Ginevra Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 Because I think I'm having one. :tongue_smilie: I'm really getting a little cuckoo. A few weeks or a month or two will go by with everything going okay, but then I'm just really getting in a bad state. Today is one of those. I just feel like I'm sinking, drowning in the endless minutia of my life. I spend so much time, gobs and bloody gobs of time just fixing this, making that appointment, driving here, registering for that, purchase this, make this, call them back, send an e-mail, plan for, get ready for, set up for, clean up from. My life feels lost in the drivel and details. I want to run away, want to take a long trip, want to stop going to work (I work in my dh's office). I'm taking up space, feel like all I'm here for is this mundane water-torture - drip, drip, drip - the never-ending dripping of to-dos. I'm so sick of my routine and all the same-ity-same of what I do. Don't get me wrong - I know I have many blessings. There are worse lives I could live and I get all that. I have a sweet husband and three really lovely children, friends and family, shelter, vehicles, food and a Macbook Pro. ;) But I see 40 well from here and I'm just really feeling that whole What-Is-The-Point-Of-It-All rather keenly. Any words of wisdom, encouragement, BTDT appreciated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alenee Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 Hmmmm, just seeing what you wrote makes me wonder if that's what's behind my running. I didn't run at all until two years ago. Then early last year, I decided to run a marathon and have another one scheduled for June. I wonder.... Running has kept my mind fresh and I know I've missed a run when I have days like you described. Maybe it's time for you to carve out time for just you? No buying $100,000 sports cars or anything like that ;) but something that will give you some space to remember you are a woman, a human being, not just a wife and mom. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Capt_Uhura Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 Yes, I've been feeling the same for some time. I started P90X 3 months ago and it saved my sanity. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 Sounds more like burn out than a mid life crisis. One could easily lead to another though. Time to sit down and re-evaluate everything. Can the kids do more for themselves? Can dh do more for himself? Can you hire help? Can you make time for a hobby? Can you start a monthly spa day? Can you re-arrange and re-design the house? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mymonkeybug Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 MLC, man am I an almost pro on that matter. Not myself but living through DH's about three years ago which consisted of walking out on family, letting house go into foreclosure, and bizzare behavior. So guess what, he did then so did I while he was gone. I could share details but I am sure those reading could guess what they are. We are people who feel pulled constantly with no time for ourselves. We must make that simple pedicure appt. or mall trip with no one but ourself. There are some good books on the subject, some Christian and some secular but I found honestly the Christian books to be the best written. Keep your chin up, this too shall pass. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kwickimom Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 :grouphug: I want to have a crisis, but then the world would fall apart. So on I trudge. I hope you can find a way to get past it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bonnie in VA Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 Last year, I heard a speaker at our church talk about his "responsible mid-life crisis." For him, it entailed taking his career (as a pastor) in a different direction; i.e., teaching at a seminary versus pastoring a congregation. I really liked the phrase "responsible mid-life crisis" because it implies re-evaluating the past and re-directing one's efforts in a positive way. Part of my responsible mid-life crisis was fulfilled this past December. The year before (December 2009) my kids were in a community theatre production of "A Christmas Carol." I sat through every rehearsal thinking, "That looks like fun." Now, being on stage is something that, twenty years ago, I would never have considered. I would have rather faced death. Fast forward to October 2010; I auditioned, got a part, and had a GREAT time. It wasn't just the experience itself; it was what it represented: conquering old fears, trying something new, and doing something that took me out of the role of being only "Mom" (even though my kids were in the play with me). I like my mid-life crisis so far! Bonnie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mymonkeybug Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 I like that. "Responsible Mid Life Crisis" BRAVO Bonnie!:hurray: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alenee Posted March 4, 2011 Share Posted March 4, 2011 It wasn't just the experience itself; it was what it represented: conquering old fears, trying something new, and doing something that took me out of the role of being only "Mom" (even though my kids were in the play with me). I like my mid-life crisis so far! Bonnie YES! This is EXACTLY how I feel about my running! :hurray: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peela Posted March 4, 2011 Share Posted March 4, 2011 Yes, I've been having one for 6-12 months although I am not feeling in crisis at the moment. It happened for me when I realised homeschooling was finishing and it was time to move on- but I didn't know what to move on to. Kind of like empty nest syndrome with the kids still living at home :) I still don't know what to move onto and am instead going to the beach every morning with dh before he starts work. The kids are getting themselves off to school/college just fine and we all leave about the same time. Yes, it is great. But I am kind of living in limbo and it would be easy to make myself very busy for the sake of it. I think mid life crisis is usually spurred on by a sense of "is this it? Is this what my life is all about? " which does sound like what you are going through. I think the challenge in it all is to find your true passions and follow them. Even if it means squeezing out 15 minutes a day for yourself at first. I think its about finding what you feel you were put here for, rather than living the life others think you should live. It's a time to re-evaluate your priorities and take care of yourself, even amongst the chaos of a busy family life. Its a time to dig inside and listen to your callings rather than just make everyone else happy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginevra Posted March 4, 2011 Author Share Posted March 4, 2011 I think mid life crisis is usually spurred on by a sense of "is this it? Is this what my life is all about? " Yes, that is a lot of how it goes in my head. I have been going to college, which has been very good for me. It's even the reason I specifically go to the physical college building, rather than take on-line courses. For that couple of hours, I can stop carrying everyone else and be "just" a student who's learning something just for myself. But this semester, my homework is kicking my butt. It's a lot and it gets squeezed to late evening and night or else bringing books to volleyball practice, piano, etc. It's one thing that frustrates me - I want to focus on my homework and do well in my classes, but my responsibilities are still there, taking up most of my day (i.e, my life!) Time to sit down and re-evaluate everything. Can the kids do more for themselves? Can dh do more for himself? Can you hire help? Can you make time for a hobby? Can you start a monthly spa day? Can you re-arrange and re-design the house? All very good thoughts. Thanks Parrothead. As far as re-arranging the house, that is actually in the cards for this summer. We're (supposedly) finishing the basement, doing some work on my office and maybe expanding part of the kitchen. :hurray: if that all happens, some things will run better around here. Thanks everyone, for your responses. Now I need to go do my math homework. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mymonkeybug Posted March 4, 2011 Share Posted March 4, 2011 :grouphug: -- no words of wisdom here. But, how about a BTDT & I'm there now? :tongue_smilie: When I stopped to think about it, I realized it actually started about 6 months ago...and, for me, it's worse the week before my cycle. (So, I'm thinking for me it's a hormonal thing...could be perimenopause as I'm headed toward 42.) I hear what others are saying about carving out time for us, and Yes indeed. My family has a history of early menopause and my mother informed me about six months ago after suffering symptoms for nearly a year, that many women in my family were all done by 40. LOL, thanks mom for waiting until I am 38 to share that helpful tidbit. Those hormonal surges and drops can wreak havoc on your psyche though and make you second guess yourself and ask questions you wouldn't normally ask like: What am I doing here? Why can't I have me time? OK, time to put the kids back in school NOW! It would be som much easier if I no kids or husband... It's how we react/respond to those thoughts/questions. If one thinks she is about to break she must reach out to her spouse, a friend, pastor, counselor... MLC running should never be an option. And MLC is not the same as hormonal messes. I have friends and the wife has walked out twice in the last three years claiming she doesn't want to be a mom anymore or want the responsibility of hubby, home, kids, bills, the life they made for themselves. She came home once and hubby took her back knowing MLC can be a mess and then she did it again so now is gone for good. He will not allow her home again. Both times she left for the next better person who could take away all her woes...NOT. Her problems didn't go away just because she left, they magnified and followed her. Legally she still has to see her kids and pay for them. Legally she is still responsible for the house they own together and the bills they made together, etc... It only feels good for a minute. I know that is an extreme case of MLC. Hobbies are good and the occassional pedicure is wonderful. Make a date with girlfriends once a month even if just to Starbucks for coffee and girl talk time for two or three hours. Make date night with hubby a priority, DO NOT let that slip. Date night at least once a month is a MUST. Sorry for the ramblings, I could go on forever about this subject. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Onceuponatime Posted March 4, 2011 Share Posted March 4, 2011 Is 46 too old for a mid-life crisis? I've been looking at my life and wondering "what's the point?" The only point I can come up with is taking care of other people's needs (I've got 5 children, my youngest is 6). But sometimes I don't want to take care of people anymore. I have been having a quiet crisis, if it is one. One part is spiritual. My studies have lead me to question many of the beliefs I have ascribed to most of my life. I am on a journey of spiritual clarification. The only problem is I am on the journey alone. If I were to vocalize where my faith has traveled and what doctrines I have personally rejected or accepted, it could literally tear my world apart. At least that is what I imagine happening. I am no longer a fundamentalist in a sea of fundamentalism. The second thing sounds kind of funny, but it has to do with a link someone posted here a few months ago to a website called Dressing your Truth. Now I am not LDS and I am not into "energy healing" but I poked around on the site and listened to a lot of the videos and the energy profile types really resonated with me. It was very obvious to me what "type" I am, so I gleaned as much info as I could and I am refashioning my wardrobe. It has been a lot of fun and very satisfying. I purged a lot of stuff out of my closets, I searched my thrift store, I dyed some things, and I've become interested in sewing again. I'm really impressed with some of the stuff young people are doing by reusing and recycling old clothing. I was getting pretty frumpy and the mommy look was wearing thin. I even bought myself some new jewelry and got rid of old stuff I never wore. I think my husband is a little puzzled about some of the changes. I think he might laugh if I told him I was having a mid-life crisis. If you knew me, you might think it was funny too. But it is not funny to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kim in Appalachia Posted March 4, 2011 Share Posted March 4, 2011 I got to the point that I needed something tangible for me. Running is it. I feel good after a run, I have that alone time I need, I have more energy. Running (along with yoga) has been my "responsible mid-life crisis" (I like that!). My dh believes running is how I've maintained sanity. :D You don't have to run, but maybe finding something physical that you can pour yourself into that is just for you would be helpful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
delaney Posted March 4, 2011 Share Posted March 4, 2011 Prozac. It's the only thing that keeps me going some days. I am a better person on it. Patience, strength......sad but true. I feel that crazed pull that makes me want to run and then it is as if someone lifts the top off the boiling pot of water and the steam pours out!:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coop Posted March 4, 2011 Share Posted March 4, 2011 You know I think it is hormonal. We are at "that age" my doc says....sigh. I found out that I was hypotyroid so the meds are helping, but I'm still kind of in shock over where I am in life. I woke up one day a realized I do the exact same thing everyday. Especially now that the kids are older and I've done this school thing with the older ones -- there is no challenge or excitment. I also realized that I was 41 and overweight !!! It doesn't help that my husband is having a crisis too and hates his job.... My hubby says I need a hobby. Hmmm, I've always wanted to sky dive:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A home for their hearts Posted March 4, 2011 Share Posted March 4, 2011 (edited) I dont have a lot of time to give a response but I did want to send :grouphug: and give a book recommendation. Sabath The Bloom Book club read this book in the fall. The videos were great! Edited March 4, 2011 by A home for their hearts Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mejane Posted March 4, 2011 Share Posted March 4, 2011 (edited) You know, I just have to say this: I don't think it's all just hormones; in fact, I get tired of people telling me I'm hormonal. I believe that at some point in a woman's life, she really takes a good look around and says, wth happened to ME? What about ME? We are the guardians of everything in our universe, and we get lost. Is it wrong to want a life of our own? Is it wrong to want someone to take over or take care of us once in awhile? Does that make us selfish, horrible people? Is is really hormones? Or is it just a person wanting a life like they see their husband and kids having? At fifty, I know I am more than halfway through. Way more according to the longevity factor in my family. My kids are teens who still depend on me way too much. My life revolves around my husband's job and everyone else's schedule. So, I ask again, wth about ME? Anyone else? Am I making sense, or am I just hormonal? ;):D Edited March 4, 2011 by Mejane Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PinkInTheBlue Posted March 4, 2011 Share Posted March 4, 2011 Wow, I feel like so many of you have written what is going on in my head. I feel like I'm always meeting everyone else's needs. I feel like I always do the same things. I look around and think I should be further, better, smarter, something more than this at this age. I look around and don't know where anything *me* is. Everything that goes on around me is meeting someone else's needs but not mine. The worst part is I don't even know anymore what my needs would be. Lately I find I'm reading A LOT. I think I'm using as my escape. My "running out" but with a book. Do you really think taking up something like running would be a good idea to try? Back in December I was seriously considering the Couch-to-5k. I don't need to lose weight but something about it makes me have this feeling of "mineness" to it. I do know I need to find out what it is though. Whatever "it" is. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhunandFonics Posted March 4, 2011 Share Posted March 4, 2011 I agree with Mejane! In fact, I have found that I start conversations with "and I'm not even hormonal at the moment" so that my dh will pay attention. It's kind of like a bad excuse that they can use to say that my feelings don't really matter. While at times I am sure that this season affects who I am, I believe even more that everyone taking all I do for them for granted, probably has a lot more to do with it. We live an exhausting life and we aren't even busy compared to many of our friends. But I was beginning to wonder why *everyone* seems to be taking up running. Now I'm getting it! Unfortunately, I'll never be a runner, so I guess I better go in search of "my thing" before the hormones take over again! lol! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mejane Posted March 4, 2011 Share Posted March 4, 2011 In fact, I have found that I start conversations with "and I'm not even hormonal at the moment" so that my dh will pay attention. It's kind of like a bad excuse that they can use to say that my feelings don't really matter. Exactly! When my husband has an occasional meltdown because he feels taken for granted, I don't counter with, "Oh, you're just hormonal." Yet if I do the same, that's the response. Even if they don't dare say it ;), it's implied in the response: Oh it's okay, you'll feel better tomorrow (pat on the head.) aaaaaargh! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Retired Posted March 4, 2011 Share Posted March 4, 2011 You know, I just have to say this: I don't think it's all just hormones; in fact, I get tired of people telling me I'm hormonal. I believe that at some point in a woman's life, she really takes a good look around and says, wth happened to ME? What about ME? We are the guardians of everything in our universe, and we get lost. Is it wrong to want a life of our own? Is it wrong to want someone to take over or take care of us once in awhile? Does that make us selfish, horrible people? Is is really hormones? Or is it just a person wanting a life like they see their husband and kids having? At fifty, I know I am more than halfway through. Way more according to the longevity factor in my family. My kids are teens who still depend on me way too much. My life revolves around my husband's job and everyone else's schedule. So, I ask again, wth about ME? Anyone else? Am I making sense, or am I just hormonal? ;):D YES YES YES I fill this more because I married at 20 and had my 2 kids by the time I was 27. I have never really had unselfish adult me time. I have some days I just want to run away. I am not hormonal. I thought I was but I did have a vitamin deficient. I got that taken care of started working out but I still want be like all those 20 and 30 something people I see that are getting to be self absorbed, traveling, and all they have to worry about is doggy day care:D I will be 41 March 31. I am dreaming about running away from home. I have to really pray hard to keep contentment right now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairytalemama Posted March 4, 2011 Share Posted March 4, 2011 I am dreaming about running away from home. I have to really pray hard to keep contentment right now. I did run away from home and it helped. Okay---not that far away. Over Labor Day weekend last year, I stayed in my old room at my mom and dad's house for the weekend. We live in the same city so I was 5 minutes away if there was an emergency but my dh never called. I cooked meals with my mom, I hung out with my younger sister (who was one week away from moving to Wisconsin to be closer to her fiance), I watched old movies, and cross stitched for hours. I seriously could have stayed there another week, but a couple of days was enough to get my head screwed back on straight and gave me enough time and perspective to get back in there with the kids and function. Luckily, my parents and husband were both supportive of me taking that time. My younger sister who has a 4 year old and a 2 year old is going to see a therapist right now to talk through her issues with being a mom and she's only 29. It's not the age or our hormones. It's just the expectation that we have to do it all, all the time, 24 hours a day. It's exhausting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy g. Posted March 4, 2011 Share Posted March 4, 2011 I'm so special that I have had TWO midlife crises. Their names are Louisa and Vivienne. I'm almost 45 and I have a completely different life than I had 5 years ago. I had 2 more children in my 40s. I sold my beautiful 4,000 sq ft subdivision house to buy a farm, and we are starting construction on our dairy and commercial kitchen this summer. I feel profoundly that my time is finite and I have to do what I want want to do before I get too much older. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginevra Posted March 4, 2011 Author Share Posted March 4, 2011 I have been having a quiet crisis, if it is one. One part is spiritual. My studies have lead me to question many of the beliefs I have ascribed to most of my life. I am on a journey of spiritual clarification. The only problem is I am on the journey alone. If I were to vocalize where my faith has traveled and what doctrines I have personally rejected or accepted, it could literally tear my world apart. At least that is what I imagine happening. I am no longer a fundamentalist in a sea of fundamentalism. I get this. And yes, I would say "quiet crisis" here, too. Nobody knows I'm having a hard time right now. :tongue_smilie: (Except for I'm telling the World Wide Web. Strange.) We are the guardians of everything in our universe, and we get lost. Is it wrong to want a life of our own? Is it wrong to want someone to take over or take care of us once in awhile? Does that make us selfish, horrible people? Is is really hormones? Or is it just a person wanting a life like they see their husband and kids having? :iagree: Mmmmhmm. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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