Has anyone here actually read the Chua's book "Battle Hymn of a Tiger Mother"?

[stripe]

I read an article about Bringing up Bebe and found it pretty obnoxious.

 

I just realized the title of this thread is about "the Chua." heh

[pehp]

I just finished this book. I really liked it. I did think it was poorly written (sort of slapdash and not as cohesive as I'd like--I thought it could use a bit more editing and reorganizing) *but* I thought it was good. I thought she was hilarious....but I was fascinated by her personality and the drive that she put into raising her children. Not my style of parenting (the screaming, the battles--we are very relational parents) but at the same time, a lot of things she did were things that I totally agree with and will do, because my parents did them (no sleepovers, for instance).

 

I thought it was worth reading!

[NicAnn]

I read it and was disappointed. There was very little talk of academics, which I thought there'd be more of. I was left wondering what the point of being a "tiger mother" was. Her bickering and punishment didn't seem to ultimately get the results she had wanted.

 

I was also under the impression her children were adults, before I began the book.

 

Now, this is not to say it wasn't an interesting read. I read the whole thing in just a couple hours because of the easy (and poor) writing.

[LizzyBee]

I listened to it on CD and enjoyed it. I wouldn't want to parent just like her, but I agree with a lot of what she says.

[bkaapcke]

Chuas book on Tiger Moms is a prescription for crushing your childs will. This is seen the world over, and is fairly popular in Asian countries. In America, they are colloquially referred to as "ball busters"

 

The problem with this approach is that you only have to crush, or break their will one time. Once done, your child will NEVER get it back. Therapy may help, but won't bring their will back. Unfortunately, children of tiger moms tend to marry tiger wives, who become tiger moms. So the cycle continues.

 

This leaves your child unprepared to face the harsh realities of todays world. They need their will, and without it, they are adrift on the sea without a rudder. Will gives them the ability to 'push back' when neecessary. Yes, the will is a messy and difficult thing for parents to deal with, and crushing it makes for a docile child and a peaceful, orderly home. But the tiger mom doesn't have to pay the price. The child does, every day of their adult life.

 

If you think about it, you probably know an adult this has happened to. They are indecisive people who, when push comes to shove, always back down. They avoid confrontation at all costs, and fold when pressed. They are people pleasers, accomodaters and "yes men". Definitely not the end product you are lworking towards.

 

A superior approach, as claimed by Chua? No, it is child abuse of the most insideous variety. I do reccomend readig her book, so you will know what not to do. bk

Edited February 20, 2012 by bkaapcke

[Dmmetler]

I think that Chua got the results she wanted because she had kids who were already gifted. Most Suzuki piano students do NOT blow through the first several books in a period of months, no matter how "tiger mom" their parents are-and the practice schedule and pressure she describes is not something that I can see any Suzuki teacher advocate for little ones. Sophia was truly prodigious-but it's not because her "tiger mom" made her so-it's because she was one of those rare individuals with the qualities that make a prodigy. And I suspect that she was the kind of kid who would have, from her first piano lesson, distinguished herself on piano and would have provided her own drive and determination, even if she'd had a more "Western" parent who told her child "Honey, you've played for 2 hours now...shouldn't you leave the piano and go outside for a little while??".

 

Lulu, OTOH, I felt bad for. Because of her mother's single-minded focus on the violin, it wasn't until she got to her teens that she was able to explore ANY of her own interests. What if she'd been allowed to take tennis lessons when she was younger? Or something else that SHE picked, not her mom? I suspect that she would have excelled there as much or more than she did on the violin-while still playing violin happily in her weekly lesson, as she finally ended up doing, and being a solid student academically.

[LibraryLover]

tmi

Edited February 21, 2012 by LibraryLover

[bkaapcke]

The most telling thing about Amy Chua from her book is that she admits choosing a law career "to please her father". Then she didn't like being a lawyer, left the firm, and became a professor. Now I'm not throwing any rocks at professors, but she needed to rethink this altogether.

 

She certainly didn't raise her daughters to "choose" a career that pleased them. More likely, they will choose what leases her, thereby making the same mistake. Were it not for her smugness about the superiority of Chinese moms, she might have seen this. But no, as readers we are left to recoil from her self proclaimed high and mighty principles.

 

bk

[TXMomof4]

I haven't read the book or any of the replies - but I heard an interview with Amy Chua yesterday on Sirius radio. I don't know what I was expecting, but she was very inspiring and funny. She said the book was meant to be a little satirical and she was shocked at the response she intitially got. She also seems like a very normal person. I'm really thinking about buying the book now and I never was before.

 

ETA: Just was reading some of the posts above - listening to her yesterday she very clearly stated that her goal was to raise independent, self-confident children. She wanted them to know that there is very little in life that can't be overcome with hard work and discipline. Like I said, I haven't read the book, but what she said she was trying to accomplish really resonated with me. So you have a failing grade? Chances are it's because you haven't worked as hard as you can and if you really bust it on that subject, you can accomplish whatever you want. Her criticism was of parents who look at the failing grade and try to make the child feel better about not giving the problem their truly best effort.

 

Like I said, I was inspired by what she said. Now, I'm not going to go all nuts on my kids because that isn't my personality, but recognizing that my kids ARE capable and requiring their best effort instead of subsidizing their 'slacker' efforts is important to me. I wish I had been raised to believe I could accomplish anything instead of people just acting shocked when I did manage to succeed. It is a different mindset. My parents never stopped me, but I think they were so suprised by my abilities they just let me go on my own instead of teaching me to try harder and harder. By the time I was a teen I knew I could get by with little effort and I did. I don't know. Just pondering.

Edited February 20, 2012 by TXMomof4

[gingersmom]

I loved the book. There were several parts that had me laughing out loud.

 

While I certainly did not agree with a lot of her parenting, it still was a really good/fast read.

[Annie G]

I loved the book. There were several parts that had me laughing out loud.

 

While I certainly did not agree with a lot of her parenting, it still was a really good/fast read.

 

:iagree:

[bkaapcke]

If I had written that book and seen the public reaction to it, I would use the sarcasm excuse too. Anyone putting that much pressure on their children isn't being sarcastic about it. Read the book, it is not a parody. bk