How do you decide about TTC?

[TXMomof4]

Dh and I are discussing whether we want another baby. I so want a baby! But I don't. If you ask me in the morning I would move heaven and earth to have another child - but by bedtime the thought of baby, toddler, preschool years all over again terrifies me! My youngest will be 6 this summer. The longest space between my kids is 3 years and we KNEW with all of them that we wanted another child at exactly the time we did.

 

The biggest problem is timing now. We know we are moving next March/April so it's either try now or wait so the baby will be due next summer. But I'm almost 36 right now - dh is 39. If we were able to conceive this month he would be 40 when the baby is born. He is feeling his age somewhat and is concerned about that. We also don't have any idea where we are moving yet, so that is a little worrisome about waiting. Not that I couldn't have a baby anywhere - I just might like to know where my child will be born- KWIM?

 

The other problem is that I'm a little scared. I've had 4 c-sections already which automatically puts me at a higher risk for uterine rupture. We've also had several friends with stillborn babies and even 3rd trimester miscarriages. I've never had a mc that I'm aware of - I don't know why this scares me so much except that I suppose I was simply ignorant (I knew it could happen, but didn't know anyone it had happened to).

 

How do you balance the fears and concerns with the desire for another child?

[TXMomof4]

I am certain someone has some insight, BTDT type of experience to share? Surely?

 

I would guess no one is sad they did have another - but might regret not?

[Gisel_le]

I have no advice. I just wanted to let you know you aren't alone. :tongue_smilie:

 

Every single day, I want a baby and then I don't. I am running out of time to decide for sure as I will be 39 this year. I want so badly to experience the birthing process again., to fall asleep holding a baby on my chest, to take in the smells and newness.

 

And then reality hits me and I remember sleepless nights, postpartum depression, 2 year olds. :lol:

 

I figure as long as I am not totally on board with it, I probably shouldn't plan for one. But if it happened, I'd be totally okay with it.

[Trilliums]

I have no advice. I just wanted to let you know you aren't alone. :tongue_smilie:

 

 

 

I figure as long as I am not totally on board with it, I probably shouldn't plan for one. But if it happened, I'd be totally okay with it.

 

:iagree:

[Jpoy85]

As for the c-section.... you CAN have a VBA4C. You just have to find a Doula and a VBAC friendly OB/GYN. ICAN-online.org is a good organization for finding help. DONA.org can help you find a Doula. I had an induced VBA2C :)

 

for a baby. I want a baby like no tomorrow. We have 3 already, ive had losses, but we have been TTC over 3yrs and its hard. I went to the RE and found out I have Endo and PCOS. :crying:

[AvasMom]

Yep, BTDT. We are so on again off again it's ridiculous. I have no idea how to answer you other than to nod and tell you I understand. Oh and that thread about 40-somethings having babies is NOT helping! Ugh. It gave me baby fever again. Stupid thread. *grumble grumble* ;)

[BakersDozen]

How do you balance the fears and concerns with the desire for another child?

I've had this struggle ever since my first loss after #3. There are times the fear of another loss overwhelmes me to the point I struggle to breathe. The fear of something going horribly wrong increases as the years go by and my knowledge of friends/acquaintances who've suffered a tragedy also increases. I also have this thought that with each baby I have the chance of something going wrong increases. There are many times I think I cannot do it again...I can't go through the fear, anxiety, testing, waiting, crying, feeling my crushed heart plummet again.

 

Yet then I look at my precious dc who would not be here had I given into my fears. Basically that would be #s 4-11. They are worth the fear and anxiety, worth going through yet another loss in hope of having a take-home baby the next time.

 

For me, I would always wonder who would be in my family if I give into my fear and prevent more babies. I would regret it, I know myself well enough to know that.

 

I've had 4 c-sections already which automatically puts me at a higher risk for uterine rupture.

This scares me as well having had my first experience with a c/s last September yet again, I can give into my fear or I can hold on to a hope that things will go well.

[chickenpatty]

I so want a baby! But I don't. If you ask me in the morning I would move heaven and earth to have another child - but by bedtime the thought of baby, toddler, preschool years all over again terrifies me!

 

I feel the exact same way! (Sorry, I don't have any answers, though.)

[PRTGSw2K]

We are going through the same. We've been TTC #3 for 2 years now. I'm getting to the point where I'm not sure if I do or don't want another. My youngest is getting closer to 4, and nearing the end of the terrible 3's. Do I really want to go through all of that again?

 

Then, I see a newborn, see their sweetness, remember the birth of my other 2, remember how wonderful babies are, and decide to keep TTC. DH is on board for whatever.

 

Luckily for me, I'm in my early 30s, so I have some time before it gets serious. A baby would be wonderful...but I'm now getting to the point where 2 would be great also.

[AnaShoo]

Heh, this scernario is very similar to mine (minus the c-section concerns, since both my dc were Vs). Both my husband and I are wishy-washy about it - our youngest is four and a half, and it seems so crazy to go back and do it again. I worry about a tagalong baby, too - our oldest are 3 years apart and it was perfect, but another one would be more than 5 years younger than our last. And there's no way we'll have two more...

 

So, I hear ya! We've decided to stop preventing and NOT start TTC until the end of the year (in other words, there is no ovulation tracking/trying to time it or buying fourteen thousand pregnancy sticks). I can't deal with the stress of checking every month, so it's got to be laidback. And, if we don't end up pregnant, I'm okay with that. I guess you could say we're giving it to God, but not all that extreme, since we have an end date for my husband's snipping no matter what the outcome!

[Peaceful Isle]

I have also had 4 c sections. I really wanted tons of kids, but my doctor said my uterus was paper thin after the 4th, and it would be dangerous.

I was so heartbroken. I completely understand where you are coming from.

I had a tubal, and I kind of regret it. I know it was the right thing, but :(

That being said, my friend had 5 c sections before the doctor told her it would be too dangerous for her to have any more. Everyone is different. Research, and try to find a really good doctor.

Good luck! :grouphug:

[Lab1]

We have a 6 yr gap between my girls and boys. It took a lot of prayer! We nearly lost my2nd and me during childbirth. I have rough pregnancies! It took yrs before I was open to another and even more yrs before my DH was willing to risk it. I'm in the throws of two toddlers and its a challenge! My two "sets" are 16 months apart on purpose. I can't physically handle a pg with a toddler, yet want close in age siblings.

[sewingmama]

Oh I hear you on wanting a baby and then changing your mind a thousand times LOL.

 

I've had two M/C since my third baby -one at 11 weeks and one at 7 weeks. Multiple M/C are harder to recover from - if you only have one you can pass it off as a fluke KWIM.

 

I"m 38 in a few weeks - DH is 40. He really wants to try for another but I'm hesitant at the thought of another M/C. Plus getting pregnant seems to be an all or nothing affair for me :glare: We've never used B/C and in 11 years of TTC it took us 5 years to get pregnant with our first and then it seemed like I couldn't turn it off - we had two more quickly after. :D

 

Then in the last 3 years I've only gotten pregnant twice and lost both of those.

 

So our TTC plans are more along the lines of IF I even get pregnant again rather then when. :glare:

 

We just started TTC officially this month. I'm trying not to worry too much about it and hanging on to the thought that I probably will not get pregnant again anyway so what harm is there in trying. I'll worry about M/C and the rest of the stuff later if I do manage to get pregnant.

 

I go back and forth in my head about having a baby. This gap is the biggest we've had. I wouldn't be starting entirely over -my 2yo is still in diapers - but it's nice having a bit more freedom as he is getting older.

 

Last night after (ahem) TTC :lol: - I lay in bed thinking what an idiot I was and that if I did get pregnant it was going to be so hard to homeschool with a baby around. My other kids are so close in age and the 2yo is becoming independent enough that I've never had the problem of what to do with the "interupting baby" KWIM. And of course there are the sleepless nights again which now I am older and have more health issues I know would send me over the edge.

 

Anyway - we decided to just go for it - and what happens, happens - I'll find some way to figure it out :lol: I grasp the hope that another baby will be like my two boys who slept 8 hours through the night from 3 weeks old and lots of hours during the day. I banish from my mind the images of my DD who slept 20 minutes a day and screamed all night -surely the God's would not be so cruel to repeat that experience :lol::lol:

[pbb119]

I have always gone with the rule that if I think that I want a baby, and I think it more times than I think I don't, then go for it, because you will never have a baby you don't love, but you could regret not having a baby you wanted when it is too late.

 

Research vbac, please. Go to ican, join an ican forum, ask questions, and read stories. My first 2 were c/s followed by 2 vbacs. And in ican, there are many, many success stories, and also many who did require another c/s. The point is to understand the REAL risks, not the ones the dr's want to scare you with.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Scuff]

I wanted a 4th and for a long time dh didn't. So i started praying dor his change of mind or my contentment. And I grew content. Then he changed his mind. :lol: at that point he left it up to me and I did go back and forth a bit. My youngest was 5 at the time, so we very much were starting over. There are so many baby things you forget and get used to living without. But when it cMe down to it, how could I not? I had wanted it for so long that I just felt like I would regret not having another now that it was my choice. Even if it meant no long bike rides or quick shopping trips for awhile. She is a delight to us all. It is so differrnt having a baby that is #3 in a line of needy little ones and having a baby when you have olders. It's a lot of fun watching them with her and they do help a lot. She has by far been the easiest. So, i'll agree with what others have said, you likely won't regret havng another, but you may regret not.

[Leanna Tomlinson]

I'm 45 years old and 15 weeks pregnant with a surprise!!!

 

Since announcing our news two weeks ago, my husband and I have experienced the same thing over and over......people in their 50's, 60's,and 70's all expressing joy at our news and confessing that they wished they had had more children.

 

Another baby was not even on my radar, but the minute I found out a baby was growing my heart changed. Have I had fears? You bet, but I have learned to trust God like never before.

 

In the final analysis, I've never known anyone to regret having another child, but I've known many to wish for more later in life when it's too late to go back and change things.

[melissad2]

I just had my 3rd and I struggle with the idea of being "done". My dh says he doesn't want any more. I have fertility issues and baby #3 came as quite a surprise. I didn't want to get my tubes tied for fear of regret. I'm going to give it to God and pray that if we are meant to have 4 it will all work out!

[TXMomof4]

I want to encourage you--I had 5 c-sections and did fine with them. We lost two more after my 13yo and I would have been 46 with the last one. I would probably would have gone to a bigger hospital with any more, but it was doable.

 

That is encouraging. I need to call my OB that delivered all of my kids and make sure that there isn't any reason NOT to. He never mentioned thin uterus and, in fact, he convinced me not to have a partial hysterectomy after #4. I feel certain he would have told me if I should avoid getting pg.

 

I'm very glad to know I'm not alone here. Dh goes back and forth as well and isn't helping make any decision.

[SonshineLearner]

I was homeschooled, always thought I'd have 6 kids (and live that "perfect" dream of a "happy gets along family":)) I have step-daughters 19, 16, & a daughter 13 with an 8 yr old son my husband and I had together. They all have summer birthdays so they all move up in age in the next couple of months. I really wanted more children for a long time, when my son was younger. I still love to think about how it might have worked out, if I had kept having a couple more. BUT, I can honestly tell you that for the first time.... I am happy to be "on my way out" of this stage and into the grandparenting stage. (Not that I have them now... just that I know they're probably coming) Everyone's different, but turning 40 yrs old, as I did in Sept.... made it somehow "right" that I am done. I don't think that the "love those babies" stage ever necessarily goes away.... But want another baby for ME to take care of 24/7 has.

:)

[TXMomof4]

I called my OB that delivered my 4 kids and asked if there was any reason (thin uterus, scarring problems) that I shouldn't try again. He told me he knew I'd want more and my uterus was more than healthy enough if I wanted - so get busy!

 

I love it when a dr. knows you better than you know yourself, that's pretty rare. Now - If I could just get back to Dallas for another pg and have him to deliver #5. (Of course, I have to decide to really go for pg again first.)

 

This week is *the* week if we want to go for it. Arghhhh! Praying that if it's supposed to happen it happens right away - if dh and I aren't sleeping in separate rooms to prevent it. I hate decisions!