Is empathy a learned emotion?

[Liz CA]

...Or is it possible to feel empathy even if this was not modeled in your family?

Are some people naturally more inclined to care about others?

Do you think empathy is different for men and women?

[MamaSheep]

I think it comes more naturally to some people than others, but I also think it can be learned. Dd is an innately empathetic little soul, but ds is like many other autistics in that empathy is difficult for him because his brain just works differently, but he has definitely become a more empathetic guy over the years. In the process he and I have had a LOT of discussions about what people do/say, why they do/say the things they do, what they mean to communicate by doing/saying whatever it is (especially "subtext"), what they might feel about what is happening, and why they might feel that way, and so forth. It has been interesting to observe.

 

I don't know whether empathy is different for men and women. I do think that there are some slight differences in what is considered a socially acceptable way to EXPRESS empathy for men than for women.

Edited September 19, 2011 by MamaSheep

[Denise in Florida]

Yes, people might be more or less inclined to it but it is definitely one of those things that children learn by example.

 

Do we as parents complain about every action taken by those around us? So and so was rude to me, That car cut me off in traffic what a jerk, Someone stole my parking space etc. These small daily comments place us at the center of the universe and everyone else in competition with us.

 

Or do we as parents say things like. Susie wasn't herself today I hope everything is alright. Be careful that guy is in a real hurry he didn't even see me. Oh that mom with toddlers needed the closer space. Whatever fits. It is our attitude whether we speak it out aloud or not and it SHOWS.

 

It shows in how our children see the world (out to get away with something, take something from us) or (just other folks trying to get by with the same pressures and distractions we have).

 

I said above people can be naturally inclined one way or another. Some kids are naturally more patient and understanding. BUT in most of the teenagers I see from day to day, that apple doesn't fall far from the tree. :lol::lol:

[Sputterduck]

Yes and no. I teach my son empathy to enhance his. People also have it by default. If they don't, there is something wrong with them. Think sociopath.

 

...Or is it possible to feel empathy even if this was not modeled in your family? Yes, it absolutely is. I know several examples.

 

Are some people naturally more inclined to care about others? Yes, definitely!

 

Do you think empathy is different for men and women? I don't think so. I think empathy is a human extension of God's love so it is what it is and it's not different in different sexes. I do think that women in general tend to have softer hearts and therefore often have more empathy. But, we've all known women who are incapable of it at all. :glare:

[Liz CA]

I was prompted to ponder this when observing dh's reaction to some disaster vs. mine.

I can almost feel the pain of the people when something happens. I want to go there and help out...dh sees pictures and is wowed by the awesome power of nature (think hurricanes and tsunamis). :001_smile:

[hollyh]

I notice my son is extremely empathedic at only 2 years old. My daughters are not nearly as much. I'm really working with them to show empathy. We talk about it alot. I notice that I, myself, am really only empathedic when I know the people. Then it hurts me deeply. However, sadly, things on the news don't do much for me.

[Peela]

Some people with horrific childhoods of abuse or neglect or poverty, end up incredibly generous, compassionate people. And some don't.

 

I think we often think that qualities of openheartedness etc are separate from intellectual qualities...but I think its difficult to have an open heart (or compassionate, empathic etc) without an open mind, and vice versa. It takes some intellectual rigour to step out of one's own world to imagine that of another's. We are a self centred culture. But it can be done by anyone- how naturally it comes is probably uniquely individual, though.

[MamaSheep]

Some people with horrific childhoods of abuse or neglect or poverty, end up incredibly generous, compassionate people. And some don't.

 

I think we often think that qualities of openheartedness etc are separate from intellectual qualities...but I think its difficult to have an open heart (or compassionate, empathic etc) without an open mind, and vice versa. It takes some intellectual rigour to step out of one's own world to imagine that of another's. We are a self centred culture. But it can be done by anyone- how naturally it comes is probably uniquely individual, though.

 

I dunno. Living with ds all these years I have FREQUENTLY been surprised at how separate intellectual and emotional development seem to be. Although, that may be the autism, and it could be that the two are more closely joined in neurologically "typical" people.

[OrganicAnn]

I read somewhere that babies that have to spend time in the hospital as infants (usually premature, but could be other health issues), will go into "helping" careers in higher numbers than the general public. So even an experience as a newborn can influence empathy or related personality traits.

 

(I read this when researching about premature babies - DD was 5 1/2 weeks early)

[weddell]

I think some people are more naturally empathetic than others but I think anyone can learn to be with the right teaching/parenting/examples.

 

In fact I just finished reading a book on this, Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child by John Gottman. It's all about teaching empathy to your children and how to model it. It has some fairly easy steps laid out about how to teach children about emotions and to help them be more empathetic.

[Food4Thought]

I think it comes more naturally to some people than others, but I also think it can be learned. Dd is an innately empathetic little soul, but ds is like many other autistics in that empathy is difficult for him because his brain just works differently, but he has definitely become a more empathetic guy over the years. In the process he and I have had a LOT of discussions about what people do/say, why they do/say the things they do, what they mean to communicate by doing/saying whatever it is (especially "subtext"), what they might feel about what is happening, and why they might feel that way, and so forth. It has been interesting to observe.

 

I don't know whether empathy is different for men and women. I do think that there are some slight differences in what is considered a socially acceptable way to EXPRESS empathy for men than for women.

 

:iagree: I could have written this myself.

 

I dunno. Living with ds all these years I have FREQUENTLY been surprised at how separate intellectual and emotional development seem to be. Although, that may be the autism, and it could be that the two are more closely joined in neurologically "typical" people.

 

This too. :)

 

I think some people are more naturally empathetic than others but I think anyone can learn to be with the right teaching/parenting/examples.

 

In fact I just finished reading a book on this, Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child by John Gottman. It's all about teaching empathy to your children and how to model it. It has some fairly easy steps laid out about how to teach children about emotions and to help them be more empathetic.

 

I'd also recommend the original: Emotional Intelligence. It talks about the difference between intellect and emotion, and the importance of empathy for leading a successful life. There was a very interesting chapter about empathy and how they taught it in a prison, if I recall correctly.

[texasmama]

Empathy is mostly a learned emotion. There are actions which accompany it, though people who don't truly feel it can learn to act in a way that mimics it. Some people who are not neurotypical are lacking the ability to feel it. Sociopathic types (Antisocial personality disorder) are generally lacking in empathy.

 

I believe that most of the differences between the way men and women express it is due to societal norms, not inborn differences.

[Sherri in MI]

:iagree:

Yes and no. I teach my son empathy to enhance his. People also have it by default. If they don't, there is something wrong with them. Think sociopath.

 

 

...Or is it possible to feel empathy even if this was not modeled in your family? Yes, it absolutely is. I know several examples.

 

Are some people naturally more inclined to care about others? Yes, definitely!

 

Do you think empathy is different for men and women? I don't think so. I think empathy is a human extension of God's love so it is what it is and it's not different in different sexes. I do think that women in general tend to have softer hearts and therefore often have more empathy. But, we've all known women who are incapable of it at all. :glare:

[gardenmom5]

...Or is it possible to feel empathy even if this was not modeled in your family?

Are some people naturally more inclined to care about others?

Do you think empathy is different for men and women?

Yes, yes, and no - though the actions that show it may be very different.

 

Yes, I think it can be learned.

[MamaSheep]

:iagree: I could have written this myself.

 

 

 

This too. :)

 

 

Must be an Amy thing. :)

 

I'd also recommend the original: Emotional Intelligence. It talks about the difference between intellect and emotion, and the importance of empathy for leading a successful life. There was a very interesting chapter about empathy and how they taught it in a prison, if I recall correctly.

 

I liked that one too. Haven't read it in a while, but I know it's around here....somewhere....

[Orthodox6]

I would place this among the long list of "nature vs. nurture" topics possessing no definitive answer.

 

You did bring back a memory, though, from the infancy of my firstborn (who is about to turn 25). He was not more than six months old, when something happened to grieve me deeply. I was holding him and crying pretty hard. He pulled back from me a little, stared gravely into my eyes, then reached out a tiny hand to stroke my cheek several times.

 

That struck me, at the time, as innate to the baby boy.

[Tapasnaturalles]

Both.

My 5yo is too empathic. She feels the pain and despare of other people. She knows it when someone is mad, just by standing in the same room with that person. She feels happiness when someone else is happy and cries when someone is sad. It's not always easy to deal with a kid like that... sometimes it's just too much.

 

My 3yo doesn't care at all. I really need to learn her to be empathic. She doesn't do that naturally like her sister already did at that age.

And that's ok too... every child is different. As long as she learns to be empathic when needed, I'm fine with it.

[MrsBasil]

I was prompted to ponder this when observing dh's reaction to some disaster vs. mine.

I can almost feel the pain of the people when something happens. I want to go there and help out...dh sees pictures and is wowed by the awesome power of nature (think hurricanes and tsunamis). :001_smile:

 

Sounds like my DH and me, except reversed. Some of my reaction is a coping mechanism, it's hard to shut out the thought x amount of people just perished and it can be easier to just not...think too hard on it.

 

I would say I'm not naturally a very empathetic person, but I have learned it over the years. It wasn't modeled for me in the home, but I picked up on it because of cultural norms, a desire to be "better", and oddly enough, becoming a Christian and reading the Gospels. That spelled out a whole way of thinking I had barely been exposed to.

[Momling]

I have one daughter who was born with heaps of empathy. As a baby, she'd cry when someone else got hurt. As a toddler, she would hug me if I seemed upset. She's grown into a girl who deeply cares about what other people are feeling.

 

I also have a daughter who has very little empathy. She's not intentionally mean or anything, she just isn't aware of other people, their feelings... their opinions... She is kind of a free spirit in her own land without much awareness of anyone else. I go out of my way to try to ask her about how someone might be feeling (like on a movie or book). She's starting to get it... but then will do something dumb to the dog or whatever and it just won't occur to her that the dog doesn't like it. So she's not there yet...