How can I get DS to STOP correcting me?

[Tranquility7]

How can I correct these behaviors in DS?

 

DS (who is 5) corrects me a LOT. I don’t think he is meaning to be disrespectful or obnoxious, but he is just very precise in his language (which is a good thing!), so he often corrects me if I am vague or don’t use the best word for something (which gets annoying). He also corrects me if I do something and should have done something different. He also corrects me if I say something and then change my mind (“But you said…. But why did you change your mind? …. But then why did you say what you said before?”).

 

Here are two examples from the last hour:

 

1) DS had a huge lunch, and it lasted about two hours (so kind of became a grazing snack time too). He then asked for something else to eat just now, and I said, “No, you’ve had enough to eat today. No more until dinner.”

 

To which he responded, “Do I get to eat dinner? You said I already had enough to eat TODAY. Dinner is still going to be TODAY. So why do I get dinner if I had enough to eat TODAY?”

 

2) I gave DS his colored pencils in an open pencil box. I put them on the side of his desk, completely on the desk (not hanging off). While he was working, he bumped the box and it fell off, spilling his pencils. I was in the middle of making his bed, so he cleaned them up himself. When he put the box back on his desk, about 1/3 of the box was hanging off the edge of the desk. I said, “You probably shouldn’t put the box on the edge of the desk like that.”

 

To which his response was, “But YOU put them on the edge of the desk like that.” Actually, I didn’t put them hanging off the desk like that, but they STILL got knocked off! But regardless, I am simply NOT interested in getting into a discussion with him about whether my box was on or hanging off the desk. Even if it WAS hanging off the desk, it’s just obnoxious behavior to point out every little thing that someone else does or says wrong.

 

I don’t do everything right. It isn’t that I don’t want his input. It’s that it is annoying when someone is constantly splitting hairs and correcting you, no matter who it is, and even if they are right.

 

I remember reading in older books – like Little Women and the Little House series – adults telling children to “not contradict”. That never set well with me, because it seemed like they were saying the parents were never wrong and the children could never disagee. I don’t think I agree with that though! But on the other hand, I feel like this constant correction and contradiction is going to drive me nutty.

 

Does anyone else have a child like this? What is an appropriate response?

[Trish]

"Little Women" as a read-aloud!

[tntgoodwin]

Stop being wrong. :P

[katilac]

Well, the first example is easy. Just say, "You're right, son. No dinner for you today!" :D

 

In the second example, I'd probably say, "And they got knocked off, doofus. Put them securely on the desk, now."

 

Okay, I'd try not to say doofus, but if it had been a long day of nitpicking, I might :tongue_smilie:

 

Long term, I would probably explain to him how annoying it is when he questions everything I say (which I'm sure you've done). Then I would draw a ladder on a whiteboard. The first two steps just say one and two, those are his two chances. Then each next step has a privilege, like snack or screen time, whatever he likes.

 

Show him the ladder, and tell him that you are going to erase one step every time he questions you. Once a privilege is erased, he loses it for that day. After a week, go down to once free chance, then none. You are only erasing for nitpicking stuff, not valid questions, and he will quickly learn the difference.

 

I learned the ladder method here on this board, and it's great b/c there is no fussing or arguing. You simply walk over to the board (which should be in a main room) and erase.

[Ellie]

First-born dc are like that. Ask me how I know. ::looks around innocently and whistles tunelessly::

 

It might help if when he says things like that you gently hold his chin, so he can look right into your eyeball, KWIM? and say, "DS, do no not correct your mother."

 

I mean, it could just be that he's very literal and as a first-born he absolutely requires literalness, but he also needs to understand that he must be in control of it, and that when he speaks the way he does he is being disrespectful, which is not allowed. So, yes, although it might bug you when you read those books and adults told dc not to contradict them, turns out there's a reason for that.

[sewingmama]

I think it's a 5yo thing. My DD does this too. She is a very literal thinker so that plays a part. I am not the only one she corrects -she also corrects her brothers and teachers at Pre-K (they mentioned in her report card that she is "quick to point out inconsistancies" ;)

 

I think it has a lot to do with being firstborn and bossy LOL.

 

My response is usually just to agree with her because she is usually right :lol:

 

I am hoping she will grow out of it naturally as she learns more of the rules of "polite society".

[WeeBeaks]

Let's just say DH does this too, and so does my oldest DS. DH and I are in marital counseling currently .... what was recommended to him was basically "Did you understand the intent of what your wife said?" If yes, move on and not nitpick the words if you understood the intent. If no you don't understand or are unsure, then clarify.

[abacus2]

We are teaching our dd that it is rude to correct people all the time, even if they are wrong. She's getting better about dealing with an actual problem politely and not picking on imprecision or minor errors.

[Truscifi]

Ds is 7 now and still does this. We have been having a lot of conversations lately about how it is rude and annoying to nitpick, and it makes people not want to spend time with the person doing it. We have also talked about what his job in society at large is (learning and growing) versus what mine is (teaching, correcting, and parenting) and that he doesn't need to teach/correct others at this point in his life. Eventually he will be the adult and he'll have that responsibility then.

 

I'll let you know when it starts working. :glare:

[BetterthanIdeserve]

Let's just say DH does this too, and so does my oldest DS. DH and I are in marital counseling currently .... what was recommended to him was basically "Did you understand the intent of what your wife said?" If yes, move on and not nitpick the words if you understood the intent. If no you don't understand or are unsure, then clarify.

 

That's a great plan to focus on the intent!

 

My DD6 often corrects me, but it is usually because the wrong word or word order has come out of my mouth.:tongue_smilie:Unfortunately that happens more often than I care to admit. I can't use pregnancy fog or lack of sleep as an excuse any more. Most of the time I think she is sincerely trying to be helpful, but sometimes she does it with a bad attitude. I always try to address the attitude. However she seem so sincere and helpful in her desire for me to use the right word/word order that I usually acknowledge what is correct and move on. When her "helpfulness" is not actually helpful, I try to gently communicate that to her as well. Sometimes I find she is more responsive if I bring it up later rather than addressing it right then and then ask her to remember what we talked about if she repeats the not so helpful correction.

[Night Elf]

Yes, my ds15 has always been like that. I blame his Aspergers though because he really doesn't understand why it's rude to correct someone. However, he has gotten better because it doesn't happen as frequently now. It's still daily though.

 

I don't know if this would work with your young son, but I kept explaining to my son that correcting people made them think he was acting superior which can be a humiliating and embarrassing situation for the person being corrected. I told him he should only correct someone if the mistake has an impact on a person or a situation. For example, if I'm calculating a math problem and I make a mistake, it's okay to POLITELY point out the error. OTOH, if I'm reading aloud and he's following along, and I miss a word or use 'that' instead of 'this', or whatever, he should not correct me. Seriously, this has been one of the biggest problems I have with him while doing school work. He insists on me being a part of it, but he was correcting me all of the time. I kept telling him that if he found me so much of a problem, I would be happy to let him do his work on his own. It was, and still is, infuriating. I have a horrid vision of him correcting a college professor during the middle of a lecture! :eek:

[Joanne]

Yes, my ds15 has always been like that. I blame his Aspergers though because he really doesn't understand why it's rude to correct someone. However, he has gotten better because it doesn't happen as frequently now. It's still daily though.

 

I don't know if this would work with your young son, but I kept explaining to my son that correcting people made them think he was acting superior which can be a humiliating and embarrassing situation for the person being corrected. I told him he should only correct someone if the mistake has an impact on a person or a situation. For example, if I'm calculating a math problem and I make a mistake, it's okay to POLITELY point out the error. OTOH, if I'm reading aloud and he's following along, and I miss a word or use 'that' instead of 'this', or whatever, he should not correct me. Seriously, this has been one of the biggest problems I have with him while doing school work. He insists on me being a part of it, but he was correcting me all of the time. I kept telling him that if he found me so much of a problem, I would be happy to let him do his work on his own. It was, and still is, infuriating. I have a horrid vision of him correcting a college professor during the middle of a lecture! :eek:

 

This is such a gracious way to handle it.

 

OP, to be honest, I'm on the "knock it off" side of the fence on this one. I am perfectly comfortable with "don't contradict mama".

 

I'd use your own words but be very clear: "Son, I don't think you mean to be disrespectful or obnoxious, but I am telling you to stop that behavior. I won't be discussing why, and this is not optional".

 

And I'd consider using "code words" when he tries.

 

Code words.

[Night Elf]

This is such a gracious way to handle it.

 

OP, to be honest, I'm on the "knock it off" side of the fence on this one. I am perfectly comfortable with "don't contradict mama".

 

Yeah, but I am obligated to explain things thoroughly because of his Aspergers. He will not simply mature and begin understanding social niceties. It can be exhausting actually because I really have to wrap my mind around what his mind is thinking so I can help him understand why something is or isn't appropriate. Seriously, it's like being the mom of Mr. Spock from Star Trek!