DS doesn't want to go to college...

[TheApprentice]

but knows he has to for his future. He is diligent in his work, but is not a lover of learning. But he is still hard on himself and wants to do well. Yesterday, he told me he doesn't want to go to college.:sad: But it's probably in his future. Would that comment bother you? Is that a sign of burnout already? I see a lot of education in his future (he's 9th grade) and I would had for him to go through it as drudgery.

[Jann in TX]

I'm all for giving our students a quality education that will not hinder their future no matter what they decide to 'do'.

 

Your son is young.. he will most likely change his mind multiple times every year!

 

College is NOT for everyone. Way too many students are going to college and end up getting a 'degree' that has no job potential... or they drop out and feel like failures... College is just a means to an end and there are many different options for 'ends/future jobs'.

[dereksurfs]

I'm all for giving our students a quality education that will not hinder their future no matter what they decide to 'do'.

 

Your son is young.. he will most likely change his mind multiple times every year!

 

College is NOT for everyone. Way too many students are going to college and end up getting a 'degree' that has no job potential... or they drop out and feel like failures... College is just a means to an end and there are many different options for 'ends/future jobs'.

 

I agree with what you are saying. Many students finish their degrees in business, communications or something else generic simply because they didn't really know what they wanted to do when they grew up.

 

However I think hearing this would concern us all. One of the primary reasons it would for me is that I see a college education becoming more and more a de facto standard, similar to what a HS education was considered 20+ years ago. What I mean by this is that many, dare I say most employers tend to expect a college education. This is not so much true for the teenager jobs in the mall or at Starbucks, but rather to advance in one's professional career.

 

Now that being said there is nothing wrong with taking a break and working fulltime for a while until one has a better idea of what one wants. For example changing tires may lead one to want to go into an advanced technical training of some kind. Or maybe working in construction would lead into wanting to pursue a construction management degree or certificate.

 

I think college prep level courses are still important in HS so as not to limit one's future potential. Even for apprenticeship programs in the trades a solid math background is important including algebra and trig. This is also true for the liberal arts directed young people who one day decide to switch to a more science/math oriented career to support their family. I have seen this career switching quite a number of times with both friends and fellow coworkers. One associate was a pyschology major turned IT professional, another was a graphic artist breaking into IT.

 

I have also seen the case where a talented, naturally gifted employee is forever handicapped because of the lack of a 'piece of paper.' To many this simply shouldn't be, but unfortunately it is in certain business situations.

Edited August 30, 2012 by dereksurfs

[Ellie]

:iagree: with Jann.

 

IMHO, we should always do as much at home as possible so our dc will be ready to take the next step, whether that's college or not.

[Lori D.]

Encouragement for both you and DS! Most students don't know what they want to do in 9th grade (actually, that's true of a majority of 12th graders, too!). Not knowing what you like/want to do can make a student feel like school is just going to get harder and harder, and go on for years -- very overwhelming, and sure looks like drudgery to me, too.

 

 

Gently, I'd suggest not looking so far ahead right now; yes, be diligent in the work, but it doesn't mean every single subject has to be at AP level or incredibly rigorous -- allow a few things to be "just get 'er done" subjects. Spend that time you free up in these early years of high school trying out interesting extracurriculars, hobbies, clubs. Be sure to include plenty of down-time in the weekly schedule for DS to just daydream or doodle around with his own personal interests/projects/activities.

 

The extracurriculars and personal time are needed refreshment time to keep life from being only about high school work and making learning feel like drudgery. And the extracurriculars can help expose your student to new interests, possible careers, etc.

 

 

And speaking of possible careers, your DS might have fun doing a little career exploration -- and I strongly suggest keeping this light, unstructured and fun! Maybe once a month -- or once a semester -- set aside whatever was on the formal schedule, and have fun taking a career test; reading a little in a career exploration book; checking out a career exploration website. Sometimes just not knowing what's out there as far as possible jobs, can make you feel despairing. And, if a particular occupation strikes his fancy at some point, that can give him a motivation to learn -- he'll see the point of the education, as the means for helping him get to the goal he wants to reach.

 

 

Finally, be sure to be including some fun stuff so learning isn't all about drudgery -- build time into the weekly schedule for DS to pursue an unusual interest/hobby; have a monthly outing to a live theater performance (many have special-priced student matinees); ditch school entirely for half a day and go to a thought-provoking movie and out for lunch after to discuss -- or drop regular school for an afternoon and go do an interesting volunteer/community service thing; plan a monthly field trip for older students to various university departments, to tour a radio/TV station, etc.;watch interesting educational videos or lecture series; join a robotics team; for PE train together for a 5K run and do the being-chased-by-zombies "run for your life" event... More ideas in these threads:

 

- What fun things did you do this year with your older students?

- How to make high school fun

- What are you doing to make jr. high "fun" for your student? (ideas in this thread apply to high school students, too)

- Once your child hits middle school, does this mean all the "fun" stuff stops?

 

 

Be patient! He just started high school, and this may be his way of expressing some anxiety at "can he do it"... Or maybe some "blues" at leaving childhood behind. Enjoy some extra time with your 9th grader. Do something fun. Explore options. Don't think about college/career right now -- it's still a long ways away; make the most of high school -- especially his freshman year! -- just enjoy the time given each of you *today*. It will all be okay. :) Warmest regards, Lori D.

Edited August 30, 2012 by Lori D.

[Tarreymere]

I've learned to be open to alternatives to higher education, but your son is very young. At his age I would still continue to insist that he follow the most rigorous course of study he is capable of, so that when the time comes to actually make that decision he is academically prepared for college whether or not he chooses to attend. In fact, not attending college makes his high school education even more critical to his future.

[Gwen in VA]

BTDT -- ds2 announced in 8th grade that he didn't want a desk job. At the end of tenth grade he said he was not going to college.

 

What we did --

1) Talk to him about his plans. We took his ideas very seriously.

2) We did talk him into getting an associate's degree just so he would have a piece of paper with a "real" logo as opposed to a high school diploma from mom.

3) He started taking CC classes his junior year so he could be done with his education sooner -- the idea that the more he did, the sooner he would finish was very motivational.

4) He was lucky enough to find a job in his field of interest. By allowing him to pursue that (part-time during the year, full-time during the summer), he did find out that while it would be a decent living it would not use his creativ

e side.

5) His boss actually encouraged him to go to college. Ds2 admired his boss tremendously, so he took that piece of advice very seriously. His youth pastor has a brother who works in ds's dream line of work, so we had a meeting to discuss what the field looks like. These guys talked ds2 into college -- something dh and I could not do!

6) We spent about a year thinking that our son, bright and creative as he is, was not going to college. Thanks to some real-world work experience and some guidance from other guys, he is now in his freshman year at the top school in the country for his desired field! :001_smile:

 

So my advice -- give your son some space and don't make college a do-or-die issue right now. Give him some chance to develop his own ideas and see what happens! If he goes 100% of his own accord, the experience will mean a LOT more to him than if he is going just because the parents want him to.

[Bluegoat]

It sounds like he is still working well and putting in some effort, so I imagine he understands why it is important to have a good, flexible basic education? I didn't decide that I wanted to go to university until I was in high school myself, so he might change his mind.

 

On the other hand, if he doesn't have a personality that would enjoy that kind of learning, it might be worthwhile to consider whether he'd like the job he was qualified for at the end of it. Maybe he has talents and passions in another direction.

 

A more important question is perhaps what does he want to do or what sort of thing? If he really likes to tinker or work with his hands, that might suggest a trade, for example. Or if he has a goal that is normally achieved by university, he may be able to look at that more closely and gain some enthusiasm, or find an alternate route to achieve that goal, or figure out what it is about it that appeals to him and use that information to consider other things.

 

Most kids leaving high school have no idea of all the options available to them, so I think this is really the time to explore those things in some depth.

[G5052]

As the others have said, keep up the standards and don't give up. I love my teenagers, but they're sometimes clueless. That's why they still need us.

 

My oldest jokes with me all of the time about staying home and eating my cooking for the rest of his life. He has no clue what he wants to do after graduation. As his mom, I have some ideas, but he's not oriented toward anything right now. We'll do some career testing and exploration next summer and get more serious about it. At this point I'm not letting up at all on the academics ;).

[dbmamaz]

I think a gap year (or years) can be a good thing. I went straight to college from high school but didnt have any idea why. I floundered, failed some classes, took some time off, went back, took some more time off, switched schools . . and never graduated. I was a national merit semifinalist . .. but i wasnt mature enough to handle college as a teen, and i got in a bad cycle.

 

I've made it clear to my kids that they can go straight to college if they want to, but they have no obligation to do so.

 

My daughter (in public school) took a lot of dual credit classes at a community college. Then she moved in with a friend out of state and spent 7 mo job hunting, and came back and spent more time job hunting, went back to the community college . . and then totally of her own accord, applied to a competitive program at the local university.

 

Of course, she was always a very self-directed kid and I totally trusted her

 

My teen son is special needs and we have discussed a plan to get him a 2 year degree and aim for tech support as a 'starter career'. I told him that, at any point, if he decides there is something he really wants to do, we will change plans and head that way. but I just want to get him a job so he can start supporting himself while he matures enough to figure out what he wants to be when he grows up!

 

Unless you want to get in a competitive program at a high-end school, there is always time to go back. But they have to start owning their own life.

 

but no, in 9th grade? Just assure him he can have choices and praise him for his hard work. Without pressure, he will figure out who he wants to be

 

my hippy dippy opinion . . .

[TheApprentice]

As the others have said, keep up the standards and don't give up. I love my teenagers, but they're sometimes clueless. That's why they still need us.

 

My oldest jokes with me all of the time about staying home and eating my cooking for the rest of his life. He has no clue what he wants to do after graduation. As his mom, I have some ideas, but he's not oriented toward anything right now. We'll do some career testing and exploration next summer and get more serious about it. At this point I'm not letting up at all on the academics ;).

 

We will definitely be staying the course of college prep. I guess this comment just through me for a loop. I'll try not to stress.

[at the beach]

but knows he has to for his future. He is diligent in his work, but is not a lover of learning. But he is still hard on himself and wants to do well. Yesterday, he told me he doesn't want to go to college.:sad: But it's probably in his future. Would that comment bother you? Is that a sign of burnout already? I see a lot of education in his future (he's 9th grade) and I would had for him to go through it as drudgery.

 

It would bother me because it sounds like he may be feeling discouraged.

 

As to the bolded above, I would think more about those things. Perhaps the style of schooling you are doing is not suited to him. What is he interested in? Because he is homeschooling, you have the opportunity to work with him to make his education relevant to him. There are many ways to accomplish the goal of a college-prep education.

 

I try to keep in mind that w/homeschooling having that level of control over a teen's education is a powerful thing. For me, it's important that my high schooler have a significant autonomy w/re to how we approach formal academics--obviously, within reason.

[TheApprentice]

It would bother me because it sounds like he may be feeling discouraged.

 

As to the bolded above, I would think more about those things. Perhaps the style of schooling you are doing is not suited to him. What is he interested in? Because he is homeschooling, you have the opportunity to work with him to make his education relevant to him. There are many ways to accomplish the goal of a college-prep education.

 

I try to keep in mind that w/homeschooling having that level of control over a teen's education is a powerful thing. For me, it's important that my high schooler have a significant autonomy w/re to how we approach formal academics--obviously, within reason.

 

What's in bold is what I'm feeling is the problem. He actually does have an idea what he wants to do when he's older. But it's sort of "looming", there is no real joy. This year, his schedule is full of "have to's", so hopefully next year will feel different to him.

[Lori D.]

He actually does have an idea what he wants to do when he's older. But it's sort of "looming", there is no real joy. This year, his schedule is full of "have to's", so hopefully next year will feel different to him.

 

Can you switch things around in his course load to make sure he has either one class (an elective, perhaps) that WOULD be enjoyable? Or change what you're doing for one class and do one required course with lighter more enjoyable material? Or reduce course load enough to make sure there is time for his involvement for at least one enjoyable extracurricular? Or schedule once a week some special time to do an interesting field trip / theater outing / a hike or trip to the beach / have hot chocolate and relaxed chat? Or schedule subjects on a rotating schedule so that he gets to drop one class per week and enjoy a hobby or personal interest?

 

Getting out of the house, being willing to skip a little of formal school for a few hours once a week, scheduling time for something he particularly enjoys -- that can cut the "have tos" feeling and help make the transition into high school easier.

 

I don't think I'd wait for "next year"... Especially for 9th grade, I think this is *critical* for helping student make the transition to the full load of "big kid" work that counts towards college/career. Goodness, none of us adults would like having day after day of just "have-tos" and such a no-time-for-joy schedule either! :)

 

 

BEST of luck in sorting out what would encourage and lift DS's hopes and include some joy in this school year! Warmest regards, Lori D.

Edited August 31, 2012 by Lori D.

[dereksurfs]

Can you switch things around in his course load to make sure he has either one class (an elective, perhaps) that WOULD be enjoyable? Or change what you're doing for one class and do one required course with lighter more enjoyable material? Or reduce course load enough to make sure there is time for his involvement for at least one enjoyable extracurricular? Or schedule once a week some special time to do an interesting field trip / theater outing / a hike or trip to the beach / have hot chocolate and relaxed chat? Or schedule subjects on a rotating schedule so that he gets to drop one class per week and enjoy a hobby or personal interest?

 

Getting out of the house, being willing to skip a little of formal school for a few hours once a week, scheduling time for something he particularly enjoys -- that can cut the "have tos" feeling and help make the transition into high school easier.

 

I don't think I'd wait for "next year"... Especially for 9th grade, I think this is *critical* for helping student make the transition to the full load of "big kid" work that counts towards college/career. Goodness, none of us adults would like having day after day of just "have-tos" and such a no-time-for-joy schedule either! :)

 

 

BEST of luck in sorting out what would encourage and lift DS's hopes and include some joy in this school year! Warmest regards, Lori D.

 

This is really giving me a lot to think about with our own kids. It seems like a fine balance between rigor, preparation and letting kids enjoy just being kids, having some fun throughout their days. I really think hard work is important for brain development and personal growth. However I can get carried away with our kids at times, especially the oldest. I was just talking with my wife about this last night in fact. There was a thread on here asking a similar question. At what stage should school no longer be fun, middle school, high school? 9th grade is a tough year of transition and added responsibilties for all kids. I'm not sure if there is any getting away from that. But I think Lori has some great ideas in making it a bit more enjoyable along the way.

Edited August 31, 2012 by dereksurfs

[TheApprentice]

Thanks, Lori D. for your input. Lots to think about.