Adults w/ significant food restrictions (allergies, celiac, etc.)

[sbgrace]

I'm wondering how it feels or affects you to be an adult with significant food restrictions?

 

My son has anaphylactic allergies that really limit, pretty much eliminate, his ability to eat food people prepare. It seems like every single thing is connected to food somehow--group get togethers, every homeschool thing, church stuff, library events--all of it. After a holiday full of this and that, here and there, I'm feeling down as I think of his adult experience. I guess I want someone to tell me it's going to be ok.

[Snickerdoodle]

I have a child like this too. It really doesn't bother him at all since this is his reality and he doesn't know any different.

 

Someone once told me that some cultures get together for each other's company and the food is sort of an afterthought whereas Americans get together for the food. This has always stuck in my mind and hopefully I can stress to my kids that we get together with others for their company and not for the food.

 

:grouphug:

[Slipper]

I'm the parent of a daughter with Celiac. She has severe reactions. We basically quit going to anyone's house for the holidays. This year I relented and let her go to my mother's house for a few hours. My mother was so excited and pulled a bag of pre-cooked gluten free cupcakes out of the freezer. She grabbed the wrong bag. My daughter missed three sets of relatives stopping by to visit due to throwing up violently (splashing onto the walls and into the vents) and horrible diarrhea. To make it worse, the cupcakes were red velvet. The dye made the experience even more traumatic as she looked like she was bleeding everywhere.

 

Otherwise, our holidays are good now. I am teaching my daughter (or I hope I am) that family is more important than food. Rather than drag her to houses where she can't eat (or eats the wrong stuff), I invite people to my house for a completely gluten free meal (including dessert) and I refuse any offers for them to bring food (unless it's sealed and stamped 'gluten free').

 

I did a huge Thanksgiving dinner. For Christmas, I offered up chili with gluten free cornbread and crackers along with some appetizers and dessert. I'm also teaching her how to cook. My hope is that she will continue to 'host' holiday dinners that take her health (and others) into consideration.

 

It's easy to become depressed when you have a condition that limits food. So much of our life is centered around celebrations and get-togethers that include food. We're trying to change that by having family parties at our house. Or, we go and visit AFTER they have finished eating. I think if the adult lives the attitude, a child will pick up on it and have a similar attitude. I'm not positive about that, but it's my hope. :)

[Susan C.]

I eat before I go to parties, someone's home for dinner, etc. Then I nibble things I know I can eat and say I'm not that hungry. Dd has the same troubles and I'm encouraging her to do the same. I don't know what the issue is, but we cook "real food" with no additives, no vegetable oil or shortening, etc. and when we eat foods with those in them, it is not good...

[bluemongoose]

It will be ok!

 

I am highly allergic to some really strange things (anaphylactic to one). Meat being one of the hardest to deal with. People do not understand things like, broth does mean it contains meat etc. At potlucks and other events that have food, I always bring stuff to share that I can eat. At a potluck, I bring my dish, and I also bring a sack lunch for the rest. I look at the table and pick from things I know are totally safe. Eg. Store prepared veggie and fruit platters with dip. I stay away from most things that have been made in the home of others. If there is not enough for me to be full, I have my sack lunch to finish up with. If I feel that eating my lunch would be awkward in the setting I am in, I wait until I leave and eat it in the car.

 

I am polite and always comment on the presentation of the dish or how good it smells and if explanations are needed, I explain that I have some severe food allergies. Many people really are starting to get the hang of/understanding of people with food allergies. Sometimes I bump into someone who just cannot understand, or who chooses not to, but these are not the majority. Many of my friends can now be trusted to make me meals and even for my son who is also highly allergic to peanuts and tree nuts. Others friends have us bring our own food if they are watching our son. And some friends simply ask us where we could eat out together.

 

I have learned to just be forgiving of those who refuse to get it, and hang with the ones who are understanding. I have also just learned to be responsible to have food for myself at all times and not rely on others to be able to accommodate me.

[dsmama]

My DD5 and my mom are both celiac. I also started eating gluten-free this summer and feel TONS better, and so I'm going to stick with it.

 

For us, since DDs allergy is not anaphalytic, I don't have to worry about cross-contamination. But, it is still a huge shift. We tend to bring food with us wherever we go and keep a well stocked pantry, freezer (with individual cup cakes for parties, for example), and car!

 

For holidays, I have hosted Thanksgiving and Christmas at my house the past two years, which makes it easier for me to control what is served (though it is a lot of work).

 

I also try to encourage non-food rewards and get-togethers, too. You are right - many occasions involve food. Why not have craft parties, for example? Why can't kids get stickers instead of food for rewards? I know this would make things easier for me. :001_smile:

Edited January 1, 2012 by dsmama
grammar error!

[jplain]

I didn't know what celiac was until I met someone with the disease when I was in grad school. She was in her early twenties and had been diagnosed about 5 years earlier. She had a super-positive attitude about her dietary restrictions, and never acted depressed about them. I am so grateful that I knew her. Her example made my own transition to a restricted diet much easier.

 

I will say that it is far easier for me (an adult) to accept my restrictions than it is for my 5yo daughter, so perhaps that will be the case for your son too. My daughter is GF and soy-free and lactose intolerant. I'm GF, 99% soy-free, and I react horribly to lower quality cooking oils.

 

You're right, there are few social situations that don't involve food, and it can become tiresome. But it isn't all bad. Here are some of what I consider to be positives.

 

1. I eat far more healthfully and mindfully than I otherwise would.

 

2. Even in social situations, I can remain in control of and mindful about what I'm eating. I don't have to eat a bunch of junk just because everyone else is eating it, or because it would hurt someone's feelings if I didn't eat it. The downside is that I have to bring my own food/snacks or be prepared to wait until later to eat. I also must explain over and over why cross-contamination issues mean that I really can't allow others to try to cook for me. (FIL seemed to think I should eat the turkey since the meat was "so far" from the bread-based stuffing in the cavity. Never mind the basting. Ha!)

 

3. My food restrictions aren't a bad method of screening acquaintances who could become friends. If someone argues with me or heckles me about dietary restrictions, I know to back away. :)

 

4. There are relatively few restaurants that can accommodate me, and the ones that can tend to make good food out of high quality ingredients. That's good for our bank account, and because we eat out infrequently, I truly enjoy it when I do eat out.

Edited January 1, 2012 by jplain

[Chava_Raizel]

My youngest dd and I are gluten free. We're still new at it, it's only been a few months, but it's been a huge learning curve for everyone. Neither of our reactions are severe, thankfully, but people seem to have a hard time understanding what gluten free means. It sounds like a fad diet to most people, I think.

 

Christmas has been interesting. I've been making sure that when we're eating at other's homes I bring something that I know dd and I can eat. I haven't thought too much about how we'll deal with this as dd grows up. She's only 2 right now and she doesn't really understand at all. I'm hoping that it will be so normal for her that she won't really know any differently.

[Ellesmere]

It will be ok. :)

I have a long list of allergies, and they are odd ones. I do what a lot of other people do -- eat before we go out or bring my own food. And we do as much at our own home as possible. It's hard sometimes, but we take responsibility for our own needs without making a fuss or demanding special treatment at restaurants and that makes it easier. At restaurants (and we do eat out less frequently since being diagnosed), I keep my meds close, and order the most reasonably safe thing I can find, or skip if I really can't find something. Also, none of the family members with severe allergies eat alone. I don't know how long your son has had issues, but mine has no memory of life being any different. She seems to remember to be on alert even more than I do -- but I wasn't diagnosed until I was an adult.

[Ellie]

For us, since DDs allergy is not anaphalytic, I don't have to worry about cross-contamination. But, it is still a huge shift. We tend to bring food with us wherever we go and keep a well stocked pantry, freezer (with individual cup cakes for parties, for example), and car!

My bff is a worst-case-scenario celiac. For her, cross-contamination is a problem. She can't even eat poultry from one California company because of the plant's close proximity to a bakery. She almost had to be carried out of a restaurant once because her server didn't take her seriously (she reacts almost like Slipper's dd).:glare:

 

My friend takes food with her when it's appropriate, or manages not to eat during a get-together, or will arrive after the meal.

[Cricket]

I have food allergies and am celiac. I'm anaphylactic to sunflower (sunflower oil is a tough one to avoid!). My other food allergies aren't as severe.

 

Like others have said, I avoid food prepared by other people as much as possible. It is difficult at times. Sometimes I start feeling sorry for myself, especially at holiday times. Sometimes I get anxiety. We went to my in-laws over Thanksgiving. I worried that I wouldn't be able to eat anything at the dinner. The turkey was cooked with stuffing so that was out. I can't have dairy so all of the sides were off limits. I couldn't eat the chips because of the possibility of sunflower oil. The only thing I could eat were the raw carrot sticks and the ham. At least I had something. I bought a turkey when they were on sale and put it in the freezer so we could have a "Thanksgiving" dinner I could eat at Christmas.

 

When we visit the in-laws or they visit us, they like to take us out to eat. One place is a Chinese buffet that they and the kids love. I don't dare try anything there. I just remind myself that at least I don't have to cook for seven other people when they do that. :001_smile: It's sometimes awkward sitting at a restaurant and not eating. At times I get quite crabby about it actually. It looks good and I want some!!! When they visit us or we visit them, they always take us to the grocery store so I can load up a cart of food I can eat. They always pay. It's nice that I don't have to pack a car full of groceries when we go. (It's a 12-hour drive.) They also make sure to pick several restaurants where I can have something. I suppose I could be a brat and throw a fit and we'd never go back to the Chinese place but that wouldn't be fair either.

 

I think it is important to have a few treats that your ds can have. Keep them on hand so when others get something he can have it too. I try to focus on what I can have and focus on how there are much worse disabilities. I like the positives jplain posted!

[greenvneck]

I worry about future social/holiday activities for my son with celiac, too, when he's an adult. Right now it's fine, the grandparents they see most often keep packaged gluten-free foods on hand (cookies, crackers, etc.) as well as single-serving packages of peanut butter. For everything else, we have learned to carry a small cooler of foods and if he doesn't need those, great! But it's nice to have something safe if he does need it.

 

What I really worry about is what he will eat when he goes to college. I know, that's 8+ years in the future, but it's still something that's in the back of my mind, especially since I have one in college and know what the dining halls are like. She actually texts me when she sees dishes that are specifically marked gluten-free available, so I know that there is a trend toward providing safe foods, which gives me hope.

[mamakim]

What I really worry about is what he will eat when he goes to college. I know, that's 8+ years in the future, but it's still something that's in the back of my mind, especially since I have one in college and know what the dining halls are like. She actually texts me when she sees dishes that are specifically marked gluten-free available, so I know that there is a trend toward providing safe foods, which gives me hope.

 

My eldest son is anaphylactic to peanuts and several tree nuts and had a celiac friend - they each just had a meeting with food services before the beginning of each school year and neither had a problem, accommodation was well done.

 

With my youngest three, we always carry food from home for them. Cross contamination is too real and their sensitivities too many. One of my dd's used to be embarrassed about this in some situations, but once the other dd had to be taken by blaring ambulance from a dinner for an allergic reaction, both dd's realized that it is by FAR more embarrassing to have a bad reaction in public than it is to quietly bring a plate of food from home.

[NicAnn]

We just always carry our own food. Social gatherings have mostly moved away from food, or I make sure to bring a dish or two to share. You just get used to it and do it.

 

When Dd is older, she will be so used to eating this way it won't be an issue. She already asks before someone offers her food. :)

 

Food allergies are getting so much attention these days, and people are really taking notice of their own problems. I think it's going to be impossible soon, to go to a gathering without finding something you can eat. A good thing!