In need of advice...What do you do when your child is sick?

[Guest Lourdes]

My 18 year old has been battling depression for the past two and half years. He was homeschool from kindergarten through 8th grade. Went to public school for 9th grade where he broke his ankle during his first semester. He had surgery to repair his ankle. Had many complications from his first surgery so needed another surgery. After his second surgery he developed depression and anxiety. He had two more surgeries after that but manage to finish 9th grade in public school. In 10th grade we took him out of public school due to his depression and anxiety. He has barely done any school work these past two years. He was supposed to graduate last year but he didn't. My husband and I don't know what to do anymore.

 

We had planned to start school today but it didn't happen. He just can't or won't get out of bed. I am so frustrated...I don't know what to do anymore? My husband and I have talked to him so many times. We have tried to motivate him but nothing works...no medicine, no therapies, no psychiatrists. We are thinking about letting him take the GED but I really don't want to do that.

 

I need some advice...if you were on my situation, what would you do?

 

Lourdes

[AK_Mom4]

:grouphug::grouphug:

That's really a tough situation. He is 18. If HE wants to get a GED, I would certainly support him in that on the grounds that it is better than nothing. You can get accepted to college or trade school here with a GED if that's something he wants in the future.

 

What does your son want to do? If high school is a no-go, then it's time to sit down and hear what his plan is.

 

You sound like a very caring mom trying to do what's best for your kid. I admit that I'm less patient - I would probably require the 18yo to get a job as a condition to continue living at home if he wasn't a student full-time. And volunteer work if he couldn't find a job. And another visit to the doctors to look at different meds for the anxiety/depression. Mind you - I'm not a "drugs fix everything" person, but 18 is very young to give up your life to depression and anxiety. And yes, I would insist on them moving out if they weren't willing to give it another try or get a job.

[Jen in NY]

:grouphug:

:grouphug:

 

 

If there are quality community colleges in your area, getting a GED and getting started on an associates degree may give him some direction. Here, the community colleges have excellent 2+2 agreements with many 4 year colleges and lots of kids have been successful with these programs. A GED could open that door.

 

Heck, we might be heading down that route if no hefty scholarships come up next year. It's a solid, less expensive way to start higher ed.

 

:grouphug:

You are heading in the right direction looking for help for your son -- Depression can be so tenacious.

 

Best to you and your son,

Jen

[Paisley Hedgehog]

nm

[dirty ethel rackham]

Another visit to the doctor is in order. You can make that a condition of living there. I would recommend therapy as well, not just a pharmacological approach.

[songsparrow]

Is there anything that motivates him (activities he enjoys), that gets him out of bed and willing to go out into the world?

[tex-mex]

No harm in the GED in your scenario. Quality of life in battling anxiety/depression is the bigger issue. Make sure (with the meds) he is seeing a therapist weekly or a life coach trained in anxiety/OCD/depression. A gap year will not hurt him either. Hang in there! :grouphug:

[Elizabeth in MN]

Another visit to the doctor is in order. You can make that a condition of living there. I would recommend therapy as well, not just a pharmacological approach.

 

Exactly. Depression is a disease and needs to be treated. If he had diabetes would you skip a doctor?

 

GEDs are not great, I know I have one. I will always be passed over for jobs in favor of someone with a high school diploma.

[EKS]

I would focus on dealing with the anxiety and depression. He won't be able to move forward until that is under control.

[Guest Lourdes]

Thank you all for your responses. Just to clarify, he's seeing a psychiatrist and psychologist. Has taken different antidepressants but neither the meds nor the therapy are helping much. We have tried so many things just don't know what to do anymore. He has some good days here and there but most of the time he is either depress, moody, tired or feels sick. Depression is like a giant black whole that not only swallows the person who is depress but the whole family. :(

 

Thanks again for sharing your thoughts with me. You have given me some food for thought. I will look at our local Community College to see if he can take a class there. I will also talk to his doctors about the possibility of him getting a job.

 

Lourdes

[ktgrok]

I would totally support him in getting his GED. It would give him a fresh start rather than have him feel he is still behind.

 

Also, have you tried eliminating gluten? Sounds totally weird, I know, but it can have a HUGE effect on mood. HUGE. And worth a try. Fresh air, sunshine, and volunteer work of any sort would be my other suggestions, but first I'd get rid of the gluten. Well, that and the fresh air and sunshine. Daily long walks, to no where in particular. Drive him to a local park/forest/etc if you can, and just walk with him, or let him walk on his own. Maybe some museums too. Beauty and nature can be amazingly helpful when the drugs are not enough.

[PollyOR]

Thank you all for your responses. Just to clarify, he's seeing a psychiatrist and psychologist. Has taken different antidepressants but neither the meds nor the therapy are helping much. We have tried so many things just don't know what to do anymore. He has some good days here and there but most of the time he is either depress, moody, tired or feels sick. Depression is like a giant black whole that not only swallows the person who is depress but the whole family. :(

 

Thanks again for sharing your thoughts with me. You have given me some food for thought. I will look at our local Community College to see if he can take a class there. I will also talk to his doctors about the possibility of him getting a job.

 

Lourdes

 

You are right. It is a black hole. My daughter is 17yo and is just coming out on the other side. I really don't know what changed for her because I never felt that the medication made a noticeable difference. I sit with her through every counseling session with the psychologist (cognitive behavioral therapy) and I believe that counseling provided the most support.

 

A couple of other things helped. My daughter wasn't getting good sleep. She took an early morning religion class and got in the habit of coming home and taking a nap every day. She was always sleep deprived. It took a visit to a sleep specialist to convince her that she absolutely couldn't take naps...ever. She has found out on her own that sleeping late isn't quality sleep either.

 

Also, she finally found something she really wanted to do - sing in a local choir. I had been trying to get her to go for a couple of years but it had to be her decision. She enjoys it and it gives her something to look forward to at least once a week. Finding something to get out of bed for is so helpful.

 

The doctors encouraged her to eat good foods and exercise every day. It is hard to muster the energy to exercise when you don't feel well.

 

I hope you find the right combination of things that will help turn him around at this critical point in his life. :grouphug:

[PollyOR]

I came across these shows on NPR. They were very helpful since we have more than a few relatives who are being treated for depression.

 

"When It Comes to Depression, Serotonin Isn't the Whole Story"

 

"Could a Club Drug Offer 'Almost Immediate' Relief From Depression?"

 

"' I Wanted to Live' : New Depression Drugs Offer Hope for Toughest Cases"

[SunieDawn]

I would focus on dealing with the anxiety and depression. He won't be able to move forward until that is under control.

 

:iagree: His school work sounds like the least of your worries right now. Take the time to try and reconnect with him. GED/diploma won't help much if he is having problems dealing with life. Take a deep breath and a day at a time.

 

Praying for your family

[4wildberrys]

I highly recommend you get him checked for food intolerances, specifically Gluten intolerance and also Vitamin D deficiency (which also goes hand in hand with gluten intolerance) A regular MD office can be dicey for getting a proper diagnosis because many are still so uneducated on the full spectrum of problems caused by gluten. I highly recommend Enterolab for the best, most accurate testing. A quick Google search will show just how closely Gluten intolerance and depression/anxiety are related. And my own personal story of my family and our struggle with depression and anxiety until we took the gluten out with our Celiac disease diagnoses. Our daughter had disabling anxiety from the time she was about in 2nd grade until she went gluten free in high school. I totally understand the process and can assure you that until the mental issues are resolved, change will be next to impossible :001_huh:

[jessicalb]

Thank you all for your responses. Just to clarify, he's seeing a psychiatrist and psychologist. Has taken different antidepressants but neither the meds nor the therapy are helping much. We have tried so many things just don't know what to do anymore. He has some good days here and there but most of the time he is either depress, moody, tired or feels sick. Depression is like a giant black whole that not only swallows the person who is depress but the whole family. :(

 

Thanks again for sharing your thoughts with me. You have given me some food for thought. I will look at our local Community College to see if he can take a class there. I will also talk to his doctors about the possibility of him getting a job.

 

Lourdes

 

Keep doing what you are doing. See if you can get him to even wander outside with you into the sun. I know I feel all of those things at times and even a few minutes of sunshine and some caffeine can make the difference between barely able to drag out of bed only to sit and doze on the couch, and feeling ok about getting up and getting things done.

[tex-mex]

Keep doing what you are doing. See if you can get him to even wander outside with you into the sun. I know I feel all of those things at times and even a few minutes of sunshine and some caffeine can make the difference between barely able to drag out of bed only to sit and doze on the couch, and feeling ok about getting up and getting things done.

:iagree:

 

Just something simple like going outside to sit in the sun for 20 minutes helps depression and builds up vitamin D levels naturally. I would recommend B vitamins too. OP, just take it one day at a time. If he is on SSRIs, note that it takes weeks (2 months minimum) for any allieviation in depressive mood or energy. He needs you to help him fight this battle. :grouphug:

[shoponl]

>>He just can't or won't get out of bed.
>> I need some advice...if you were on my situation, what would you do?

I'd concentrate my efforts on tackling the depressive illness, and forget about pushing school right now. The unfortunate truth is that depression can be a fatal illness with peaks and valleys-- better that he weather this dangerous period safely and start university a little later. After all, no one cares what age you are in college!

I hope I don't sound too alarmist, but I have an acquaintance whose son succumbed to depression at age 18, so now I never take this diabolical disease for granted. If you can reawaken his interests, maybe by concentrating on activities that he used to like (anything that gets him outside, off the computer, exercising, eating healthy foods; maybe something hands-on like music) that may be more valuable than knowing more math right now. After all, it's been 18 years so far, so what's another year or two?

>> He was supposed to graduate last year but he didn't
Some kids just need a little longer to grow up. I know plenty of teenagers who weren't really ready to graduate to adulthood until their 20s, but they all turned out fine in the end.


About the depression treatment-- has his doctor tried giving him Deplin yet? It's specifically recommended for antidepressant resistance.

Deplin is just a strong vitamin (active B9, also known as methylfolate). Many people have a genetic problem where their enzyme to convert folate doesn't work well; this creates depression because folate is needed to to maintain healthy neurotransmitter levels. If his depression comes from this genetic problem, then antidepressants won't work well because they won't have enough raw materials to work with. If he has MTHFR problems, the extra methylfolate will normalize his folate levels, his neurotransmitters will rise, and he should feel much better. This process usually happens quickly-- within a week or two, you'll know if it is helping. Taking Deplin should have no side-effects if he doesn't have the mutation, so there is no downside except for the cost of the tablets.

The faulty enzyme is called "methylenetetrahydrofolate reductase", but is called MTHFR for short. You can also test for the MTHFR gene mutations (known as C677T and A1298C) and see if he has them. They are very common mutations.

Dr. Neil Rawlins (an ob/gyn) has a lecture on it starting here:

I believe his son developed depression from MTHFR so now he's trying to "get the word out".

Another video about how low folate levels can affect depression is here: http://www.neiglobal.com/Default.aspx?tabid=485

Best of luck to your family.

~JB Edited April 22, 2016 by shoponl

[shoponl]

Some kids need a little longer to grow up anyway. I know plenty of teenagers who weren't really ready to graduate to adulthood until their 20s, but they all turned out fine in the end.

 

I found this today, thought it was interesting and illustrated the point that chlidhood is not a race to the finish line:

"Brain Maturity Extends Well Beyond Teen Years"

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=141164708 .

 

~judi

[Tiramisu]

>>He just can't or won't get out of bed.

>> I need some advice...if you were on my situation, what would you do?

 

I'd concentrate my efforts on tackling the depressive illness, and forget about pushing school right now. The unfortunate truth is that depression can be a fatal illness with peaks and valleys-- better that he weather this dangerous period safely and start university a little later. After all, no one cares what age you are in college!

 

I hope I don't sound too alarmist, but I have an acquaintance whose son succumbed to depression at age 18, so now I never take this diabolical disease for granted. If you can reawaken his interests, maybe by concentrating on activities that he used to like (anything that gets him outside, off the computer, exercising, eating healthy foods; maybe something hands-on like music) that may be more valuable than knowing more math right now. After all, it's been 18 years so far, so what's another year or two?

 

>> He was supposed to graduate last year but he didn't

Some kids need a little longer to grow up, anyway. I know plenty of teenagers who weren't really ready to graduate to adulthood until their 20s, but they all turned out fine in the end.

 

 

About the depression treatment-- has his doctor tried giving him Deplin yet? It's specifically recommended for antidepressant resistance.

 

Deplin is just a strong vitamin (active B9, also known as methylfolate). Many people have a genetic problem where their enzyme to convert folate doesn't work well; this creates depression because folate is needed to to maintain healthy neurotransmitter levels. If his depression comes from this genetic problem, then antidepressants won't work well because they won't have enough raw materials to work with. If he has MTHFR problems, the extra methylfolate will normalize his folate levels, his neurotransmitters will rise, and he should feel much better. This process usually happens quickly-- within a week or two, you'll know if it is helping. Taking Deplin should have no side-effects if he doesn't have the mutation, so there is no downside except for the cost of the tablets.

 

The faulty enzyme is called "methylenetetrahydrofolate reductase", but is called MTHFR for short. You can also test for the MTHFR gene mutations (known as C677T and A1298C) and see if he has them. They are very common mutations.

 

Dr. Neil Rawlins (an ob/gyn) has a lecture on it starting here:

I believe his son developed depression from MTHFR so now he's trying to "get the word out".

 

Another video about how low folate levels can affect depression is here: http://www.neiglobal.com/Default.aspx?tabid=485

 

A Yahoo group on MTHFR is here:

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/MTHFRdiscussions/

 

Best of luck to your family.

 

~JB

 

:iagree:There really could be a physical reason behind this. It couldn't hurt to see an endocrinologist and also look into metabolic conditions like the one above.

 

Exercise is supposed to be the number one, most effective antidote for depression. I'd work on making that happen everyday.