Slipper Posted January 29, 2012 Share Posted January 29, 2012 My grandmother (who passed away about 25 years ago) had a beautiful Lane cedar chest that she called her hope chest. She kept embroidered napkins and a tablecloth in it along with love letters from my grandfather (who died about 35 years ago) and other knick knacks. When I would visit her, she would show me her hope chest and pull out little things and tell me stories. She told me that when she died, I would get the cedar chest because she wanted it to be a family heirloom and I was the oldest daughter of her only child. I was very understanding of how things work when she died and my Dad said he wasn't getting rid of any of her things. (Understanding to mean that I have no claim on the cedar chest. I did tell him that I wanted it at some point). After my Dad and Mom divorced, he gave my brother (who had a house) all of the nice furniture (several antique pieces), the family Bible and many of the knick-knacks. My sister, who was moving into an apartment, received the majority of her paintings. I lived in a dorm and my Dad told me that when I had a house of my own, he would give me some items of hers. 2 1/2 years ago (I am now 41), he told me that the time had come to give me the cedar chest, but he wanted to go through some of the items in it, for memory sake. I was very excited (since I had about given up on receiving anything from that set of grandparents) and cleared a spot in our house. And waited. Christmas before last, he handed out gifts to all the kids and grandkids. To me, he handed a note giving me the cedar chest. He said he would have it ready soon. This past Christmas, all of the family (including in-laws) were over at my house. My Dad stood up and made an announcement that my gift was going to be an antique Lane cedar chest belonging to my grandmother. Unfortunately, rain had prevented him from bringing it that day. Last night, I had to go by his house (he lives about ten minutes away) to drop off some theatre tickets. I asked him if he needed any help moving the cedar chest and if so, I could have DH and some friends load it up. (Yes, it was a hint). He indicated that it was too heavy and would need a lot of guys to carry it out. I assured him that we could carry it. He then said that the room it was in was a mess and he wasn't letting anyone in the room until it was cleaner. (I suggested our housekeeper but he didn't like that idea either). My step-mother tried to help by suggesting that he finish going through it this week and we could get it next week-end. He turned every bit of suggestion down and finally told me that I would get it when he was **** ready to give it to me. (Which did dampen my enthusiasm). I've given up on getting it and DH has promised to buy me one for Christmas next year, which is nice, but I wanted this one for the memories. I'm annoyed by receiving it as a gift for the last two years. Would it be tacky of me to 'give' it to him next year at Christmas? :tongue_smilie: I don't care if he gives me anything at Christmas. But I don't want to be teased with a gift year after year. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted January 29, 2012 Share Posted January 29, 2012 Well I don't find it humorous. :glare: I would be put off and hurt. I am big on sentimental decor. I have several things in my possession that belonged to now deceased relatives. They mean a lot to me. It sounds like your dad is not quite ready to let go, but he needs to quit gifting it to you. I would write a letter stating how you feel about being promised something at Christmas for two years and then being told you can't have it. I would add something about your fond memories of time with your relative and how you plan on treasuring the piece in your home. Then I would state that you are releasing him from giving it to you if necessary, but please not to toy with your emotions again. Then sign it with love and release it. Then it will be his choice to do with as you please. I understand the frustration. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nono Posted January 29, 2012 Share Posted January 29, 2012 Would it be tacky of me to 'give' it to him next year at Christmas? :tongue_smilie: Tacky? No. Brilliant? Yes! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AK_Mom4 Posted January 29, 2012 Share Posted January 29, 2012 I would forget about getting the cedar chest until your father passes away. Seriously. He's just not gonna let go anytime soon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted January 29, 2012 Share Posted January 29, 2012 I'd just get with my sibs and make sure they know it will be yours when your dad dies. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OLG Posted January 29, 2012 Share Posted January 29, 2012 Guess I'd start to wonder if he even has it any longer or gave it away already. Best to probably let it go for now or ask stepmom if it is indeed there and then make it known to all parties that you are the one to inherit it. All a bit strange. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NanceXToo Posted January 29, 2012 Share Posted January 29, 2012 I like the idea of a heartfelt note to the effect that you've really cherished these memories and looked forward to having this in your home, that he's been promising it to you for two and a half years now and you find it hurtful that he keeps going back on his word and that his brusque attitude and statement about it recently really hurt you and you cannot understand where it's coming from, and if he no longer wants to give it to you, you understand if he's just not ready to let go, but you would appreciate if he would be straightforward about it and not keep getting your hopes up and stringing you along. Except use more periods than I just did. :P Your idea is funny to ME btw. I just don't know that it would be to HIM! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slipper Posted January 29, 2012 Author Share Posted January 29, 2012 I have a dark sense of humor at times. ;) Right before Christmas, my best friend and I were making bets that he would give it to me again. So, it was kind of funny when it happened (although yes, funny does hide hurtful). My siblings both wanted it, but Dad did make it known that it was coming to me. My step-mom and I have a great relationship and I'm sure she'll hand it over when my dad passes. I do think it's still around although I hinted last night about wanting to see it, and he ignored the comment. I do believe that the room is a mess as they are packrats, but I know that DH and I could get in and out with it. I think he's not ready to give it away. But if he's not, I'd rather he not give it to me during holidays. He gets the credit for giving it away and the warm fuzzies for giving me something he knows that I want, but I end up with nothing. It sets off my sarcastic side. :001_rolleyes: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melissel Posted January 29, 2012 Share Posted January 29, 2012 Tacky? No. Brilliant? Yes! :) :iagree::lol: Guess I'd start to wonder if he even has it any longer or gave it away already. Best to probably let it go for now or ask stepmom if it is indeed there and then make it known to all parties that you are the one to inherit it. All a bit strange. But really, this was the first thing I thought of. It sounds like he's given away plenty of things, so for him to have some kind of attachment to this one thing seems odd. I too would write the letter, just like elegantlion suggested. I would point out that it was your grandmother's specific wish that you have this one item, and he is not exactly honoring her memory by messing with your head like this. I'd tell him that it's up to him to do what he wants with it, ultimately, but that you are no longer invested in this. I might sign it with a little less love than elegantlion would :tongue_smilie: I'm sorry he's being so odd about the whole thing :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted January 29, 2012 Share Posted January 29, 2012 I have a dark sense of humor at times... ... It sets off my sarcastic side. :001_rolleyes: Then you could call and ask if you can take a picture of it , so you can put the picture where you'd like the chest to be. That way you can enjoy the 2D version without him actually having to give it to you. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slipper Posted January 29, 2012 Author Share Posted January 29, 2012 Then you could call and ask if you can take a picture of it , so you can put the picture where you'd like the chest to be. That way you can enjoy the 2D version without him actually having to give it to you. :tongue_smilie: Ha! I'll get the measurements too and tape off the carpet. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melissel Posted January 29, 2012 Share Posted January 29, 2012 Then you could call and ask if you can take a picture of it , so you can put the picture where you'd like the chest to be. That way you can enjoy the 2D version without him actually having to give it to you. :tongue_smilie: Ha! I'll get the measurements too and tape off the carpet. ;) :lol::lol::lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted January 30, 2012 Share Posted January 30, 2012 I think he is being very mean, thoughtless, and hurtful about this. And I would tell him so. Forget about a letter -- this is your father. Tell him to his face and wait for an explanation. I'm not suggesting that you go in with guns blazing, but if you're hurt about this, you should say so. Your father needs to know that the chest is very important to you, but what is even more important is that he broke his promises to you. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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