Renee in NC Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 My stepmother (for 21 years) was just diagnosed with Invasive Ductal Carcinoma. Unfortunately, she also suffers from Multiple Sclerosis. This is a terrible thing for her; she already has a shortened expected life span due to the MS. She had a mammogram 10 months ago that was clear, but a few weeks ago she could physically see the tumor. She is supposed to go in Monday so they can see how far it has spread. I am SICK about this. The poor woman!!! Why does she have to suffer from TWO devastating diseases? Not only that, but because of this, she will have to go off of some of her MS drugs, so she will deteriorate that way, too. I need to tell my dc, but I don't even know what to tell them. My oldest knows and has taken it hard. The 3yo won't understand. My dad wants us to tell them soon. What do I say? How can I tell them without falling apart? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 My stepmother (for 21 years) was just diagnosed with Invasive Ductal Carcinoma. Unfortunately, she also suffers from Multiple Sclerosis. This is a terrible thing for her; she already has a shortened expected life span due to the MS. She had a mammogram 10 months ago that was clear, but a few weeks ago she could physically see the tumor. She is supposed to go in Monday so they can see how far it has spread. I am SICK about this. The poor woman!!! Why does she have to suffer from TWO devastating diseases? Not only that, but because of this, she will have to go off of some of her MS drugs, so she will deteriorate that way, too. I need to tell my dc, but I don't even know what to tell them. My oldest knows and has taken it hard. The 3yo won't understand. My dad wants us to tell them soon. What do I say? How can I tell them without falling apart? (((Renee))) I am so sorry. I doubt you can tell them without crying, but that is ok. It is ok that they see your sorrow. I think it is important that you all remain positive...it helps everyone. Especially your step mother. My mom is a breast cancer survivor. Over 8 years since diagnosis. I know how hard it is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ibbygirl Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 Oh honey! I'm so so sorry. I have no advice, but just wanted to give you hugs! :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :crying: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KnitWit Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug: Oh Renee! I'm so sorry! I will pray for your stepmother and for your family. My mother is a breast cancer survivor. I realize that IDC is a whole different animal though. :grouphug: I would recommend just telling your children what she was diagnosed with and that she will need treatment that will make her feel bad/ill. I would not give the big, bad, worst case scenario. Your older children will likely realize what it means and may possibly want to talk further. Your younger children will process it as it comes. kwim? They will know she is very ill and won't feel good. That is enough for now. If the time comes that they need to know the worst, you can tell them then, but they will not be as shocked as not knowing she is very ill. Encourage them to love on her and draw pictures and make cards and in their own way, say all the things they will want her to know. We all need to know those things ANYWAY, no matter how long or short our days. I have tried to choose my words carefully. Forgive me if I've been too blunt. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 I'm so sorry, Renee. I wish I had some advice for you, but I will send :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: and prayers your way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KAM Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 I'm so sorry. My mom was diagnosed with cancer when my older kids were 7, 5, and 3. It didn't mean much at all to the younger two and we pretty much didn't tell them anything except on an as needed basis (to explain why she was so tired or losing her hair). My oldest didn't really understand but we told her when we found out. She and her brother took it pretty hard though when my mom passed away three years later. Kids are very resilient though, that is one thing I learned from the whole awful experience. I had myself all worked up at the end thinking how bad they were going to take it. And really, they took all the worst parts quite well. Much better than me! I didn't tell them about the diagnosis or her passing though- dh did that. No way I could do it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 (edited) My stepmother (for 21 years) was just diagnosed with Invasive Ductal Carcinoma. Unfortunately, she also suffers from Multiple Sclerosis. This is a terrible thing for her; she already has a shortened expected life span due to the MS. She had a mammogram 10 months ago that was clear, but a few weeks ago she could physically see the tumor. She is supposed to go in Monday so they can see how far it has spread. I am SICK about this. The poor woman!!! Why does she have to suffer from TWO devastating diseases? Not only that, but because of this, she will have to go off of some of her MS drugs, so she will deteriorate that way, too. I need to tell my dc, but I don't even know what to tell them. My oldest knows and has taken it hard. The 3yo won't understand. My dad wants us to tell them soon. What do I say? How can I tell them without falling apart? I wouldn't tell them yet. Wait until you have more information. She needs to know what kind of cancer it is, her node status, and what the treatment plan is. There are several different kinds of invasive ductal carcinoma and of those , many have an excellent prognosis, especially if caught early. (Invasive ductal carcinoma only means that there is a tumor that started in the ducts and has busted out into the surrounding breast tissue. It could be just sitting tight and not going anywhere. Breast cancer can't kill you unless it gets out of the breast. People often confuse the word invasive with metastastic cancer. ) Once you know what you're dealing with--it should be within a week or so-- and after you've processed it, then tell them. If you tell them now, you're scared, you don't know anything factual to tell them, etc. I think it's better to wait until you get more information. Right now, both you and the dc only will hear the big C word and with breast cancer, what you think you know is misleading: in other words, there is a good chance the news will be much better than you think, so there's no need to tell them scarier news than they need to hear. Edited February 10, 2012 by Laurie4b Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyfaithe Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 My stepmother (for 21 years) was just diagnosed with Invasive Ductal Carcinoma. Unfortunately, she also suffers from Multiple Sclerosis. This is a terrible thing for her; she already has a shortened expected life span due to the MS. She had a mammogram 10 months ago that was clear, but a few weeks ago she could physically see the tumor. She is supposed to go in Monday so they can see how far it has spread. I am SICK about this. The poor woman!!! Why does she have to suffer from TWO devastating diseases? Not only that, but because of this, she will have to go off of some of her MS drugs, so she will deteriorate that way, too. I need to tell my dc, but I don't even know what to tell them. My oldest knows and has taken it hard. The 3yo won't understand. My dad wants us to tell them soon. What do I say? How can I tell them without falling apart? :grouphug: I would just tell them in simple and straight forward ways. If they ask questions, answer, but answer simply. I was amazed with how well my kids understood and dealt with the illnesses of my parents. They were much more matter of fact, and loving, than many of the grown ups involved. Faithe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heatherwith4 Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sewingmama Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 PP have given you good advice so I have none to add but I"m so sorry for your MIL - it is unfair that she gets slapped with two major diseases - I'm going through something similar myself and it bites. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nukeswife Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 I just wanted to give you a :grouphug: I'm in a similar boat. My dad has esophageal cancer and after going through chemo and having surgery to take out his esophagus they found out about a month ago that it spread to his lungs and liver. Today we found out for sure that even with more Chemo it will only give him about 9 more months (3 if he skips the chemo) My kids know he won't be around long because I told them when they found it spread, but now I have to figure out how to tell them that he most likely won't be around for Christmas this year. He may not make it to my dd's 11 birthday and she and he are very close (she's his only granddaughter). She's taking it pretty hard, my oldest is doing ok but still in shock and my youngest who's 6.5 doesn't really fully understand. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThisIsTheDay Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 Unfortunately, she also suffers from Multiple Sclerosis. This is a terrible thing for her; she already has a shortened expected life span due to the MS. I don't know about your stepmother's specific case obviously, but in general, MS does not have much effect on life expectancy. I wanted to point that out, as we have a few board members who suffer from this. Renee, I'm sorry to hear about your stepmother. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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