving much of the time, physically active, and insanely imaginative. So anyway, I know this is sort of a vague rambling post, but I would love any advice that you can give me, about any of my various issues. Thanks in advance. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 WELCOME, EMILY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barefoot Explorer Posted February 7, 2013 Author Share Posted February 7, 2013 Thanks, Cat. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 Welcome, Emily! I just have one thing to say to you as you begin, which is that homeschooling your child is homeschooling yourself. Your children will grow, and so will you. As a Christian, I claim the idea of "sanctification" as truth and I've never been through anything more sanctifying than homeschooling. I didn't know it would happen but I'm not the same person I would have been. I'm thankful for the struggles and the successes, and the changes in myself. This happens to dedicated parents regardless of faith affiliation or lack thereof, by the way. I have a Christian explanation but the process is true for everybody. I don't know if your socks will ever match or if you'll eat dinner out every night for the rest of your life, but I do know that you will come to have a stronger sense of self-worth and fulfillment as you take on this responsibility of educating your own child. I wouldn't say this to everybody. In fact, I usually don't say it to anybody, because it's not a given. Some people never do grow, no matter what they undertake. But your goals and reasons for homeschooling are the kind that keep you going through the hardest times. You've got some really solid motivation there, and a really good understanding of the challenges you face. You're going to learn how to adjust your academic expectations to your particular child's needs. You're going to gain strength and stability through the daily work of committing to this life. I think you will succeed. I hope you will. Tibbie D, Mama of four sons Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MommaOfalotta Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 :grouphug: Welcome to the boards Emily!! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barefoot Explorer Posted February 7, 2013 Author Share Posted February 7, 2013 Thanks so much for the encouragement, Tibbie. I noticed that you have four sons, so I am sure that you have been thoroughly sanctified! It is interesting that you mentioned that though, as it is a big topic on my mind. I guess that part of why I am so stressed right now about this is that I hoped that I would be a better person by the time I got to this stage. Instead, I feel more frazzled than I ever have. Do you have anything that you do to help yourself grow and handle the challenges that come with grace? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ewe Mama Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 Nice to meet you! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barefoot Explorer Posted February 8, 2013 Author Share Posted February 8, 2013 Thanks, Margaret. I am feeling a little less crazy now the kids are down for bed. Nice to meet all of you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 Welcome. :seeya: The really good news is that your older dc is only 4, and so the only place you need to put your money where your mouth is is just being a mother. Things will look quite different in a year :-) Preschools only do the things that mothers normally do with their children, except that the children are not at home and so the preschools have to do something with the children all day long to replace the things their own mothers would be doing with them. You're already ahead of the game. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coralloyd Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 Welcome! I know it seems right now like you must do something with your oldest, but take it from a mom that did too much too soon- relax. Give yourself a year or even two before you start schooling him. Right now simply focus on establishing good habits and attitudes for your children and yourself. Begin slowly to bring order into the house. Start with ONE thing only (like laundry or obedience). Remember that this is a season. It will pass. You will be able to come up for a breath soon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poiema Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 Hello and welcome! You have already been given some great advice, but I just wanted to add something to think about. What about preschool for the older just so you can get a break? My 2nd child was extremely draining when he was younger. I really had nothing left to give either of my boys. I ended up putting my older son (who was 4 at the time) in preschool for a few hours twice a week just as a break for me. I still had time to homeschool him, but I wasn't frazzled. When he got older I put the younger in for a year so I would have more time with my older. Now I have them both home with me 100% and I am sane most days. Preschool doesn't have to mean that they end up going to PS. I did it entirely for my sanity. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forget-Me-Not Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 My oldest is 9 and so far age 4 has been among the most difficult I have encountered. He won't be 4 forever. He will outgrow so much if this. Just incorporate him into your day. Let him unload the dryer and the silverware caddy in the dishwasher. Sing songs, count things, go places like the park and the library. Put him on a chair at the counter and let him add ingredients and stir while you cook. Give him a spray bottle of water and a rag and stick him in the tub while you clean the bathroom. Read lots of books. He will get more out of all of that than he would in preschool. You don't need to worry about formal schooling for at least another year or two and by then BOTH of your children will be older and easier. I promise. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 There was a survey thread on here late last year about how old our kids were when we felt we were back to normal. The general consensus was when our youngest was 4. I'm finding this to be true, even though my four year old boy is significantly delayed. This means that pretty much everyone here has spent a lot of time feeling the way you do, and has lived to tell the tale. I recommend you journal or blog. In a years time, you will probably feel like you've entirely wasted your year and nothing you have done has made any difference, and, on bad days, that your younger probably won't be toilet trained before college. :p It helps to be able to look back at the first posts of the year and see that they can now do stuff they couldn't back then, and what you've been doing has actually resulted in something. In the meantime, he's four. It doesn't matter if you don't get him reading this year. Be together and learn how each other works. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PachiSusan Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 If I could go back in time, I would have not done any formal school at 4. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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