Calling all homechurchers - how do you respond to well meaning relatives

[MJN]

who can't for the life of them understand WHY we do what we do? Dh's father came by this morning and left a Bible verse from Hebrews 10:25 about fellowshipping with others. He's worried we aren't saved because we don't go to "church". We did the organized church for a long time and left four years ago. After numerous conversations, he still doesn't *get it*. We don't agree with what he and his wife do for "church", but we love them where they are. The Lord calls each of us to a different path.

[Joanne]

I'd respond using the same principles as this:

 

Well meaning does not imply that healthy, politely set boundaries are not needed. And, contrary to how its offered, the below is not "just changing the subject". It's about our responsibility for the role we put people in our lives.

 

 

http://goybparenting.com/?page_id=28

 

http://goybparenting.com/?page_id=27

[Guest Shanna]

It can be very hard. We homechurched with just our family until the Lord opened a door for a new church family. We would do it again in a heart beat if needed. I will pray that your families heart would soften and that they will see you are only doing what you feel is best for your family.

[JFSinIL]

The Lord calls each of us to a different path.

 

That is your argument. End of subject. Just as not all curriculum is right for every homeschooler, so not every church is right for every family. If the Lord wants to see your family in a church, He will find you one and let you know.

[Sue G in PA]

Well, you could tell him that you ARE going to church...just saving gas. :D Seriously, you ARE fulfilling that verse from Hebrews which says, if I can remember, not to forsake the fellowship of other believers. You are fellowshipping w/ your family of believers! There is more than one way to "fellowship with other believers" and it does NOT have to be at an organized worship service on a Sunday am! Believe me...when we took a break from church shopping and did our own thing...many of my church friends quoted this verse to me. :glare: They, too, meant well, but didn't realize the frustration of "church hopping" every week. We needed a break. Anyway, just keep on doing what God has called you and your family to do. MANY churches get started in a setting such as this. Blessings to you!

[LadyAberlin]

I've heard that the verses talking about assembling together is actually referring to assembling for the Biblical feasts and its not a weekly thing. Even if it is referring to the weekly Sabbath it doesn't give a number that would be an acceptable size gathering. Also when Jesus assemble with people on the Sabbath it was at the local Synagogue. That is where Paul went too and it was on Saturday.

[Unicorn.]

We politely listen to them. Then, when they are done and are walking away, dh and I look at each other, and roll our eyes. Really, it does no good to try and make them see your point, they don't have an open mind, and they really are saying what they feel out of love. We have just learned to let it go in one ear and out the other.

 

Next time try saying something like "Thanks dad. I appreciate your concern. (Give him a peck on the cheek, and then..) Would you like a glass of lemonade?"

 

I'm sorry, I do know how you feel, and it used to really make me angry. In-laws have very different views than I do. They are C of C, and I was raised Lutheran. After 15 yrs though, it's just not worth arguing about.

[KidsHappen]

Sorry that's all I got. :tongue_smilie: Handle it the same way you do homeschooling I would guess. You appreciate their concern, yada, yada, yada, but you are making the best choice for your family, so on and so forth. You know the drill. :biggrinjester:

[Carol in Cal.]

If you had a grown child who was starting to golf every Sunday instead of going to church, wouldn't you worry about their spiritual life? And if you gently asked about it and they answered some lameity about how you can worship God just as well on the golf course as in the church, wouldn't you be skeptical about whether or not they really ARE worshipping God? I mean, no one would argue that you CAN'T worship God there, but would you really do so? Probably not so much as at a church service.

 

So my inclination would be to describe what kind of home church worship you are regularly doing, including its schedule, length, and liturgy or general form. I would say gently but firmly that you feel led to do this with you family at this time, and that you are not forsaking gathering together but rather are gathering with a smaller group than a church, and that is all. Beyond that I would set boundaries.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I agree with Carol. We have some church issues with our family. My dad has expressed concern. I know that his concerns are genuine and are not controlling. I try to address those concerns and acknowledge them. But then once I've answered, if he continues to push the issue - I will say "You're nagging, Dad!" We have a good enough relationship that he will laugh and back off.

[muffinmom]

Perhaps the problem is how we view what "church" means. We are called not to go to church but to BE the church--to be "Christ's body" to the world. If so, that really changes everything.

 

My husband and I started "homechurching" a few months ago after about 18 months of prayer about it. We are trying to be Christ's body to our neighborhood in a very intentional way. It was just us and the kids until we were made aware of a family (homeschooling as well) who had just moved to our neighborhood with the express purpose of ministering to it. Now we're worshipping together and looking for ways to minister the grace of God to our neighbors. An interesting start so far...

 

My in-laws have seemed supportive and interested, though some recent comments show that MIL may think we are lost--we don't even have a "name" for our church--which apparently puts us on dangerous ground. Sigh. I guess you just keep doing what you're doing and hope they'll see after time. It's a different generation--different wineskins. It's the wine that counts.

[Just a Jen in Mississippi]

To those of you who home church or are considering it, have you read the book Ekklesia? You can see it here at Amazon. We recently attended a home church made up of several families and the leader gave us a copy of this book. It was a fascinating read and even if we ultimately don't decide to home church, it has definitely changed my way of thinking about it. Truly though, I hope one day we are able to home church, but we're praying we have an opportunity to do so with another family. Anyway, I highly recommend this book. It may help you with your relative or heck, you may want to give it to him! The leader of our home church gave it to his elders before he left his formal church and asked them to read it and tell him if there was any heresy in it. No one objected to his leaving the church after reading it and instead, wished him well. It's straightforward from the scriptures. I really enjoyed it.

HTH

[Peek a Boo]

I agree with Carol. We have some church issues with our family. My dad has expressed concern. I know that his concerns are genuine and are not controlling. I try to address those concerns and acknowledge them. But then once I've answered, if he continues to push the issue - I will say "You're nagging, Dad!" We have a good enough relationship that he will laugh and back off.

 

I'm w/ Carol and Jean --inform if it's genuine. You could even invite them to attend one Sunday :D