Child requesting more "Mature" books

[lula]

I have a ten year old daughter. She wants to read 1984 and I purchased it for her. I have read the book, I realize that it has sexual themes, themes that she has no real historical background to comprehend etc etc. So this got me thinking...

 

What do you do when your child requests books that are "above age" or maybe "too mature" for the particular age group? Obviously, I am not going to let my child read Dhalgren or Irvine Welsh. I am thinking more along the lines of 1984, a book that I think has great value to be read but is a bit beyond her full comprehension (though this fits many books, even books I read as an adult) and is perhaps more "adult" sexually than many people are comfortable with their 10 year old reading.

 

I don't like saying no to books that my children have picked out themselves, really desire to read and I think have great value or would likely be on their reading list prior to high school graduation. Also, take into consideration that I do have some limits, the book is the child's own choosing and was picked based on some discussion she heard in relation to the book that made her very curious about the book. She is not reading it because she thinks it is a "great book" that will sound impressive; she doesn't know that it is a well known book. She simply wants to read the book because it looks interesting to her. I know that she will be able to handle the actual vocabulary and structure.

 

I read pretty much anything I wanted when I was young simply because I would sneak books into the house, could walk to the library and check out books by myself. My parents did attempt editing but frankly, were highly unsuccessful. I don't want to turn books of value into forbidden material. (though now that I think of it...if I could turn forbidden books into highly sought after books I may consider an experiment with a few books I want her to read and she doesn't :lol:)

 

What do you do? Where do you draw the line? Where do you let your child read "past their age" or beyond their current bracket?

Edited September 27, 2011 by lula

[Joanne]

I suppose there are things I *would* forbid. Porn?

 

But I haven't forbid anything they've asked to read. I read sophisticated stuff as a young child (and am now an English teacher ;)). The key for me is not that I read too sophisticated stuff but that I read them without adult/parental knowledge, discussion, and feedback on the content.

[Slartibartfast]

I read Helter Skelter, The Thorn Birds and Flowers in the Attic at that age...I probably would recommend against them. :lol:

[Little Nyssa]

As a young teen I read books off the shelves that filled me with dread and anxiety. I would never let my kids read these until they are older: The Bell Jar, Lord of the Flies, Fear of Flying, Brave New World, Chocolate War, I am the Cheese, Time-Life books about the Holocaust, Waiting for Godot. Of course, close adult supervision would have made a big difference. But personally I still would not go there until they are older.

[nd293]

I don't pre-read anything dd10 reads, but she does appear to be fairly mature in her understanding of what is or isn't appropriate for her age. She has passed on books which have a lot of swearing, and even dating etc, or has given books back to me with a "that looks interesting, but can you give it to me when I'm older". She went away with my mother recently, and I am told she also "self-censored" her TV viewing. In our library the Young Adults books are separate from the children's books (way separate, at the other end of the library) so there is little chance of her stumbling across anything inappropriate. In a couple of years she'll be choosing books from there, I suppose. While I'd certainly be uncomfortable about some material, I can't see myself censoring her reading. I guess I'll try to read reviews and make sure we "incidently" discuss any relevant issues which might be coming up.

[nd293]

As a young teen I read books off the shelves that filled me with dread and anxiety.

 

You make a very good point - I guess I was thinking of traditionally "inappropriate" material, but I know exactly what you mean about Lord of the Flies which was a set book in high school, when I was 14. I found it deeply disturbing, and still do, and I'm not the sensitive type. Yes, "dread and anxiety" are not really emotions I want books to encourage in my children. For that we have CNN.

[twoxcell]

I view books exactly the same as movies or other media. If I would restrict it from a movie, then no I would not let them read it either. I really do not get the whole argument that as long as they are reading, people are happy. I would probably tell that it is a great book and you would love for her to read it but she needs to wait a few years.

[Lizzie in Ma]

I read a lot of books I wish I'd never read at a young age. It never occurred to my parents to restrict my reading.

I still wish I could bleach out any recollection of Flowers in the Attic.

No ten year old needs to be reading about sex, incest, and other mature themes in my opinion.

[Chris in VA]

I think it's my job to screen the books dd reads, same as movies, conversations, being with much older peers who are inappropriate, etc.

She reads way above grade level, and sometimes it's our ignorance of good quality/appropriate lit that makes me think of turning to books I normally wouldn't give until much later. So, I see it also as my job to do the research necessary to provide her with great reads that aren't too old for her. Gradually, I'll hand the reins of choosing over to her, when she's developed the discernment needed to consistently pick the good stuff and is ready for it.

[Kalmia]

I had free reign of the library when younger and don't believe I was damaged in any way by my reading (however there are a few movie images I wish I could bleach from my mind!)

 

That being said a segment of the young adult popular fiction is now far more graphic than the contemporary adult novels I now read! The following is an editorial from the Wall Street Journal about one mom's experience in the young adult section of the bookstore. I believe she rejected 78 ! titles, and she is not coming from a conservative religious standpoint. This is an eye-opening read:

 

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052702303657404576357622592697038.html

Edited September 27, 2011 by Kalmia

[vonfirmath]

You make a very good point - I guess I was thinking of traditionally "inappropriate" material, but I know exactly what you mean about Lord of the Flies which was a set book in high school, when I was 14. I found it deeply disturbing, and still do, and I'm not the sensitive type. Yes, "dread and anxiety" are not really emotions I want books to encourage in my children. For that we have CNN.

 

Interesting. We read this book in 7th grade, with school. And had no problems. Also read Brave New World, 1984, and such in a Utopia/Dystopia unit.

 

_Flowers in the ATtic_ OTOH, I read, on my own, in 9th grade, despite my dad absolutely forbidding it (after he picked it up to read) -- this is the ONLY book I wanted to read that I can remember him actively forbidding and to this day I wish I'd obeyed because, 24-ish years later, it is still seared on my mind :(

[lula]

Thanks for the thoughts. It is an odd dilemma for me. Her shelves are full of books that I am completely comfortable with her reading. I do have a hard time saying no to books that I think have value for perhaps a bit older child. I read a few books that were beyond my "range" as a child that really propelled me forward and I am trying to balance that with the "Flowers in the Attic" flashback potential. (ah, I have that too! What a horrid book!) I have no problem banning Flowers in the Attic and all such ilk. I think some types of disturbing book experiences are not necessarily a bad thing but I want to be careful on the types of disturbing books she will run across at age 10!

 

We do edit movie choices and book choices but I am inclined to give more leeway to great more adult books than I am to great more adult movies. It seems somehow easier to self-edit one's reading of a book than to self-edit a movie.

 

At the moment she is free to read the book and we will discuss along the way. I have an feeling that she will find other things to read for a bit and pick it up when she feels ready. I am very comfortable with that decision. Frankly, I feel better with her reading Orwell than I do the teen section. (I may just do a blanket ban of the entire teen section!)

 

I don't find it difficult to come up with books to give her to read, I find it difficult to say no to books with merit that she has discovered on her own. In a few years I will feel more at ease when she is wandering around the bookstore or library!