IrresistibleGrace Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 I don't let my children sleep in the bed with me? I'm sure this has been discussed before on these boards but I am too lazy to use the search feature right now. My dh is out of town for one night and dd 8 asked if I will be lonely without him in bed with me. I said yes, I will miss him but I will be fine. And she got really sweet and concerned and said that she would love to sleep with me tonight to "keep me company". Of course at this point all 3 other dc become very 'concerned' and want to sleep with me too. Well, first of all, my babies sleep in cribs not in my bed. DH and I are both rather large and are deep sleepers and I'm afraid one of us would crush them. So my dc learn early on that when it's time for bed they go to theirs and we go to ours. Second, I have on two separate occasions let my dd8 and ds6 try to sleep in bed with me because they 'wanted to so bad' and both of them ended up getting up and going back to their own bed. It's just what they are used to and they couldn't get comfortable, I snore too much :blushing:, they just 'missed their room', etc. Last, I had my gallbladder removed 9 days ago and while I feel much better, it is still difficult to get comfortable in bed and I make an awful lot of racket trying to roll over and such. So, using these excuses along with the argument that all 4 of them would never fit and I didn't know a fair way to choose just 1 (although it would have been dd8 since it was her idea and the others could have a turn the next times dh is gone), I said no and put them all to bed in their proper places. But now I feel soooo bad. Like I have deprived them of some ancient, sacred childhood need and they will never feel loved or wanted or worthy. Is this terrible? Sorry this got so long and if you've made it this far -- thank you for 'listening' :D! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AuntieM Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 No, it's not terrible. I think I am a *better* mom when I am fueled by a good night's sleep! I do invite my littlest for a sleepover once in a blue moon if dh is travelling. But I plan it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 I was on the fence until I read about the gallbladder surgery recovery. No, Mama, kiss their little heads and sing them a song, promise them you'll be fine, and let everybody sleep in their own beds as usual. I'm a co-sleeping type of Mama, so whenever any of mine pile in with me we all get more sleep, not less, but that's just a style and a preference. Lots and lots of very good mothers never co-sleep once and never let their kids sleep in Mama and Daddy's bed. It's OK. Everyone should sleep where they get the most/best sleep, and in your family that means everyone sleeps in their own beds. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrresistibleGrace Posted February 23, 2012 Author Share Posted February 23, 2012 Aww, thanks Auntie M. I wish I had thought of it earlier in the day and could have planned it out/ prepared my mind for it. That is part of the problem. Dd8 brought this up shortly before bedtime and I am not good at last minute changes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrresistibleGrace Posted February 23, 2012 Author Share Posted February 23, 2012 I was on the fence until I read about the gallbladder surgery recovery. No, Mama, kiss their little heads and sing them a song, promise them you'll be fine, and let everybody sleep in their own beds as usual. I'm a co-sleeping type of Mama, so whenever any of mine pile in with me we all get more sleep, not less, but that's just a style and a preference. Lots and lots of very good mothers never co-sleep once and never let their kids sleep in Mama and Daddy's bed. It's OK. Everyone should sleep where they get the most/best sleep, and in your family that means everyone sleeps in their own beds. You made me cry, thank you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AFwife Claire Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 LOL, I can count on one hand the times my kids have slept in my bed (because all these things have to line up: dh is gone, the kids are sick, etc.). I do NOT sleep well if any little person is in bed with me, so I pretty much always send any night time visitors right back to their own bed. So maybe I'm the wrong person to ask! Obviously I don't think it's terrible, and my kids are all turning out to be fine people so far! And maybe that's due to me being a more well-rested mom than I would have been if they had been sleeping with me, LOL. I do NOT do well when I am not getting some uninterrupted sleep! I don't remember ever sleeping with my mom in her bed, even when my dad was TDY (and he was a pilot so he was gone a lot), so I guess it wasn't a sacred childhood ritual for me. Maybe that's one reason it doesn't bother me now? My kids really have not asked to sleep with me much though--just a few times after a scary dream, and then I snuggle with them for a few minutes before putting them back in their own bed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 I am a single mom, but I don't sleep with my kids (I work after they go to bed, and they sleep better without me). However, I tell them they are welcome to come to my bed for snuggles after the sun comes up (until time to get ready for school). This is more than enough bedsharing for all of us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NotAVampireLvr Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 I love sleeping with my kids. My DH however does not. My kids are all trained to sleep in their own beds, but on occasion do sleep with me - usually when their sick. (meaning DH sleeps in one of their beds) It doesn't make you a bad mother for wanting your own space. DH needs it because he's such a light sleeper and he's no less of a parent in my eyes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrresistibleGrace Posted February 23, 2012 Author Share Posted February 23, 2012 LOL, I can count on one hand the times my kids have slept in my bed (because all these things have to line up: dh is gone, the kids are sick, etc.). I do NOT sleep well if any little person is in bed with me, so I pretty much always send any night time visitors right back to their own bed. So maybe I'm the wrong person to ask! Obviously I don't think it's terrible, and my kids are all turning out to be fine people so far! And maybe that's due to me being a more well-rested mom than I would have been if they had been sleeping with me, LOL. I do NOT do well when I am not getting some uninterrupted sleep! I don't remember ever sleeping with my mom in her bed, even when my dad was TDY (and he was a pilot so he was gone a lot), so I guess it wasn't a sacred childhood ritual for me. Maybe that's one reason it doesn't bother me now? My kids really have not asked to sleep with me much though--just a few times after a scary dream, and then I snuggle with them for a few minutes before putting them back in their own bed. I, too, have scooted over and snuggled for a while if they come to me with scary dreams. Thank you for the encouragement! I am a single mom, but I don't sleep with my kids (I work after they go to bed, and they sleep better without me). However, I tell them they are welcome to come to my bed for snuggles after the sun comes up (until time to get ready for school). This is more than enough bedsharing for all of us. Same here about them sleeping so much better in their own beds! I'm usually up and going before they get up so morning snuggles don't work here. I just have to work in lots of hugs and lap time throughout the day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AdventureMoms Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 I'm a co-sleeper, and the only time during DD's infancy that she did not sleep with us was when I was recovering from gallbladder surgery. That alone would be reason to say no, IMO. Regardless, it does not make you a bad parent. I'm a big fan of whatever sleeping arrangement gets everyone the most sleep. Which is why I have a still-cosleeping 3.5yo, and two 1yo's who sleep alone in cribs. It sounds like they would enjoy an occasional "special treat" sleepover, and that may be ok with you under different circumstances, but I don't think there's anything wrong with saying no, either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeacefulChaos Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 I don't let my children sleep in the bed with me? I'm sure this has been discussed before on these boards but I am too lazy to use the search feature right now. My dh is out of town for one night and dd 8 asked if I will be lonely without him in bed with me. I said yes, I will miss him but I will be fine. And she got really sweet and concerned and said that she would love to sleep with me tonight to "keep me company". Of course at this point all 3 other dc become very 'concerned' and want to sleep with me too. Well, first of all, my babies sleep in cribs not in my bed. DH and I are both rather large and are deep sleepers and I'm afraid one of us would crush them. So my dc learn early on that when it's time for bed they go to theirs and we go to ours. Second, I have on two separate occasions let my dd8 and ds6 try to sleep in bed with me because they 'wanted to so bad' and both of them ended up getting up and going back to their own bed. It's just what they are used to and they couldn't get comfortable, I snore too much :blushing:, they just 'missed their room', etc. Last, I had my gallbladder removed 9 days ago and while I feel much better, it is still difficult to get comfortable in bed and I make an awful lot of racket trying to roll over and such. So, using these excuses along with the argument that all 4 of them would never fit and I didn't know a fair way to choose just 1 (although it would have been dd8 since it was her idea and the others could have a turn the next times dh is gone), I said no and put them all to bed in their proper places. But now I feel soooo bad. Like I have deprived them of some ancient, sacred childhood need and they will never feel loved or wanted or worthy. Is this terrible? Sorry this got so long and if you've made it this far -- thank you for 'listening' :D! Nope, not terrible. :) We think alike, you and I, on the kids in the bed issue. Honestly, I could have written pretty much everything you said (except I didn't have surgery recently ;) ). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrresistibleGrace Posted February 23, 2012 Author Share Posted February 23, 2012 I love sleeping with my kids. My DH however does not. My kids are all trained to sleep in their own beds, but on occasion do sleep with me - usually when their sick. (meaning DH sleeps in one of their beds) It doesn't make you a bad mother for wanting your own space. DH needs it because he's such a light sleeper and he's no less of a parent in my eyes. I'm a co-sleeper, and the only time during DD's infancy that she did not sleep with us was when I was recovering from gallbladder surgery. That alone would be reason to say no, IMO. Regardless, it does not make you a bad parent. I'm a big fan of whatever sleeping arrangement gets everyone the most sleep. Which is why I have a still-cosleeping 3.5yo, and two 1yo's who sleep alone in cribs. It sounds like they would enjoy an occasional "special treat" sleepover, and that may be ok with you under different circumstances, but I don't think there's anything wrong with saying no, either. Thanks so much ladies! You have all been so sweet. I almost feel ready to go get in my empty bed and get some rest. :sleep: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NanceXToo Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 Not terrible at all. But next time he's out of town if you really wanted to, you could put sleeping bags on the floor and let them all have a sleepover in your room- but on the floor, not in the bed with you, for a slumber party treat. If you were so inclined and they thought it would be fun. Not a big deal though by any means, it's not like they were scared and crying and you made them suck it up and go to their rooms anyway, it sounds like they were all fine! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 I agree with everyone else. You're not terrible. You're not even sort of mean. Get some rest. And enjoy having the whole bed to yourself for a change! :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 Last, I had my gallbladder removed 9 days ago and while I feel much better, it is still difficult to get comfortable in bed and I make an awful lot of racket trying to roll over and such. Having just recently recovered from a surgery in which my husband didn't even sleep in the bed with me, I'd say no. Nine days out, I could not roll over without a lot of effort and some pain. So, thank your sweet child, and set another date for when Mom is all healed up (at least a couple of months). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 I was on the fence until I read about the gallbladder surgery recovery. No, Mama, kiss their little heads and sing them a song, promise them you'll be fine, and let everybody sleep in their own beds as usual. I'm a co-sleeping type of Mama, so whenever any of mine pile in with me we all get more sleep, not less, but that's just a style and a preference. Lots and lots of very good mothers never co-sleep once and never let their kids sleep in Mama and Daddy's bed. It's OK. Everyone should sleep where they get the most/best sleep, and in your family that means everyone sleeps in their own beds. :iagree: I am this way exactly. So glad someone else could voice my own thoughts so well :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kwickimom Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 No you are not a bad mother! My kids have never slept with me...ever. I cannot sleep with a child in my bed. I never slept in my parents bed and I turned out just fine. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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