What do you do when a child cries during school?

[Mom28kds]

Anytime my 1st grade DD has to remember something she cries. She does this all the time. For instance, today she was supposed to sit and try to spell some words. I told her I just want to see what you remember. I will not grade it (grading it would make her really fip out. She cries when she gets something wrong). I have sent her up to her room until she can pull herself together. I've explained that she is learning and I don't expect her to get everything right. This is what learning is all about etc. HELP!!!!! Any suggestions?

 

Could the curriculum be too hard? We are doing CLE.

[Ellie]

I took my dd out of a private school because she cried for 40 minutes over half a sheet of arithmetic homework in first grade. Of course, I had been seeing many changes in her for several months; the crying was the last straw.

 

I'd have to evaluate the whole thing. I might tend to change things with a 6yo if the crying was happening during Official School Time but not necessarily during other activities.

[GoVanGogh]

When my child cries during school it generally means he is in a growth/developmental spurt, is coming down with an illness, needs to be fed or just can't get his act together for some reason. I try to take a break and come back to it later.

My son has gone through weepy times - 1st, 3rd and (now) 5th grade stand out the most. I think that coincides with big developmental leaps, like their brains can't grow and function at the same time.

[NotSoObvious]

Sometimes when CLE is getting challenging or mundane, I just cozy up with them and we do it orally. Saves a lot of time and frustration.

 

We all have bad days. Some of us have bad weeks.

[texasmama]

I have a particularly sensitive child who was unable, in second grade (homeschooled), to hear the words "That is incorrect." I had to think of other ways to approach wrong math problems, such as "Take another look at that one." We use Sequential Spelling and have since he was in third grade, and it works well for him because it is a self-correcting program. He has matured a great deal through the years and can now receive feedback without tears. We had countless talks about how learning involves mistakes, pointing out that even the best basketball players miss shots, etc. Ad infinitum until I thought we would never move past crying if things were not perfect. I also made a point to show him every mistake I made and laugh and make light of it to demonstrate that mistakes are normal and can even be laughed off. I didn't connect this lesson directly with his behavior, just did it and waited for it to sink in. This was a long process, and I had to learn how to gradually build up his ability to tolerate feedback. Receiving the news that he had gotten a problem incorrect truly hurt him. It no longer does. Regarding your dd, you might try Spelling Workout, which is a workbook program and does not involve spelling tests. My current first grader is using it.

[Mom28kds]

I have a particularly sensitive child who was unable, in second grade (homeschooled), to hear the words "That is incorrect." I had to think of other ways to approach wrong math problems, such as "Take another look at that one." We use Sequential Spelling and have since he was in third grade, and it works well for him because it is a self-correcting program. He has matured a great deal through the years and can now receive feedback without tears. We had countless talks about how learning involves mistakes, pointing out that even the best basketball players miss shots, etc. Ad infinitum until I thought we would never move past crying if things were not perfect. I also made a point to show him every mistake I made and laugh and make light of it to demonstrate that mistakes are normal and can even be laughed off. I didn't connect this lesson directly with his behavior, just did it and waited for it to sink in. This was a long process, and I had to learn how to gradually build up his ability to tolerate feedback. Receiving the news that he had gotten a problem incorrect truly hurt him. It no longer does. Regarding your dd, you might try Spelling Workout, which is a workbook program and does not involve spelling tests. My current first grader is using it.

 

 

I think this is her. She doesn't like getting things wrong. If I make a mark on her paper, she cries also. How is FLL and WWE working out for you. I could make a change next year in my curriculum.

[texasmama]

I think this is her. She doesn't like getting things wrong. If I make a mark on her paper, she cries also. How is FLL and WWE working out for you. I could make a change next year in my curriculum.

 

FLL worked very well because it was so scripted and straightforward. My sensitive one also has an LD and struggled with WWE. I modified it greatly and used it two years behind his grade level. My goal was always to build his skills, both academically and socially/emotionally. It has been a very long haul, but he is doing very well now. :) In your shoes, I would avoid making marks on the paper because it obviously triggers a very negative reaction from her. My philosophy was to teach in a way that my son could learn best. If he collapsed in a pile of tears on the ground (not due to misbehavior but due to genuine hurt over not being able to do the work perfectly), he was not learning. Our day ground to a halt. Nothing was accomplished. If you use WWE, feel free to modify it in a way that works for your dd. She is young, and her ability to tolerate feedback can be built over time. For my son, I placed this skill in importance as equal to or above the skills learned in WWE because I knew the ability to receive negative feedback/tolerate his own mistakes would affect him in every area of his life from that point on. He is in sixth grade now, and I am happy to report that he just began WWS and is doing well. :)

[AimeeM]

First I would make a couple of small changes to see if this alone helped - allow her to stand instead of sit or jump rope while spelling.

 

I'm also of the camp that a bit of chocolate and a hug can cure most things bad in life.

 

Also, CLE is known for being a bit rigorous. Make sure she's placed correctly. I might suggest something entirely different (like apples and pears) to break things up a bit.

[Mom28kds]

Thanks, for the help. I'm checking out the curriculum suggestions. Are there any other suggestins for a child like this?

[VaKim]

Well, this may or may not be the case with your dd, but I have a little perfectionist who did the same thing and is now 14 years old and will still come close to crying if she can't think of the "right" answer. However, she has always been much worse when we do things aloud - like when she has to come up with the answers on the spot and directly to me. Then she panics, or something, and can't think of anything. I finally figured out that it was much better to have her write things down and check it at the end.

[GoVanGogh]

Thanks, for the help. I'm checking out the curriculum suggestions. Are there any other suggestins for a child like this?

I already posted above about my DS.

He is very sensitive and a perfectionist.

I just have to be mindful about what prompts him to cry. I know that he is very sensitive to changes in my voice so I try to speak much softer when he starts to get frustrated.

I don't mark things wrong on his paper. For spelling and grammar errors, I will write the correction and say, "This is how we spell... Let's end our sentence with a period."

For math, I will say, "Let's look at this problem again" or "Let's rework this problem."

Sometimes the work just needs to be set aside - for an hour, a day or maybe even a week. Revisit it later. I find that my son gets frustrated with something, but then thinks it through on his own. We can set aside a new math concept for a day, revisit it and then he just knows it. I think sometimes things just need to sink in. They get overwhelmed with learning so many new things at once.

Along those lines - if we are introducing a new math concept, I might hold off on introducing a tricky new spelling rule. Or at least spread those subjects out - one in the morning, the other after lunch.

I also think - the longer you homeschool - you learn your child's peak times and down times. The last subject we hit before lunch is generally an easier subject, as that is when his attention and frustration levels are most likely to be maxed. But that first subject time right after lunch is good (for us) for a harder subject.

 

Sometimes a walk around the block or a stroll through the garden is needed to recharge their brain cells.

I try to alternate our school work - read from a book, seat work, read some poetry, seat work, etc. If it is a nice day and DS gets weepy, we might take a blanket out to the garden - read for a while, then tackle the subject that prompted the tears outside.

 

My husband always tells me, "Growing up is rough. Remember that." I try to take that into account whenever DS is being emotional. I don't bend over backwards for him, but I also don't want him to look back on his homeschool years and see me as a drill master.

 

I am not familiar with CLE, so no advice to offer there. But I would look at your curriculum subject by subject and make sure it is a good fit. Busy workbooks tend to send my DS's frustration levels over the edge, so I avoid anything that is too busy or colorful. (Not that CLE is, just saying that in general.)

[PeterPan]

Hug them.

Feed them.

Exercise them.

Nap them.

 

That's what Jessie Wise says (only more wisely obviously), and whether the dc is 13 or 6, it's still pretty useful. If it's just a discipline/rebellion/anger/manipulation thing, sure send 'em to their room. But for anything else, that's pretty much the sequence. If you get to #4 and they aren't yet calmed down, well they end up in their room anyway.

[GoVanGogh]

Hug them.

Feed them.

Exercise them.

Nap them.

 

That's what Jessie Wise says (only more wisely obviously), and whether the dc is 13 or 6, it's still pretty useful. If it's just a discipline/rebellion/anger/manipulation thing, sure send 'em to their room. But for anything else, that's pretty much the sequence. If you get to #4 and they aren't yet calmed down, well they end up in their room anyway.

SWB said at one conference I attended -- Give them a sandwich. Whatever the problem is, a sandwich will always help.