8circles Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 My sister has NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) for sure and I think my mother does as well - she's at least co-dependent with my NPD sister. Its very difficult. This weekend was very difficult. My sister tried to pick a fight with me & my mother basically told me that she was no longer my mother & I needed to grow up. I know that I'm not alone at the Hive dealing with this. Where can I get support in dealing with this? Thanks in advance. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8circles Posted June 18, 2012 Author Share Posted June 18, 2012 Anyone? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 There is a group I know of called 'daughters of narcisstic mothers' you can find it on google. There's info and a forum available there. It's incredibly difficult, dealing w/family members w/a personality disorder. My mom fits both NPD and has 5 of 7 traits of a sociopath according to the DSM- IV. Only 3 are needed to be dx'd as a sociopath. MIL fits NPD like a glove too, but while she's completely narcisstic, she doesn't have the seemingly evil, malicious bent that my mother does. Sorry you're dealing w/this. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annandatje Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 http://outofthefog.net/forum/ In addition to the forum, they have articles, a "toolbox," and other resources for dealing with the difficult people in your lives. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 Amazon has some books. I'd start with Boundaries if you haven't already read it, and do some serious reading on NPD. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2samlibby Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 My sister has NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) for sure and I think my mother does as well - she's at least co-dependent with my NPD sister. Its very difficult. This weekend was very difficult. My sister tried to pick a fight with me & my mother basically told me that she was no longer my mother & I needed to grow up. I know that I'm not alone at the Hive dealing with this. Where can I get support in dealing with this? Thanks in advance. I dealt with them by cutting contact. Life is so much less stressful. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
love2read Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 I'm so sorry you've had to go through this :grouphug: http://daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com helped. The articles offer great suggestions for dealing with the people/person including what to say and do. The book "Will I Ever be Good Enough" by McBride was my lifeline too. It is especially helpful if you are the scapegoat. There are several threads about narcissistic family members on wtm. It was just this past April that I posted in this forum about a lifetime of problems with my mother and the responses all pointed to NPD. The "aha" and relief at knowing it was not me has changed my life. I spent two weeks crying almost constantly, mostly for the little girl who just wanted a mommy who loved her, and then things improved. Such a relief to finally see that I wasn't a rotten daughter, I had just been brainwashed to hate myself. In order to really understand this you will need some distance while you're reading and pondering. I didn't answer the phone when it was my mother and turned off the machine. If yours lives close, tell her that you need some space. After my two weeks of reading and blubbering, I sent my mother a note telling her that I was cutting contact for the time being until she could acknowledge that she had always treated me unfairly. I told her to think about it and not to contact me before June 20th, which gave her a few months to digest the information. I didn't label her, just mentioned a few things and that I wasn't going to tolerate the horrible treatment anymore. At first she texted and facebook my kids, so I resent the note highlighting no contact with any of us. It's been such a relief to not have to be treated like dirt for the first time in 50 years. There are a lot of us here, so keep posting and you will get replies. I would join a social community if someone set one up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hen Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 I am a DONM also, the board are very helpful. For me, going low contact helped, and reading up on NPD. It was extremely helpful when I began seeing her more, to be able to see what she was doing and not have it affect me so personally, because I was expecting some kind of N behavior- sitting back and seeing which play it would be and being able to be above it helped. I could then decide how to react or to not react at all. I'm so sorry, I know how it hurts to not have a normal mother/daughter relationship and to realize you never will have it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 Thanks to the resources people have shared on this forum, I've realized that my mom is narcissistic too. She blew up at me in December after I asked her simply if she planned to get the girls anything for Christmas. All of a sudden, I was the bad daughter all over again. I'm definitely the scapegoat and I read all of these characteristics and keep nodding my head. I'm going to check out some of these books. I cut off contact with my mom after she blew up at me, and I don't miss her nearly as much as I miss my dad. I can look back and see that she abused me. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8circles Posted June 18, 2012 Author Share Posted June 18, 2012 Thanks to the resources people have shared on this forum, I've realized that my mom is narcissistic too. She blew up at me in December after I asked her simply if she planned to get the girls anything for Christmas. All of a sudden, I was the bad daughter all over again. I'm definitely the scapegoat and I read all of these characteristics and keep nodding my head. I'm going to check out some of these books. I cut off contact with my mom after she blew up at me, and I don't miss her nearly as much as I miss my dad. I can look back and see that she abused me. :grouphug: Thank you to everyone who gave me info here. I'm still in shock kind-of. I knew my sister was NPD but it wasn't until this weekend that I realized that my mother is as well. Deep down I knew my family wasn't 'normal' but I was able to excuse it because of my sister. Now all the years of mother/daughter drama & guilt & criticism & emotional abandonment make sense. I'm bookmarking & putting books on hold at the library. Not sure where to go from here but thank you for pointing me at the information. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WTMCassandra Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 This is the most helpful article I have ever read on the subject. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 Thank you to everyone who gave me info here. I'm still in shock kind-of. I knew my sister was NPD but it wasn't until this weekend that I realized that my mother is as well. Deep down I knew my family wasn't 'normal' but I was able to excuse it because of my sister. Now all the years of mother/daughter drama & guilt & criticism & emotional abandonment make sense. I'm bookmarking & putting books on hold at the library. Not sure where to go from here but thank you for pointing me at the information. It's stunning to have affirmation that it truly ISN'T you, but her. That was the most mindblowing experience to date, wrapping my head around that. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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