BridgeTea Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 Here's a light and fluffy question to wrap up the weekend for anyone still awake: How do you explain scars to very young kids? My grown daughter texted me earlier that her 2.5 year old spotted some large, raised surgery scars on her mother's torso, apparently for the first time. She asked "You have a SNAKE?" Mommy said "No snake, it's a scar." Babe then asked "Where it come from?" and then spent a lot of time tracing her finger over it. I'm not sure where the conversation went from there as my daughter was just sharing the funny snake comment with me. But it made me wonder: How do YOU explain scars? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
southernm Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 I have one on my chin from where I fell running at the pool when I was 5. In my case, I use it as a teachable moment to remind my kids as to why that is not a good idea. I'm honest with them. Of course, my now 4 yo has one in her hair line from a run-in with an end table. So I guess to me, it's not that big of a deal unless it was the result of something traumatic that happened. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucy the Valiant Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 My 18mo son has scars from spine surgeries when he was a baby - our "older" (age 5 & 7) year old kids know that a doctor used a very special knife very carefully to help fix his spinal cord. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BridgeTea Posted October 3, 2011 Author Share Posted October 3, 2011 (edited) Thank you for the replies. I agree, telling the truth is best and scars can certainly be used as warnings of what may happen when we're not careful. I am wondering more along the lines of what to say to a 2-3 year old child that would make sense to them. ETA: Reflecting some more...I like the idea of a helpful doctor using a very special knife to help fix Mommy's back (her scars are from spinal surgeries, also) Thank you for this. Edited October 3, 2011 by BridgeTea Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Rat Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 We just tell the stories behind them. Papa's scars on his leg are from polio. Ds8's scar on his forehead is from the time he hit the wall when he was little and split his head open. We call it his Harry Potter scar. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
southernm Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 Well like I said before, I just told them what happened but didn't go into medical details. "I fell down and hurt my chin so I had to go to the doctor and they fixed it, but this scar is still here." My kids are only 6 and 4 and began asking around the ages of 2-3. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FrogMom5 Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 I have large, overgrown scars on one leg (hip surgeries) and on my back (cyst). When my kids asked, I explained how they got there and why. It did lead to lots more questions but the discussions were always good. In the end, I said scars are like a permanent band-aid. After a time, their interest wained and the older 2 tend to forget the scars are there. The littlest is still fascinated by them. :) I think young children can and do understand about surgeries and accidents. They tend to react the way the adult reacts, so if your dd remains calm and matter-of-fact, her dc will too. The interest will take a while to subside though. :) Denise Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BridgeTea Posted October 3, 2011 Author Share Posted October 3, 2011 "I fell down and hurt my chin so I had to go to the doctor and they fixed it, but this scar is still here." Ah, this sounds great. Thank you. I have faith my daughter answered her child's questions better than I might have. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucy the Valiant Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 Thank you for the replies. I agree, telling the truth is best and scars can certainly be used as warnings of what may happen when we're not careful. I am wondering more along the lines of what to say to a 2-3 year old child that would make sense to them. ETA: Reflecting some more...I like the idea of a helpful doctor using a very special knife to help fix Mommy's back (her scars are from spinal surgeries, also) Thank you for this. Just a (comical) warning / heads up about that method - if she is a very curious child who appreciates information, she might turn out as impressed with modern medicine as my kiddos! This is all well and good until they start cornering kids on the playground making diagrams in the sand of spinal cords and nerve endings and which sections of the spine control which functions of the body! :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BridgeTea Posted October 3, 2011 Author Share Posted October 3, 2011 Just a (comical) warning / heads up about that method - if she is a very curious child who appreciates information, she might turn out as impressed with modern medicine as my kiddos! This is all well and good until they start cornering kids on the playground making diagrams in the sand of spinal cords and nerve endings and which sections of the spine control which functions of the body! :lol: That is very cool!:lol: This child is very curious, and I'm sure pestered her mother with tons more questions. My daughter is about as laid back as they come so I know she would have kept letting Babe play with the scars and answer her questions the best she could. It just got me to wondering. I'll see them later in the week, and I'm sure Babe will be proud to lift up her mother's shirt to point out the scars to Granny (just in case Granny never noticed before). This same child saw a pad in my unders when she insisted on sharing the bathroom with me one day. She exclaimed "YOU wear a DIAPER??" and look horrified. I told her no, Granny doesn't wear a diaper, it's just a pad. I could tell she didn't believe me. She left the bathroom and announced to the rest of the family that Granny wears a diaper. Sigh...:lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Girls' Mom Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 Scars are just a road map to the past. My dh and I both have our share of fairly minor ones....our kids have heard the stories behind most of them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 (edited) I just tell them. lol I have a deep scar on a thigh and a deep scar on a palm. Neither 'fades into the background'. My kids love those stories. ETA: If I had ascar from abuse, I'd not be so forthcoming. My scars are from accidents. Edited October 3, 2011 by LibraryLover Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 The most important thing is to explain it doesn't hurt anymore. That it was a boo boo, but it is better now. The scar just is a reminder, but it doesn't hurt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mimm Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 My grandfather was missing half of one of his thumbs. We used to ask him over and over what happened to it and he always told us an alligator bit it off. We half believed it. :) After he died, I was a teen and I asked my grandmother, and she said when he was young he was working in a shoe factory and got his thumb caught in one of the machines. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BridgeTea Posted October 3, 2011 Author Share Posted October 3, 2011 The most important thing is to explain it doesn't hurt anymore. That it was a boo boo, but it is better now. The scar just is a reminder, but it doesn't hurt. Good point. :001_smile: Boo boos are healed with kisses around here, but sometimes the boo boos still show, don't they? Apryl and Library: Oh yeah, there will be stories to tell. We are one clumsy family. I wonder if Babe will ever notice the scar under my eye, or the big ones stretched across Papa's face and arm...:lol: Mimm: Oh, isn't that just like a Grandpa, blaming his short thumb on a run in with an alligator? And your story is relevant. :D I have part of a finger missing (work accident, also) and Babe noticed it when she was very tiny and examining my hand. She wasn't talking much at the time, but she was very, very confused. All I could think of at the time was to help her compare the short and long index fingers, and tell her "Yes, Granny has a short finger". All the men in the family over the years, however, have had all sorts of suggestions for humorous explanations I could give the kids in the family...hardy har har! Uncle James just thinks it would be perfect to fake a kitchen accident (complete with ketchup and me screaming) so that I can freak his kids out. Oh, James James James... Thanks, everyone. It's been a long time since I've had a child of my own at the toddler-preschooler stage. Thanks for the reminder of some easy, key phrases to use in case it's me answering the questions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nd293 Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 I am wondering more along the lines of what to say to a 2-3 year old child that would make sense to them. ETA: Reflecting some more...I like the idea of a helpful doctor using a very special knife to help fix Mommy's back (her scars are from spinal surgeries, also) Thank you for this. DS4 has a long scar to one side of his belly button from abdominal surgery. I think how you explain the actual scar is less important that making it clear that the patient was asleep and not hurting when it happened. It seems obviously, but could easily be overlooking while chatting about that "special knife".:tongue_smilie: Ds knows his insided got "folded up" and the doctor had to cut his tummy open to fix it, and that the scar is where they glued him back together. He knows that he had special medicine from a mask on his face so that he was fast asleep and wouldn't feel anything while the doctor fixed him. As an aside" we grew up with a series of cautionary tales known as "The Mommy Stories" relating to the scars and injuries of my mother and her three sisters! Hence I know: when you are ice-skating and fall, turn your hands inwards so no-one skates over your fingers; don't jump over walls or you will have to wear a knitted hat to cover the bald spot left on your head after stitches; never carry a bottle over rocks and more generally, don't run with glass of any sort, "unless you want a finger that doesn't bend, like Aunty M"; and don't dive off things into the ocean (this one ended OK, but involved a body cast for months). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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