bettyandbob Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 I'm a wreck. My oldest is 2E and my youngest has down syndrome. My dd is in between and needs attention too. Oldest sucks the life out of our family. I am emotionally spent and have for years--he's a senior in high school now. Everything thing we do is decided upon based on how we think oldest will handle it. He is highly gifted, NVLD, has anxiety, depression, has sensory issues, and lots of allergies. I've totally lost my ability to keep my cool when he acts out and have said some pretty horrible things. I'm truly angry that due oldest's behavior I'm too emotionally spent to do remediation work with youngest. There was a huge outburst last night. This morning dh said "these things always happen when they (the kids) are with you." That truly killed me. He has apologized. I've been fantasizing about getting in the car after my job on Saturday with some cash and driving far south. Camping on the beach in south Florida through the Thanksgiving holiday. Just sleeping in a tent in a cheap campground with a pile of library, punctuating the time with walking on the beach and swimming (I started to wonder about sharks, but I love swimming in the ocean and dh and oldest hate the beach so we don't go). This is a much healthier fantasy than another I've had all fall. It actually sounds doable. Is it wrong to want this. Do you every get to the point that you feel your soul has been sucked out of you and it's been that way a long time? How do you get back to a good mental state? How do you maintain caring for yourself? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lifesajourney Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 I am so sorry to hear what you are going through! I've spent most of the past two years there unfortunately. It was only recently I decided I needed to visit the doc about it because there wasn't enough fantasy trips I could dream up that would make my day to day any better for me. Your job is exhausting! You are over worked and underpaid, to say the least. You do need to take care of yourself, and I hope you find what you need. Please email me if you need anything, I'll be thinking of you, contemplating joining your camping trip for Thanksgiving! ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sandragood1 Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 I tend to think about Moms as having a "bucket" out of which we care for everyone (including schooling, housework, cooking, groceries, fun time, etc.). It is all too easy for your bucket to become empty, then there's nothing to give. You just go through the motions. You need to put something back in your bucket. Feed your soul. Take that vacation camping at the beach by yourself. Do what you need to put something back in your bucket. Take a yoga class. Set aside a time, say 7-8pm, M-F or everyday, and tell everyone you. are. not. available. for anything. " If 911 isn't necessary, then you don't need me." Stand by that rule. Meditate. One thing that really worked for me, was to have DH take everyone out one evening a week. Just to have the house to myself to read, watch shows *I* wanted to, to play Wii games *I* wanted to play. I was amazed at how refreshed this made me feel! We stopped this practice when DS injured his knee. But I'm thinking it is time to re-implement. Take a deep breath and make some changes, Sandra Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Misty Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 Oh, I totally get this thread.. I have my hands full with my Aspies as well and a deployed husband for the past 5 years! Not exactly what I had in mind when I decided to get married and have kids! It's really more than one person can handle.. I'm completely numb to tell you the truth. We have the food allergies too so we don't even have the luxury of grabbing a pizza when things get rough. I love your fantasy.. But to answer your question.. No, I really don't do anything right now to take care of myself.. I keep telling myself there will be time to spoil myself later after the kids are grown and (hopefully) living their own lives. My youngest is neurotypical so I might get a break.. oh.. say in about 10 years. Right now, I'm just a robot.. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineMama Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 :grouphug: I have been there, and am there at least once a week. I hold out for Wednesday and thursdays when I take a dance class and teach a dance class - it's like music to my heart and soul to be doing something for me (and on thursdays I even get paid LOL). I also stopped feeling guilty for having to flee the house or kick everyone out. i am drained and exhausted most of the time and at least once a week I cry "I can't do this anymore" at which point dh usually kicks me out of the house :giggle This is a TOUGH TOUGH road and it's NOT for wimps Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterPan Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 If you'd enjoy having them along, take any of the kids with you who enjoy the beach. And do it more often. That's absolutely ABSURD that you can't go to the beach just because one dc doesn't like it. That's like saying I can't each chinese because my dh won't. It means I leave him and take someone else with me who will! Sometimes the man gets in sort of a naiveté thing, because he's not with the dc all day. An afternoon with them might chill that out. ;) Sometimes you only have to remove one person from the mix to have the rest settle down and be do-able. Is there anything your oldest could go to one day a week to give you guys some space? Might be something to look into. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineMama Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 If you'd enjoy having them along, take any of the kids with you who enjoy the beach. And do it more often. That's absolutely ABSURD that you can't go to the beach just because one dc doesn't like it. That's like saying I can't each chinese because my dh won't. It means I leave him and take someone else with me who will! Sometimes the man gets in sort of a naiveté thing, because he's not with the dc all day. An afternoon with them might chill that out. ;) Sometimes you only have to remove one person from the mix to have the rest settle down and be do-able. Is there anything your oldest could go to one day a week to give you guys some space? Might be something to look into. I totally agree - if your oldest and your dh don't like the beach, ask them where they WANT to go and send them while you relax in the ocean - it sounds lovely by the way :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peacefully Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetMissMagnolia Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 can relate.....I usually get a little ME time every two weeks-I go to a salon for manicure/pedicure......Other than that it's hard....dh will watch kiddo if I want to go shopping by myself (usually just grocery shopping LOL).....but there's never enough time for mom...... :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rafiki Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SkateLeft Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 :grouphug: As others have said, there's absolutely nothing wrong with feeling like you need time for yourself! The thing that absolutely saves my sanity is exercise. I'm a runner and cyclist, but it's not always feasible for me to leave the house for hours, especially during the winter. So I keep my bike in the basement, on a stationary trainer. That way, I can ride any time of the day or night, without leaving the house. When my kids were little, and I couldn't leave them home alone, I became very dependent on being able to ride indoors, for my own sanity. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Walking-Iris Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 I also want to say that I completely understand. :grouphug: I try to get in some quickie yoga everyday, take walks with my babe in the carrier, I've been known to take 2 hot showers a day just to "change my chi" as I tell dh or my kids when I feel my frustration rising. Usually the hot water and a good cry (so sad but who hasn't been there?) feels so much better. Treating myself to tea or a baking session in the kitchen. I also try to keep our bedroom kid free (other than cosleeping)---meaning no toys or kid stuff in there. No papers or bills or computer or tv or anything. I like to just hide out in there and put on some music and just putter about---folding laundry or cleaning up or just lying there---telling myself I will not move for nothing less than blood or fire until 3-4 songs---with headphones on. You got to find something to insure self preservation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cera Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 I don't think it's wrong to want it nor do I think it would be wrong to do it. If there is any way you can swing it take a few days for yourself. A cruise (alone) or a cheap flight and hotel by the beach would be very worth it if it will restore your sanity. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer-72 Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 I don't really feel like I have anything to contribute. Just wanted to offer some :grouphug:. I think if it is at all feasible you should run away for a few days! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trafal Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 Totally right with you. Hard day today. In fact, had to pull out the strong stuff- Butter pecan ice cream:willy_nilly: Seriously, do what you have to do. When we had 3 kids 5 and under and 2 were special needs dh and I took separate vacations for several years. Had to. Needed the break. No family on either side that can/ will help. I did it because I NEEDED to and dh was supportive. I remember several trips to Las Vegas that were quite frankly wonderful. I could care less what other people think and so should you. Take the trip. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hikin' Mama Posted November 19, 2011 Share Posted November 19, 2011 I only have one dyslexic daughter at home, but I often feel sucked dry because the responsibility of her education is completely on my shoulders. In addition to that, I'm not always encouraged by the results of our hard work. I think that if you need refreshed, you should go do what will refresh you. You are doing hard, important work, and there is nothing wrong with taking a break! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UmMusa Posted November 19, 2011 Share Posted November 19, 2011 Hugs for all you mommies. I don't have special needs kids and I've been struggling with myself this fall! I want to run away too. Hugs again, and I just wanted to offer my support. If you can take an overnighter I think you should. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
merry gardens Posted November 19, 2011 Share Posted November 19, 2011 ...I usually get a little ME time every two weeks-I go to a salon for manicure/pedicure... I don't do manicure but I'm getting a cut and color today at a salon. I'm excited! :) A good haircut goes a long way since I see my hair everyday. There's a direct correlation between how I look and how I feel. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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