Guest CarolineUK Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 Or am I just boring/over-protective? DS11 has been invited to a friends birthday 'party', or as it is written in the invitation, a 'birthday challenge' - it involves two days away, cycling 60 miles from Cumbria to our home town. DS has probably never cycled more than a mile before in his life. My feeling, and DH's, is that it's too much and too dangerous (it must involve cycling along winding country roads over the Yorkshire Dales which are not at all safe). The invite does say that we should phone to discuss the arrangements, which we haven't done yet, so it might not actually be as bad as it sounds. However, DH and I feel we'd rather just decline, rather than phone up, check out the details and then decline, with the message 'sorry we just don't like your plans'. DS is very cross and upset with us. Previously I would have said that the parents of this boy are very responsible and trustworthy (the father is our local vicar, the mother a social worker), but I feel really uneasy. WWYD? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheres Toto Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 I definitely don't lean toward the overprotective and I wouldn't let an 11 year old do this. Even with an older child/teenager I would want to know - how many adults were going along, how were they spending the nights, what are the arrangements for food, what is there plan for minor injuries/sore muscles? These are children, if it stops being fun, they may not want to do it anymore. Do they have a contingency plan in place if 1/2 the group wants to bail? I'd have to really know and trust the parents/adults involved before I would think about letting my teenager do this, much less a younger child. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thescrappyhomeschooler Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 I would have to know a lot more details of the "challenge" before I would allow an 11 yr. old to bike 60 miles without me. If you don't feel comfortable, just stick to your guns. It's okay. He will eventually get over it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GreenKitty Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 I would have to call and find out about all the details, before I made a decision. Then go with my gut feeling about it all. I wouldn't feel bad asking about it all and then declining. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 Do most 11 year old kids have a road bike that is made for something like this? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NanceXToo Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 My first instinct: No Way! But I guess I MIGHT listen to the details before deciding for sure. I'd have no problem telling them "I was calling to get the details" then telling them "I'll have to discuss it with hubby and get back to you" and then subsequently telling them "I'm sorry, it sounds like a fun idea but we decided we're just not comfortable with it at this age." I'm sure you won't be the only ones. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheReader Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 My first instinct: No Way! But I guess I MIGHT listen to the details before deciding for sure. I'd have no problem telling them "I was calling to get the details" then telling them "I'll have to discuss it with hubby and get back to you" and then subsequently telling them "I'm sorry, it sounds like a fun idea but we decided we're just not comfortable with it at this age." I'm sure you won't be the only ones. Yes, this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GoVanGogh Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 Are they *really* going biking, though? I ask because my son received a similar invite to a party a few years ago and it was actually just a set-up thing in the person's back yard. More of a 'virtual' challenge. Otherwise, no I don't think you are being overprotective. DH and I cycle quite a bit, but for an 11-year-old to do 60 miles in two days is a lot. I'd have no problem telling them "I was calling to get the details" then telling them "I'll have to discuss it with hubby and get back to you" and then subsequently telling them "I'm sorry, it sounds like a fun idea but we decided we're just not comfortable with it at this age."That is a perfect way to decline. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katemary63 Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 My first instinct: No Way! But I guess I MIGHT listen to the details before deciding for sure. I'd have no problem telling them "I was calling to get the details" then telling them "I'll have to discuss it with hubby and get back to you" and then subsequently telling them "I'm sorry, it sounds like a fun idea but we decided we're just not comfortable with it at this age." I'm sure you won't be the only ones. :iagree: I don't know how hard 60 miles would be for an 11 year old over two days. I just can't guage things like that mentally and I have no experience with long distance biking. Is it uphill? Down hill? Mostly flat? But if my kid were pretty athletic and wanted to do it, I'd at least get the details. I'm thinking back on my son when he was that age. He didn't ride his bike that much, but I know for a fact he could have done it. He was an athletic fool at that age. And he would have loved it. He would have loved the challenge of it. His dad used to jog and one day DS said he wanted to go with. First time ever jogging, he ran 3 miles. Second day he ran 5 miles, no problem. So for him, I probably would have said yes IF I knew the parents and knew all the plans. For a different kid, maybe not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lionfamily1999 Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 For me, it wouldn't be a matter of trust so much as, that's too much for any of my dc to do. I would call for the details and if it's as much of a physical challenge as it sounds I'd just tell them that's out of my child's abilities. We've done off trail camping for birthdays. Some kids just can't handle it. For us, it's not crazy or outlandish, because we do this whenever can. Maybe father and son like to do distance riding on bikes together and just assumed that everyone else does too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MBM Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 WWYD? I would go with my gut feeling. You are concerned about safety on the road, and that especially would seal the deal for me. Also, some kids might be able to bike 60 miles comfortably in two days, but for one who has not biked much, it could be a painful and possibly humiliating ordeal. I'd probably decline. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 (edited) 60 miles on a bike isnt such a big deal. I can do 10 miles in a quick ride, and I'm practically a geezer. He might need a decent bike, but I don't think over two days that's any type of mileage a regular 11 year old can't do. It sounds like it could be a fundraiser for something? I am also guessing someone in a vehicle will shadow them in case of bike flats or kid fatigue. I wouldn't say no based on distance. I'd call for details, and I don't think it sounds crazy. Edited March 18, 2011 by LibraryLover Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justasque Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 (edited) Get the facts first. It could be something quite a bit different than you are assuming. And you'd hate to have your ds miss out on something that turns out to be appropriate and fun. If they really are cycling 60 miles, they are presumably sensible enough to know that they don't want kids who aren't up to it to go along, if for no other reason than they'd hold up the group. They may have alternate plans, too, like having some kids join them for the camping part but being driven for most of the biking part. Any sensible parent would understand that this is a trip that parents will have questions about, and will have to mull over before deciding - that's why they want you to call about the details. Then, if you aren't comfortable with it or don't think it's the right choice for your ds, you can politely decline; no need to go into detail about your reasons. If on the other hand some of it is OK and some not, you can explore alternate ideas with the parents. Edited March 18, 2011 by askPauline Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perry Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 For a healthy 11 year old with a good bike, 60 miles in 2 days of flat roads is certainly doable. But 60 miles of hilly roads would be really hard. My main concern would be the safety of the roads. I'd be fine with a trail, but not a highway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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