sheryl Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 We were atheists when we got married, though we were married by my grandfather who is a minister. But, now that we are joining the Orthodox Church, we'll be having a full marriage ceremony once we are baptized and chrismated. I don't plan on inviting anyone besides perhaps our parents, and I'd probably not do that if I could get away with it. It's for *us,* not for anyone else, and I certainly don't want a party or gifts. Kathryn, I did read that about you I think in another thread. That is WONDERFUL! Your conversion! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sheryl Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 That is awesome!!! No wonder you've been married so long - he's a keeper! :) Ah, that's sweet. It was just so lovely and a wonderful memory! Yes, he's a keeper. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abacus2 Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 I have no interest in vow renewal. I said them, I meant them, the end. But then again I am a practical and matter-of-fact kind of person. We also started dating when we were 15 and have been inseparable ever since; none of the on-again-off-again history I hear from many who began dating very young. Vow renewal in general I think is nice when there is a significant reason to do so. The sentiment of it being something nice for any married couple to do does not make sense to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redsquirrel Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 I have only personally known people to do it when their marriage was in trouble. I sort of have it associated in my head with last ditch attempts at saving a sinking ship. I know there are other people who do it for lovely reasons, but that is my only personal experience. If someone I knew told me they were renewing their vows my first thought would be uh oh, what happened? My ILs just had their 50th wedding anniversary. They did not renew their vows (that isn't their style) but they did have a HUGE party. They invited anyone who had come to their wedding plus almost everyone else they could think of. The entire wedding party was there, so that was super fun! They pretty much had a second reception. They had it at their country club, with dancing and seriously primo food and drink. The whole event was black tie (that is their style). They hired a photographer and they had family portraits done. It was one of the most fun events I have ever been to in my life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milovany Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 Kathryn, just a question/comment -- have you talked to your priest about keeping your marriage blessing small? Often times churches have an approach toward the sacraments of them being part of the life of the church, so they're open to all in the parish. Might be something to check on if you think you'd prefer to keep it more private. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HS Mom in NC Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 Vow renewal doesn't resonate with me. We'll be married 20 years in June. I would consider an anniversary party at 50 years, but the idea (since you specifically asked) of vow renewal and reception is silly to me. I do think people should have the kind of wedding they want if they can afford it. If my 3 daughters want weddings with all the trappings, I'm happy to do that for them. If they don't-I get it. To each his own. Our vows were the most important part of our wedding, "May the Lord deal ever so severely with me if anything but death separates you and me." That's not the kind of vow you renew if you ask me. We also had wedding pictures of each set maternal grandparents who celebrated their 50th wedding anniversaries the year we got married on the gift table. That was meaningful to me. So was having my maternal grandfather write our names in our family Bible from the 1830s. We had a very small wedding for my husband's sake-40 immediate family and very close friends. I would've been content to go to the court house and have a small reception after we got back from our honeymoon because I despise all the wedding stuff, so I have no desire at all to do that again. I didn't care then about a wedding dress, putting on a veil, picking out bridesmaids outfits, choosing flowers, deciding on napkin colors, etc. My wedding took about 15 minutes total at my in-law's house with just a cake and punch. We were out of there an hour and a half after we said our vows. The in-laws weren't happy about it because they're into weddings as status symbols but graciously offered their house when they finally understood how much I didn't want a wedding at all. They put all their energy into my SIL's wedding 3 years later which was just fine with me. Knock yourselves out. My mother was into weddings for all the social convention stuff and she worked for a florist. When she handed me her guest list it had the names of a couple of dozen people I didn't even know. When I asked why she said, "For decades I've been going to weddings and showers I didn't really want to, but now I have to invite them all to yours." Welcome to my nightmare. She had no grasp of small and intimate. I let my SIL who was local pick out the bridesmaid dresses because I can't even imagine caring about what someone else wears to an event-even my wedding. Once she did I let my mother know what color they were so she could pick out flowers because, again, I just don't care at all what color flowers people wear or carry. The lady who made my cake picked out the decorations on it because, I told her, "I don't like plastic bells, swans, or action figures in formal wear on my food." She said she'd just copy in icing what ever flowers I chose. That was fine with me. I didn't want to chose between my dad (who I had a good relationship with and saw every other weekend my whole childhood ) and my step-dad who raised me from the time I was 3. I walked down the aisle by myself. I thought two would be sillier than 1 which is silly to me to begin with. With the social norms today, I think it's outdated. It's also silly to expect that having a man who's been divorced three times since you were born ( I got married at 20) to add tremendous amounts of meaning by being in your wedding. Sorry, but it's true. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathryn Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 Thank you sheryl! Milovany, when he told us the plan, and said it could be as big or small as we wanted, he said that the only people that *have* to be there are our sponsors. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orthodox6 Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 (see interpolations) What do you think about people renewing their vows? A vow is permanent by definition. Thus it does not make any sense to me. Have you renewed your vows? Do you want to or plan to? No. No. What are your reasons for wanting to (or not wanting to for that matter)? In our religion, this would make no sense. Also, we do not have "vows" as part of the sacrament of marriage. Having said that, though, I should add that when a couple enter the Orthodox Christian faith after having been married in some other religious group, their marriage is blessed in the church during a brief, beautiful service. Often there will be a small reception in the parish hall afterward for festivity. Do you think its meaningful or tacky to have another wedding/celebration in honor of it? Meaningful? Depends upon the couple and their friends. Tacky? Depends completely on how the event is designed and executed. Gifts from guests don't seem right. Any tidbits on the subject, feel free to dish! Perhaps a regular anniversary celebration/party on one of the "big years" such as 25, 50, or 75, could suffice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orthodox6 Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 Kathryn, just a question/comment -- have you talked to your priest about keeping your marriage blessing small? Often times churches have an approach toward the sacraments of them being part of the life of the church, so they're open to all in the parish. Might be something to check on if you think you'd prefer to keep it more private. This is true to keep in mind. We don't have "privacy" of that kind in Orthodoxy because we are community. Baptisms and weddings are "open" for the sacraments themselves. I would be surprised to hear of a parish otherwise. A wedding reception held off-site afterward is understood to be only for those invited. Anyway, that is happy news, Kathryn! :001_smile: (I read this thread backward, so discovered your good news after I had posted to the OP.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathryn Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 This is true to keep in mind. We don't have "privacy" of that kind in Orthodoxy because we are community. Baptisms and weddings are "open" for the sacraments themselves. I would be surprised to hear of a parish otherwise. A wedding reception held off-site afterward is understood to be only for those invited. Anyway, that is happy news, Kathryn! :001_smile: (I read this thread backward, so discovered your good news after I had posted to the OP.) I didnt think about that. I guess I don't really care if random people wanted to show up. I just can't imagine anyone wanting to, though. My point was that, for us, it's not about having a party or something, it's about doing it right between us and God. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 I suppose I'm of mixed feelings on this one. I do think having a big "second wedding" sort of thing, with bridesmaids and all of that hoopla is a little silly. Definitely not my thing. (We did have a very nice wedding, not too much hoopla, probably just enough, so it's not that I feel like I was missing the big fancy wedding.) Now, if you want to throw a big bash to celebrate a particular milestone anniversary, go for it! I remember my grandparents doing that for their fortieth anniversary, and it was nice, definitely not a gift grab, just a celebration with their friends and family. When we got married, we were all of 21 and 23, freshly out of college. We were babies, LOL! We pledged "for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, for better, for worse," and we believed it wholeheartedly -- but we didn't have a clue as to what that would actually mean. We've had our better times, and we've had some really, really tough times. We were married the second the pastor proclaimed us to be man and wife (I'm a traditionalist; I insisted upon those words), but now? Now I feel like almost fifteen years into it, we're really *married.* We've bought and sold (and renovated) houses together, we've worried about the budget together, we've job-hunted together, we've labored together, we've welcomed babies together, we've rolled our eyes over yet another vehicle mishap together, we've giggled about Christmas surprises for the kids together, we've shared the ups and downs and sorrows and joys, and we are still *us.* *That* is marriage, to me, not a piece of paper or a party. I could totally see a small ceremony with our children, and maybe our parents, maybe our siblings and a very few close friends, where we said our vows again (though I'm pretty sure I couldn't get through them again; I barely did the first time without crying, and yes, I do have them written down in our wedding scrapbook), as a public reaffirmation of our commitment to each other and to the institution of marriage. I think it could be a very meaningful thing for our children to witness as they start to think about marriage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JennyD Posted February 4, 2013 Share Posted February 4, 2013 I am surprised by all of the negative responses. The only "vow renewal" I have ever attended was that of my grandparents, who renewed their vows at their 50th anniversary. I was maybe 10 or 11 at the time and still remember it. To say that my grandfather was not the emotive type would be a wild understatement, but I can still remember him standing there smiling at my grandma, with all of us 19 grandchildren holding candles. (I was responsible for making sure my younger brother did not drop his candle, which was a little stressful, I admit.) Everyone in the family remembers that being such a lovely day. My mom even put my hair in Bo Derek braids for the occasion! :) It has never occurred to either DH or I to renew our vows, but my parents have been married for 44 years and I was just thinking the other day that maybe they would like to do a vow renewal at their 50th. They eloped to Mexico, so never had a wedding the first time around. I can't imagine they'd want something big, but I suspect some sort of ceremony as part of a small family celebration could be very meaningful to them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Granny_Weatherwax Posted February 4, 2013 Share Posted February 4, 2013 What do you think about people renewing their vows? I think it's fine if done for the 'right' reasons. If there were problems in the marriage and they want to renew their commitment or if something went wrong with the wedding and they want to 'do it right' then I think it's okay. If the couple is looking for a reason to party or receive gifts or money then I think it's a bit wrong. Have you renewed your vows? Do you want to or plan to? I would love to renew our vows. What are your reasons for wanting to (or not wanting to for that matter)? We were very young when we married (I was a junior in college) and our wedding was rushed (due to DH's extremely conservative parents) and not at all what we wanted (due to my rather poor ones). We didn't have a reception or a honeymoon; as a matter of fact we were married on a Sat. and I had a college paper due on Mon so Sunday was spent working on my final draft. Our plan was to have a big party and honeymoon right after I graduated from college. We weren't able to do that either because I was 4 months pregnant and money was still tight. Do you think its meaningful or tacky to have another wedding/celebration in honor of it? I think it can be quite meaningful if it is handled properly. Any tidbits on the subject, feel free to dish! DH and I have been married 22 years. I would like to have a vow renewal for our 25th anniversary. DH doesn't want to, though, so we never will. I don't think we can afford it anyway, not with all of the other expenses we have had these past two years and the anticipated ones for the next few. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted February 4, 2013 Share Posted February 4, 2013 It seems kind of funny to me, kind of the new fad. However, if it's meaningful to other people, I can understand. I love celebrating our anniversary though, and that is very meaningful to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Granny_Weatherwax Posted February 4, 2013 Share Posted February 4, 2013 To the OP: Yay! I say go for it and have a good time. -- I have only ever known one couple to do a renewal. They also had a small rushed wedding(no reception) when they were young. On their 15th they had a big church wedding, white dress and all, with their beautiful children serving as attendants. The reception was fun and celebrated with friends and family. They are still gong strong and are the happiest people I know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MommaOfalotta Posted February 4, 2013 Author Share Posted February 4, 2013 To the OP: Yay! I say go for it and have a good time. -- I have only ever known one couple to do a renewal. They also had a small rushed wedding(no reception) when they were young. On their 15th they had a big church wedding, white dress and all, with their beautiful children serving as attendants. The reception was fun and celebrated with friends and family. They are still gong strong and are the happiest people I know. Thank you!!! I, too, was 4 months pregnant at the time of our wedding. This explains the tension with the parents.. dhs were great, my mom was fine.. but my dad. Ehh.. lets just say it was a miracle that he showed up to walk me down the isle. Other than that I think my dads side felt it was more of a funeral than a wedding. :glare: I mean, I was 17 so I understand that they were worried over my decision, but still. That and a falling out with my best friend (my MOH) there are definitely some negative memories as well. Oh and Monday morning heading back to school. I was in my senior year! :laugh: Thus, the no honeymoon thing. Now that I say it all like this, its a miracle my poor dad didn't have a heart attack... or knock dh out! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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