Need help! 5-yr-old ds struggling with many imaginary fears! Should I be concerned?

[Happy2BaMom]

My 5-1/2 yr old son is extremely bright and imaginative and a very happy, well-adjusted child generally speaking. However, he has had a tremendous fear of the dark since birth and still has it (he will now go to sleep in his own bed by himself, but only if his bedroom door is open and I remain on the same floor as him - and trust me, he listens to know whether I try to sneak downstairs). I talked to his pediatrician about it when he was nearly 3 (he had - and still has - a 'nest' in our room where he can come during the night and sleep if he wakes up and is frightened). She thought I should support him through it and that's what I thought & it's what we have been doing.

 

He is not comfortable even being upstairs by himself in the daylight. The problem has gotten slightly worse in the last few weeks since he started watching some old Scooby Doo reruns (plus my adorable DH let him watch parts of Pirates of the Caribbean - he says they skipped all the scary parts, but if son caught even a nanosecond of it, with his imagination....). DH has been advised "no more scary movies". When I talk to my son about what frightens him during the day, he says he is afraid of monsters and scary noises and being alone.

 

I am starting to wonder if I should talk to our pediatrician about his fears - I mean, is it "normal" for a 5-1/2-yr-old to be afraid to be upstairs by himself in broad daylight? And we live in a fairly open two-level house - it's not particularly isolating to be on one floor when someone else in on the other floor.

 

We are also moving in about a month to a house where the master is on the main floor and the kids' bedrooms are upstairs. I'm starting to wonder if that is going to work at all (fortunately there is an extra bedroom in the upstairs that could double as a master if we need it to). I cannot force this issue with him - he really is very frightened and it would become traumatic to push him to "tough it out".

 

Should I be concerned? Should I talk to the ped.? :confused:

 

Thanks in advance,

 

Janet

:bigear:

[Jean in Newcastle]

I think some fears are certainly normal at this age. And children with good imaginations tend to have more of them! But your son's seem to be getting worse and tend to be more pronounced than "normal" (though it could be be just on the "stronger end of normal"). I would talk to the pediatrician.

[Sasharowan]

My ds7 just this past year got to the point where he will go to bed in a well lit bedroom alone. And we live in a one story under 1400 sq ft. home. He has even gone to bed with just a night light occasionally. Some kids just need longer to realize that fears are imaginary. At 5, he needed lights on and someone in the room. Often he would fall "asleep" just before bedtime on the couch so we would leave him in the living room with us until our bedtime. He shares a room with his older brother,ds12. If he watches something scary, he will request that brother come to bed early and read until he is asleep.

[tinag]

My ds8 was very fearful until last year. Now he will sleep alone with his door closed and is hardly frightened by anything. His fear didn't seem as exaggerated as your child but that is probably because he has always shared a room with his brother who is 7 years older and wasn't alone.

When he was younger I was afraid he wouldn't grow out of it but he did. I say give him time.

[Soph the vet]

My dd5 and a half has fear of the dark so we leave the hall light on all night. She also has conveniently timed "fears" about going upstairs alone, they are usually more pronounced when she is tired or cranky. I am hoping it is just the age. I don't think the other two had as many irrational fears.

[LauraGB]

I can honestly say I would suggest holding off on the dr's visit. He's so young and just learning what's real, what's not. My ds is 9 and still won't go into the basement w/out his sister! Will. Not. Go. I would suggest giving him opportunities to desensitise - address the fears with him. If its the dark he's afraid of, maybe sit in his room (the whole family if need be) and play w/flashlights, or get a disco ball that will light the room with fun colors. Do this often enough, and when the bulb burns out on the nightlight, perhaps the hallway light will be enough, kwim? If its upstairs, how about a fun family game of hide and seek? Do you regularly spend time up there during the day? Maybe start doing more things up there that explore the nooks and crannies and make it less fearsome.

 

Good luck. That fear those little ones show is heartwrenching. But, I think at his age, its pretty normal.

[katilac]

I think many kids at that age would be reluctant to be completely alone on a separate floor of the house. It just depends on their personality. Heck, my 7 yr old is sometimes hesitates to walk "all the way" down the hallway to her room if everyone else is in the front room. "All the way" is about ten feet, lol.

 

Some kids are more vulnerable in this aspect than others. I remember my nephew for YEARS would not use the bathroom without pulling the shower curtain open (and this had to be done before he closed the door, no matter whose house he was at).

 

So unless the fears start escalating in severity or spread to other areas, I wouldn't worry about it. I would be very zealous about what he watches on tv and what he reads (that same dd of mine was frightened by the Bailey School Kids books - - Werewolves Don't Hula Dance and the like).

 

I would also try eliminating all screen time at least two hours before his bedtime. It makes some kids jittery, even if it's not scary movies.