Night Elf Posted January 27, 2012 Share Posted January 27, 2012 My dd13 saw a therapist (LPC) for the first tme yesterday. She took me back alone to ask for a history and list of concerns. Then she took dd13 back alone for 45 mins. When they came out, she told me that due to confidentiality, she could only answer very general questions. I was a bit surprised by this. My ds15 with Aspergers has been receiving counseling for depression and anxiety for over 2 years with two different psychiatrists and they have never mentioned that he should be seen alone at all. Why the difference? Dd13 isn't totally sure about this. She felt very weird talking to a stranger that was asking very personal questions. However, she did say she wasn't sure she wanted me to hear what they were talking about. One of her issues is that she worries we are judging her. She doesn't care about strangers but does care about what family members think about her. Is confindentiality used for all minors that see therapists alone? Is it wrong for me to want to know what they are talking about? I was thinking about calling her and requesting an idea of the treatment plan. She scheduled my daughter to return for the 2nd appointment but she also asked me to call and ask for cancellations so dd13 wouldn't have to wait 4 weeks for the next appointment. Dd13 said this lady didn't discuss appointments with her so she didn't even realize she had another appointment until I was handed the appt. card. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spaceman Posted January 27, 2012 Share Posted January 27, 2012 I was told at 11 that I had a right to confidentiality with my therapist. It took me several sessions to believe him, and my mom is still mad she doesn't know what we talked about. Hard as it was for my mom, having the knowledge that what I said was confidential was extremely important to my counseling. So, I don't know the laws, and I'm sure you can google them anyway...but I do think the therapeutic benefit of having trust in the counselor usually outweighs the discomfort a parent feels from not knowing. And I'd want to know too! Of course I would! I don't think it's "wrong" of you to *want* to know, but if your daughter needs the privacy, she needs the privacy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mona100 Posted January 27, 2012 Share Posted January 27, 2012 When my daughter was in therapy, the exact things that she said were kept confidential. While I wanted to know what was going on, I remembered how important it was for my daughter to have a place where she could talk without her thinking that everything she said was going to be repeated to me. Towards the end, my daughter ended up telling me what they talked about anyway. But after each session, I was taken back to the therapist's office so we could discuss her overall progress and my concerns or observations of negative behavior if any. We also discussed any future appointments. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Virg Posted January 27, 2012 Share Posted January 27, 2012 I went to therapy for years as a teenager and this is how it was for me too. They told me and my parents that nothing could be discussed that we talked about in session unless I was going to kill myself or someone else. I think this is VERY beneficial for children in abusive or dysfunctional homes. The problem is that in good homes with supportive parents there is no way for parents to support what is being worked on. I don't allow this now honestly in my own home. Whether or not it makes children uncomfortable we all need to work together to deal with the issues. Always once it is out, even though talking it is hard, everything gets much better and said person wonders why it was such a big deal when they are fully supported. I would make exceptions for s*x abuse and the like though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted January 27, 2012 Author Share Posted January 27, 2012 But after each session, I was taken back to the therapist's office so we could discuss her overall progress and my concerns or observations of negative behavior if any. We also discussed any future appointments. This is what I'm wondering about. I do feel I should be in the loop to the overall plan and if there is any diagnosis. I hate the idea that my dd might be diagnosed with something like depression and I don't know about it. Can they keep diagnoses secret as well? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted January 27, 2012 Author Share Posted January 27, 2012 Just a note to say there is no abuse present. The only time she spends away from us is in an acting class with a dozen other teenagers and they are never out of an adult's presence. Dd13 doesn't mind my saying that she has issues with perfectionism, competitiveness with one particular friend, and an obsession about all things London. She wants to move there so badly that she gets really depressed when she realizes she can't move there on her own until she's 18 years old and even then it might be a difficult thing to do. That is why she and I have been talking about some kind of study abroad program but I'm not finding anything that we can afford, let alone finding information about who/what to trust in finding such a program. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gingersmom Posted January 27, 2012 Share Posted January 27, 2012 My daughter saw a therapist for years and it was confidential. There were times my daughter and the therapist thought it would be beneficial for me to join them and have a discussion which we did numerous times. When the therapist has had any concerns such as depression and eating disorder she did call me privately to discuss and I did have private sessions with her. It would be very difficult for my daughter to have opened up to her therapist if she knew I was hearing about every single thing she said. If your daughter does not have a connection with this therapist then I would seek out another one. My daughter considers her therapist a friend (she has seen her for many years and she has helped her through many things.). They have even had a "session" at Starbucks, she has picked up doughnuts/coffee for them, etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted January 27, 2012 Share Posted January 27, 2012 When my son was seeing a therapist, they did mention confidentiality. One therapist only talked to my son and didn't discuss anything with me at all. When ds didn't seem to be making progress, We found another therapist. He treated it as a family issue and not just an individual issue. While he did see my son alone and, I assume, did not share anything with me that my son didn't want him to, he did have me come in to talk for about 10-15 minutes every session. He felt that working as a family would help my son, rather than just talking with him. That way I could know how to deal with things effectively at home and it gave him some accountability. I do think it is appropriate to discuss treatment plan if they expect you to pay the bills. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted January 27, 2012 Share Posted January 27, 2012 I think it's actually really important for teens to have a sane, grounded older than them person (an adult family friend, a teacher or coach, an aunt or uncle, a mature cousin or friend, a professional like a youth minister or a therapist...) to talk to about life in general who is not going to spill all the details to parents or anyone else. When there's really bad stuff going on, obviously that can be even more important, but even for the best of teens, there's always at least some upheaval and drama. Obviously, if you're paying for that person, you want it to be someone you trust too, who's going to be a positive influence, but it seems completely reasonable to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted January 28, 2012 Share Posted January 28, 2012 I am a former therapist. What I told clients and parents was that what I discussed with the child was confidential unless I learned something that put someone in danger--ie suicidal ideation, homicidal ideation, or child abuse. Depending on the situation and the child and the child's age, I'd talk to the child and the parent about what would be shared. Especially with teenagers, who often have some sort of conflict with their parents, I'd be most careful to preserve the trust with confidentiality. If there was something I thought the parent should know, I'd try to get the child to agree to share the information. In my personal experience, psychiatrists often didn't do the kind of talk therapy that folks with Master's degrees did: they did more prescription of medication--where lots of personal info came up and was discussed. And your child with Asperger's may have different cognitive abilities to understand/care about confidentiality. Here's me REALLY hoping I didn't offend anyone, please forgive me if I did! This, minus the former status and having less care about offending someone. ;) Legally, I *can* tell parents of minors anything. Therapeutically, it's not good for the therapeutical alliance and relationship. It's especially so for teens. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elizabeth Posted January 28, 2012 Share Posted January 28, 2012 It was disastrous for me not have confidentiality and privacy. Someone who was a "trustworthy" person was abusing me from age 15 to 20. He got away with it because my socially prominent parents were always in the room to be sure that they were being depicted in a faultless light in all manner of things. Too bad that their wishes took precedence over giving me a safe place to tell the truth. And yes I am still p'od about it. They were educated and wealthy but negligent by definition and ready to let their kids bear all the guilt for imperfections in the fabric of the family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WeeBeaks Posted January 28, 2012 Share Posted January 28, 2012 I think that is very fair at that age. I was taken to a therapist close to that age, who then turned around and told my guardian every bit of it ... and guardian then tattled to the entire family, who taunted and teased me about it. I to this day do not trust psychiatric professionals one inch. I'm sure there are good ones logically ... but my trust was smashed to bits. Those guardians by the way were extremely abusive. I would much rather a therapist keep confidential than risk hurting their patient further. Even though I can totally see the other side of it as a parent. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted January 28, 2012 Author Share Posted January 28, 2012 I would much rather a therapist keep confidential than risk hurting their patient further. Even though I can totally see the other side of it as a parent. I agree. I've had different bad experiences than yours. I've seen a number of different therapists over the past 24 years and there have been many that I just really didn't like. Some of have said some really stupid things that I took for total truth because they were specialists. I like my current therapist for the most part. I've been with her for 3 years now. But she does have some things that just bother me. I left my last appt. in an agitated frame of mind. She wasn't listening to me and kept interuppting to put words in my mouth. It was so bizarre! I am very scared that my dd13's therapist might be saying things to my dd that I don't agree with and/or that are bad for her, and I won't know about it until years from now when my daughter will be grown up and accusing me of making her teens years hell because I made her go to a wacky doctor. Ugh. We'll see how the 2nd appointment turns out. I'm curious if she'll ask to talk with me first again or if that was just a one-shot deal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted January 28, 2012 Share Posted January 28, 2012 I'm not sure I agree with my original response. ??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetMissMagnolia Posted January 28, 2012 Share Posted January 28, 2012 zach sees a children's behavior specialist/psychologist/therapist....It's a female---she usually sees him for between 30-45mins and then they come get me for the last 15mins-she sometimes has an intern (the one I've seen is female) sit in on her sessions......I don't have a problem with it....She usually tells me things but I don't let him know I know.....not a big deal yet-he's just 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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