TravelingChris Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 I am generally a pretty cheerful person. So is my dh but he travels a lot. So is my dd who is in college- not as cheerful but certainly not a depressive. Then I have my two others. One won't go to any doctor and the other wants to go but I am having a very hard time finding one who accepts new patients. They all have stupid procedures where you leave your name and phone number on a machine and they don't bother to call back and a few days later when you call again, you find out they aren't accepting new patients. It is so incredibly demoralizing to live with them. They are both nasty, irritable and in the case of my son, fairly irrational. Dh, older dd, and I are very hard working people who believe in doing things right. Both my son and youngest dd are lazy though the dd is much better than the son. Nothing is just right for those two while their sister deals with real heart issues. It is infuriating. I have scores of chronic illnesses and keep on working. I am too small to drag them to do things. I have told them to exercise, get proper amounts of sleep, etc. Do they? No. It is like they want to drag me down into their depressive mire and they are somewhat succeeding because I can't stop crying now. I don;t want to be a slave master. I hate having such negative people around me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
m0mmaBuck Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 :grouphug: I wish I had something insightful to say, but all I can say is :grouphug:. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AK_Mom4 Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 :grouphug: You need to find a way to get yourself a break away from those two each day. If you can't find a way to recharge yourself, they will pull you down with them. And I'm so sorry - what you are doing is really hard! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plucky Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 I'm so sorry. It sounds like you are also very sensitive to others' moods. I am, too. See if you can get out and do something just for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dakarimom5 Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 I know you are in Huntsville, but if you are willing to drive to Decatur and have insurance, Alabama Psych Services is usually good about scheduling new patients quickly. You can pm me if you would like more info.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 It is very frustrating. I completely understand. I have given every ounce of my being to help my RAD and I just can not do it anymore. She has to decide she wants help and she wants to change. Until then, I have to take care of myself, for once, and I refuse to let her or my younger son (talk about difficult!) bring me down. They wore me out for years and I will not allow it anymore. I hope you can eventually let more things roll off your shoulders, and let natural consequences to their moods and/or actions, or lack thereof, take place while you not allow any of it to bother you. It takes work to learn to do this but it can be done. I just got to a pkace where I had enough of being dragged into their ugliness and I refuse to allow it anymore. It is amazing how good I have gotten at blocking out. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mykdsmomy Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 I'm going to attempt to give you a different perspective but my intention is NOT to make you feel bad. Sometimes things come across strangely on a message board so I wanted to add that disclaimer ;) I have dealt with depression since I was a child....It wasn't until I was 18 that I recognized it as depression. (It manifests differently in everyone). I wound up going through a VERY difficult time after I was married. I couldn't leave the house and was upset when my dh left me to go see his family :confused: I was "dying" and didn't know how to help myself. When I finally was able to see a therapist, she told me that DH would go on if I decided to "die". He would find someone else. His life would go on....That did NOT make me feel better. Her point was that I was feeling sorry for myself and I needed to suck it up. The thing was, I felt like I was worthless. I felt unloved and unprotected. I felt like dh WOULD be better without me. Nothing anyone said or did made me feel better. I couldn't find anything to bring me joy. NOTHING. I felt like I was living in a dark black hole and I couldn't get out. I was labeled "lazy" and "selfish" by my friends and family....which just made me feel worse about myself. I'm telling you this because it's hard for people who don't deal with depression to understand how people with depression feel when they are in a low place. It's a horrible, dark place to be. I have since dealt with other chronic illnesses and I can tell you, I would take Fibromyalgia and colitis over depression any day of the week! :grouphug: but I know how awful it must have been for dh during that time....not knowing how to help me. I'm so sorry for what you're dealing with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TravelingChris Posted February 21, 2012 Author Share Posted February 21, 2012 yes, Denise, I know I need to do that. This is sort of a new situation for me because in this job my dh is traveling probably more than ever in his career and even when he is home, he is working very long hours and working from home a lot even when he is home. Also my partial shield from this is away at college so I just have these two and youngest has definitely gotten worse, probably because of the move but also since she is getting older. I do what I am doing now- put on my headphones and listen to uplifting music. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michelle in AL Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 :grouphug: I live with this too, but I still have one happy dd at home, my other dd is very even keeled, but quiet (dh is the depressive, although he tries to reach out and make an effort). Things that work for me: Get out of the house when I feel the mood start to bring me down (take a walk, shop, anything). Work is a great outlet. I used to work with mostly negative people. I've tried to increase the team aspect and make baked goods often in order to elevate the atmosphere and it's worked for most of the folks and now work is enjoyable. Do something for yourself each day that you enjoy doing (Reading, knitting, baking, art etc). Hang in there, I know it can be hard! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lllll Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 ,, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 yes, Denise, I know I need to do that. This is sort of a new situation for me because in this job my dh is traveling probably more than ever in his career and even when he is home, he is working very long hours and working from home a lot even when he is home. Also my partial shield from this is away at college so I just have these two and youngest has definitely gotten worse, probably because of the move but also since she is getting older. I do what I am doing now- put on my headphones and listen to uplifting music. That is a really difficult situation! At least my dh was hear to pick up the pieces at the end of the day, or he was a shoulder to cry on. The headphones are wonderful! Start to try to practice blocking their negativity. When you catch yourself thinking about something they said or did that wasn't nice or good, block it out. The more you practice this, the better you will get at it. It won't happen right away but one day you will realize just how good you have gotten at it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebecca VA Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 I've lived with depression almost every day for most of my life. It's very painful -- during my worst days I just breathe in, breathe out the way you do when you're in labor. It is a tremendous effort for me to go out and socialize. I just want to hide under the covers so often. However, I try not to make everyone else around me miserable. I can hide it extremely well when I make the effort. I don't allow my depression to cause me to be rude to my family or to shirk my responsibilities. The last thing I want to do is create more unhappiness in the world. Your children need to learn to keep it to themselves. That's just part of growing up. You need to create an environment where bellyaching and being snappish are not acceptable behavior. You can sympathize with the depression without allowing them to wallow in it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dansamy Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 Depression is so hard. While I'm a health care professional (I'm an RN) & should know better, it's still hard for me to understand/comprehend that dh can't just "snap out of it". He's been having a hard time lately with his meds and his head isn't in a good place right now. So sorry. I know how hard it is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In the Rain Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 :grouphug: It sounds rough. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.