"Why are we bothering to homeschool?"

[Teachin'Mine]

This is what my dd asked. :001_huh: We've been surrounded by kids her age who are non-schooling or doing extremely light homeschooling, and they have so much free time - basically all day. So my dd looks at her own workload and naturally compares. I explain how much longer most kids are in school each day and then they have homework in the evening, but ... :confused:

 

I didn't know whether to post this here or on the general board, but I chickened out on putting it there. :lol: Dd is looking at next year's coursework and feeling like her free time is going to be even less, based on her discussions with other students at her school (distance), so any extra courses or projects all seem like way too much to do. She's feeling miserable about it and I'm wishing I could lighten her load in some ways to leave more room for the other stuff. To me, volunteer work, and special programs are important and worthy of time. And in her free time she does a lot of things that most people consider academic, just because she enjoys doing them. Some time is spent just chatting with friends, or hanging out with friends, but that's important too. It's just hard to fit it all in.

 

Any advice (gentle :D) would be appreciated or if anyone can commiserate ...

[FrogMom5]

My oldest ds asked this same question last yr. We asked him what end goals his friends had and that made him realize his goals were different. Maybe that could help your dd?

 

I did caution my ds that it's not that his goals are better, just that they require a different path.

Denise

[Barb_]

*Is* there a way to somewhat lighten the load as a compromise? Not to go so far as to school-lite, but she may be more willing to listen to your goals if she feels heard as well.

[AngelBee]

:grouphug:

[8filltheheart]

My oldest and I butt heads constantly when he was in high school b/c I expected a normal academic load and all of his friends did 4 day weeks a couple of hrs/day.

 

I did not back down and made him carry the load. We showed him what it was going to take to get admitted to college and actually succeed in those courses. (not that that made it any better. The other moms actually interfered in our homeschooling and told him we were ridiculous.)

 

During his freshman yr of college, he called one day and said, "Mom, there is something I want to tell you. Thank you." That was our entire conversation, but I cannot express how much it meant to me.

 

He has watched all of his friends fail multiple times. They give him a hard time and tell him that he is so lucky. Lucky has nothing to do with it.....it is all hard work along with many, many crosses.

 

Now he is a college senior, married for a little over a yr, will be graduating with a chemE degree in August, has a wonderful job waiting for him upon graduation, and as of a few hrs ago, a proud daddy to a very sweet, very premie dd.

 

Hang in there mom, it is all worth it.

Edited May 24, 2011 by 8FillTheHeart

[Elizabeth in WA]

Mine would never ask such a question. (They might think it, but they wouldn't voice it...) This is less because I am mean (though I'm sure they sometimes think that too) than because I lecture (indoctrinate) them constantly on why I think education in general and the subjects we are studying in particular are important. So, even if they disagree with me, they know it's fruitless to argue since it will only result in another long lecture (rant) on the subject. Possibly as a result of years on constant lecturing (indoctrination), they don't seem to seriously disagree so much as sometimes just want as much free time as some of their friends seem to have.

[Shifra]

One reason you homeschool is so that way your daughter will be able to get into a competitive college if she so chooses. Another reason is that way she will have a work ethic, so that she will be employable.

 

These books are definately in the "Ivy League or Bust" catagory, but they are real eye-openers for the scope of talent out there. But you may want to look at (or have her look at) these books.

 

A Is for Admission: The Insider's Guide to Getting into the Ivy League and Other Top Colleges by Michelle Hernandez

 

What It Really Takes to Get into the Ivy league by Chuck Hughes

 

What Colleges Don't Tell you and What High Schools Don't Tell you by Elizabeth Wissner-Gross

 

Making it into a top College by Howard Greene

[PeterPan]

Just suggest to her you'd be happy to trade out school time with house cleaning. You don't want her to have too much free time. Only leads to bad things. :)

 

My dd even compares herself to homeschooled kids. It's like they all sit around giving their tallies for time in math, time writing. It doesn't matter. All that matters is what you say goes in your house. It's just a comparing, insecure age.

[G5052]

I worked for 15 years before children in a highly competitive field, and have been an adjunct professor since my oldest was a toddler.

 

And it is a hard, hard world out there. Certainly there are niche fields and there is room for craftsmen and specialists, but the reality is that functioning at a high level in the 3 R's is a must in most fields and college degrees are necessary for many of the best jobs. Certainly you can "get by" in school and survive, but it is tough to thrive in this economy without a good education. Some do, but most do not and it is very hard to overcome a poor K-12 education.

 

Homeschooling is serious business IMHO. We have to do all we can to help them reach their potential, whatever that means for each kid in our homes.

[brightside]

Homeschooling is serious business IMHO. We have to do all we can to help them reach their potential, whatever that means for each kid in our homes.

 

:iagree: I tell my son, we are working hard now, so he has options later. He is undecided on a final direction, but if we make it possible for him to attend an Ivy League College and he *chooses* something different that is fine. But, if later he decides he wants Ivy League and we did not do enough homeschooling to get there, then he has no choice. We work hard to allow more choices. Choices = more freedom down the road. He does not completely believe me at this point, but I am the mom and he is stuck with it. :tongue_smilie:

[Teachin'Mine]

Thank you all for your thoughts on this - it is so nice to come on here and get :grouphug:s, support and other thoughts. Thank you!!!:grouphug:

 

Of all times I have to be off right now, but I'll be back on later. :)

[LidiyaDawn]

We've been surrounded by kids her age who are non-schooling or doing extremely light homeschooling' date=' and they have so much free time - basically all day. [/quote']

 

Please remember that there are many different ways of home educating ~ those other families may be using methods that are not what you would choose for YOUR family, but that doesn't mean that they are "non-schooling" or "doing extremely light" … they're doing it differently. :001_smile:

[Teachin'Mine]

Please remember that there are many different ways of home educating ~ those other families may be using methods that are not what you would choose for YOUR family, but that doesn't mean that they are "non-schooling" or "doing extremely light" … they're doing it differently. :001_smile:

 

LydiyaDawn, I agree!!! There are many different ways to homeschool. I was trying to come up with a term different from unschooling because I didn't want to offend unschoolers. :tongue_smilie: Many unschoolers put a lot of effort into their homeschooling and the kids truly excel, so I was trying to distinguish from them by using the term "non-schooling". One family is basically non-schooling and another we had spent quite a bit of time with was doing much lighter school work. It's a perfectly valid way to homeschool high school, but it meant that after an hour or two of school they were out having fun at 11AM while my dd was still plugging away for a few hours more.

 

I'm not against any type of homeschooling, other than those who use the term to cover up neglect, but that's not at all what I'm talking about, but I'm just saying that it is harder to be doing a rigorous curriculum when you're surrounded by those who are having a lot more free time and are waiting on you to finish your school work for the day. Kwim? It was easier in the past when she was friends with others who were using the same curricula - they were all in the same boat so to speak. :)

[Teachin'Mine]

:iagree: I tell my son, we are working hard now, so he has options later. He is undecided on a final direction, but if we make it possible for him to attend an Ivy League College and he *chooses* something different that is fine. But, if later he decides he wants Ivy League and we did not do enough homeschooling to get there, then he has no choice. We work hard to allow more choices. Choices = more freedom down the road. He does not completely believe me at this point, but I am the mom and he is stuck with it. :tongue_smilie:

 

This is my thinking too. :) To me, high school is a time to broaden your horizons and opportunities, not to close doors. I have no idea where my dd will choose to go to school, but I know that she will need an awesome scholarship in order to get there - wherever there is. So some of our rigor is with that in mind too. I'm glad I'm not alone. :)

[4wildberrys]

This is what my dd asked. :001_huh: We've been surrounded by kids her age who are non-schooling or doing extremely light homeschooling' date=' and they have so much free time - basically all day. So my dd looks at her own workload and naturally compares. I explain how much longer most kids are in school each day and then they have homework in the evening, but ... :confused:

 

I didn't know whether to post this here or on the general board, but I chickened out on putting it there. :lol: Dd is looking at next year's coursework and feeling like her free time is going to be even less, based on her discussions with other students at her school (distance), so any extra courses or projects all seem like way too much to do. She's feeling miserable about it and I'm wishing I could lighten her load in some ways to leave more room for the other stuff. To me, volunteer work, and special programs are important and worthy of time. And in her free time she does a lot of things that most people consider academic, just because she enjoys doing them. Some time is spent just chatting with friends, or hanging out with friends, but that's important too. It's just hard to fit it all in.

 

Any advice (gentle :D) would be appreciated or if anyone can commiserate ...[/quote']

 

Totally understand on this one----but it's the local public school that is 4 days a week and MUUCH lighter workload! My only competition and I have held strong for close to 8 years now of that junk school slopping through their 4 day weeks while I work my kids the full 180 day school year in my curriculum. I sure hope it pays off one of these days :tongue_smilie:

[Teachin'Mine]

I worked for 15 years before children in a highly competitive field, and have been an adjunct professor since my oldest was a toddler.

 

And it is a hard, hard world out there. Certainly there are niche fields and there is room for craftsmen and specialists, but the reality is that functioning at a high level in the 3 R's is a must in most fields and college degrees are necessary for many of the best jobs. Certainly you can "get by" in school and survive, but it is tough to thrive in this economy without a good education. Some do, but most do not and it is very hard to overcome a poor K-12 education.

 

Homeschooling is serious business IMHO. We have to do all we can to help them reach their potential, whatever that means for each kid in our homes.

 

Thank you! That is the reality.

[Teachin'Mine]

Just suggest to her you'd be happy to trade out school time with house cleaning. You don't want her to have too much free time. Only leads to bad things. :)

 

My dd even compares herself to homeschooled kids. It's like they all sit around giving their tallies for time in math, time writing. It doesn't matter. All that matters is what you say goes in your house. It's just a comparing, insecure age.

 

Elizabeth I like the house cleaning idea. :lol:

 

My dd actually doesn't talk much about what she does in school at all, but she knows that her friend has nothing but free time. Zero school work honestly wouldn't be her choice, but she would definitely like to have more free time. She remembers what it was like before 8th grade. So that's what she means when she said "why do we bother to homeschool" - as in we've lost the benefits and flexibility of homeschooling. I remind her that it was her decision to go with the curricula we're using. But the reality is that even if we did things eclectically on our own, it would still take much more time than it used to as she's now in high school. :tongue_smilie:

[Teachin'Mine]

One reason you homeschool is so that way your daughter will be able to get into a competitive college if she so chooses. Another reason is that way she will have a work ethic, so that she will be employable.

 

These books are definately in the "Ivy League or Bust" catagory, but they are real eye-openers for the scope of talent out there. But you may want to look at (or have her look at) these books.

 

A Is for Admission: The Insider's Guide to Getting into the Ivy League and Other Top Colleges by Michelle Hernandez

 

What It Really Takes to Get into the Ivy league by Chuck Hughes

 

What Colleges Don't Tell you and What High Schools Don't Tell you by Elizabeth Wissner-Gross

 

Making it into a top College by Howard Greene

 

I can't even begin to imagine how hard it is to be accepted into the top schools. What I've heard here is enough for me to know that if she decides she'd like to shoot for an ivy or other top schools, then the drive is going to have to come from her. I'll help her in any way I can, but she'll have to have the motivation on her own as it's no easy task and will require some hard choices.

 

Thank you so much for the list! I'll have to check these out this summer. :)

[Teachin'Mine]

Mine would never ask such a question. (They might think it, but they wouldn't voice it...) This is less because I am mean (though I'm sure they sometimes think that too) than because I lecture (indoctrinate) them constantly on why I think education in general and the subjects we are studying in particular are important. So, even if they disagree with me, they know it's fruitless to argue since it will only result in another long lecture (rant) on the subject. Possibly as a result of years on constant lecturing (indoctrination), they don't seem to seriously disagree so much as sometimes just want as much free time as some of their friends seem to have.

 

I do this too. :tongue_smilie: But what was accepted in the past because "mom said so" is now questioned, and rightly so. I don't blame her for having that thought or feeling that way because honestly there are times I feel the same way. Not so much why are we bothering, but why are we following such time consuming lesson plans that she doesn't have all the time she used to for writing and reading and drawing and music and ... But while I do commiserate with her a bit, I mostly keep these thoughts to myself and point out the positives of the path we've chosen. She knows those positives but it's just hard right now - we're in the end of year crunch. :tongue_smilie:

 

What I bolded is exactly where she's at.

[Teachin'Mine]

My oldest and I butt heads constantly when he was in high school b/c I expected a normal academic load and all of his friends did 4 day weeks a couple of hrs/day.

 

I did not back down and made him carry the load. We showed him what it was going to take to get admitted to college and actually succeed in those courses. (not that that made it any better. The other moms actually interfered in our homeschooling and told him we were ridiculous.)

 

During his freshman yr of college, he called one day and said, "Mom, there is something I want to tell you. Thank you." That was our entire conversation, but I cannot express how much it meant to me.

 

He has watched all of his friends fail multiple times. They give him a hard time and tell him that he is so lucky. Lucky has nothing to do with it.....it is all hard work along with many, many crosses.

 

Now he is a college senior, married for a little over a yr, will be graduating with a chemE degree in August, has a wonderful job waiting for him upon graduation, and as of a few hrs ago, a proud daddy to a very sweet, very premie dd.

 

Hang in there mom, it is all worth it.

 

Oh wow - congratulations on your granddaughter!!!! :)

 

You're right that luck seldom has anything to do with success. It's only the people on the outside looking in who think someone is lucky. That person knows how hard they worked to have those opportunities available to them. :)

 

Yes, other parents can sometimes undermine what we do, and some of it is done without meaning to at all. I can't help but suggest that maybe a bit of academics wouldn't hurt too. I can't help it. :tongue_smilie: But their choices are perfectly valid for their family.

 

What your son told you is exactly what I hope to hear too - I think we all do. Thank you for sharing a happy ending! :)

[Teachin'Mine]

:grouphug:

 

Thank you!!! :)

[Teachin'Mine]

*Is* there a way to somewhat lighten the load as a compromise? Not to go so far as to school-lite, but she may be more willing to listen to your goals if she feels heard as well.

 

This is what I'm struggling with. It is important that her feelings are validated and she feels heard, but I don't know how much can be lightened. The main courses aren't able to be changed, it's only the electives that we have wiggle room with. We'll have to figure this out over the summer.

[Teachin'Mine]

My oldest ds asked this same question last yr. We asked him what end goals his friends had and that made him realize his goals were different. Maybe that could help your dd?

 

I did caution my ds that it's not that his goals are better, just that they require a different path.

Denise

 

We talk about this too. And she does see how the choices made now will impact goals and options in the future. It will help for her to get some clearer goals - she's young yet.

[memphispeg]

My dd wanted to do homeschooling. She wanted harder and more interesting work. My favorite saying about education is "don't close any doors". To do this, academics may just have to be a priority for a "few" years. My dd is v. selective about her extra-curriculars, b/c there is only so much time. I think this is great training for the future.

[DebbS]

Dd is looking at next year's coursework and feeling like her free time is going to be even less' date=' based on her discussions with other students at her school (distance), so any extra courses or projects all seem like way too much to do. She's feeling miserable about it and I'm wishing I could lighten her load in some ways to leave more room for the other stuff. To me, volunteer work, and special programs are important and worthy of time. And in her free time she does a lot of things that most people consider academic, just because she enjoys doing them. Some time is spent just chatting with friends, or hanging out with friends, but that's important too. It's just hard to fit it all in.

 

Any advice (gentle :D) would be appreciated or if anyone can commiserate ...[/quote']

 

In considering next year in light of last two years, we are going to focus less on academics and more on life/job skills and on following passions. After two years of focusing on meeting the same requirements that the state specifies for an honors diploma, we have noticed that it isn't in meeting those requirements that my kids are experiencing the most growth. Often, they are wasting their time and ours jumping through hoops.

 

I've had to ask myself again, why do we homeschool? Once I answered that, I concluded that the whole honors diploma idea wasn't getting us close to those goals. Now, some may think that I am copping out because my kids couldn't handle the program. Yet, they have done well in their coursework and very well on standardized tests. It just seems like the whole structure from the segregation of subject areas to the credit system is causing more hindrance than help.

 

Next year we are limiting the academics to math, science, literature and history. They write various kinds of essays or give presentations within these subjects, so writing and speech get covered too. Both of my kids naturally read several books a week, thus we are using more real books rather than text books. We'll cover other less academic areas as well. They will be studying nutrition while experimenting more with cooking, learning wood shop and/or art and focusing more on their music. In addition, we will learn advanced word, excel, and maybe introduce a web design program. One concession is that we will stay on Spanish for a short time most days because colleges want a language. The reality is, my kids don't care for it, won't use it and will probably forget it almost immediately after they're done taking it.

 

The year after that I'll be teaching them some accounting, more advanced web design, and possibly a programming language.

 

One thing I'm going to do is stop trying to track credits so closely to hours spent. Some of these things will take a long time and some, such as the computer applications, will not. I'll keep track of accomplishments and figure out the transcript later. My priorities now will be based on what I think is important for them to learn rather than being bound by what the state calls 'honors' and how many credit hours each subject is supposed take.

 

FWIW, that's my new approach.

[Teachin'Mine]

My dd wanted to do homeschooling. She wanted harder and more interesting work. My favorite saying about education is "don't close any doors". To do this, academics may just have to be a priority for a "few" years. My dd is v. selective about her extra-curriculars, b/c there is only so much time. I think this is great training for the future.

 

My dd wanted to homeschool for those same reasons and others. Honestly, she still wants to homeschool. If she didn't, the focus of this thread would be entirely different. :lol:

 

You're right that academics are a priority but the extras, whether that be elective courses, volunteer work, church involvement, pursuing interests, or special programs, are important too IMO. It's on these that we seem to disagree the most.

[Teachin'Mine]

In considering next year in light of last two years, we are going to focus less on academics and more on life/job skills and on following passions. After two years of focusing on meeting the same requirements that the state specifies for an honors diploma, we have noticed that it isn't in meeting those requirements that my kids are experiencing the most growth. Often, they are wasting their time and ours jumping through hoops.

 

I've had to ask myself again, why do we homeschool? Once I answered that, I concluded that the whole honors diploma idea wasn't getting us close to those goals. Now, some may think that I am copping out because my kids couldn't handle the program. Yet, they have done well in their coursework and very well on standardized tests. It just seems like the whole structure from the segregation of subject areas to the credit system is causing more hindrance than help.

 

Next year we are limiting the academics to math, science, literature and history. They write various kinds of essays or give presentations within these subjects, so writing and speech get covered too. Both of my kids naturally read several books a week, thus we are using more real books rather than text books. We'll cover other less academic areas as well. They will be studying nutrition while experimenting more with cooking, learning wood shop and/or art and focusing more on their music. In addition, we will learn advanced word, excel, and maybe introduce a web design program. One concession is that we will stay on Spanish for a short time most days because colleges want a language. The reality is, my kids don't care for it, won't use it and will probably forget it almost immediately after they're done taking it.

 

The year after that I'll be teaching them some accounting, more advanced web design, and possibly a programming language.

 

One thing I'm going to do is stop trying to track credits so closely to hours spent. Some of these things will take a long time and some, such as the computer applications, will not. I'll keep track of accomplishments and figure out the transcript later. My priorities now will be based on what I think is important for them to learn rather than being bound by what the state calls 'honors' and how many credit hours each subject is supposed take.

 

FWIW, that's my new approach.

 

In high school I had a heavy academic schedule and didn't have time to pursue some interests like art. I also remember thinking that there was so much that we needed to know after graduation which should have been taught in high school - the life/job skills that you mentioned. I agree with you that these are important. I think it's great that you have been able to shift your priorities. I'm just not there. I'm still thinking about how we can manage to fit it all in. Thank you for sharing your new approach. I'll bet your kids are thrilled and will benefit. :)

[MommyThrice]

In considering next year in light of last two years, we are going to focus less on academics and more on life/job skills and on following passions...

 

Next year we are limiting the academics to math, science, literature and history.

 

Me too. We are focusing on the academics and extra-curriculars that are important to my son, who wants to go to law school. I'm going to let him take easy science classes and the bare minimum of Spanish, so he can focus on writing, rhetoric, and debate (and music). This year we tried to do too much. I pushed too much classical literature on him and he took a very hard and very unnecessary science class. He took HSLDA's ConLaw class - also pretty difficult - but loved every minute of it. That should tell me something. I'm still kicking myself that he had a chance to work in our state legislature, but turned it down because of school work.

 

I'm learning (or, re-learning... isn't this why we homeschool?) to let him focus on what is important to his future, and quit trying to do everything! He is perfectly aware that doing so may cost him admission to the top schools. He doesn't care. He loves law and politics and feels convinced that his experience and studies in those areas will pay off in the long run. Besides, ivy leagues are still a dirty word in some parts of Texas. ;)

[profmom]

Any advice (gentle :D) would be appreciated or if anyone can commiserate ...

 

We can commiserate! I read parts of this thread to my kids because they, too, have friends with lighter schedules and more free time. At this point, they aren't as frustrated with their schedules as they are with their friends' not understanding why academics are necessary.

 

We're trying to balance academics and interests during the school year and emphasize life skills (and more interests) in the summer.

[DebbS]

I'm learning (or, re-learning... isn't this why we homeschool?) to let him focus on what is important to his future, and quit trying to do everything! He is perfectly aware that doing so may cost him admission to the top schools. He doesn't care. He loves law and politics and feels convinced that his experience and studies in those areas will pay off in the long run. Besides, ivy leagues are still a dirty word in some parts of Texas. ;)

 

Shocking as it may seem to some, you can have a good life and even make a good living without going to an ivy league school! :tongue_smilie:

 

But, what you're doing may not exclude him from the top schools at all. They are very interested in students who have demonstratively pursued their passion.

[Hunter]

Forcing children to follow a rigorous college prep course load does CLOSE doors for them. Maybe doors you don't think matter, but doors nevertheless :-0

 

Not all homeschool families homeschool to increase a child's chances to enter a selective college. More get caught up in the keep up with the Joneses High school method than should.

 

When children are pushed too hard in areas that are not THEIR destiny, they tend to slow down and pace themselves and accomplish far less than if they were allowed to pursue THEIR course in life.

 

Homeschooling high school is scary and confusing, for many parents. I cried so often during the years I homeschooled my boys :-( I was flying by the seat of my pants and didn't know how it was all going to end out.

 

Some children will do far better spending more of their days working and volunteering than on academics. Some of them accomplish far more academically in 2 hours squeezed in between work and play, than if they were forced to sit for hours in front of the books. And they learn so much on the job!

 

High school should not be lots of ease and play, but I don't believe all students should be preparing for a selective 4 year college. My 24 year old is proof of that! :-)

[flyingiguana]

A heavy course load in high school doesn't necessarily result in an adult who is either well educated or highly motivated. And slacking off on the academics in high school doesn't mean the student will not be able to get into a good college that meets their needs, or that they will slack off in college, or that they won't have the skills they need for doing well in college. My oldest definitely proves that the one doesn't need a heavy course load in high school to do well in college. And I probably never would have predicted the vast number of hours she chooses to put into her college work based on how little she did in high school.

 

The key is figuring out what the student does need to cover to accomplish their future goals. I discovered that we were often spending a lot of time butting heads over my daughter "getting her work done", when it was work she didn't really need to do. Either she already knew how to do that sort of thing and doing more of it was just busywork, or she wasn't developmentally ready for it.

 

I found that lots and lots of assessment of where she was and what she could already do and what she might need in the future cut down a lot on the busywork (and, to be clear, it didn't LOOK like busywork until I really sat down and gave it a lot of thought).

 

And a curriculum might be even worse in pushing lots of busywork. They want to be sure to cover all the bases for everyone, but in the process, it might result in a lot of overkill for many students. I also think there's kind of a race to overkill in many curriculums. It's a marketing tool. If they look more and more rigorous, more and more parents will buy them.

 

It is also very important that kids get some time to figure out for themselves which pursuits are most important to them. If we just give them more and more stuff that WE think might be important, when they get to college or life, they won't know how to make themselves do the things they WANT to do.

 

It's also important to be able to explain very clearly to the student why she might need these skills that we're pushing. When my daughter started talking about going into engineering, I was encouraged her to get started early on the math sequence she would need. As a result, she pushed herself to do that math (and she hates math -- very good at it and loves using it, but still hates it as a stand alone subject). I don't think she would have been as motivated if I couldn't have explained why she needed it (it helps to have college catalogs as resources for this sort of talk).

 

If I were in the shoes of the OP, knowing what I now know, I would let my kid slack off some. I'd give her some choices about what she was going to cover, and I'd have a lot of talks about what it looks like she would need in the future. And I would keep remembering all those kids I knew who went on to impressive colleges -- I'd have a very honest look at how much work they did in high school, if I could. Because I think you might discover, if you can get a good look at most high school curriculums, that even really stellar students (who go on to do really well in college) may not be doing as much work as you might believe.

[Teachin'Mine]

We can commiserate! I read parts of this thread to my kids because they, too, have friends with lighter schedules and more free time. At this point, they aren't as frustrated with their schedules as they are with their friends' not understanding why academics are necessary.

 

We're trying to balance academics and interests during the school year and emphasize life skills (and more interests) in the summer.

 

I'm glad we're not alone! :lol:

 

My dd also gets frustrated with their lack of understanding. The parents don't help either in that they talk about how useless college has been for their other children. I like the idea of emphasizing life skills and interests in the summer. Brilliant!!! Now if we could just finish up the year so our summer can begin ... :)

[Teachin'Mine]

Shocking as it may seem to some, you can have a good life and even make a good living without going to an ivy league school! :tongue_smilie:

 

But, what you're doing may not exclude him from the top schools at all. They are very interested in students who have demonstratively pursued their passion.

 

I agree. A strong passion for their desired area of study is exactly what they want. And an ivy isn't necessary. For us, a very good scholarship is though. :tongue_smilie:

 

MommyThrice I think you're doing an awesome job providing him with great opportunities to follow his passion for law. :)

[flyingiguana]

We have a slightly different twist on this theme. My daughter now has a full time job. Her friends are home from college. The friends all want to hang out into the wee hours of the morning. My daughter decides not to join them because she has to get up in the morning and go to work.

 

"Oh, ok," her friend says. "How about tomorrow afternoon then?"

 

I guess the friend doesn't quite understand the concept of full time work.

[Teachin'Mine]

Forcing children to follow a rigorous college prep course load does CLOSE doors for them. Maybe doors you don't think matter, but doors nevertheless :-0

 

Not all homeschool families homeschool to increase a child's chances to enter a selective college. More get caught up in the keep up with the Joneses High school method than should.

 

When children are pushed too hard in areas that are not THEIR destiny, they tend to slow down and pace themselves and accomplish far less than if they were allowed to pursue THEIR course in life.

 

Homeschooling high school is scary and confusing, for many parents. I cried so often during the years I homeschooled my boys :-( I was flying by the seat of my pants and didn't know how it was all going to end out.

 

Some children will do far better spending more of their days working and volunteering than on academics. Some of them accomplish far more academically in 2 hours squeezed in between work and play, than if they were forced to sit for hours in front of the books. And they learn so much on the job!

 

High school should not be lots of ease and play, but I don't believe all students should be preparing for a selective 4 year college. My 24 year old is proof of that! :-)

 

It's because I know that there are benefits to having more free time, than a rigorous course provides, for other pursuits that I am having a hard time. I think those doors are important. ;)

 

For us, it's not a selective college that matters as much as a good one for her area of study which will provide good scholarships. My dd is not pushed. I've actually tried to slow her down in math, but she's the one who has always wanted to move ahead. She loves math. She also loves writing. There are other subjects about which she feels much differently and is doing only what's required.

 

There is no forcing to sit in front of the books! :confused: My dd is very focused when doing school work, but that comes from her - not me. Anyway I'm feeling on the defensive here and I'm not even sure why. :lol: I agree that there are many different paths for our students. I do believe, and my dd is in agreement, that my dd's is one which requires rigorous academics.

[Teachin'Mine]

A heavy course load in high school doesn't necessarily result in an adult who is either well educated or highly motivated. And slacking off on the academics in high school doesn't mean the student will not be able to get into a good college that meets their needs, or that they will slack off in college, or that they won't have the skills they need for doing well in college. My oldest definitely proves that the one doesn't need a heavy course load in high school to do well in college. And I probably never would have predicted the vast number of hours she chooses to put into her college work based on how little she did in high school.

 

The key is figuring out what the student does need to cover to accomplish their future goals. I discovered that we were often spending a lot of time butting heads over my daughter "getting her work done", when it was work she didn't really need to do. Either she already knew how to do that sort of thing and doing more of it was just busywork, or she wasn't developmentally ready for it.

 

I found that lots and lots of assessment of where she was and what she could already do and what she might need in the future cut down a lot on the busywork (and, to be clear, it didn't LOOK like busywork until I really sat down and gave it a lot of thought).

 

And a curriculum might be even worse in pushing lots of busywork. They want to be sure to cover all the bases for everyone, but in the process, it might result in a lot of overkill for many students. I also think there's kind of a race to overkill in many curriculums. It's a marketing tool. If they look more and more rigorous, more and more parents will buy them.

 

It is also very important that kids get some time to figure out for themselves which pursuits are most important to them. If we just give them more and more stuff that WE think might be important, when they get to college or life, they won't know how to make themselves do the things they WANT to do.

 

It's also important to be able to explain very clearly to the student why she might need these skills that we're pushing. When my daughter started talking about going into engineering, I was encouraged her to get started early on the math sequence she would need. As a result, she pushed herself to do that math (and she hates math -- very good at it and loves using it, but still hates it as a stand alone subject). I don't think she would have been as motivated if I couldn't have explained why she needed it (it helps to have college catalogs as resources for this sort of talk).

 

If I were in the shoes of the OP, knowing what I now know, I would let my kid slack off some. I'd give her some choices about what she was going to cover, and I'd have a lot of talks about what it looks like she would need in the future. And I would keep remembering all those kids I knew who went on to impressive colleges -- I'd have a very honest look at how much work they did in high school, if I could. Because I think you might discover, if you can get a good look at most high school curriculums, that even really stellar students (who go on to do really well in college) may not be doing as much work as you might believe.

 

Thank you for your thoughts. :)

[Teachin'Mine]

FTR this was a one time comment. But I know how she feels as I miss the days of way more freedom too. It's the end of the year and there's a lot of unfinished work, so naturally she's feeling stressed. We had a bit too much fun earlier in the year and are paying for that now. It's been a learning experience and hopefully next year we'll avoid the same trap. We're both soooo looking forward to summer!!! :)

[HoneyFernDotOrg]

This is what I'm struggling with. It is important that her feelings are validated and she feels heard' date=' but I don't know how much can be lightened. The main courses aren't able to be changed, it's only the electives that we have wiggle room with. We'll have to figure this out over the summer.[/quote']

 

So wiggle a little. I think this is a great place to let your daughter have a say. You still get to chart the course, but she gets to decorate the boat. :)

[Hunter]

TeachinMine, a lot of the comments here are not directed at YOU, but are general conversation about why families homeschool highschool. I'm sorry if I or anyone else made you feel defensive :-(

[Teachin'Mine]

TeachinMine, a lot of the comments here are not directed at YOU, but are general conversation about why families homeschool highschool. I'm sorry if I or anyone else made you feel defensive :-(

 

Oh no!!! Thank you for explaining, but honestly I'm guessing that I was feeling on the defensive because some of it rang a bit true. :tongue_smilie: I think it's great to hear all different perspectives. No need to apologize. :)

[Teachin'Mine]

So wiggle a little. I think this is a great place to let your daughter have a say. You still get to chart the course, but she gets to decorate the boat. :)

 

I like the analogy! Can't I give her a few swatches for the cushions??? :lol:

 

I chose all my course on my own from 7th grade on - well only electives in 7th and 8th, but more choices in high school. I discussed it a bit with my parents, but not much. I did okay, but in hindsight I think I could have done better with a bit of guidance. So of course this plays into my thinking today.

[DebbS]

TeachinMine, a lot of the comments here are not directed at YOU, but are general conversation about why families homeschool highschool. I'm sorry if I or anyone else made you feel defensive :-(

 

I find that when I don't revisit why we homeschool often, I lose my way. It's easy to fall into believing that I should do what other people do. But I home school because I want help both of my children to be able to find their own path. And it looks different for each of them. It's conversations like these, that help keep me on track. Our children are all unique and it's serious business to figure out how best to educate each one of them. It's what makes home schooling so beneficial and also such a challenge.

[HoneyFernDotOrg]

I like the analogy! Can't I give her a few swatches for the cushions??? :lol:

 

 

Absolutely. I think that's what we are here for; our students don't necessarily have the experience to cast widely for areas of study, so it is good to have a guide!

[Teachin'Mine]

I find that when I don't revisit why we homeschool often, I lose my way. It's easy to fall into believing that I should do what other people do. But I home school because I want help both of my children to be able to find their own path. And it looks different for each of them. It's conversations like these, that help keep me on track. Our children are all unique and it's serious business to figure out how best to educate each one of them. It's what makes home schooling so beneficial and also such a challenge.

 

I agree. It is serious business as there are no do-overs. I've only got one to consider, but I want to do what's best for her. Our reasons for homeschooling have been evolving through the years. Reasons why we began are still a part of it, but other reasons play into it more now than they did when we began.

[Teachin'Mine]

Absolutely. I think that's what we are here for; our students don't necessarily have the experience to cast widely for areas of study, so it is good to have a guide!

 

I've tried to pick swatches which I think will work best, but sometimes they are rejected. That's no problem, except when I think one of them is really important and shouldn't be left out of the decorating scheme. I've already agreed to drop one or two. :tongue_smilie: Sometimes I think she'd respond better to an outside interior designer rather than mom and dad. ;) Others who know her usually validate exactly what we say, but it carries much more weight coming from them. Right now, she's just hearing a lot of talk from people who not only don't think the boat needs decorating, but question the validity of having a boat at all. It's hard not to hear that especially when it's what you'd like to hear - who wouldn't?

 

I hope some of this made sense. :001_huh:

[Hunter]

...Our reasons for homeschooling have been evolving through the years. Reasons why we began are still a part of it' date=' but other reasons play into it more now than they did when we began.[/quote']

 

This is a general response, not just directed at you :-)

 

Sometimes the reasons homeschooling is started are kind of reactionary, and it's important that new reasons take over...but for too many parents, as they hit the high school years; fear and lack of confidence make them abandon their original mission statements–which were good ones–and follow the crowd.

 

I think it is easier for large families with many ages to stick to their mission statements, because the big picture is always staring at them every day, start to finish. They don't get too sidetracked by one child.

 

I lost my way at one point with my younger son, when someone convinced me that he deserved better :-0 That one cut right to the heart. Ouch. I abandoned several things that were working for things that all failed :-( They were costly mistakes.