Bragging

[Embassy]

What does bragging about a child sound like/look like to you? Is it talking about your child's special abilities, talking about your child's abilities to someone whose child cannot do what your child can, talking about your child in a positive light, or something else?

[dcjlkplus3]

What does bragging about a child sound like/look like to you? Is it talking about your child's special abilities, talking about your child's abilities to someone whose child cannot do what your child can, talking about your child in a positive light, or something else?

 

I usually see it as the parent saying "look what my kid did!"

I think the times I have been bothered by it, were times that it was my problem, noty because of anything that they did or said.

[Parrothead]

I think bragging is a specific thing. I don't see anything wrong with someone posting about an award or specific accomplishment his/her child has done.

 

To me bragging is a constant thing. When one has told everyone who will listen, and those who really don't want to, about Junior's brilliance, even when Junior isn't quite that brilliant.

[justasque]

I think it crosses the "inappropriate" line when the bragger is providing the info with the intent of making the listener feel inferior (about themselves or their dc) (in which case the bragger, if they listened to their conscience, would know they meant to harm), or goes on and on knowing that the listener isn't taking it well.

 

Sometimes the speaker is insensitive to the listener's situation and how they may be hearing the conversation (e.g going on and on about a dc's reading percentile when the listener's dc is struggling with dyslexia); this may be done without the speaker realizing it and without any intention of a negative effect, in which case I wouldn't call it "bragging" so much as being insensitive.

 

Sometimes a listener is overly sensitive and takes offense when none is intended or could reasonably be expected. I don't think I'd consider that bragging either, it's more about how the listener is hearing it.

 

I think many of us have moments of not really wanting to hear another word about how wonderfully Junior is doing - it can be wearing at times - but most of us know in those situations that we're having a bad moment, not the speaker.

Edited June 19, 2011 by askPauline

[OrdinaryTime]

I think it crosses the "inappropriate" line when the bragger is providing the info with the intent of making the listener feel inferior (about themselves or their dc) (in which case the bragger, if they listened to their conscience, would know they meant to harm), or goes on and on knowing that the listener isn't taking it well.

 

Sometimes the speaker is insensitive to the listener's situation and how they may be hearing the conversation (e.g going on and on about a dc's reading percentile when the listener's dc is struggling with dyslexia); this may be done without the speaker realizing it and without any intention of a negative effect, in which case I wouldn't call it "bragging" so much as being insensitive.

 

Sometimes a listener is overly sensitive and takes offense when none is intended or could reasonably be expected. I don't think I'd consider that bragging either, it's more about how the listener is hearing it.

 

I think many of us have moments of not really wanting to hear another word about how wonderfully Junior is doing - it can be wearing at times - but most of us know in those situations that we're having a bad moment, not the speaker.

 

:iagree:

[Ellie]

It's when every.single.thing the child does is amazing. All.the.time. I have a friend who still brags about her dd, who is now 24 or 25yo.:glare:

 

Another friend had 4 dc. Everything they did was amazing, exceptional, unique, whether it was good or bad. :glare:

[Samiam]

I think of bragging as a "constant" thing. Being proud of your child's accomplishment and wanting to share that, in a happy yet humble way, is completely fine.

 

But sharing their accomplishments EVERY Time, all the time as if EVERYTHING your child does is just THE Best, is annoying and bragging.

 

 

Also, never caring what others do, always trying to "one up them" is bragging.

 

I guess one could be a "one-time bragger" based on tone and attitude when presenting the information, but it has been my experience that braggers are repeat offenders.

[Abigail4476]

Man, I am so guilty of this. I talk about things my kids do all the time and I do find just about everything they say or do to be amazing or entertaining or funny, so I guess I'm one of those annoying people. :D:D:D People tend to talk about whatever their passion is, and I'm passionate about my kids. :tongue_smilie: Sometimes I don't even think about what I'm doing. There I'll be, prating along about this kid or that kid, and I don't always realize until too late that the listener's eyes have glazed over. My oldest sister is pretty good about bringing me down out of the clouds, though. She'll smile and say something like, "Yep, he's a genius--just like his mother." Of course, that's my cue that she's had enough and we talk gardening or music instead. :lol:

 

To me, the *hurtful* bragging is a different sort--it's when someone brags in a comparative way or in a way meant to make another person feel bad. It usually includes not only a positive note about themselves or another person, but also some kind of put-down, sly or otherwise.

[Samiam]

Man, I am so guilty of this. I talk about things my kids do all the time and I do find just about everything they say or do to be amazing or entertaining or funny, so I guess I'm one of those annoying people. :D:D:D People tend to talk about whatever their passion is, and I'm passionate about my kids. :tongue_smilie: Sometimes I don't even think about what I'm doing. There I'll be, prating along about this kid or that kid, and I don't always realize until too late that the listener's eyes have glazed over. My oldest sister is pretty good about bringing me down out of the clouds, though. She'll smile and say something like, "Yep, he's a genius--just like his mother." Of course, that's my cue that she's had enough and we talk gardening or music instead. :lol:

 

To me, the *hurtful* bragging is a different sort--it's when someone brags in a comparative way or in a way meant to make another person feel bad. It usually includes not only a positive note about themselves or another person, but also some kind of put-down, sly or otherwise.

 

 

But doesn't every mother love their children, and think they are the BEST? Well, at least around here, right? But the question is, do you show interest in what others are doing to? Do you ask about their children and show interest in their accomplisments? Do you talk about the good and the bad? For example, I might say my son is an amazing baseball player, he made All-stars for the 5th year, he is asked to join travel teams, he made the middle school team, etc etc etc...but I could also tell you his batting is struggling, he is getting tired of baseball all day every day...I am keeping it "real".

While he is amazing, I realize there are other "parts" of the equation and I am not afraid to share those too.

 

That is the difference in bragging I think. If you only tell the BEST, the most PERFECt, the AMAZING stories...bragging. Whether you have ill intent or not, it gets annoying.

[Ester Maria]

A: Johnny wrote an excellent composition today. (a normal statement)

B: Oh? That is wonderful! What is about? (polite interest)

A: About Shakespeare, he brought some genuine insight into Hamlet that got me thinking! (a normal answer) Can you imagine that he is only ten years old and writing about Hamlet? (normal as a one-shot parental admiration, but it got old if it had been stated a zillion times before) I am so proud of him! To think that such a little boy is thinking so deeply (especially if the chances are that the kid was just parroting something read in anthology LOL, and not as brilliant as A would like to think - at this point it is slowly getting boring)! He has always been such a deep thinker (and now reminescenes from Johnny's early childhood which point out to his exceptionality - the verge of tolerable for a one-shot expression of parental being in love with their child).

B: Well, thank you for sharing this with me. (end-of-discussion response)

A: My little boy. To think that *I*, of all people, was blessed with this genius. (continuation) Was he not always remarkable in your view? Outstanding? (attempting to draw you to play their game)

B: Ehmmmm, lovely.... So what are you making for dinner tonight? (an attempt of polite shifting of discussion)

A: Pasta. But, to think that Johnny understood Hamlet on a level I never understood in high school, nobody in my class understood in high school... (yeah, yeah, we got it, old news by now)

B: Hmm, pasta goes well with many things. (try again, maybe they are the type of "I get things only second time" person?)

A: ... on the level my professors did not understand in high school... My little Johnny. (okay, is your social intelligence and an ability to pick up *obvious* cues - and this is all probably paired up with disinterested physical attitude - like :tongue_smilie:, ZERO?)

B: Yes, but pasta... (a third time lucky attempt)

A: His sister was also like that, you know. Exceptionality runs in family. (Madonna mia, just shut up. The kid wrote a composition, we got it. CUT it now.)

B: *facepalm*

 

Something like this LOL. One or many elements may lack.

And then something like this repeats.

And again.

And again.

Many times when little Johnny writes a composition / a third rate poem / wins a tennis match with his friend / whatever. Because whatever Johnny does, it is remarkable and they have to share it.

 

Now, things are more tolerable if Johnny really IS a one-in-a-thousand type of genius, but in most cases, Johnny is a mediocre student overall, your typical "bright" kid, but nothing truly exceptional, and the parent brags about developmentally totally normal and appropriate accomplishments. Repeatedly.

 

Honestly, I do not know many people like that, but a few that I did meet were almost literally like this exaggeration. I get being in love with your child, I get the lack of a critical eye, but seriously, you do not have to be "in your face" about it.

[obsidian]

A: Johnny wrote an excellent composition today. (a normal statement)

B: Oh? That is wonderful! What is about? (polite interest)

A: About Shakespeare, he brought some genuine insight into Hamlet that got me thinking! (a normal answer) Can you imagine that he is only ten years old and writing about Hamlet? (normal as a one-shot parental admiration, but it got old if it had been stated a zillion times before) I am so proud of him! To think that such a little boy is thinking so deeply (especially if the chances are that the kid was just parroting something read in anthology LOL, and not as brilliant as A would like to think - at this point it is slowly getting boring)! He has always been such a deep thinker (and now reminescenes from Johnny's early childhood which point out to his exceptionality - the verge of tolerable for a one-shot expression of parental being in love with their child).

B: Well, thank you for sharing this with me. (end-of-discussion response)

A: My little boy. To think that *I*, of all people, was blessed with this genius. (continuation) Was he not always remarkable in your view? Outstanding? (attempting to draw you to play their game)

B: Ehmmmm, lovely.... So what are you making for dinner tonight? (an attempt of polite shifting of discussion)

A: Pasta. But, to think that Johnny understood Hamlet on a level I never understood in high school, nobody in my class understood in high school... (yeah, yeah, we got it, old news by now)

B: Hmm, pasta goes well with many things. (try again, maybe they are the type of "I get things only second time" person?)

A: ... on the level my professors did not understand in high school... My little Johnny. (okay, is your social intelligence and an ability to pick up *obvious* cues - and this is all probably paired up with disinterested physical attitude - like :tongue_smilie:, ZERO?)

B: Yes, but pasta... (a third time lucky attempt)

A: His sister was also like that, you know. Exceptionality runs in family. (Madonna mia, just shut up. The kid wrote a composition, we got it. CUT it now.)

B: *facepalm*

 

Something like this LOL. One or many elements may lack.

And then something like this repeats.

And again.

And again.

 

:lol::lol:

Edited June 19, 2011 by STEM
Clicked the wrong smiley

[trailofsparks]

I have a friend (single mom, if that matters and I think it does play a part) who always talks about her dd's accomplishments. Posts every dance recital, every piano recital - and there are lots of them - on FB. It's always, "my dd, this, and my dd, that". Ad nauseum.

 

This friend shows no interest in my kids - to the point that for years now, I just don't talk about my dc at all. LOL, she doesn't even notice.

 

That's bragging. We don't really talk much any more; I seriously got tired of hearing it all the time - not jealous, just tired. :rolleyes:

[sewingmama]

I think it crosses the "inappropriate" line when the bragger is providing the info with the intent of making the listener feel inferior (about themselves or their dc) (in which case the bragger, if they listened to their conscience, would know they meant to harm), or goes on and on knowing that the listener isn't taking it well.

:iagree:

 

Sharing = Little Susie did "this great,wonderful thing" isn't that amazing. Me: Wow that is great -she's so smart (Conversation ends and we talk about other things)

 

Bragging = Really? your DD is 5 and can't read yet - I taught my kid to read when he was 3 :glare:

 

or

 

So I hear you are going to homeschool - I was planning on doing that too because Johnny is just too smart for the local schools but then he got accepted with a full scholarship into "school for highly gifted kids" and so of course I had to send him to enhance his creative genius - but homeschooling will be fine for your kids :glare:

 

In summary -talking about your kids accomplishments is fine - comparing your kids great accomplishments to my kids lack of them is not so fine :thumbdown:

[BMW]

I grew up with a relative who was always comparing and hurtful with brags... "Cousin has a nice bedroom doesn't she? She has a lot of great toys. You don't have toys like these, do you?" (I was 10) "We don't let Cousin read that comic strip because it uses slang language... Do YOU know what slang language is? We really want Cousin to be smart... Don't you use those couple of words? Here, YOU keep this comic book..."

 

Ugh.

 

I cannot say it has been better as adults. If WE (not her children) accomplish anything great, there are all these excuses as to why Cousin didn't do that... or how we were just lucky... If WE failed, we were told why... and when Cousin failed in a similar way (like having a teacher say that we were talkative in class!), then it was all okay because of this... or that....

 

I must admit that I was delighted in my firstborn in an overboard manner (kind of like how crazy I am over my grandson... I always hope you guys just roll your eyes and forgive me...) and I thought my girl was just the brightest child ever... She was simply normal. But, she was mine. Anyway, I try to understand when it is parental pride and give grace to the other person. But, hey, when life knocked me down on my butt, I realized just how normal and ordinary my kids are... now you all probably wish I wouldn't talk about the challenges... I imagine some of you thinking, "Oh, no, not her again... so... her boy lied again... another boy mouthed off... and later she'll be back to say, "Hey, it all worked out just fine..." ... and I talk WAY too much, yes, I do know that, too...:001_smile: