jhschool Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 Absolutely not! That is very unsafe! Don't do it! :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kitten18 Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 We will cross that bridge when we get there. She has nothing in common with kids her own age- they do not share any interests. The environment at the barn with a group of young women, all successful hardworking college students and grad students who balance schoolwork and their passion for horses is great for her. These are the role models I want her to see - not a bunch of other 14y/olds in public school. (her other activity is university choir where she is again surrounded by college students to whom she can better relate than to same age peers) At this point, DD has no interest in boys. This will come, surely, and at that time, maybe her boyfriend will be older than her, maybe not. I am not worrying at this point about something that may not ever happen. I am most definitely not restricting her circle of friends because of this fear; her social environment has been extremely beneficial to her. A shared interest is a great bond, and she needs the interaction with people who are more her intellectual peers than kids of the same age. (Oh, and there are no boys at the barn ;-) :thumbup: Good for you. It definitely sounds like the best environment for you DD. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChocolateReignRemix Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 I grew up in a small town. This was commonplace. I'm glad the OP's daughter has a great circle of friends. I hope that it all works out well for her. I just felt it necessary to post my observations based on my life experiences. For the pp who married in this situation. That's great that it's worked for you. I know those who it has worked for and those who it hasn't. I'm not sitting in judgement on anyone. There's really no need to get snippy with/about someone who has a differing opinion. Sorry, your post came out of nowhere. You need to step back and understand that your limited experience does not apply to everyone (or even a decent minority), and a comment about their daughter having older friends doesn't mean you need to chime in about that could lead to her getting pregnant by a guy 6 years older than her. You weren't sharing anything useful, and what you posted didn't really need to be said. BTW, DH and I grew up in different small towns, and this wasn't commonplace, so go figure. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheryl in NM Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 Sorry, your post came out of nowhere. You need to step back and understand that your limited experience does not apply to everyone (or even a decent minority), and a comment about their daughter having older friends doesn't mean you need to chime in about that could lead to her getting pregnant by a guy 6 years older than her.You weren't sharing anything useful, and what you posted didn't really need to be said. BTW, DH and I grew up in different small towns, and this wasn't commonplace, so go figure. Again, I said the small town I grew up in. You took offense when none was intended. The post was about allowing a 14 year old to leave town with a 21 year old. Then it came out that the girl's only friends were adults. I also noticed that the girl in question was the OP's oldest child. I remember feeling a bit lost when my first 2 became teens so I thought I'd offer some advice based on my experiences. Again, this is a message board with many different people who have had many difference experiences. Just because my experience isn't the same as yours doesn't lessen mine. Who's to say that your opinion isn't the limited one? Calling my experiences limited while yours are the correct ones is insulting. All of our experiences are limited in one way or another. We learn when we share these with others. Nobody learns anything when a differing opinion or experience is attacked just because you don't like it or it's different (even if it is in the minority). Also, if you will re-read my post, I didn't say his dd would get pregnant. Some of the girls I knew got married, some got pregnant, some got pregnant and then married. I think you are the one that needs to :chillpill:. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 Do you realize that you post this in response to almost everything that I post? Feel free to pm me if you wish have a dialogue, otherwise please stop with the personal attacks. He asked for opinions from the boards. Your opinion can differ and you can post it without attacking me. It actually seems a bit hostile to jump from attending an NFL game with an older person of the same to sex to suggesting OPs dd will be married and pregnant before she has a chance to pursue her "dreams". The leap you made was just weird and alarmist. Additionally, you starting the post with "I hope you are prepared for..." That is a bit of an attack. I don't think Joanne was attacking you. She was pointing out that your experience is not representative of the greater world. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mona100 Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 Thanks for all the answers. I was really curious to see where we stand compared to average, because we usually are on the permissive side and give DD more freedom than many other parents do. Our decision was No, because of several factors: distance from home in case of emergency/getting lost/getting uncomfortable, crowded football situation, not knowing friend of friend. After some initial arguing, DD was actually OK with our decision. Btw, I do not find it strange that she has older friends; in fact, almost all her friends except for one are older. They hang out at the barn or get together to bake or stuff like that. So, the personality of the friend was not the issue. I would have said no just due to the fact that there was a second older friend going. If it was just the 21 yr old and your daughter, I would have said yes. It would have been a nice adult treat for your daughter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 I'd consider it. It would not be an automatic "yes" or an automatic "no". This is my response. I will say that I'd have to know the 21 year old very, very well and have faith that this person was not going there to meet up with a lot of friends who have a tag along, young teen relative that they were expecting to "hook up" with my 14 year old in order to entertain said teen so they could do whatever they were going to do. Also, I'd be cautious because 21 is the legal drinking age in Michigan and if this coincided with the "adult's" birthday making them legal to drink, I'd say no. We've seen so many of these "going to the city to get drunk at a party, a game, etc. because I'm 21 and just became legal" events that I'd be leery. That said, there are 21-22 year olds I know that mentor younger teens through community programs and they are awesome. Those young adults would be allowed to take my teen to the city. Faith Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 Btw, I do not find it strange that she has older friends; in fact, almost all her friends except for one are older. They hang out at the barn or get together to bake or stuff like that. So, the personality of the friend was not the issue. I hope you are ready for her to drive a Buick. If she runs in a crowd that much older chances are she'll fall for a car that is staid and stogy. I've seen this situation too much. The girl usually ends up not finishing her dreams, never drives a sports car, then gets a mini-van or station wagon (in either order). I'm not making a judgement call about your DD. I've seen this from good girls, that were raised "right" and it totally shocked everyone. Some of the parents forbid the Buick others welcomed it hoping that their DD would see the light, but they only facilitated the Buick relationship. JMHO YMMV JAWM Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5of5 Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 I hope you are ready for her to drive a Buick. If she runs in a crowd that much older chances are she'll fall for a car that is staid and stogy. I've seen this situation too much. The girl usually ends up not finishing her dreams, never drives a sports car, then gets a mini-van or station wagon (in either order). I'm not making a judgement call about your DD. I've seen this from good girls, that were raised "right" and it totally shocked everyone. Some of the parents forbid the Buick others welcomed it hoping that their DD would see the light, but they only facilitated the Buick relationship. What do you have against Buicks? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 What do you have against Buicks? :lol: Nothing at all. I drive a Buick and I love it. My friend called it an old person's car the other day and told me I was too young to drive one. "Pshaw!" as I put on my rainbonnet and got into my car. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 :lol: Nothing at all. I drive a Buick and I love it. My friend called it an old person's car the other day and told me I was too young to drive one. "Pshaw!" as I put on my rainbonnet and got into my car. :smilielol5::smilielol5::smilielol5: Faith Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 I have nothing against rainbonnets, either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abbeyej Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 I have nothing against rainbonnets, either. Aw, rainbonnets! Just like my grandma wore! Hm, you know what? She got married at 18. To a WWII pilot who was 6 years older than she. Within just a few years, she was pregnant too. ... hmm... I shall remember to keep my daughter far away from rainbonnets! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 Aw, rainbonnets! Just like my grandma wore! Hm, you know what? She got married at 18. To a WWII pilot who was 6 years older than she. Within just a few years, she was pregnant too. ... hmm... I shall remember to keep my daughter far away from rainbonnets! Thank you. THANK you. You, my dear, are making just the kind of connections that are so valuable to make when raising daughters. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5of5 Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 I have nothing against rainbonnets, either. Is that you in the middle picture? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haiku Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 Would you let your 14 y/o DD go? If I knew the 21 year old and was satisfied that she wasn't a wild young woman, then yes, I would. Tara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom-ninja. Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 Nope Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JessReplanted Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 At 14? No. IMO that kind of adventure is perfect for college-age 'kids'. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 Thanks for all the answers. I was really curious to see where we stand compared to average, because we usually are on the permissive side and give DD more freedom than many other parents do. Our decision was No, because of several factors: distance from home in case of emergency/getting lost/getting uncomfortable, crowded football situation, not knowing friend of friend. After some initial arguing, DD was actually OK with our decision. Btw, I do not find it strange that she has older friends; in fact, almost all her friends except for one are older. They hang out at the barn or get together to bake or stuff like that. So, the personality of the friend was not the issue. I don't find it strange that she has older female friends, either. I am on the conservative side of things generally with things like this (and said I would let my teen go with a trusted 21 year old friend) so is is interesting to know your final decision and your typical stance on such things. I find that I parent very intuitively, always listening to my "gut". It sounds like you had some misgivings and listened to them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted October 28, 2011 Author Share Posted October 28, 2011 I find that I parent very intuitively, always listening to my "gut". It sounds like you had some misgivings and listened to them. Yes, it was mostly a "gut" thing. DD asked about our reasons and we tried our best to explain it to her, but as with many of these decisions, it is sometimes not easy to pinpoint exactly what makes you feel uncomfortable. In the end, it was really because of the mix of different factors. There were just too many variables. Had it been in town or with an older adult or a smaller event or something DD usually shows a strong interest in (she does not really like football), it is likely that we would have agreed. Also, my DH, who is very rational and does not go on gut feeling alone, did not think it a good idea, so that helped me stick to my guts and not feeling like an overprotective mom. OTOH, she gets to use public transit independently when we are in Germany and has free run of a city with a population of half a million- because that's what we grew up with and feel comfortable with, and because she can be in charge of her own movements and can come home from anywhere, at any time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kertie Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 I hope you are ready for her to drive a Buick. If she runs in a crowd that much older chances are she'll fall for a car that is staid and stogy. I've seen this situation too much. The girl usually ends up not finishing her dreams, never drives a sports car, then gets a mini-van or station wagon (in either order). I'm not making a judgement call about your DD. I've seen this from good girls, that were raised "right" and it totally shocked everyone. Some of the parents forbid the Buick others welcomed it hoping that their DD would see the light, but they only facilitated the Buick relationship. JMHO YMMV JAWM :lol: Nothing at all. I drive a Buick and I love it. My friend called it an old person's car the other day and told me I was too young to drive one. "Pshaw!" as I put on my rainbonnet and got into my car. Aw, rainbonnets! Just like my grandma wore! Hm, you know what? She got married at 18. To a WWII pilot who was 6 years older than she. Within just a few years, she was pregnant too. ... hmm... I shall remember to keep my daughter far away from rainbonnets! :smilielol5: So hilarious. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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