Why you truly never leave high school- article

[NotSoObvious]

http://nymag.com/news/features/high-school-2013-1/

 

I don't think this has been discussed here. It's long, but interesting.

 

Do you feel lingering effects of hs still? Was anyone here homeschooled for high school? I wonder how those experiences differ in regards to effects in adulthood.

[kewb]

I read the article yesterday and found it interesting. The reality is that I am still greatly affected by some of my high school experiences. Or more accurately, now that I am the parent of a high schooler feelings and issues that I had thought long behind me have resurfaced. I had a terrible time in high school. I was painfully shy, bookish, smart, artsy, picked on, and had few friends. It definitely colors how I view my kis frienships. I find myself questioning motives of some of my kids friends. When a group of girls was insisting my ds go to the high school freshman dance with them I found myself wondering "Do they really want him to go? Is there some mean prank afoot? Are they going to make fun of him for thinking he can hang out with them?" Unlike the person in the article I do not then encourage my child to fit in, I encourage them to have faith in themselves. Always giving them a choice to adapt to conform with a situation or let their true selves shine.

 

My dh who had a very different high school experience then I did views things differently. Girls asked ds to the dance-that is awesome. What are you going to wear. You will have so much fun. He does not question every little thing the way I do.

 

The high school drama certainly exists in the workplace. There are bullies and jocks and druggies and cheerleaders, etc. Some people are able to let their freak flag fly and others struggle to fit in to their perception of the way things should be.

[Alte Veste Academy]

Well, that was fascinating! Thanks for posting. I was ready to dismiss it for myself, as soon as I got to "Not everyone feels the sustained, melancholic presence of a high-school shadow self. There are some people who simply put in their four years, graduate, and that’s that." I thought yep, that's me. Melancholic does not in the least describe my high school experience. Luckily, I kept reading. Wow. Interesting stuff. I had a very easy time of high school and enjoyed the time immensely. I got good grades and had a great social life. If you could tell me 100% that my kids would have the same experience today, I'd probably let them go in a heartbeat (educational imperfection aside :tongue_smilie:). But the article made a great argument for homeschooling...except that after reading it, I wonder if I would even be the same person I am if I had homeschooled in high school. I seriously doubt it. So, there's that. Good lessons though. Thanks!

[Parrothead]

Well, that was fascinating! Thanks for posting. I was ready to dismiss it for myself, as soon as I got to "Not everyone feels the sustained, melancholic presence of a high-school shadow self. There are some people who simply put in their four years, graduate, and that’s that." I thought yep, that's me. Melancholic does not in the least describe my high school experience.

 

 

Same here. I put in my 4 years and got out. I'm not the same person I was then and have no desire to be.

 

If anything people try to pull me back there with their sophomoric ways. I drop people who act like that. Must be why I don't have many friends. :laugh:

[NotSoObvious]

I had an....intense high school experience. I was drum major in the band and had a lot of friends. But I always felt really immature and frequently felt like there was a social "gene" I was missing. I was outgoing, but probably in a more obnoxious way than anything. I was the youngest in my grade and wonder if it would have been different had I been held back a year. I also went to a fairly large, very diverse high school, which had its pros and cons. I think I could have used a little more hand holding.

Academically, what a waste. I was a smart student and used to things coming easily. So by high school, I was totally unmotivated and did the least amount of work possible to get a good grade. I just wish I would have had a little more direction and higher expectations.

I'm still friends with some of my high school friends. But, it is interesting that the only lasting friendships I still maintain are those with the friends that were most like me, not the ones I was necessarily closest to.

 

I also thought it was a great argument for homeschooling, although the ending kind of circled back and validated the high school experience.

 

The only thing I did not agree with is that adulthood is like high school. Sure there is drama and sure there certain personalities, but the thing about adulthood is that we are adults. We have more perspective, more control, and we can choose who we want to have in our lives. I think it's very different.

[regentrude]

My high school experience in another country must have been fundamentally different from the typical high school experience in the US which, by most adults, is described as an unpleasant ordeal that they are glad is over.

My experience was positive, and many of the psychological games and dynamics seem to have not existed. I am not entirely sure why that is. Maybe because, in my home country, only college bound students remain in school until 12th grade, while students heading for an apprenticeship or vocational training graduate from 10th grade. Maybe because schools tend to be smaller. maybe because we don't have high school athletics. I don't know. But I am always puzzled when, almost without exception, people in this country consider high school a horrible experience. None of my German friends has the same feeling.

[lauracolumbus]

My high school years were fine. Some really big bumps, but overall, I'm glad I went. I can't imagine being homeschooled at the time. And my adult life never represented high school. I did find that when I went back to my reunions they were very similar to the ones in the article. Most of the folks were very gracioius and had moved beyond high school. Most, but not all. And it's interesting how FB has reconnected me with so many of those folks from high school. And even more interesting is how their high school personalities are still pretty much intact today.

 

My ds is in an all boys high school. I worry that my dds will miss being a part of that 'quintessential American experience." Of course I don't want them to experience all the ugliness.

 

Laura

[NotSoObvious]

It's funny. I've had friends say to me (now) that they would have loved to have been homeschooled in high school. That was NEVER even a thought that crossed my mind! I knew only one homeschool family. I would never have wanted to leave school at the time. Now I have one daughter begging me to homeschool her forever and another that could go either way. It will be interesting to see what we do and what their experiences evoke in me.

[Tracy]

Oh, yeah. I still battle the "voices" in my head from my childhood saying that what I say, do, think doesn't really matter, except for a grade.

[stripe]

My high school experience in another country must have been fundamentally different from the typical high school experience in the US which, by most adults, is described as an unpleasant ordeal that they are glad is over.

My experience was positive, and many of the psychological games and dynamics seem to have not existed. I am not entirely sure why that is. Maybe because, in my home country, only college bound students remain in school until 12th grade, while students heading for an apprenticeship or vocational training graduate from 10th grade. Maybe because schools tend to be smaller. maybe because we don't have high school athletics. I don't know. But I am always puzzled when, almost without exception, people in this country consider high school a horrible experience. None of my German friends has the same feeling.

 

I read recently about a kid who moved to Germany and found the social environment vastly more pleasant than in the US.

 

I can say that I hated elementary and junior high school. High school was actually an improvement!

 

I also only went to a neighborhood school for exactly one year of my life, and I walked to school while a good portion of my classmates were bussed in. The rest of the time, I attended a school far from my home. I was bussed in to my high school. I lived nowhere near my friends, who were bussed in from another part of town, and in fact, in high school, I was the only kid over the age of five on my block. I think this influences the environment as well. My neighborhood was not an extention of my school environment. I lived in different parts of the country, too, so it is not a strictly regional thing.

[Anne in CA]

I think I was very scarred by Jr. High, but high school was mostly fine. I was unchallenged academically, and was soooo bored by the end I almost didn't finish, and I do blame both my parents and teachers for that. I went to a small high school and with the class sizes that we had, the low level of education was just ridiculous. Most of my teachers had ranches to take care of in their off time and were only milking their teaching job as a supplemental paycheck. I did have a couple of great teachers, but they were exceptions. It is not right when there are only 8 kids in a class and they are not learning anything, and that was the case most of the time.

 

I needed more guidance than I got as a high school student and I think that is the case with most high school students who attend public school. Our culture does not give that age group enough support. I love the idea that attending high school be viewed as a privilege, which it is.