sparrow Posted June 6, 2011 Share Posted June 6, 2011 :party:on the baby and :grouphug::grouphug: on the MIL situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teachin'Mine Posted June 6, 2011 Share Posted June 6, 2011 (edited) I'm hoping and praying that your postpartum won't be anything near what you fear it may be with the RSD. :grouphug: It's wonderful that your husband is planning on being there for you during the first couple of months. Maybe you could also start to look for a homeschooling high schooler, or a college student, or even another mom whose children are in school to help you out for a few hours during the day. Paying them could be offset if it means your dh has to take less time off work. Maybe someone at your church or in your neighborhood? I'll be praying for you. It's just kinda weird when we say our intentions and one of the people I'm praying for is Impish. :lol: Edited June 6, 2011 by Teachin'Mine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JVA Posted June 6, 2011 Share Posted June 6, 2011 Impish- Congratulations! I'm so happy for you.:lol: Your mil is certifiably CRAZY. If I were you, I'd cut contact. We have an off-balanced family member we've had to cut contact with ourselves. You and your dh and children do not have to endure your mil's abuse. Before we made our decision to cut contact, we informed the rest of the family so they would know our reasons. We stated them concisely without hysterics- calmly laying out the history. One or two asked questions but most did not. They can think what they want. Mostly, they have to deal with her craziness and now, we DON'T! Can I say relief and happiness enough? :lol::lol::lol: Our life is easier now that we don't have that stress. I hope your pregnancy goes well and that you will have the strength and enjoyment you deserve. Many blessings on you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sassyscrapperinid Posted June 6, 2011 Share Posted June 6, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug: CONGRATULATIONS!! My mil was less than pleased when my dh and I were expecting his 2 only biological children- I say that because we have 9 children all together!! I had 2 from a previous marriage, then we adopted 5, and then we had 2 together. :001_smile: Alls I can say is try to ignore her and be happy. You have a right to be happy about this. Having a baby is a joyous and exciting time. It might be harder because she lives with you. My concern would be that she spread her attitude to the children somehow. :grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Veritaserum Posted June 6, 2011 Share Posted June 6, 2011 Oh my, I missed your news (I've been sporadically reading between bouts of packing and painting and all the other everyday stuff). Congratulations! What month are you due? I hope all goes well and that for some freak reason this delivery will set your body back to 'normal' and you don't have ANY more pain EVER. :)Sorry you are still dealing with MIL crap constantly. What the world needs now is a giant Mr. Clean Magic Crap Eraser :) :iagree: And congrats! :party: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted June 6, 2011 Author Share Posted June 6, 2011 It might be harder because she lives with you. My concern would be that she spread her attitude to the children somehow. :grouphug::grouphug: She doesn't live with us. She's not even in the same province or time zone. She WANTS to live with us. Even demanding that we move to a small town in her province b/c she 'has friends there, and would be willing to move...'. That we have no interest in her province, can't afford the real estate, and the town she wants holds no employment opportunities are viewed as us being ungrateful brats and unreasonable. We should do what she wants without hesitation or question. :001_rolleyes: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tree House Academy Posted June 6, 2011 Share Posted June 6, 2011 My mother in law once told me that I "didn't need any more children" because I was "hateful" to her during my pregnancy!! Now she has alzheimers, so she forgot how much she dislikes me and we get along fine. LOL Ignore your MIL and CONGRATS! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sassyscrapperinid Posted June 6, 2011 Share Posted June 6, 2011 She doesn't live with us. She's not even in the same province or time zone. She WANTS to live with us. Even demanding that we move to a small town in her province b/c she 'has friends there, and would be willing to move...'. That we have no interest in her province, can't afford the real estate, and the town she wants holds no employment opportunities are viewed as us being ungrateful brats and unreasonable. We should do what she wants without hesitation or question. :001_rolleyes: oh- Im sorry for the misunderstanding..... but thrilled that she doesnt live with you!! *happy dance* It makes it all the more easier to IGNORE her!! I would just tell her that if she cant be happy about it then she will force you guys to not have contact until well after the baby comes because you dont deserve the added stress. I dont get what she expects with having adopted your husband. Like I said earlier, we adopted 5 children and we dont expect them to take care of us or put us before their families- when they grow up and have them. :) That is just crazy crazy! So- woohoo to you!!!! And if you dont have caller ID, I would definitely get it so you are in control of when you talk to her. Glad your dh is supportive of when it comes to her. That helps. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3lilreds in NC Posted June 6, 2011 Share Posted June 6, 2011 Ah, mothers-in law. God's special challenges. :glare: CONGRATULATIONS on your new peanut! How very exciting! Definitely stop answering the phone when the crazy lady calls, unless it's me. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted June 6, 2011 Author Share Posted June 6, 2011 My mother in law once told me that I "didn't need any more children" because I was "hateful" to her during my pregnancy!! Now she has alzheimers, so she forgot how much she dislikes me and we get along fine. LOL Ignore your MIL and CONGRATS! Oh my. Reminds me of when I was pg with Tazzie. Apparently, I was nasty b/c I freaked when she thanked me for making Wolf a 'real Dad' and her a 'real Grandma'. I brought 2 children to our marriage, and Wolf has been 'Dad' since our wedding day. When he heard what she said, he called and flipped out completely. Told her we hadn't been playing house for the last year, he already was a Dad, would always be a Dad, and she, of all ppl should understand that genetics have nothing to do with being a parent, since she adopted him. She kept insisting until he finally blew up and said if genetics were that important to her, she wasn't actually anymore related to the new baby than she was to anyone else in our house. Of course, this was all *my* fault, b/c I put him up to it, he only was mad at her b/c I told him to be. She seems to get angry/offended any time we make any decision without consulting her or getting her permission. Weird thing is, Wolf hasn't sought that since before he left for boarding school as a young teen...how she thought that would change once he was married is beyond me! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted June 6, 2011 Author Share Posted June 6, 2011 I dont get what she expects with having adopted your husband. Like I said earlier, we adopted 5 children and we dont expect them to take care of us or put us before their families- when they grow up and have them. :) That is just crazy crazy! So- woohoo to you!!!! And if you dont have caller ID, I would definitely get it so you are in control of when you talk to her. Glad your dh is supportive of when it comes to her. That helps. :grouphug: His entire growing up was filled with how she would come live with him when she was elderly, that he had to take care of her b/c she choose to adopt him. Less than 10 mins after he put the wedding band on my finger, she announced how glad she was he married me, b/c she wouldn't ever need to go into a nursing home now! Caller ID is used extensively. congrats on the little one. Don't worry about the MIL. You might want to do what I do..keep a notepad and write down the funny ones for that book or comic strip you're gonna do one day.... We had two funnies this week... She called to tell us Moochie (her 20 something college grad grandchild who lives off her) mowed the grass (YAY!! first time this year and she is soooo proud he started the lawnmower by himself), but amazingly, it grew back overnight!!!! Sadly, the neighbors have the same type of grass, and the rapid regrowth didn't happen over there, so we don't know what to bottle and sell as everyone around here would like some of that fast growing grass to replace the patches the grubs got to. Her Typhoid Mary attempt....I'm on immune suppressing meds. No sick people allowed. Her bronchitis and hygiene issues related to her untreated intestinal issues, general habits and her self-inflicted immobility issues means she is now permanently on the no entry list as I don't need a hospitalization. Knowing all this in advance, she tried anyway...after all she is not really 'sick'. For this, I am glad that that assisted living homes exist and they take Medicare. Oh my. I don't know if I should laugh or cry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaT Posted June 6, 2011 Share Posted June 6, 2011 You need to let Wolf deal with his mother and you should not have to talk to her at all. You MIL reminds me of mine, and I am SO SORRY! Our family is going to spend a couple of days (that's all the kids and I can stand) with my MIL next week and I am sick to my stomach every time I think about it. Enjoy your pregnancy and be excited - pretend your MIL doesn't exist. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted June 6, 2011 Share Posted June 6, 2011 Congratulations on you little blessing.:grouphug: :tongue_smilie:Don't let mil steal a moment of your joy; being happy probably goes against her DNA. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meggie Posted June 6, 2011 Share Posted June 6, 2011 Oh my heck! Well this will teach me to ever take a day off the boards. Post partum always scares me too. It's just so hard when you don't get much sleep. I'll be praying your baby is an excellent sleeper. And :grouphug: on the MIL. She's crazy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted June 6, 2011 Author Share Posted June 6, 2011 You need to let Wolf deal with his mother and you should not have to talk to her at all. You MIL reminds me of mine, and I am SO SORRY! Our family is going to spend a couple of days (that's all the kids and I can stand) with my MIL next week and I am sick to my stomach every time I think about it. Enjoy your pregnancy and be excited - pretend your MIL doesn't exist. :001_smile: Wolf does deal with her the majority of the time. I deal with her to give him a break. Its not his fault she's the way she is, and frankly, one person having to deal with her exclusively is miserable. :grouphug: to you for having a similar MIL! :lol: is what you should do!!!! You'll have to rofl carefully now. Read the Darwin awards and keep a good sense of humor!!! I always have to be careful cause of RSD, lol! Congratulations on you little blessing.:grouphug: :tongue_smilie:Don't let mil steal a moment of your joy; being happy probably goes against her DNA. I know you were joking, but it made me think. Its like she resents or is jealous of any happiness we have. Any success, big or small, she's sure to have a hissy in response. If we're happy, she'll find a way to try and dampen it. She tries to be the constant centre of our lives, and is incredibly resentful and angry that we won't allow it. Oh my heck! Well this will teach me to ever take a day off the boards. Post partum always scares me too. It's just so hard when you don't get much sleep. I'll be praying your baby is an excellent sleeper. And :grouphug: on the MIL. She's crazy. Its not the post partum so much...its RSD reacting to post partum. Stress sets my pain levels through the roof, and what else is post partum but stress? I managed when Princess was a wk old, barely out of the hospital w/a kidney infection and Wolf had to go across country for work for a wk. RSD is a whole 'nother deal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Belacqua Posted June 6, 2011 Share Posted June 6, 2011 Many congratulations, Imp (on the baby, of course, not the harpy). Perhaps MIL's behavior will ultimately be a good thing? Usually when somebody's aim is to inflict guilt, she will behave at least marginally nicely, sometimes, in order to make the guilt work. But by going completely CuckooPants Whackaloon, MIL might have eroded any lingering sense of guilt or obligation she'd managed to instill. When an older person tears up and says she wishes you could move closer because she would love to see the family more often, it can be hard to resist, even when you know she's being manipulative. But when she says, "You WILL move next door to me and cook my Lean Cuisines and give me manicures and scoop my catbox because you OWE me!!!" it might be just a little easier to say no. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted June 6, 2011 Author Share Posted June 6, 2011 Many congratulations, Imp (on the baby, of course, not the harpy). Perhaps MIL's behavior will ultimately be a good thing? Usually when somebody's aim is to inflict guilt, she will behave at least marginally nicely, sometimes, in order to make the guilt work. But by going completely CuckooPants Whackaloon, MIL might have eroded any lingering sense of guilt or obligation she'd managed to instill. When an older person tears up and says she wishes you could move closer because she would love to see the family more often, it can be hard to resist, even when you know she's being manipulative. But when she says, "You WILL move next door to me and cook my Lean Cuisines and give me manicures and scoop my catbox because you OWE me!!!" it might be just a little easier to say no. :lol: We've begged her to move closer to us so that she is more involved. She won't consider anything but moving in. We even offered to have her live with us until she found an apt. She told me that my house was too much of a mess. Reality was, she was gravely insulted that the invite was only for a temp situation, and not forever. Its hard. As much as cutting her off would seem to be the rational and logical thing to do, neither Wolf nor I could really live with that. Its not so much about *her*, but about the people we need to be. We worry about her health, and how she's managing. As difficult as she is, we don't want her coming to any harm, and wish she were close enough that we could check on her frequently. I also wonder how much of her behaviour and attention seeking is a result of her being so far away. Wolf says she's been like this his entire life though, so perhaps living closer would be worse. My parents spent my childhood at war with various family members. Cut off my maternal gma for 17 yrs. I know what that did to me, and don't want to teach my children that family is disposable. *sigh* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetBean Posted June 6, 2011 Share Posted June 6, 2011 :grouphug: Congratulations! I'm sorry about the mil. I've never understood how being negative about a blessing can benefit anyone. Rise above! Happy for your family! :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Giraffe Posted June 6, 2011 Share Posted June 6, 2011 :grouphug: Congratulations! I'm sorry about the mil. I've never understood how being negative about a blessing can benefit anyone. Rise above! Happy for your family! :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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