Please help me update my son. He's too old at 12. (long)

[Guest Dulcimeramy]

oh, I'll try this again tomorrow. Short version: He's not fitting in with ps kids and unhappy about it. Frustrated, BBL

Edited February 28, 2011 by Dulcimeramy

[Ray]

Trade tae Kwon do for Brazilian jiujitsu. ;)

[Guest Dulcimeramy]

LOL! I guess you read the original post :)

 

I'm not sure what Brazilian jiujitsu would do for him that taekwondo, hiking, and biking don't do. He's pretty tough, not victim material at all.

 

He's not being bullied. Just ignored.

[Guest Dulcimeramy]

I just googled brazilian jiujitsu. Wikipedia's entry is fairly horrifying!

[Ray]

I just googled brazilian jiujitsu. Wikipedia's entry is fairly horrifying!

 

Kids classes should not be all blood and guts, but more like a wrestling class. Anyway BJJ, was just something that popped into my head as the first thread had a sentence or two with Tae Kwon do class as the setting. :001_smile:

 

Sounds like he has a height advantage maybe baseball or other traditional sport would be something to explore too. I am of course just guessing his situation, but learning something new that is a non-school thing works for us.

[LidiyaDawn]

Rather than teaching him how to "fit in" - encourage him to be comfortable and confident with himself as the person that he is. :)

[Karen in CO]

Rather than teaching him how to "fit in" - encourage him to be comfortable and confident with himself as the person that he is. :)

 

 

I don't know how to fit in and never did, even though I went to ps and private school. It isn't something I value now; however, I remember the agonizing pain of being that age. :grouphug: to your son. My ds never found a place he fits in until he went away to college. He is one of those people that was tall and geeky. He wasn't a jock and didn't fit in with the sports-minded guys although he wanted to. It took him a while to discover he loved philosophy and art then find others that did too.

[Granny_Weatherwax]

My ds is right there with yours. It's the main reason I am losing sleep over having him begin public high school next year.

[Sebastian (a lady)]

oh, I'll try this again tomorrow. Short version: He's not fitting in with ps kids and unhappy about it. Frustrated, BBL

 

Find more activities where he's valued for what he knows and what he can do than for his ability to fit into an age cohort. Might be a multi age sport, if not martial arts, then running or cycling or swimming or rock climbing. Might be scouts (though there can also be a good deal of age cohortism in troops).

 

Might be something interest orriented. For what it's worth, this is about the age that my dh was a pre-teen but voting member of his local historical society. He went on to get a couple related degrees and uses history related skills daily.

 

His brother was about that age when he became an active member of a local astronomy group. He is now a PhD astrophysicist who plays with neutrinos using giant tanks of heavy water a couple miles down in a nickel mine when he's not at his office in Los Alamos.

 

Maybe you can help your son see that he is on the cusp of adulthood and that he thankfully doesn't have to spend his life surrounded by 12 yos. Help him to find his passions and relate to them as an about to be adult person.

 

Good luck. It's no wonder us mom's of 12 year olds are turning gray and hoarding chocolate.

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

Rather than teaching him how to "fit in" - encourage him to be comfortable and confident with himself as the person that he is. :)

 

:iagree:

[elegantlion]

I don't have any answers, but I think 12 is hard, period. I had this conversation with my son last year. :grouphug: I remember hating being 12.

[Jenny in Florida]

And I have always been very honest about the fact that he probably can't, at least not until he is an adult and has more options to seek out groups of people with whom he has more in common.

 

The way my son (who will be 13 in a couple of weeks!) has coped is to go the other way. At some point, he decided that since he will always stick out in a group, he might as well take control over the impression he gives.

 

Almost a year ago, he began collecting hats, mostly fedoras in different colors and patterns. He wears them everywhere. About six months ago, he added a vest and various colors of oxford shirts to the ensemble. Then he talked me into ordering him a black trench coat.

 

Now, no matter where he goes, he gets noticed. But he gets noticed in a way over which he has control. Everywhere we go, people talk to him about how he dresses. It's the first thing others notice and gives him easy, immediate fodder for conversation. That way, he doesn't have to talk to strangers or acquaintances about what he's reading or his sometimes unusual hobbies or what music he likes (Broadway musicals and celtic stuff, mostly) or what grade he's in or anything else.

 

He seems to feel much more comfortable out in public now that he sets himself apart intentionally rather than waiting for other people to do it for him.

[Laura Corin]

Rather than teaching him how to "fit in" - encourage him to be comfortable and confident with himself as the person that he is. :)

 

Calvin doesn't 'fit in'. He has found a few other children at school who appreciate him. The other kids have some respect for him because he is not apologetic about his difference (whilst not putting down others' tastes).

 

Laura

[Guest Dulcimeramy]

Thank you all so much. I'm off to an orthodontist appt. but I'll be back later to answer specific posts.

 

Jonas is much more chipper today. He's been thinking it over and remembering that he actually does like himself and his life and doesn't want to play a game of trying to be like anyone else. In the long run, he'll probably be fine.

 

I always want to smooth the path for this particular child. What he's going through is perfectly normal, but I wish I could spare him.

[Guest Dulcimeramy]

Calvin doesn't 'fit in'. He has found a few other children at school who appreciate him. The other kids have some respect for him because he is not apologetic about his difference (whilst not putting down others' tastes).

 

Laura

 

I think Jonas will be the same within a year or so. I really don't see him truly caring that he's different, and he doesn't put down others. He just needs to strong and friendly instead of strong and withdrawn.

[Gooblink]

Is he the one playing the guitar on your website? If so, he's got some awesome talent, especially if he's only 12!!! My son was highly impressed.

 

I think 12 is an awkward age - mine will be 13 next month and he's only recently been acting very self-conscious, unsure of himself, etc. He'd always been so overly confident (almost to fault) that this switch is kind of strange.

 

I missed your original post, so I'm not sure what you have him in, activity wise...we try to keep ours busy with scouts and baseball. However, neither of my boys has a large group of friends. Really, 1 or 2 close friends and they seem to like it that way.

 

:grouphug:

 

ETA: The most artistic people I know are very quiet - maybe even meloncholy. I think they are deeply introspective and express that through art, music, writing.

Edited February 28, 2011 by Gooblink