choirfarm Posted November 25, 2011 Share Posted November 25, 2011 As I have minor heart palpatations when I realize that my oldest will be off to college in a year and a half, I start thinking of what he needs to know before he leaves. Honestly, I think academically he will be fine. He knows how to schedule himself and study well. He already does all the children's laundry ( he must do it on Mondays...his rule not mine). He can cook well. Cleans the kitchen well. Cleaning the bathroom....well let us just say that his standard isn't my standard. There are two things I"m not sure how to help him with: dating and adjusting to new things/changes to his routine and schedule. He has gotten better about adjusting to new things. If I can give him any kind of heads up about changes, he can normally adjust. But dating.... I think he said that his church camp talked about not dating. His youth pastor is going to do a conference on purity in February and will talk about courtship. ( Which to be honest, I don't completely understand.) He is so incredibly shy around girls, I don't have a clue how he would ever ask one of them out.. I dated some, but I liked guys as friends more than as potential dates. All of my close friends were guys. Girls were so interested in clothes and boys and I wasn't/am not. Even though I moved my junior year of high school, most of them ended up at Baylor. They had an apartment and I hung out at the "guys" a lot. I rotated which of them I went to dances with. That is one thing that I have missedas a married woman: friendships with guys. When I married my husband, it felt strange so I pretty much dropped all contact. Which makes me sad. My dh and I met on a blind date on April Fool's Day. We dated long distance exclusively for 2 1/2 years ( I was a junior when we met at Baylor, but took an extra semester to graduate. He was in medical school in Dallas.) I knew he was the one for me. So maybe I shouldn't worry. But with ps, I had at least some experience with dating. But maybe I shouldn't worry about it and let God do it. But is there anything I need to teach him. Should I make him practice by taking me out?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Candid Posted November 25, 2011 Share Posted November 25, 2011 If I might suggest your last question is an excellent idea even if he was already dating. Manners and restaurant skills are useful for job interviews and working as well. I can remember reading about what to order at a job interview based on what others ordered. Those kinds of skills are good to know and rare is the friend who will tell you that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ValRN Posted November 25, 2011 Share Posted November 25, 2011 :bigear: I have an extremely shy son also...going off to college in a year Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AK_Mom4 Posted November 25, 2011 Share Posted November 25, 2011 Restaurant manners - excellent idea (plus you get a nice dinner for your trouble). And, more prosaic, make sure he actually listened to those embarrassing lectures on condoms, stds and such, not just the abstinence ones. It is information that is important for a college student to have (even if they intend to never use it). As for meeting a girl - he will make friends who know people who have friends.... and some of those will be girls ;) Some will find his shyness attractive and a refreshing change from the guys who talk all the time (that was one of my DH's best points - still is!) He will be fine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted November 25, 2011 Share Posted November 25, 2011 But with ps, I had at least some experience with dating. But maybe I shouldn't worry about it and let God do it. But is there anything I need to teach him. Should I make him practice by taking me out?? Do you think that public school *really* helps children with dating?? Presumably you've taught him good manners, and how to behave respectfully towards others, especially how young men should treat young women. Those are good social skills, whether one is dating or not. I would expect his father to have had discussions with him, as well, KWIM? What else do you think he needs to know? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lori D. Posted November 25, 2011 Share Posted November 25, 2011 We've been reading "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" by Joshua Harris aloud together as a family with our two DSs (19yo and 17yo). Wonderful book! It is NOT about NOT dating, but rather goes straight to the heart's attitude -- whether you date or court or marry or whatever, love is not about looking to the other person to fill your emotional needs, but rather, putting the person you love first and doing what is best for that person first. When you are both doing that, wow! What an awesome relationship, whether dating, marrying, or 50 years married! :) The book also has some great, practical tips throughout. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
choirfarm Posted November 25, 2011 Author Share Posted November 25, 2011 We've been reading "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" by Joshua Harris aloud together as a family with our two DSs (19yo and 17yo). Wonderful book! It is NOT about NOT dating, but rather goes straight to the heart's attitude -- whether you date or court or marry or whatever, love is not about looking to the other person to fill your emotional needs, but rather, putting the person you love first and doing what is best for that person first. When you are both doing that, wow! What an awesome relationship, whether dating, marrying, or 50 years married! :) The book also has some great, practical tips throughout. Yes, he has read this book. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
choirfarm Posted November 25, 2011 Author Share Posted November 25, 2011 Do you think that public school *really* helps children with dating?? Presumably you've taught him good manners, and how to behave What else do you think he needs to know? Umm.. well, how to even ask a girl out. What kind of things to do, etc. I mean he has no experience whatsoever. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted November 25, 2011 Share Posted November 25, 2011 Plenty of college freshmen are not ready to date. Going to college will give him time to make new friends and dating will come eventually. I wouldn't over think this one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JumpyTheFrog Posted November 27, 2011 Share Posted November 27, 2011 Umm.. well, how to even ask a girl out. What kind of things to do, etc. I mean he has no experience whatsoever. I went to college about ten years ago. I don't think many people my age "officially" asked people on dates very often. When I was in high school, dates weren't very common. Usually a boy and girl officially became boyfriend and girlfriend and then went on dates. The only boys that asked me out on a date before us becoming an official couple were boys from other schools that hardly knew me. I met my DH the first week of college. We had some classes together and walked together sometimes, as well as eating lunch occasionally. He didn't treat me differently than a friend, so I didn't even know he was interested in me for about two months. If he had tried to officially take me on a date, I don't know what I would've said, because I wasn't interested in him. Instead, we hung out as friends long enough for me to start to find him attractive. Then he got "upgraded" out of the "just friends" category. My point with this whole story is that your son doesn't have to make a big deal about asking girls on official dates. It's okay to be friends and see where it leads. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted November 27, 2011 Share Posted November 27, 2011 Umm.. well, how to even ask a girl out. What kind of things to do, etc. I mean he has no experience whatsoever. Public school wouldn't help him do that. :-) If anything, he'd learn how NOT to ask someone out. :glare: You can always do some role playing.:-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OrdinaryTime Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 I have three younger brothers, all of whom where extremely shy in high school. They did not do much, if any, dating in high school. They slowly came out of their shells in college. While they looked to my parents for advice and guidance on the deeper, more fundamental values of relationships, they usually asked us sisters for advice on how to talk to girls, what mediums to use (i.e., when to facebook, when to text, when to call), date ideas, what to wear to different events, gift-giving etc. Does your son have any sisters? Or any female friends? Sisters and female friends of similiar ages can be really helpful in navigating the more changeable details of young romantic life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 I'm sure your boy will muddle through. Dh asked me out in our second language, Auslan, while the sun was shining in my face and I was almost asleep. He did a better job second time around. :lol: Many things can be forgiven if the boy is cute enough. :001_wub: ;) Rosie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kareni Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 My point with this whole story is that your son doesn't have to make a big deal about asking girls on official dates. It's okay to be friends and see where it leads. I think this is a wonderful piece of advice to share with your son. Regards, Kareni Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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