How do you increase self motivation in children?

[momchiroto2]

I am struggling. I feel that I am using threats and bribes more than I would like to. I want to raise my children to be self motivated and resourceful....For example getting them ready in the morning, I would love for them to get up brush their teeth and change their clothes...without me having to remind them 30 times. Is this possible? or am i asking for too much?

Any tips?

[Peela]

If you are reminding them 30 times, it means you are not following through the first time.

If you want to train them, you have to see it as work to train them and realise it does pay off in the long run...but you have to follow through, not nag. (easier said than done when we are doing 10 things at once).

How old are your kids?

The way I have approached it is to create regular routines- and I had to do it for myself first. So when I get up there are certain things I do. And I have had a 7am get up time for the kids , and a routine of things that need doing before school started- chores, breakfast etc. I am sure it will be the same now they are no longer homeschooling and need to get off to classes by a certain time.

I still have to remind my teens to do their chores- they will try and "forget" if they can...but a reminder is all they need nowadays, and most days they will do them without reminders.

Some people have charts...for younger kids, they have pictures on them. But you do have to follow through yourself, and consistently get them to look at the charts till it is habitual.

It takes about 3 weeks to form a habit, they say. I dont know if its true but I know the hardest part is always for ME to follow through, and be consistent in getting THEM to follow through...so that I dont fall back and resort to nagging. Once they realise there is no alternative- that mum is going to enforce the routines...there is a kind of surrender and things start to go more smoothly.

I can recommend flylady.net for establishing healthy routines for the whole family.

[Amy Jo]

Still a work in progress here, mostly on disciplining myself to make sure they obey promptly. This is tough when I'm tired, but it's going to be my main focus starting Tuesday (the day DH starts college). If they don't obey promptly and cheerfully, they get to practice (redo) a few times.

 

Second, I made it easier. I've decluttered their toys about 3 times (NOT including the no-brainer toss ones). So they have two types of blocks and matchbox cars. In the living room, so I can keep track of them and so that their bedroom doesn't turn into a disaster. I'm going to do the same with their shoes (1 pair boats, 1 shoes) and coats (1 each).

 

By making it easier I hope they will practice success and obedience, instead of practicing being overwhelmed. I'm an adult and it's tough to start a job that's to hard. So I don't want to throw my children into that situation.

 

We are going to work on routines too, just simple daily ones for now. For bigger jobs, we try to break it down by numbers. So everyone gets 10 pieces of wood, or picks up 20 things, etc.

 

You might google Raising Godly Tomatos - it's a book and a website (you can read the book on the website, or buy a copy). That' my guide atm.

 

I know you asked about self-motivation, and my hope is by having a well-made bed and clean room, they will want to keep it that way (one of them does). If not, this is my house and .... (we all know the rest from our parents. :)

 

Amy

[Parrothead]

How old are your kids?

 

Bribes and threats are unnecessary. Follow through on the threat and make it a fact of life. No proper clothes on, no breakfast. No school work completed to mom's standard, no dance lesson. No chores done in a timely proper manner, no soccer practice. Mean it and follow through. Turn a deaf ear to any and all whining. In my house whining is a way to immediately get sent to one's room. I have no whining.

 

It is difficult to keep at it if this training hasn't been from the time they started walking. But it can be done.

[elise1mds]

How old are your kids?

 

Bribes and threats are unnecessary. Follow through on the threat and make it a fact of life. No proper clothes on, no breakfast. No school work completed to mom's standard, no dance lesson. No chores done in a timely proper manner, no soccer practice. Mean it and follow through. Turn a deaf ear to any and all whining. In my house whining is a way to immediately get sent to one's room. I have no whining.

 

It is difficult to keep at it if this training hasn't been from the time they started walking. But it can be done.

 

This is the same no-nonsense approach I use, and it's highly effective. Kids are motivated when they realize that you mean what you say and when the consequences make sense. Also, it takes 21 days to make or break a habit, so you have to keep it up consistently for them to realize that you mean it. It can be done, though! :)

[momchiroto2]

Thank you. I agree consistency is the key.....I just feel sometimes that I am constantly yelling or repeating what I have said. Will be more consistent and follow thru with what I say.

[SailorMom]

:grouphug:

We go through ups and downs here. The downs usually coincide with on of my DH's deployments (he's gone about 1/2 the year).

The kids know I've got way too much on my plate, and they know I'll be less likely to follow through and actually chekc that they've done their chores.

I know it's my fualt for letting it slide- but really - there are days when I meantally just can't get there.

Hang in there.

[lisamarie]

My kids are still young-3, 5, and 7- so what works for them might not work for yours. I got a chore chart and told them what to do every morning. They loved being able to put a sticker under each chore they accomplished.

 

My DS is much more motivated than my girls. My girls are a bit more...laid back about following directions.:tongue_smilie: My DS sees a routine and gets right into it. My girls need a little more encouragement with rewards and reminders. I find that getting on their level and looking them in the eye, giving them the direction, and requiring them to check back when they are done helps. It's easy to ignore mom when she tells you to get dressed over her shoulder. Not so easy when mom says, "Look me in the eye. I am going to give you a direction. You need to go get dressed. When you are done, come back and check in with me so I know that you are dressed. Okay?" "Okay, mom."

[Gratia271]

How old are your kids?

 

Bribes and threats are unnecessary. Follow through on the threat and make it a fact of life. No proper clothes on, no breakfast. No school work completed to mom's standard, no dance lesson. No chores done in a timely proper manner, no soccer practice. Mean it and follow through. Turn a deaf ear to any and all whining. In my house whining is a way to immediately get sent to one's room. I have no whining.

 

It is difficult to keep at it if this training hasn't been from the time they started walking. But it can be done.

 

:iagree: As some others stated, consistency is essential.

[rwilliams]

I agree with all the suggestions but wanted to add my two cents. I started the school year with a very structured morning routine that kept my son on schedule and everything getting done except I was wearing myself out. I changed my approach to "picking my battles" philosophy and now he gets out of bed and goes straight to math. I focus my time and energy on the academics that I have to personally instruct him on. If it is 8 am and he is just rolling out of bed.....oh well.....time for math. He has to get a shower before his afternoon outside classes start but I personally do not take charge of when he takes a shower anymore. Also, he can fix his own breakfast sometime in the am instead of me nagging to get him to the table on my time schedule. This approach worked better for us than the build a habit routine, although buiding habits works well for most other things.

[FriedClams]

How old are your kids?

 

Bribes and threats are unnecessary. Follow through on the threat and make it a fact of life. No proper clothes on, no breakfast. No school work completed to mom's standard, no dance lesson. No chores done in a timely proper manner, no soccer practice. Mean it and follow through. Turn a deaf ear to any and all whining. In my house whining is a way to immediately get sent to one's room. I have no whining.

 

It is difficult to keep at it if this training hasn't been from the time they started walking. But it can be done.

 

:iagree:

 

I think we're twins of different parents...

 

That's my house. I'll add that whining and disrespectful back talk earn you an opportunity to serve others - though more work. (I don't send anyone to their rooms - too much stew time or being able to avoid conflict - we just tomato stake and you spend more time with Mom). We don't have much whinging around here.

 

 

:grouphug: {---- just because my son saw it and thought it was cute!

[jvenice]

I have loved reading "Laying Down the Rails" by Simply Charlotte Mason and we also use Accountable Kids www.accountablekids.com. This system puts the reminder on the wall, eliminating nagging and lets you set up their day depending on what needs to be done. K-6 grade would be appropriate for this system. And then there's prayer! :D

[Gratia271]

I have loved reading "Laying Down the Rails" by Simply Charlotte Mason

 

That is a great book!

[kalanamak]

If you are reminding them 30 times, it means you are not following through the first time.

 

 

My son HATES it when I stand over him as he dresses, etc. I remind him I had to tell him X number of times and it didn't happen, therefore here I am, at the door, hands on hips. If it gets out of control, I tell him he'll have to do one of my regular chores to make up for the time I am warming my hips at his door. My problem is that hubby doesn't do this, so we often have one show down on Saturday morning to remind him Mama means business. (I work all week, and he'd home/out with Daddy.)

[BlsdMama]

 

You might google Raising Godly Tomatos - it's a book and a website (you can read the book on the website, or buy a copy). That' my guide atm.

 

Amy

 

And mine too Amy - for about eight years now.

 

Don't yell.

 

 

You know so much of this isn't even about training the children. :D It's about training the MAMA! Because if you're at all like me, you've got bad habits.

 

Getting louder instead of quieter when you don't have obedience. (Obedience is first time and immediate, btw. Everything else is NOT.)

 

Not checking on your children after you've given them an assignment - no follow through.

 

Getting sidetracked.

 

Allowing bad habits to infiltrate and take over good habits.

 

Being REACTIVE (reacting to bad habits) instead of being PROACTIVE (working to instill GOOD habits and teaching and training to that end.)

 

 

 

At all times we are both teaching and training our children.

 

We can TRAIN them to wait until our voice has reached a fevered pitch, or train them to respond the first time to a quiet voice.

 

We can TRAIN them to wake in the morning to an alarm, or to our third call.

 

We can TRAIN them to get up, get dressed, make their beds, or we can train them to come down in their pj's in a bad mood.

 

Really we just need to instill that which we want when they are young or young-ish. I'm incredibly grateful we found RGT when our oldest was about 5-6. Life got so much better. And while I'm the FARTHEST thing from perfect you'll ever meet, I actually ENJOY them now. Maybe because they're actually enjoyable. ;)