Jean in Newcastle Posted March 25, 2012 Share Posted March 25, 2012 I don't like being asked. I prefer to just be me. I hate to have a number attached to me that comes with some baggage/expectations. You know, if I feel like painting my nails shiny green, singing a Veggie Tales song, doing a cartwheel on the front lawn, or wearing pigtails, I want to be judged (if I must be judged) ONLY on whether I pulled it off or not. I do NOT want to have people thinking 35 or 40 or whatever is too old to be doing ______________. Or, worse, people thinking that by a certain age, shouldn't I be making more money or own my own home or drive a better car? I don't need that pressure. If they're kept guessing, it reduces some of the internal judging, in my opinion. If they don't know my age, they can't judge in that way, and I can feel free to be more myself. That's interesting. I guess in my mind, that number (meaning my age) is simply me. But I haven't met anyone who has ever put certain expectations on certain ages. Wait - I take that back. I did have some of that when I was a precocious teen and went to college early. But since then, adult (of any age) has just meant adult. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndyJoy Posted March 25, 2012 Share Posted March 25, 2012 I know the ages of most of the women in my circle of friends/closer acquaintances. Graduation years come up in conversation. We talk about how long we've been married and how old we were at the time. We talk about how old we were when we had our kids. I even asked someone outright last week (the horror!) because she was having a birthday party. I said, "So if you don't mind revealing, how old are you going to be?" She laughed and said, "I don't care if people know my age; I'll be 28." Which is exactly how I would have responded except the 28 would be replaced by 30. I also gave her a high-five a few minutes later and told her she could join my club when she announced that she was going to let her hair go gray.:D We're a fun-loving, laid-back group of moms (mostly of preschoolers) and asking about age seems perfectly natural in this group. We like to talk about parenting, health, diapering choices, food choices, etc. and can do it without hard feelings. I've encountered very little gossip as well. Maybe that's because like to talk about ourselves--age and all.:lol: I've volunteered my age when I could tell someone older than me wanted to know but was "too polite" to ask. I'd rather people just come out and ask such things--I put it in the category of "getting to know you" like where I grew up, how many siblings I have, where I went to college, and what I studied. What they do with that information is up to them. If they decide to judge me or write me off because of my age, they were probably going to find a way to do that anyway. I don't think it's like asking someone whether they were adopted, how much money they make, whether their parents are still married, if they "planned" a particular child, etc. When I was 26, I was chaperoning an 8th grade graduation trip. One of the moms was talking to me about details, and was clearly bothered by something. She wouldn't come out and ask me, but I finally figured out that she thought I was much younger and thus less experienced with driving. She thought I was 21 and had probably only been driving since 17/18 since that was common in our area. I explained that I was 26 and had been driving with a spotless record since 15 and she was satisfied. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oakblossoms Posted March 25, 2012 Share Posted March 25, 2012 It feels not so polite;) But, people ask me a lot especially when I am with my kids or if they assume my baby is my first. I get a lot of, "oh enjoy your first baby comments." I say oh he is my fifth. I am short and hip:tongue_smilie: My oldest is a foot taller than me. I might be offended if I looked old:tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndyJoy Posted March 25, 2012 Share Posted March 25, 2012 I don't like being asked. I prefer to just be me. I hate to have a number attached to me that comes with some baggage/expectations. You know, if I feel like painting my nails shiny green, singing a Veggie Tales song, doing a cartwheel on the front lawn, or wearing pigtails, I want to be judged (if I must be judged) ONLY on whether I pulled it off or not. I do NOT want to have people thinking 35 or 40 or whatever is too old to be doing ______________. Or, worse, people thinking that by a certain age, shouldn't I be making more money or own my own home or drive a better car? I don't need that pressure. If they're kept guessing, it reduces some of the internal judging, in my opinion. If they don't know my age, they can't judge in that way, and I can feel free to be more myself. I feel more free to be myself when my age is out there as well. That IS part of myself. I understand the pressure you're talking about; I was able to work through most of it when I was 15-20. Other teens judged me and my best friend for having good clean fun that didn't seem "mature" to them. (Hanging out at the mall, watching horror movies, or having a boyfriend=cool. Roller skating with your best friend while wearing pinwheel headbands and blowing bubbles--not cool.) I reveled their disdain. I wanted to shake up their preconceived notions of what a teenager has to be. I didn't want to conform. Thus, teens who didn't care to know me thought I was "immature". Adults (and a few teens who were more perceptive) found me to be very mature. When I was in college, I puzzled some of my dorm mates. They found me to be a lively, educated conversationalist and excellent student and an irrepressible fun-loving "character." Many of them were trying so hard to live up to their own expectations of adulthood that they found me bewildering. Now I'm 30, people know my age, and I still do "youthful" things. Last week I wore pigtails. Someone my age who really likes me but is less secure in herself made a small comment about it. I laughed and said, "They're fun, aren't they? I like a break from the ponytail." I could tell she was a bit surprised that I wasn't embarrassed and didn't defend myself in some way. I figure if people judge me badly in some way for my age, they are judgmental people who would find some other way to judge me harshly anyway. If they know my age, judge me badly, then get to know me as a person and think better of it, maybe they'll learn something about snap judgements. Who knows. It works for me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndyJoy Posted March 25, 2012 Share Posted March 25, 2012 I wanted to add that I wouldn't ask a complete stranger's age because of social norms, but someone who is an acquaintance that I'm trying to get to know better I would. If I am at the point where I would ask them about their hometown, siblings, college & major, etc. I might ask their age or when they graduated (same thing, really). I don't have a problem giving my age even when asked by a complete stranger. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted March 25, 2012 Share Posted March 25, 2012 I don't remember being asked very often, though my uncle asked me over the weekend because he's getting up there in age himself and couldn't remember if I was older or younger than my cousin (we're the same age). It usually comes up in conversation naturally with new friends, so I don't ever ask anyone his/her age. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GingerPoppy Posted March 31, 2012 Share Posted March 31, 2012 Now I'm 30, people know my age, and I still do "youthful" things. Last week I wore pigtails. Someone my age who really likes me but is less secure in herself made a small comment about it. I laughed and said, "They're fun, aren't they? I like a break from the ponytail." I could tell she was a bit surprised that I wasn't embarrassed and didn't defend myself in some way. Well, I found it easier to be upfront when I was 30. But I've got almost 10 years on you (ooops, now you know). I still occasionally wear pigtails, too. I just don't want the interior dialog in people: "Wow, how dare she do that at her age!!" I keep 'em guessing. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GingerPoppy Posted March 31, 2012 Share Posted March 31, 2012 :iagree: I feel exactly the same way. Ahhhh, it's good not to feel alone! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GailV Posted March 31, 2012 Share Posted March 31, 2012 Now I'm 30, people know my age, and I still do "youthful" things. Last week I wore pigtails. Someone my age who really likes me but is less secure in herself made a small comment about it. I laughed and said, "They're fun, aren't they? I like a break from the ponytail." I could tell she was a bit surprised that I wasn't embarrassed and didn't defend myself in some way. Heck, when I finally turned 30 I was practically announcing it to everyone I saw. I tended to be mistaken for younger than my age, and felt like I was finally an adult. Well, I found it easier to be upfront when I was 30. But I've got almost 10 years on you (ooops, now you know). I still occasionally wear pigtails, too. I just don't want the interior dialog in people: "Wow, how dare she do that at her age!!" I keep 'em guessing. :) Yeah, now that 30 is long-ago history (back in the 1990s), I'm not so prone to feel the need to announce these things :coolgleamA: I wouldn't have thought I'd ever reach that point a couple of decades ago, though. And right now "30" looks/sounds like a young whippersnapper who should definitely be wearing pigtails, for pete's sake. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted March 31, 2012 Share Posted March 31, 2012 Don't do it, unless y'all are having a conversation that directly applies to age. Otherwise, don't do it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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