RobinF Posted December 25, 2011 Share Posted December 25, 2011 You have gotten great advice. If you have not read them i would highly recommend the books, Grace Based Parenting and Shepherding your Child's Heart. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FO4UR Posted December 25, 2011 Share Posted December 25, 2011 I think the saving grace is that he scratched heart shapes. ;) Honestly, while I certainly see the disobedience, and the hurt he caused you, I think that, over time, those scratches will become dear symbols to you. They grow up, you see! One day you will be an old woman, rocking in that chair, and you will rub your hands over those faded scratches, and remember the little boy he was and is no more. Think how dear the scars on Jesus' hands became--marks of his love for us. Your little boy may have made the marks out of curiousity or disobedience, but you can redeem them by thinking of them as marks of his boyhood. I would forgive him and love him up. And maybe give him his own supply of soft soap to learn to carve! :D :iagree: He may have made those marks out of love. They are hearts. I would do some "tomato staking," but not as punishment. Keep him by your side and teach him some new things. Teach some new chores, a recipe or two, a craft...just anything together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted December 25, 2011 Share Posted December 25, 2011 Please do not read any recommendations of books by the Pearls. There are better ways. I'm off to find links I'll post in the morning for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindergretta Posted December 25, 2011 Share Posted December 25, 2011 I am on my 5th 6 year old. ;) Those little people are a creative lot! :tongue_smilie: Just about all of our furniture has some "art work" on it, done by one child or another. Some carved, some Sharpie, some words, some pictures. LOL I gotta tell ya, I love those markings. My baby is 17.5. I think I birthed him last week. But I didn't. And all these wee ones who have followed him, going faster and faster. I am shocked beyond belief that my youngest is almost 4. SERIOUSLY?!?!!? I just had her. Supervise, talk, play, set him up for success, provide him outlets, talk some more, listen A LOT, supervise again, and get more stuff for creative outlets. Six can seem so big and so old, but honestly, impulse control really isn't there yet. If you enjoy reading, look up Ames and Ilg (I might have that totally wrong!!) "Your 6 Year Old." They have books for each age/stage. Fabulous! It is so helpful to be able to understand what is typical and age appropriate. It helps you (the parent) to teach your child in a meaningful way, as you now understand the child better. (I love children to death and I adore parenting. Is it totally un-PC to say children and parenting are my hobby???) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindergretta Posted December 25, 2011 Share Posted December 25, 2011 Please do not read any recommendations of books by the Pearls. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mergath Posted December 25, 2011 Share Posted December 25, 2011 (I love children to death and I adore parenting. Is it totally un-PC to say children and parenting are my hobby???) I hope not, because I have the same hobby. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindergretta Posted December 25, 2011 Share Posted December 25, 2011 I hope not, because I have the same hobby. :D :D :D :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ELaurie Posted December 25, 2011 Share Posted December 25, 2011 (edited) :) I think the saving grace is that he scratched heart shapes. ;) Honestly, while I certainly see the disobedience, and the hurt he caused you, I think that, over time, those scratches will become dear symbols to you. They grow up, you see! One day you will be an old woman, rocking in that chair, and you will rub your hands over those faded scratches, and remember the little boy he was and is no more. Think how dear the scars on Jesus' hands became--marks of his love for us. Your little boy may have made the marks out of curiousity or disobedience, but you can redeem them by thinking of them as marks of his boyhood. I would forgive him and love him up. Wise advice. You will also find wise advice on the Calm Christian Parenting site in my signature line :) Edited December 25, 2011 by ELaurie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.... Posted December 25, 2011 Share Posted December 25, 2011 I've never faced a 6 year old that was destructive before, he's our 2nd and the first wasn't that way. I'm baffled constantly with raising children having never been around little children or had experience with kids growing up. I have 4 kids from age 10 to age 4. I thought I had this parenting thing figured out after the first two kids. Then, the third kid comes along... The third kid is an absolute tornado. :D I think she may have taken 20 years off my life expectancy. She stood up during our candlelight service last night and said (very loudly during the sermon, btw), "Mom, how do we REALLY know that Jesus died on the cross?!" :leaving: The people behind us were laughing, so at least they were entertained (and they usually are). :glare: :grouphug: Sorry about your chair. I should post a snapshot of "Man Wearing Hat and Waving" sharpie painting on our dinner table. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted December 25, 2011 Share Posted December 25, 2011 Part of your problem may be that you're viewing this as "destruction," whereas most kids his age see it as "decorative." I'm sure that, as he was doing it, he wasn't thinking, "Heh heh heh, I'm going to ruin this chair FOREVER!!!!" *crashing thunder* He was probably thinking something like, "Oh, I can make pretty hearts on the chair! I like hearts. Mommy is pretty and now her chair is pretty too." If you're having trouble figuring out what is an appropriate reaction to certain childhood behaviors, getting a few books on child development from the library to understand what is and isn't normal can be immensely helpful. I absolutely agree with this. As a creative person I've doodled on my fair share of things. In their eyes it's not destruction. Six is a great age to encourage a creative soul. It's also easy to squash it if you're unsure what it looks like. Some people believe the worlds looks better with a little personal touch, six year olds just take more action on it. I would sit him in the chair on your lap, rock him, and tell him a story of the hearts, make it a special story for you and him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted December 25, 2011 Share Posted December 25, 2011 Part of your problem may be that you're viewing this as "destruction," whereas most kids his age see it as "decorative." I'm sure that, as he was doing it, he wasn't thinking, "Heh heh heh, I'm going to ruin this chair FOREVER!!!!" *crashing thunder* He was probably thinking something like, "Oh, I can make pretty hearts on the chair! I like hearts. Mommy is pretty and now her chair is pretty too." If you're having trouble figuring out what is an appropriate reaction to certain childhood behaviors, getting a few books on child development from the library to understand what is and isn't normal can be immensely helpful. This really is true. When it is your stuff and your kid, you view it as "destructive". But when the kid is older and you have some experience, then you get that he was just being curious or creative. I didn't get this when mine were little and I wish I had. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StephanieZ Posted December 25, 2011 Share Posted December 25, 2011 You will always think of your son when you see the hearts. You don't want to remember being vengeful to him as well. Let it go. The frustration at the damage will fade, and if you don't overreact, the sweetness of the memory will only grow. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tracy Posted December 25, 2011 Share Posted December 25, 2011 I haven't read all of the responses,so please forgive if this is out of turn. My dh always relates money and things to time. Whatever he buys, he thinks of in terms of how much time he had to work to buy it. I wonder if your ds's consequence could be to do some sort of service equal to the amount of time it took your dh to refurbish the chair. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sahamamama Posted December 26, 2011 Share Posted December 26, 2011 I only read the first few responses, and I agree that you should let it go. But the part of your post that most stood out to me was... he ruined something new and precious "New and precious" describes your son, too, not just your rocking chair. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kwg Posted December 26, 2011 Share Posted December 26, 2011 When my stepdaughter first started emptying the dishwasher, she broke at least one dish a night. Finally, she broke a coffee mug that had special significance to me. I really should have known better to have it any where near her at the time. In anger, I did say "I wonder how you would feel if while I was dusting your dresser I broke your doll (china). I wouldn't mean it, but what if I was not being careful with your things" She stopped breaking dishes after that, I guess it made the point......but still it probably was crappy of me. In my defense I was a lot younger, she had just moved in, and I believe was pushing every button she could :D SHe was 11 I think so a bit older than your ds but I kinda see what your husnband was thinking- I don't think he is this horrid person or anything;):grouphug: and clearly has a lot of stress and it sounds to me like you all handled it well fwiw. I would wait to do anything about the scratches. YOu might find them endearing later. Same child scratched I heart you mom on the coffee table :001_wub: sometime later in the year. SHe is 23 now btw and still a pistol :001_wub: When I am concerned my children have told a fib, I spend some time talking about how important honesty is, read books on it, etc. In general without really saying anything specific. If he did it at another time, he should fess up I imagine which would be a whole other issue. Or you could just let that part of it go. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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