Sassy Spray?

[warriormom]

I have a 2.5 year old who talks back to me or yells at me. She speaks in a rude and disrespectful manner. Sometimes you cannot understand her. Often times it is followed by a temper tantrum. Someone mentioned to me using sassy spray (vinegar and water spray in the mouth) for discipline. Is this overboard? What would you do?

[Sputterduck]

That seems like a bad idea to me.

 

What worked in my house is that anything with attitude automatically meant he didn't get his way, ever. Period.

 

Also, ignoring tantrums from the start worked really well. As in never, ever giving them one bit of notice. I didn't care if he exhausted himself. I went on about my day.

[Parrothead]

Temper tantrums are done in the privacy of one's bedroom. One may exit one's bedroom only when one can behave in polite society.

 

Yelling and disrespectful tones are not something mommies or daddies can hear (at that age). This has to be discussed ahead of time so while tot is in full disrespect mode tot knows what it means when mommy or daddy starts saying, "I see your mouth moving but I don't understand your tone. You'll have to go to your room until you can be respectful." (or speak in the nice voice or whatever your family calls it.)

 

If you have to take said tot by the arm or pick her up and put her in her room that is just fine. If you have to remove everything but the bed from the room so nothing gets broken during a tantrum that is just fine.

 

Something to remember - at this age everything has to be modeled over and over and over again. It is exhausting but so worth it in the end.

[herbalgirl]

We usually ignore (don't argue back and forth with said child), or tell them to put their nose in the corner for a bit. That usually solves it.

 

I'm not a big fan of using hot sauce, vinegar, etc. on children. I think there are better ways of dealing with the issue than that.

[Heatherwith4]

Temper tantrums are done in the privacy of one's bedroom. One may exit one's bedroom only when one can behave in polite society.

 

Yelling and disrespectful tones are not something mommies or daddies can hear (at that age). This has to be discussed ahead of time so while tot is in full disrespect mode tot knows what it means when mommy or daddy starts saying, "I see your mouth moving but I don't understand your tone. You'll have to go to your room until you can be respectful." (or speak in the nice voice or whatever your family calls it.)

 

If you have to take said tot by the arm or pick her up and put her in her room that is just fine. If you have to remove everything but the bed from the room so nothing gets broken during a tantrum that is just fine.

 

Something to remember - at this age everything has to be modeled over and over and over again. It is exhausting but so worth it in the end.

:iagree: I definitely would not do vinegar.

[Mommy22alyns]

That seems like a bad idea to me.

 

What worked in my house is that anything with attitude automatically meant he didn't get his way, ever. Period.

 

Also, ignoring tantrums from the start worked really well. As in never, ever giving them one bit of notice. I didn't care if he exhausted himself. I went on about my day.

 

 

This exactly.

[bookfiend]

Instead of punishment, maybe training? At this age, I spent a long time feeding my boys the proper words and tone.

 

"That's not the way we speak in our home. Please ask me like this _______. Now try again." After I was certain they knew what to say, but just slipped up in the heat of the moment, I would tell them to wait one minute and then they could try asking me again properly.

 

That age needs lots of direction and less punishment, IMO

[ThatCyndiGirl]

I know I may get flamed for this, but here goes:

 

IF you choose to punish your child in this manner please do so with eyes wide open. Some child welfare agencies consider it abuse to put an acidic substance (yes, even those used in cooking) on a child's mucous membranes for the purpose of inflicting pain for punishment. Cries of "but my kid loves hot sauce/vinegar/etc mean nothing.

 

Please consider very long and hard if you would really want to explain to a social worker/judge/etc. why you put something in your child's mouth for punishment.

[misidawnrn]

I may get flamed for this but here is my story. I actually got the idea from someone at work. When 2yo DD was a little younger (like 18-21 months) she would just scream at the top of her lungs, a high pitched scream, because of something little like she dropped her spoon. I got a little squirt bottle and filled it with almost all water and a little vinegar, it tasted wayyyyyy lighter than salt and vinegar chips. We only had to use it about 3-4 times. We would show her the bottle and say "do you want a squirt for screaming?" She would say no and stop. We rarely have a problem with screaming now (unless older DD teases her and then she doesn't get in trouble for screaming, sister gets in trouble for teasing). The screaming spray has went bye bye a long time ago. It was quick and easy and worked like a charm.

I do however like the poster above that says "try to say it like this......try again" That didn't work for little DD but big DD does get told this when she is snotty.

[rootsnwings]

IDK but this is what my grandmother used on me & I developed a taste for it. I can drink vinegar straight now and love it! :lol: Talk about backfire! :tongue_smilie:

[....]

I have a 2.5 year old who talks back to me or yells at me. She speaks in a rude and disrespectful manner. Sometimes you cannot understand her. Often times it is followed by a temper tantrum. Someone mentioned to me using sassy spray (vinegar and water spray in the mouth) for discipline. Is this overboard? What would you do?

 

I have a 3 yro. They're just babies who can walk around and talk. I'm not convinced they really know what they're doing (and I've had 4 of these things). In fact, I have a 5 yro and I don't think they're "all there" most of the time, either. :tongue_smilie:

 

Spraying the baby is a very bad idea. I'm not sure how sassy a 3 yro could be, but I have a 9 yro and - ahem...they can be really sassy...and I usually end up just giving her a hug and she starts crying (because it usually means something's wrong).

 

FWIW, we're a non-punishment household (99.9% of the time) and my school-aged kids are extremely well-behaved. I get compliments all the time. Some lady came up to me the other day and said I had the most polite children she's ever seen in a Wal-mart. :smilielol5:

 

I think my point is, I wouldn't condone spraying your baby with a spray bottle.

 

Edited to say: It sounds from the description in your post that the baby is trying to communicate a frustration to you and can't get it out. It's leading to a tantrum. My kids all did this at one time. Actually, my 3 yro did it yesterday and it ended up being something I did (she was trying to tell me and I couldn't understand her). I finally figured it out and she was so upset.

Edited February 14, 2011 by starrbuck12

[SailorMom]

Well - 2.5 is still developmentally normal for tantrums. It takes about a year of very consistent discipline to completely erradicate them from a kids behavior. My first son was so bad he would throw himself on the floor and bank his head... ug. Anyway - after about 6 months of time outs - non emotional, detached, no yelling on my part, etc - he stopped. They didn't get him anywhere, he didn't get any attention from them, and usually ended up in his room away from everyone else.

I don't think vinegar is abusive in the mouth - but it could get in the eyes during a tantrum and that would be painful.... I also just think 2.5 is still very young.....

[NanceXToo]

Never. Ignoring, redirecting, patient explanation, brief timeouts, understanding of normal developmental behaviors as toddlers explore their independent nature and so on are all appropriate responses to something like this with a toddler/young child. But spraying something foul, bitter, or "hot," or whatever in their mouth? That's on the abusive side to me.

[warriormom]

I agree that sassy spray may be a little extreme for our household.

 

I do disagree that she does not know what she is doing at 2.5 though. I do not hold her to the same level of accountability that I hold my 5 year old to. My 2.5 year old is strong willed. The problem is, I ask her to do something (in caveman :)) and she screams, "I don't want to". I think that tells me that she knows what I am asking her to do. Also I ask her to follow 2 step commands and she does it to a T. I think correcting her may be the way to go as well as timeout in her bedroom for temper tantrums.

 

2 wise pieces of advice that I got from my Children's Minister: "Little people, little problems. Big People, big problems." And "Either they cry now, or you cry later."

 

Thanks ladies for the advice

[Imprimis]

Never. Ignoring, redirecting, patient explanation, brief timeouts, understanding of normal developmental behaviors as toddlers explore their independent nature and so on are all appropriate responses to something like this with a toddler/young child. But spraying something foul, bitter, or "hot," or whatever in their mouth? That's on the abusive side to me.

 

:iagree:

[Parrothead]

I agree that sassy spray may be a little extreme for our household.

 

I do disagree that she does not know what she is doing at 2.5 though. I do not hold her to the same level of accountability that I hold my 5 year old to. My 2.5 year old is strong willed. The problem is, I ask her to do something (in caveman :)) and she screams, "I don't want to". I think that tells me that she knows what I am asking her to do. Also I ask her to follow 2 step commands and she does it to a T. I think correcting her may be the way to go as well as timeout in her bedroom for temper tantrums.

 

2 wise pieces of advice that I got from my Children's Minister: "Little people, little problems. Big People, big problems." And "Either they cry now, or you cry later."

 

Thanks ladies for the advice

IMHO one does not ask a toddler to to something. That way the toddler cannot say "no" or "I don't want to."

 

There still needs to be lots of training. Saying, "Get off the table," while simultaneously removing tot from the table." Saying, "Please go get your cup," while taking tot by the hand and going to get his cup. Even if he is kicking and screaming the behavior needs to be modeled over and over until it becomes second nature to comply.

 

Lots of training and modeling very early is essential. In a few years you'll be able to ask for something and get either a variation of "one moment, please" or a variation of "sure thing."

[Heatherwith4]

IMHO one does not ask a toddler to to something. That way the toddler cannot say "no" or "I don't want to."

 

There still needs to be lots of training. Saying, "Get off the table," while simultaneously removing tot from the table." Saying, "Please go get your cup," while taking tot by the hand and going to get his cup. Even if he is kicking and screaming the behavior needs to be modeled over and over until it becomes second nature to comply.

 

Lots of training and modeling very early is essential. In a few years you'll be able to ask for something and get either a variation of "one moment, please" or a variation of "sure thing."

This. I wish I knew how to parent this way with my oldest.