I Understand Now...(Baby Names)

[oraetstudia]

My mom always sends me lists of suggested baby names, including some variation on my MIL's name, which my mom always suggests I should use so that she can demand I use some variation on her name next.

 

We never know before the baby is born what we're going to name them -- we don't find out what we're having and we're slow at deciding anyway. So fortunately, we can't hear too many comments about our chosen name because we don't have one and I never share what is on our short list, because the few times I have, I get all sorts of negatives. For instance, one name I love happens to also be my dad's father's middle name. My mom has told me that since she hated my grandfather, if I use that name she won't call the child by his name at all.

 

When my last baby was born, we chose to use my mom's father's name as his middle name. When I called my mom to tell her she suggested multiple times that I reverse the names. She even called and left several voice mails suggesting variations and reasons why we should not use that particular name as a middle name and why it had to go first. This all happened after we'd filled out the paperwork and it was a done deal.

 

Sigh. Moms. I pray I'm not half so irritating, but sometimes I fear something will snap and I'll become my mom.

[Impish]

Wolf's promised to put me out of my misery if I turn into my mother. :lol:

[Rosie_0801]

With all the MIL and Mother stories I see here on the board, we really should take advantage of the extensive experience and wisdom that is shared here and compile a "Guide to Being a Great MIL". It would be a best seller. I can see that expectant parents could give it as a gift to the new grandparents!:glare:

 

There was a thread like that a few months back, actually...

 

Imp, remind us why you speak to any of these people?

 

 

Dh and I were surprised at being congratulated for choosing the name Katherine, by MIL. I've no idea where she got that from, particularly because we'd already told her the name we had chosen. She tends to blank things from her mind when she doesn't like them, so that must have been what happened. I can't imagine why she thinks I'd give my daughter her daughter's middle name when SIL and I loathe one another. Anyway, SIL has a daughter now, so MIL got her Katherine :)

 

Rosie

[silliness7]

I finally get it.

 

I understand why some choose not to tell the name they've chosen for the coming baby until after the baby is born.

 

Both my younger brothers went that route. Granted, the names they chose were unusual, so I figured that was why.

 

Since we choose pretty classical names, with spellings to match, I never really considered keeping it a secret.

 

Should have known better. :glare: My mom flipped when we named Tazzie, apparently I have a cousin I've never met, didn't even know existed, has the same name. MIL had a hissy over us a) not giving her a vote on names, and b) not naming Princess after her.

 

So, here we are at #5.

 

Since the boy name I have picked out is also my younger brother's name, my mom is good with it. She's miffed at the middle name. Its Wolf's first name. She wants us to add in my Dad's name too. Nope. My oldest brother has my Dad's name as a first name, younger bro has it as a middle name, I don't see the need, thanks.

 

Mom also is ticked about the girl's name we have picked. See, about 17 yrs ago, my brother was engaged to a girl by the same name. So, now, despite the fact he's been married to someone else for about 15 yrs, has 2 kids, the name is EVIL. Oh, and we aren't even considering using her name as a middle name.

 

*eye roll*

 

Just to take the idiocy further, its been demanded that this baby be a girl. Btwn my cousins and my brothers, the last 7 babies in the family have all been boys. Princess is the last girl. I've been warned that another boy isn't really what's wanted at this point, so I'd 'better be having a girl'.

 

My family is just nuts. Well, at least my mother is. :glare:

 

MIL hasn't asked about names. Other than demanding to know if the baby was planned, telling me I can't cope with another child, freaking out b/c she's decided the baby will be special needs (I'm guessing b/c I'm over 35), and just generally expressing her disgust and displeasure, she's not interested.

 

No wonder Wolf and I are married. Nobody else could possibly handle each other's family. :lol:

 

Bless you. Your mil and my mil might be long lost twins. :001_smile:

[Impish]

Imp, remind us why you speak to any of these people?

 

 

Dh and I were surprised at being congratulated for choosing the name Katherine, by MIL. I've no idea where she got that from, particularly because we'd already told her the name we had chosen. She tends to blank things from her mind when she doesn't like them, so that must have been what happened. I can't imagine why she thinks I'd give my daughter her daughter's middle name when SIL and I loathe one another. Anyway, SIL has a daughter now, so MIL got her Katherine :)

 

Rosie

Well, as far as my parents go, my Dad and I have a close relationship now. And they do make the effort, despite the distance, to have a relationship with my kids. That's the primary reason, that they're decent gparents. My kids really don't have extended family beyond them and MIL, and if its possible, its something I want them to have.

[FaithManor]

Hey IMP,

 

If you really want to get your NPD relatives going (we did this to Dh's dad when I was pregnant each and every time because he was a beligerant idiot about baby naming - basically if it was a boy he just HAD to have that kid named after him, never mind that my brother's son already carried that name and our children were going to grow up together...hello....confusion) that we would pick something we knew he'd hate and let him stew on it for the whole pregnancy. Since he despised the other name, when we laid the real name on him when the child arrived, he accepted it better.

 

FIL always hated "big names, fluffy, trendy names" so insisted that if the baby was a girl, it would be Alexandria Gabriella Carmelitta and that there would be no nicknames and we would likely always refer to her by both first and middle name! We kept our faces straight and let him stew on that. I think the boy name was Abernethy Augustus. Boy, did his eyes pop out of his head!

 

Oh, and additionally, he begged us not to do "a" names because he already had two granddaughters with "a" names, Adrianna, and Andra. For some reason, he couldn't keep it straight. So the Alexandria Gabriella and Abernethy Augustus thing just made him sooooo happy when we named our first.

 

Of course, he caught on after that and knew whatever we said was the name wasn't it, but it also put him on notice that he was not getting a say in what we named our children.

 

Faith

[Impish]

Faith, I honestly considered doing something like that, but the months of drama just wouldn't be worth it. And there would be drama.

[TXMomof4]

I find it difficult to "forgive and forget" how disappointed and upset my family was when we found out our 4 year old was a boy. I had the only grandchildren of the family and they were both boys. Now I have 3 boys and my brother has 2. He and his wife are trying for another baby now and it makes me sick to hear him and the rest of the family talking about how important it is to have a girl. It's not just that they think a girl would be fun or cool; it's really important to these people! Ugh!!

 

It makes me furious (not much does) when people make stupid comments about our boys. "Trying for a girl with that last one, huh?" "What? You aren't going to try again so you can get that girl??" "Poor thing. All boys?? Wow"

 

UGHGHGHGH!! :rant:

 

THIS!!! I have 3 girls and then we had the boy. There are not words vicious enough for what I feel when someone make a comment about us "Finally getting our boy" Like all the girls didn't really count. LIke they arent each precious to us. Like I would choose for any of them to be boys. ARGH! If we have another one, I pray it's a girl - just so I can have another girl. Of course, that would leave ds as the only boy on either side of the family. Poor kid.

[FaithManor]

Faith, I honestly considered doing something like that, but the months of drama just wouldn't be worth it. And there would be drama.

 

I know Imp, I know. My FIL was probably not as bad as your MIL but he was definitely on the narcissistic spectrum. He once called dh's brother AT WORK, and told him, "I really wish that your wife would be out driving someday alone and have an overpass collapse on her car. Do you think you'd come live here and let us help raise the kids if you were a widower?"

 

Oh yeah, it went down just like that...you can imagine the reaction of my bil. It got really ugly because he went home and told his wife what fil said and then the war began. It continued raging right up until the day dh's dad slipped into a coma and then died. Very sad...the grandchildren never really knew him and I don't blame sil (though she is a mean sucker to me and my kids) one little bit for refusing to allow her children to see him. The youngest two only met him one time for an hour. I did feel bad for MIL who is a very nice, long suffering woman who would have loved to have spent time with her grands but felt like she couldn't leave fil who had cancer.

 

So, I get it. I guess maybe my only advice would be to try to just laugh at them. Really, it is sooooo ridiculous and there isn't any sense getting stressed by them if you can keep a healthy perspective and snicker at their childish antics....they really are three year olds in adult bodies...all that tantruming, self-centeredness, very, very childish and just what one would expect from a toddler.

 

Faith

[Impish]

Toddler in an adult body...exactly how I describe my MIL.

 

She once said to me that if anything happened to Wolf, I shouldn't worry b/c she'd move in to help.

 

It was around that time that I told Wolf if he died while we still had children at home, I'd have him cremated and placed in urinals. :lol:

[mommaduck]

:grouphug:

 

child #1 (named Jon): my mother said that "every house has a John" (meaning bathroom) and irritatingly called him Johnny.

 

child #3 (name after two OT prophets): step-grandmother tells me that the first name is "too Jewish!" Uhm, g'ma, Jesus was a Jew. "But we are GENTILE Christians." Soooo. "Well, I'll just call him by his middle name"....and does. The middle name is just as Jewish.

 

child #4 on her day of birth: my mother, "oh you have an aunt named that!" (this major clue helped me find my bio-dad and my siblings...btw, I have a sister named this also and we have several ancestors named this.

 

child #6: gets teased incessantly about her name by the older men at church. She's named Patience. They love to call her Petunia, Patricia, etc, just to see her stamp her feet and insist impatiently that her name is Patience.

 

child #8: has a bazillion nicknames.

[Pippen]

We went the route of telling friends but not breathing a word to family members. When the baby was born we called them and told them the news, including the name and that was the end of it.

 

IMO, if family doesn't like the name you've chosen, that's just tough for them. Grandma and MIL already had their turns.

[Mama Geek]

We didn't have an issue with names b/c we didn't tell anybody until after it was official.

 

What did cause issue was that we wouldn't find out the sex of the baby before she was born. My SIL actually wanted to go to the Dr's office with me so she could be told and then keep it a secret from us. There were several family members that weren't happy with the fact that we didn't find out and didn't tell them.

 

Don't you know it just isn't reasonable to keep the baby's gender secrete because then you can't buy gifts?

[Oak Knoll Mom]

 

Then once Digby came along, I thought about naming him Gavin just to p*ss her off (I'm a witch like that), but a certain hero's name from the show Firefly was just calling to be used.

 

Wait, you named your little boy Jayne? :lol::thumbup:

[Impish]

We didn't have an issue with names b/c we didn't tell anybody until after it was official.

 

What did cause issue was that we wouldn't find out the sex of the baby before she was born. My SIL actually wanted to go to the Dr's office with me so she could be told and then keep it a secret from us. There were several family members that weren't happy with the fact that we didn't find out and didn't tell them.

 

Don't you know it just isn't reasonable to keep the baby's gender secret because then you can't buy gifts?

Wow. Your SIL has nerve. :001_huh:

 

My mother was insistant that we find out the gender...which we hope to do anyways, but geez, what's your issue? Apparently, demanding a girl. :glare:

 

I'm rotten. Part of me doesn't want the baby to be a girl, just so I don't have to deal with her smugness. She tends to have the same attitude as my MIL...that God gives what *she* wants, everyone else be darned. :glare:

[aggie96]

Not only did we have family weighing in on baby names, DH and I couldn't agree on names either! DD6's name was a compromise between DH and I, and I spelled her middle name the only way I had ever seen it spelled. Two years later my mom misspelled it on something and acted completely shocked about the spelling. :)

 

DD4's name I chose because I told everyone, including DH, it was a done deal. :) Her middle name is my dad's male family first name (I had just lost my paternal grandfather who I loved). This was tough on my mom because my parents are bitterly divorced, but she just smiled through it and understood. This child has a nickname from every family member. No one, including us, calls her by her given name.

 

DS1's name was a nightmare. Dh and I were at extreme odds on the name. Everyone from neighbors to friends to family had very strong opinions because it was going to be a "boy" and was the only boy to carry on DH's family blood line/last name. Plus we have an insane last name to pronounce and spell. DS is the last baby of his generation on DH's side of family. Baby boy was several hours old before we chose a name! I just blurted something out to DH and basically said, "Let's just go with XXXX." He said, "OK." :) We wanted to take more time to work on the name but my OB explained how much effort it would take me to choose later and get it legally recorded. :) We actually had nurses and the OB helping with a name during labor! :) I was motivated to avoid the hassle. My mom really disliked DS's name and my family made fun of it, but it was better than Boy. Thankfully it didn't bother me because my family has always just said what they wanted...including me. :)

 

I actually let everyone call my kids by whatever nickname they want. My name is Amy. Growing up there were ALWAYS several (not few) Amy's in all my classes, so I was always called Amy-something to distinguish us. I like personal nicknames as they feel very personal and loving to me...even the rotten nicknames (and my uncles always had a few for me).