Nakia Posted February 27, 2012 Share Posted February 27, 2012 (edited) I am going to try so hard to keep this short and concise, but it might be hard. A little background: My maternal grandmother (mgm) was mentally ill, non-compliant with her medical and pysch care, and emotionally and psychically abusive to her 3 children including my mother. I had a relationship with her and my maternal grandfather (mgf) when I was younger, but by the time I was a teen, it was so awful that pretty much everyone in the family had stepped away from both of my grandparents. I have seen them less than 5 times as an adult. My oldest dd met them once when she was around a year old, and my younger two never met them. My mgm caused trouble, drama, and chaos her entire life. She passed away in September. My mgf is still alive, has end stage Alzheimer's, and lives in a nursing home nearby. He was proven incompetent years ago, and is in the guardianship of DSS. After my mgm died, the will was read, and of course, her and my mgf's wills were "mirror wills", I think you call it. Anyway, the only 4 people mentioned in the will are me and my 3 girls. See, I was always the "favorite", which has caused resentment and jealousy for all my 34 years. My aunt (mom's sister) and her children rarely speak to me. I am close with my mom's brother, and my relationship with my mom is hit and miss. So as you can imagine, most of the family is really angry that my grandparents' children and the rest of the grandchildren and great grands were left out of the will. The things that were left to us have no monetary value; it's things like bibles, pictures, and my mgm's collections (7 curio cabinets full of stuff). The rest of their estate was left to their church. Now that my mgm is dead, and my mgf is racking up nursing home bills, his executor and guardian has petitioned the court to go ahead and sell his estate to pay for his medical care. I received a notice that there is going to be a hearing to settle the estate and that includes the girls and I receiving our things. Here's the thing: When I found out about the things we've been given, Patrick and I prayed and talked about it, and we don't want anything. My mgm didn't even know us, really. She hurt my family all her life, and a few months before she died, she wrote me an 11 page letter, front and back, cursing me and calling me all kinds of names and told me I was going to rot in hell because I lied to her (I don't know what I lied about, btw). I know 100% in my heart, she intentionally left everyone but us out of the will to cause more trouble after she died. She was an evil woman. My mgf just went along with anything she said. So, I called the lawyer that sent the court documents, and she told me she thinks that the things left to my children have to be held for them until they are 18 and can decide for themselves. They have been appointed a guardian ad litem to speak on their behalf and decide what happens. I know that is standard procedure, and I get it. I have a call in to him right now. I guess I just don't understand why I can't give permission for the cabinets and collections to be sold in the estate sale. That would just be more helpful for my mgf's care. I'm not trying to be difficult, but I do not want anything from them. My kids didn't even know them. It seems so much more complicated than it needs to be. Dang it. I've had to take Motrin and a Xanax this afternoon. My family is dysfunctional with a capital D. I could write a book. Just take it from me, you don't want to know everything, lol. It is just ugly. I honestly do not have any kind of relationship with most of them. I guess I have to go to the hearing and get the judge to understand that I don't want anything, and I don't and won't accept anything for my kids. If the court or attorney truly wants it to be in "holding" for my girls for when they are 18, then they can pay storage fees for it. It would take $200 or more a month to pay for it to be stored. And I don't have the time or energy to try and sell it all off. Okay, this is long, and I'm rambling. Any advice? I hope I don't sound like a wretched person. And I hope this isn't too confusing. Edited February 27, 2012 by Nakia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen in PA Posted February 27, 2012 Share Posted February 27, 2012 No advice, but :grouphug:. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brilliant Posted February 27, 2012 Share Posted February 27, 2012 So, I called the lawyer that sent the court documents, and she told me she thinks that the things left to my children have to be held for them until they are 18 and can decide for themselves. They have been appointed a guardian ad litem to speak on their behalf and decide what happens. I know that is standard procedure, and I get it. I have a call in to him right now. I guess I just don't understand why I can't give permission for the cabinets and collections to be sold in the estate sale. ... I hope the guardian ad litem calls you back with some good news. I don't think it's possible that they can legally force you to store items until your children are 18. You can pretty much make any decision for a minor child. If they insist you take possession of it - put it on Craig's List the same day, and then put any money you get in your dc's college funds. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lawana Posted February 27, 2012 Share Posted February 27, 2012 Nakia, I don't have any advice, but do understand the dysfunctional family thing. All I can offer is :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted February 27, 2012 Share Posted February 27, 2012 Can you "accept" it and turn it over to the estate sale? Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G5052 Posted February 27, 2012 Share Posted February 27, 2012 If it is structured the way I think it is, refusing is going to drag it out and may end up costing you because you are going to have to file some sort of motion to refuse, if that is even an option. Of course you don't want the bother of dealing with it, but I'd just go along and be done with it. If they are actually valuable items, you might be able to find an antiques dealer who will pick it up and give you some $ outright. Then you can donate the $ or put it aside for something else. My family is a mess too, and there's a decent estate just sitting there with nothing being done. I'm ignoring it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AK_Mom4 Posted February 27, 2012 Share Posted February 27, 2012 Can you "accept" it and turn it over to the estate sale? Cat First - :grouphug: Now, take a deep breath. These things are problems because of all the emotions wrapped up in the family issues. The simplest way out is above - "accept" the items and then sign them over immediately to the estate sale. You can do this with one sentence on a piece of paper with your signature. Then, you can walk away. And if any family members really want those items, they can purchase them from the estate (which keeps you out of the middle). You can encourage the guardian to do the same, but that's not your problem. You don't have to pay to store the items - that's the estate's problem. You can just walk away from that part. If the items are ever delivered to your girls when they are age 18, your girls can deal with it then. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted February 27, 2012 Share Posted February 27, 2012 Anyway, the only 4 people mentioned in the will are me and my 3 girls. When I found out about the things we've been given, Patrick and I prayed and talked about it, and we don't want anything. I guess I just don't understand why I can't give permission for the cabinets and collections to be sold in the estate sale. I guess I have to go to the hearing and get the judge to understand that I don't want anything, and I don't and won't accept anything for my kids. If the court or attorney truly wants it to be in "holding" for my girls for when they are 18, then they can pay storage fees for it. It would take $200 or more a month to pay for it to be stored. And I don't have the time or energy to try and sell it all off. You can't decline on behalf of your girls; you can only decline on your own behalf. The attorney is right. Why not accept the things now? Then you can do whatever you want with them when they are in your possession, even sell them online and donate the proceeds for your grandfather, assuming your girls are old enough to consent. And what would it matter if they had a teacup or Bible or something of the Grandparents they didn't know? Selling might be a nice way to turn this into something good. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted February 27, 2012 Share Posted February 27, 2012 I have no idea either. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nakia Posted February 27, 2012 Author Share Posted February 27, 2012 I didn't know about the possibility of signing them over to the estate. I like that option. I'll talk to the guardian ad litem about that. There are many reasons I don't want them now. For one there are 7 HUGE wood and glass curio cabinets full of stuff. I would have to hire someone with a huge truck to move them. The cabinets themselves probably weighh 150 lbs each. Then I would have to pay a lot of money to store them. I live in a small county with a lot of unemployment, so I can't count on them to sell. I would probably end up spending more money than they are worth. That isn't even considering all the stuff that's in them. There are also 6 other grandchildren and 6 other great grandchildren who have been purposefully excluded simply because my grandmother was a mean vindictive person. The other, and main reason, that I don't want them is because I do not have the emotional ability to go in that house and take care of this. It might be hard to understand, but it is what it is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MariannNOVA Posted February 27, 2012 Share Posted February 27, 2012 You sound reasonable and you've made perfect sense to me...including the motrin and xanax. Have some :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:. I will keep you in my prayers and hope to see good news here from you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetMissMagnolia Posted February 27, 2012 Share Posted February 27, 2012 no advice either just lots of :grouphug: and good wishes-hope things are settled easily and to your wishes.....how frustrating... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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