What to do with immature/young first grader? Long, sorry!

[abrightmom]

:001_huh: This little boy is "younger" chronologically and maturity wise than his brother was at this age/stage. Quite honestly, I wish he was in kindergarten. His attention span is tiny, his frustration level is high, EVERY.LITTLE.THING. makes him moan or groan and he basically says, "Mommy, I don't understand what this is SAYING" or "Mommy, I don't know what to DO!" about most things we try. And I'm being GENTLE with this boy . . . and feeling GUILTY over it as it is. The phrase "deer in the headlights" fits him to a T. Instead of improving it is worsening . . . :001_huh:A few things I "know" about this kid:

 

1. He isn't bored. More challenging content would just kill him.

2. He is jealous of the 4 year old's pre-school stuff. He'd rather do that. He loves her story time and wants to do her hands on crafts.

3. He would rather play all day or watch movies or play Wii (so would I for that matter :lol:).

4. He is a young first grader (turned 6 at the very end of May).

5. Reading is coming along nicely . . . slow but sure.

 

Many things go right over his head. He can memorize stuff but understanding is very difficult to figure out with him (like in math). It is VERY hard for me to tell if he "gets" things. I think he tries to make me think he understands but it's often revealed that he doesn't "get it". I switched him to Right Start to try to get math to "click" for him (and to help me gauge his understanding) and we're doing okay. He tells me that he doesn't understand most of the books we read (unless it's books from Sonlight P 3/4). :001_huh:

 

I realize he's only a first grader so I guess my question is this . . . Do you think it is okay to do NOTHING except work on English subjects with him for awhile and math only very gently or at half speed? I'm thinking along the lines of Charlotte Mason style on steroids (5-10 minute lessons here!!!!)

 

Can I just take a break altogether and pick up with first grade after the new year? Kinda like a do-over?

 

I'm also thinking about putting him in a gentle program like Heart of Dakota and working with "just him" for about an hour each day (without his accelerating big brother who is the total opposite of this little boy). He fits better developmentally with his pre-K age sister than with my 2nd grader even though he'd rather be with his brother.

 

If you've read this far, thanks. I'm a Mom who wants to QUIT today :glare:. I really really hate days like this which are happening more often than not this year.

[Verity]

I realize he's only a first grader so I guess my question is this . . . Do you think it is okay to do NOTHING except work on English subjects with him for awhile and math only very gently or at half speed? I'm thinking along the lines of Charlotte Mason style on steroids (5-10 minute lessons here!!!!)

 

Can I just take a break altogether and pick up with first grade after the new year? Kinda like a do-over?

 

I'm also thinking about putting him in a gentle program like Heart of Dakota and working with "just him" for about an hour each day (without his accelerating big brother who is the total opposite of this little boy). He fits better developmentally with his pre-K age sister than with my 2nd grader even though he'd rather be with his brother.

 

Yes, yes, yes! You are his mom and you can decide what speed, grade level and amount of work he should be doing, if *any*! Some kids, especially boys, just mature slower than others and need more time to just be kids and play. Let him play and do what "work" he is interested in, keep reading with him and don't push. It is okay to give him a break and come back again in a few weeks or months.

 

The only caution is be careful that he doesn't feel like he is letting you down or that he is doing something wrong if he doesn't keep up with his brother. It is really ok to take a break, especially with younger kids, and start over again. Follow your instincts mom!

[shinyhappypeople]

:001_huh: This little boy is "younger" chronologically and maturity wise than his brother was at this age/stage. Quite honestly, I wish he was in kindergarten. His attention span is tiny, his frustration level is high, EVERY.LITTLE.THING. makes him moan or groan and he basically says, "Mommy, I don't understand what this is SAYING" or "Mommy, I don't know what to DO!" about most things we try. And I'm being GENTLE with this boy . . . and feeling GUILTY over it as it is. The phrase "deer in the headlights" fits him to a T. Instead of improving it is worsening . . . :001_huh:A few things I "know" about this kid:

 

1. He isn't bored. More challenging content would just kill him.

2. He is jealous of the 4 year old's pre-school stuff. He'd rather do that. He loves her story time and wants to do her hands on crafts.

3. He would rather play all day or watch movies or play Wii (so would I for that matter :lol:).

4. He is a young first grader (turned 6 at the very end of May).

5. Reading is coming along nicely . . . slow but sure.

 

Many things go right over his head. He can memorize stuff but understanding is very difficult to figure out with him (like in math). It is VERY hard for me to tell if he "gets" things. I think he tries to make me think he understands but it's often revealed that he doesn't "get it". I switched him to Right Start to try to get math to "click" for him (and to help me gauge his understanding) and we're doing okay. He tells me that he doesn't understand most of the books we read (unless it's books from Sonlight P 3/4). :001_huh:

 

I realize he's only a first grader so I guess my question is this . . . Do you think it is okay to do NOTHING except work on English subjects with him for awhile and math only very gently or at half speed? I'm thinking along the lines of Charlotte Mason style on steroids (5-10 minute lessons here!!!!)

 

Can I just take a break altogether and pick up with first grade after the new year? Kinda like a do-over?

 

I'm also thinking about putting him in a gentle program like Heart of Dakota and working with "just him" for about an hour each day (without his accelerating big brother who is the total opposite of this little boy). He fits better developmentally with his pre-K age sister than with my 2nd grader even though he'd rather be with his brother.

 

If you've read this far, thanks. I'm a Mom who wants to QUIT today :glare:. I really really hate days like this which are happening more often than not this year.

 

It's okay to slow down. Meet him where he's at. I suggest that you keep up with the reading, ditch the formal math program and use "Games for Math" by Peggy Kaye or the Family Math book for younger children. Have you read The 3 Rs by Ruth Beechick or "Better Late than Early" by... I can't remember who.... (sorry)? I think those books would really encourage you.

 

A lot can happen in 3-6 months. Try again then. Or wait a full year. When my older DD was in PS kindergarten MOST of the boys were your son's age. It's very common to give boys an extra year before starting school.

 

He's fine, you're fine, don't quit :grouphug:

[abrightmom]

"Better Late than Early" by... I can't remember who.... (sorry)

Does somebody have a book title and author? I'd LOVE to read this . . .

[NanceXToo]

Does somebody have a book title and author? I'd LOVE to read this . . .

 

Better Late Than Early. By the Moores. Very informative book!

 

And yes, I think it is okay. In fact, I think it is okay to just stop what you're doing entirely, let him join in with his sister's preschool stuff, read to him lots, make all learning conversational/hands on, and wait until the fall to start over with 1st grade, if that's what you think will work best for him. :)

[boscopup]

Why don't you make this a K year for him? It's VERY common for parents to not put their boys into K until they're 6. My son has several boys in his class at school that are a year older. If traditional schooled parents do it all the time, why can't you? :)

[NanceXToo]

Why don't you make this a K year for him? It's VERY common for parents to not put their boys into K until they're 6. My son has several boys in his class at school that are a year older. If traditional schooled parents do it all the time, why can't you? :)

 

Yeah, I want to add that my son is turning 5 this weekend and I tried starting K with him as of this past September, figuring it would be okay since I'm using a Waldorf-inspired, gentle, non-academic K program- and he just wasn't ready. We got 7 weeks into the program and then I decided it just wasn't working. He wasn't interested enough, he liked some of it but didn't have the attention span for other things, wasn't getting out of it what I wanted him to, and would tell me "I don't want to do school" or "I don't want to draw."

 

I had to face the facts that he just wasn't ready, so as of last week I have totally dropped any idea of a K "curriculum" and we're just going to have another informal preschool year.

 

Next fall, when he's almost 6 instead of almost 5, I will try again- with this same gentle, non-academic K program, and then he'll be almost 7 by the time we start 1st grade, and so on.

 

I think he'll be more ready on that timeline, and will get more out of it, and it will be less of a struggle for ME as well as him.

 

So, seriously, don't be afraid to just drop everything and wait a while (that book will say the same thing lol- they recommend not doing formal education til around age 8, and they give a lot of thought-provoking reasons)!

[abrightmom]

This is what I need to hear . . . . confirms what my heart is telling me . . . I WISH I'd never told him he's a first grader :glare:. Poor kid. But, I didn't realize it would be like this for him.

 

So, how do I break it gently to this kid? He wants to be in 2nd grade :lol: like his brother but obviously has no clue that it is earned. I can explain that to him all day long and he just wouldn't get it. He just wants to know if he's in 2nd grade yet.

 

My first thought is to change the format of what I'm doing and just keep calling it 1st grade (he's in first grade class at church too). He has no concept of time anyway so he can be a first grader for 1.5-2 years and it would be fine. I'll consult my DH as well and we'll come up with a plan.

[....]

Boys Adrift is a book that gave me a lot of insight into the minds of boys. :glare: It was written by a pediatrician or a pediatric psychologist - can't remember which. Anyway, it talks about how they've done brain scans of boys and girls. The scans of 5 yro boys actually resembles the scans of 3 yro girls. The author was saying that it was ridiculous that our society expects 5 yro boys to learn to read. It would be like teaching a 3 yro girl to read.

 

Anyway, he doesn't come out and say it, but this guy makes a great case for homeschooling boys. And a better late than early approach...

 

And, I think you could call him whatever grade you want to and then catch up later. He's not going to know. It's your curriculum.

[Joyofsixreboot]

Better Late Than Early. By the Moores. Very informative book!

 

And yes, I think it is okay. In fact, I think it is okay to just stop what you're doing entirely, let him join in with his sister's preschool stuff, read to him lots, make all learning conversational/hands on, and wait until the fall to start over with 1st grade, if that's what you think will work best for him. :)

 

:iagree:

[NanceXToo]

This is what I need to hear . . . . confirms what my heart is telling me . . . I WISH I'd never told him he's a first grader :glare:. Poor kid. But, I didn't realize it would be like this for him.

 

Of course you didn't! How could you? Either did I when I started K with my son. :) It's not your fault that you didn't know in advance what it would be like. And it wasn't mine! But it is definitely to your credit that you realize NOW that it just isn't working the way it should and that you are willing to make changes/slow things down.

 

Like Oak Meadow says, "Childhood is a valuable period, and nothing is gained by hurrying through it."

 

:)

 

So, how do I break it gently to this kid? He wants to be in 2nd grade :lol: like his brother but obviously has no clue that it is earned. I can explain that to him all day long and he just wouldn't get it. He just wants to know if he's in 2nd grade yet.

 

I would just tell him, "You know what? Mommy made a mistake. I've been giving you schoolwork that I think you will do better with and have more fun with when you are 7. So we're going to make some changes and do other work instead, that you will have more fun with NOW" kind of thing.

 

My first thought is to change the format of what I'm doing and just keep calling it 1st grade (he's in first grade class at church too). He has no concept of time anyway so he can be a first grader for 1.5-2 years and it would be fine. I'll consult my DH as well and we'll come up with a plan.

 

You could! You know him best, whatever you think will work lol.

[LUV2EDU]

Why don't you make this a K year for him? It's VERY common for parents to not put their boys into K until they're 6. My son has several boys in his class at school that are a year older. If traditional schooled parents do it all the time, why can't you? :)

 

:iagree::iagree:

[AmyinMD]

This is what I need to hear . . . . confirms what my heart is telling me . . . I WISH I'd never told him he's a first grader :glare:. Poor kid. But, I didn't realize it would be like this for him.

 

So, how do I break it gently to this kid? He wants to be in 2nd grade :lol: like his brother but obviously has no clue that it is earned. I can explain that to him all day long and he just wouldn't get it. He just wants to know if he's in 2nd grade yet.

 

 

This sounds like my son. He turned 6 in June. He was born 2 months premature and shouldn't have been 6 until August. He is very immature for 6. I had started him on some 1st grade material that I wound up putting away after I realized he just wasn't ready for it yet. He does call himself 1st grade though and asks all the time when he will be in second grade.

[siloam]

:001_huh: This little boy is "younger" chronologically and maturity wise than his brother was at this age/stage. Quite honestly, I wish he was in kindergarten. His attention span is tiny, his frustration level is high, EVERY.LITTLE.THING. makes him moan or groan and he basically says, "Mommy, I don't understand what this is SAYING" or "Mommy, I don't know what to DO!" about most things we try. And I'm being GENTLE with this boy . . . and feeling GUILTY over it as it is. The phrase "deer in the headlights" fits him to a T. Instead of improving it is worsening .

 

My ds is very much the same way. It does get better, but for now relax work in small portions. There will be pleanty of time to play catch up later, right now you need to win the battle of the attitude. :D

A few things I "know" about this kid:

 

1. He isn't bored. More challenging content would just kill him.

2. He is jealous of the 4 year old's pre-school stuff. He'd rather do that. He loves her story time and wants to do her hands on crafts.

3. He would rather play all day or watch movies or play Wii (so would I for that matter :lol:).

4. He is a young first grader (turned 6 at the very end of May).

5. Reading is coming along nicely . . . slow but sure.

 

Many things go right over his head. He can memorize stuff but understanding is very difficult to figure out with him (like in math). It is VERY hard for me to tell if he "gets" things. I think he tries to make me think he understands but it's often revealed that he doesn't "get it". I switched him to Right Start to try to get math to "click" for him (and to help me gauge his understanding) and we're doing okay. He tells me that he doesn't understand most of the books we read (unless it's books from Sonlight P 3/4). :001_huh:

 

Last year with Right Start A and then the beginning of B I would have him do: Monday-warm up, Tuesday-Lesson, Wednesday-Worksheet, Thursday-Warm up. Now not all lessons have worksheets, but you get the idea. I did have him play the game daily, twice a week with me and twice a week with his older sister, but he just didn't have the attention span to do whole lessons. He is just now, as a 2nd grader who is almost 9, getting that.

 

With think of it as learning separate skills. Reading is one skill, comprehension is another, both are probably new skills. Doing two new skills at once doesn't work well. He needs to just read, and later when the books are easy, then worry about comprehension. If it makes you feel better my ds wasn't reading till about two weeks ago. And I don't do grammar, writing, and such till they are reading. Thus he still isn't' doing those and probably won't till 3rd grade.

 

I'm also thinking about putting him in a gentle program like Heart of Dakota and working with "just him" for about an hour each day (without his accelerating big brother who is the total opposite of this little boy). He fits better developmentally with his pre-K age sister than with my 2nd grader even though he'd rather be with his brother.

 

If you've read this far, thanks. I'm a Mom who wants to QUIT today :glare:. I really really hate days like this which are happening more often than not this year.

 

That would be fine. I like to see all young kids read to, so I tend to do Aesop, and a lot of treasury books (many from SL) with my kids till they are older. My ds is still has his own min-read aloud and probably will till 3rd grade. You don't have to do history or science at all. My ds gets it like it or not becuase I read aloud to everyone, but he also plays on my exercise ball the whole time.

 

You will be surprised how much they can do later on. My 2nd dd didn't start WWE till 3rd grade, and managed to do WWE 1 and 2 by mid 4th. Now she is finishing up the skills in WWE 4. So she is technically a year behind, but she has also moved ahead a year. Eventually she will be on "grade level" and will do better for having the delay.

 

It it helps here are some of what my kids are "behind on":

 

CW Homer B should be finished in 6th grade, my dd is 7th.

7th grader doing Singapore IP5B and Right Start Geometry.

5th grader doing Singapore 3B and Right Start D.

5th grader doing Aesop A instead of Homer A.

4th grader doing WWE 1 instead of Aesop A (she will started doing WWE at double pace soon).

4th grader doing Singapore 2A and Right Start C.

2nd grader doing no grammar or writing.

2nd grader just starting to read.

2nd grader doing Singapore 1A and Right Start B.

 

Despite our being behind the worst cumulative NP score my kids have gotten has been 55%. That means 54% of kids who took the test did worse and 45% did better. Honestly I know she can do better, but I think her reading issues and general test panic got in the way. Most of her problems were in LA, she actually scored 75% on the math section. Those are scores I can live with, because I know long term she will have a solid foundation. I suspect about the time the holes start showing with other kids hers scores will be on the rise.

 

Heather

 

[~Jo]

My experience: I thought it was terrible that my oldest dd wasn't able to start K when she was 5 - because of her birthday she had to wait another year. It was the best thing for her...and I had her at home a whole year longer!!!:D She is now 20 and out in the world making her way...so glad she had another year at home to become a more mature adult.

 

So...I have learned not to rush them. Last year my then 6 yo dd had NO INTEREST in learning to read....I would have had better luck teaching the tree in my back yard. Seriously.

 

Fast track to this year (she is 7)....she is bringing me books. "Look what I can read Mom!!" She WANTS to read. We are flying through the lessons and she says she LOVES school. Just what I want to hear, KWIM? She just wasn't ready.

[kalanamak]

Why don't you make this a K year for him? It's VERY common for parents to not put their boys into K until they're 6. My son has several boys in his class at school that are a year older. If traditional schooled parents do it all the time, why can't you? :)

 

:iagree:I see this with the elite private schools, and more and more not starting kids with a later-than-March birthday.

[Crimson Wife]

My fall birthday DS will do 2 years of Kindergarten unless something changes dramatically between now & next spring when I need to make a decision about it. You can always call this year "Transitional" and next year 1st if he doesn't want to be considered a kindergarten student again this year.

 

If he's not ready for full 1st grade work, IMHO there's no reason to push it.

[nd293]

Absolutely yes! At 3yrs old dd10 was spending ages doing mazes and alphabet activities and soon after started on Singapore EarlyBird Maths and reading. Ds3 turns 4 in January, and while he is interested in letters and what they say, he hasn't made the conceptual leap from "letters say things to Mommy" to "letters say things". There is no way I could do any pen-and-paper activities with him: he simply isn't interested in the fine motor skills that would take. He's from a family where academic achievement is valued, and has a mother who thinks that early-is-better, but I'm also realistic, and if he's not ready, then he simply isn't ready!

 

If I was in your situation I would focus on learning to read / learning letters (whichever is appropriate for him). I would make an effort to widen his knowledge through units which include lots of read-alouds and craft type activities. I'd try and work a bit of maths into the units here and there.

 

Nikki

[Farrar]

He doesn't sound like he's that far behind one of my first graders... like others said - don't worry about it. Take it at his pace. Don't overpush him. And don't worry about the grade level label. I know for some people it's an issue because of eventual testing that's required by some states. That's not the case for us and if it's not the case for you, then grade level means whatever you say it means. Even if it is the case, it's probably not that big an issue. If you say that first grade is just learning CVC words and a little math, then that's what it is.

[Homeschooling6]

I didn't read all the other replies and my sis is visiting but wanted to chime it really quick to say; my Lance, is 6yrs. and in Kindergarten. He's pretty immature, compared to his five older sibling at that age.

When Josh, was five I was already reading chapter books for read aloud time. With Lance I'm still reading Blueberries for Sal and such :glare:. I'm actually teaching him to count to ten (haven't done that with my four middle kids, they just picked it up) but I'm having so much fun with him at the same time.

 

Okay, back to visiting with my sis from GA :leaving:

[Homeschooling6]

This is what I need to hear . . . . confirms what my heart is telling me . . . I WISH I'd never told him he's a first grader :glare:. Poor kid. But, I didn't realize it would be like this for him.

 

So, how do I break it gently to this kid? He wants to be in 2nd grade :lol: like his brother but obviously has no clue that it is earned. I can explain that to him all day long and he just wouldn't get it. He just wants to know if he's in 2nd grade yet.

 

My first thought is to change the format of what I'm doing and just keep calling it 1st grade (he's in first grade class at church too). He has no concept of time anyway so he can be a first grader for 1.5-2 years and it would be fine. I'll consult my DH as well and we'll come up with a plan.

 

This happened with Annette, the cut off date in tx is different from ca. One year we finally just had to break it to her that she was in 2nd grade again. Sorry, I can't go into detail. I really need to get back to visiting again with my sis:D maybe later I can come back and chat;)

[Mallory]

There are some good ideas in this thread-

http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?t=209711&highlight=age+school+grade+level

 

I especially like debbielongs post #15.

[Stacy in NJ]

I would only do reading, handwriting, math and read alouds. I would do these at a level that he enjoys. If you're reading aloud to him and he's not understanding, take a step back and use picture books. Set aside more formal curriculum packages; they're not necessary yet.

 

I would cut back on his screen time and offer him lots of board games, puzzles, building toys, art supplies, and imaginative play toys. I'd also make sure he's getting enough outside time.